Karlis Sheolmeisters Complaint
Dear Karlis Sheolmeisters,
Please don't expect me to respond to your intemperately umbrageous messages. I would be grateful if you would discontinue all further attempts to communicate with me, going forward. I do not wish to have any further contact with you. Please go in peace.
Sincerely,
Barsoom Tork
From: Karlis Sheolmeisters
To: Uncle Moulton
Subject: Burnt Umbrage
[Complaint about ‘Fervor Fever’, a Schadenfreude Theatre Production]
From: Uncle Moulton
To: Karlis Sheolmeisters
Subject: Re: Burnt Umbrage
We are in receipt of your above captioned grievance and complaint regarding Fervor Fever.
We have assigned your grievance Bug No. 666 and outsourced it to the MuseNet Complaint Department, which carefully reviews and researches all grievances, complaints, and bug reports. Once the MuseNet Complaint Department has completed its bureaucratic processes, they will recommend Best Practices for responding to it in an appropriate manner.
Please allow 5 to 7 years for the MuseNet Bureaucracy to complete its investigation and research.
Thank you for patronizing MuseNet Industries, a wholly owned subsidiary of The Orenda Project.
Sincerely yours,
Uncle Moulton
Chief Schmeggegy Scientist
The Orenda Project
Bureaucratic Apology Note http://www.amazon.com/Knock-Nifty-Notes-Apology-Sheets/dp/B00471WKJC
Title: A Complete Unknown
Artist: Gastrin Bombesin
Composer: Bob Dylan and Barsoom Tork Associates
Once upon a time you dressed so fine
You threw the chicks a dime in your prime, didn’t you?
People'd post, say, “Beware dood, you’re way too crude”
You thought they were all kiddin’ you
You used to laugh about
Café friends who were hangin’ out
Now you don’t talk so loud
Now you don’t seem so proud
About having to be scrounging for your next dig
How does it feel
How does it feel
To be without a home
Like a Complete Unknown
Like a trolling drone?
You’ve gone to the finest school all right, mein homey
But you know you only used to get juiced in it
And nobody has ever taught you how to live on the street
And now you find out you’re gonna have to get used to it
You said you’d never compromise
With the mystery tramp, but now you realize
He’s not selling any alibis
As you stare into the vacuum of his eyes
And ask him do you want to make a deal?
How does it feel
How does it feel
To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a Complete Unknown
Like a trolling drone?
You never turned around to see the frowns on the jugglers and the clowns
When they all come down and did tricks for you
You never understood that it ain’t no good
You shouldn’t let other people get your kicks for you
You used to ride on the chrome horse with your lawyer dad
Who told you showing any fear was bad
Ain’t it hard when you discover that
He really wasn’t where it’s at
After he took from you every ethic he could steal
How does it feel
How does it feel
To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a Complete Unknown
Like a trolling drone?
Poised on the steeple and all the pretty people
They’re drinkin’, thinkin’ that they got it made
Exchanging all kinds of foolish faults and things
But you’d better lift your impassioned schtick, you’d better pitch it quick
You used to be so amused
At the jester in rags and the language that he used
Drawn to him now, he intrigues you, you can’t refuse
When you got nothing, you got nothing to lose
You’re Unknown now, you got no secrets to conceal
How does it feel
How does it feel
To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a Complete Unknown
Like a trolling drone?
CopyClef 2013 Bob Dylan and Barsoom Tork Associates.
North American Bupkis. All songs abused.
“At North American Bupkis, we solemnly swear we are up to no good.”