Quarantine (2008)

Quarantine

4/10

A remake of" [REC]", which I have not been able to watch since it has not been released in the US yet. I have heard good things about "[REC]", not so much about "Quarantine". But I was intrigued.

We have our reporter ('Girl'), cameraman ('Camera'), and a bunch of cops, firemen (I don't recall and firewomen, so leave me be), and building residents. The plot is that Girl and Camera follow around some firemen for a night. Before the brown pudding hits the fan, she plays a nice game of basketball. This is where I fell asleep the first time. Not boding well.

So we have an alarm, much excitement ensues. Get to building (oh, because some lady is going nuts), cops and firemen(why are the firemen here, there's no fire? Wouldn't just an ambulance suffice?) try to calm the woman down, she chews up a cop's neck. Everyone tries to take the cop out the front door (along with everyone else trying to leave, can't blame 'em), but the doors are locked! And "authorities" are telling them to stay inside by shouting and over the cops' radios. First problem- no one even tries to kick open the front door, they look for other exits. Ok, semi-reasonable, I guess, but the ONLY other way out is a huge steel door that is locked? Fire code, anyone? Then a firefighter falls from an upper floor to splat on the lobby floor (pretty cool, actually).

Would you believe we're only 20 minutes into the film? Can I add more question marks? Still not boding well.

Girl and Camera go back up to check on Crazy Lady, not rather bloody from the neck feeding. Cop blasts the crap out of her! First smart move in the movie. Looking for other people in their apartments to get them out; oh, puppy! Oh-oh, another Crazy Lady! What is this, rabies? Smooshed rat! Gets worse, the authorities just locked down the building and cut off communications. As the trapped people try and find other ways out, plasti-wrap is applied to the building. To quote "Bad Boys 2", "The shit just got real".

*** OK, it's spoiler time, so jump down if you don't want to see them ***

Hurt fireman just went into the Crazy mode. Are you kidding! It IS rabies? Shoot me now. At least they got the epidemiology right. (OK, it might not be rabies) (Future az- nope, it's hyper-rabies!)

Bad doggie! TV time- guess what, the government is lying to us on TV! Shocker. Damnit, even the government couldn't kill off that many people. Ya know, the TV station for Girl and Camera knew where they are/were, I don't think "Oh, they were evacuated" would hold up for more, than say 4 hours? Another Crazy Woman. Smashed. Yeah, here comes the CDC! We all won't be killed, right?

This is procedure? Wouldn't it just be easier to handcuff everyone in the building and test them for whatever? This is just getting worse by the minute. They're drilling into the hurt fireman's skull with a freaking Black & Decker to get a brain sample!!!!! Anyone surprised that everything goes haywire after this?

Just for the record, Jojo reviewer is in a coma, and Bobo has ate his own tail. More wacky Crazy Women (why are all the crazy people shown women? Serious misogyny here). Oh man, there's still 30 minutes left. I might grow a tail just to eat it.

Dude, the girl is completely covered in blood, of course she is not right! Awesome, chaos rules! Shaky cam, not so much. Oh, girl is down to a tank top- best thing in the movie so far. Obligatory girl freak out. Full on "Night of the Living Dead" mode now. Finally getting some scares in. Will the Outer Gods please shut up Girl! I give that dive a 4.5. Bad landing. More wackiness. Great, an "Evil Dead" reel-to-reel tape, with bonus SPOOKY talking. I can't wait until Girl dies. Shut up shut up shut up! Finally, she's dead. Movie over.

***End of spoilers ***

So we find out it's a biologic outbreak, people go nuts, and people die. (Big shocker, eh?). This movie tried my patience. It was bad, and no where near in a good way. Stupid characters and the main Girl would not stop screaming. The constant drone of helicopters was helping much, either.

I do not like this movie. Do not watch this movie unless you want to hear screaming for 45 straight minutes. And the DVD starts with 18 trailers for other bad movies. Don't even bother with this