Digital Spaces: Navigating sexuality and exploring intimacy online

The advent of technology has undeniably led digital spaces to become a boon when it comes to connecting with people. I still remember the days of Yahoo messenger and Orkut chat rooms. Since then, the internet has made unfathomable leaps. It is all about changing algorithms and digital noise today. Nowadays, we live so much of our lives on the internet, often distorting our true selves to fit into a mould that it is impossible for someone to not leave a digital footprint. People are forging connections daily with people they meet in this abyss. Connections aren’t limited to just friendships and community building but also extend to relationships of sexual nature.

The internet has compelled us to use it in ways we wouldn’t have thought to be possible two decades ago. Our sexual identity has been affected along with giving rise to conversations around sexuality and identity, how we perceive it and how people explore their sexuality on the internet. There is a lot of sharing of ideas around it along with imparting knowledge, encouraging safe practices, and busting myths.

Instead of just forging connections in the online space, we are living on it now, stuck in an endless loop of a drama production of our life, always acting that we are living our best life.

Sherry Turlke states, “It is on the Internet that our confrontations with technology as it collides with our sense of human identity are fresh, even raw. In the real-time communities of cyberspace, we are dwellers on the threshold between the real and virtual, unsure of our footing, inventing ourselves as we go along.”

Sexual Education

These days, the internet has become the hotbed for talks surrounding sexuality. The influencer culture has given rise to people talking more openly not only about sex but also about sexuality and identity, including the queer culture. Sex education refers to teachings about sex and sexuality. It focuses on awareness regarding sexual health and the importance of consent and contraception, equipping people to make the best decisions regarding their relationships and emotional and physical well-being. Instagram influencers like Leeza Mangaldas, Dr. Trinetra Haldar Gummaraju, Alok V. Menon, Seema Anand, Vitamin Stree etc. They not only create content around healthy sex practices, busting myths around it and about consent but also about sexuality, creating safe spaces for their audience to explore and participate.

Dating Applications

The dating game has changed all over the globe due to applications like Tinder, Bumble, Grindr along with community-specific dating apps. People used to find it unsafe and weird to meet other people. traversing the big, bad, scary world of the internet, but times have changed.

These applications allow people to connect with similar interests, either for relationships or casual flings, just by a swipe of their fingers. Dating applications have been quite popular for a while but due to the forced isolation during the pandemic, there was a boom in their usage. According to BBC.com, Tinder, the most downloaded dating app in the world, hit three billion swipes in a single day in March 2020 – and it's broken that record more than 100 times since then.

Everything has a dark side though. Many women complain of facing sexist abuse and harassment, especially from straight men, including being asked for sexual favours and being sent unsolicited sexually explicit messages. Sexual violence is another common problem that women in general face when they meet up with people in person through these applications. Also, these applications are quite superficial as a lot depends upon the picture of the other person on the screen. They can even give rise to self-esteem issues. People have even complained of caste discrimination on these sites.

Another dark side of these dating applications have emerged- abuse of minor gay kids. In a New York Times Article, disturbing data regarding the abuse of minor gay kids emerged as cases of rape mounted. According to a study, roughly one in four gay and bisexual boys aged 14 to 17 in the United States are on gay hookup apps designed for adults with 69% of them having had sex with someone they met through these apps and only 25% use condoms consistently. For closeted gay youth, opportunities for intimacy are fairly limited which forces them to traverse online sites to meet people.

Rohit K Dasgupta, author of Digital Queer Cultures in India, while talking about queer men in India, says, “New media, social networking sites, and related technologies do not exist in isolation; rather they are very much embedded within other social spaces.”

Sexting

Sexting refers to sending or receiving sexually explicit messages, including texts and pictures. It is a fairly common practice amongst the youth. The emoticons which we use in general conversation are also lent sexual connotations to facilitate sexting. It is not only limited to sexual partners but also to people engaged in casual flings or between people who meet via online dating sites. This method also provides greater agency to women over their bodies.

Snapchat is popularly used for sexting because of its ephemeral nature.

Due to the pandemic, sexting has been a way for people to find intimacy in these socially isolating times, bridging the gap between physical and emotional intimacy.

According to the thought prevalent 15 years ago, Sherry Turkle states that, “Many people who engage in netsex say that they are constantly surprised by how emotionally and physically powerful it can be. They insist that it demonstrates the truth of the adage that ninety percent of sex takes place in the mind. This is certainly not a new idea, but ‘netsex' has made it commonplace among teenage boys, a social group not usually known for its sophistication about such matters.”

Sexting is not without its disadvantages. The forwarding of pictures to a third party, without consent, is a gross violation of the privacy of the person whose pictures are being shared.

Sexting also gives rise to revenge porn. Revenge porn refers to an act of sharing someone's pictures, generally after a breakup. It can be used as a tool for blackmail or coercion. Many countries have stringent laws against revenge porn these days though.

Due to an uprise in hacking, people need to make sure to share pictures or texts over secure networks which can't be hacked easily. There should also be a fair amount of trust between partners when sharing sexually explicit pictures.

Many magazines and websites have made a lucrative business model by imparting knowledge on how to sext and how to become intimate with their partners in this digital age and space, including giving tips to couples engaged in long-distance relationships.

Sexuality of Women

Women since time immemorial have been made feel bad about their sexuality. Due to the lack of sex education and taboo surrounding women’s sexuality, many women have remained ignorant for most of their lives. But the internet and the influencers have changed the game. The internet provides a safe space for them to explore their bodies and even understand them better, allowing them to take control of their bodies and their sexuality along with it.

Sex Workers and OnlyFans

There has also been a boom in online sex work in recent years. Due to the pandemic, sex workers were affected deeply and their work also suffered. OnlyFans is a site where people can charge people to see their sexually explicit pictures and videos. The site saw a massive jump in customers between March and August of 2020. It runs on a subscription-based model for premium content, which tremendously helps sex workers and helps monetize their skills in the online realm. Creators are able to earn tens of thousands of dollars through this site.

The problem that arose with this platform was that well-established creators, including musicians and actors, started using it as a way to share exclusive behind-the-scenes content and misusing it by peddling false information. This caused them to jump up the charts and be recommended to the audiences, which decreased the engagement of actual sex workers who had helped establish the site and were working to earn their keep. There have been various policy changes due to the gatecrashing of celebrities which have impacted sex workers negatively, creating a lack in financial security.

OnlyFans also banned sharing of content that wasn’t in sync with their policies, including sexually explicit content. This came under fire from the online community, forcing them to take a reverse on this discriminating policy.

Julie Bindel, in her article for Evening Standard argued that OnlyFans was exploitive, comparing it to pornography and prostitution, which normalised harmful sexual behaviour. Gail Dines, the author of Pornland, called OnlyFans an extension of webcam sex that combined “sexual exploitation of mainstream porn with the economic exploitation of the gig economy.” Bindel also hinted at the emotional and psychological effects on women being treated as a commodity.

Following the Trend regarding Sexuality

There is a harmful trend that has emerged with all the recent openness around sexuality- people have started thinking that it is “cool” to not be straight and be queer in some regard. A large population, mostly youth, has started identifying as part of the LGBTQ+ community and are challenging gender norms and breaking the binary moulds. Not discounting the existence of actual people who belong to the queer community, there is a section of society that feels the pressure of breaking the chains of heterosexuality and portraying themselves as being part of the queer community to fit in. A lot can be attributed to curiosity and again, a lack of knowledge and awareness around sexuality and exploring one’s identity.

Ethical Porn

Mainstream porn has been pointed out as being problematic, catering mostly to the male gaze by degrading women and not taking their pleasures into consideration. Also known as fair trade porn, ethical porn is filmed consensually, respecting the performers and the prospective audience. It also depicts more realistic versions of sex and includes diverse body types, without fetishizing them, focusing on real female pleasures and queer relationships.

Conclusion

As proved by the above points, digital spaces have truly evolved the meaning of what it means to be intimate in this technologically advancing world. From being able to engage sexually to exploring your own sexuality, the internet has facilitated a lot, especially in this post-pandemic world where social isolation ran rampant, forcing people to turn to technology to forge sexual connections.

The gains in no way outweigh the negative aspects because like anything, it has its own dark sides. From our side, we can use technology in an ethical way, creating a safer environment for everybody and being safe in how we act on the internet due to its permanence.

Sherry Turkle has validly remarked about human beings becoming intertwined with the technology and with each other via the technology that “old distinctions between what is specifically human and specifically technological become more complex. Are we living life on the screen or life in the screen?" Due to the intertwining of our technological relationships, Turkle compels us to reflect upon the extent to which we have become cyborgs, a mixture of biology, technology and code.