Neon Maniacs (1986)

Neon Maniacs

4/10

Quick overview- we have evil Neon Maniacs. People die. Winking towels (see below). Not much gore or fright. The FX is fairly decent. The Maniacs all look pretty good, though some are really goofy (see below). It drags at points, but not as much as you would expect. One set of breasts, so there goes that angle. I wouldn't recommend this except for a cheap rental or on TV. It's tame enough to be seen in its entirety (except for the nudity). It's not a horrible film, it's just not good.

Let do characters first, because this is a character driven story. If you believe that, drop me an email, I have moon rocks for sale: Natalie, our good girl ('Nat') (played by Leilani Sarelle, who was Sharon Stone's girlfriend in "Basic Instinct!). Supposedly Young Girl (YG). She may have a name, but she's annoying. Guy- goofy guy who ends up with Nat. Various dumb cops. Neon Maniacs- Cross 'The Village People' with ghouls (they move at normal speed).

Narrator describes how the Neon Maniacs shall darken the world. I'm guessing sometime in the near future (like the 1980's if you go by the clothes/hair). Set in San Francisco. A fisherman finds some weird triangle thingy that has a pack of somewhat creepy looking tarot cards attached (sort of a guess, they could just be "Neon Maniac" trading cards).

Credits. Nat and friends go out to a park to parrtaayyy. Maniac attack ensues, can you guess who lives? Good for you.

A word about the Maniacs. This isn't a spoiler, because you pretty much have to see them- the 'description' does not do them justice. There are many, but here are the highlights. Samurai, Nazi zombie, alligator/lizard, wolfman, doctor, caveman with blue diaper(?), military (complete with M16), and mini-Godzilla Maniacs.

YG makes an appearance to find Maniac goo. Cut to Guy delivering groceries to Nat's house. Peeking out of the box is loaf of french bread and paper towels. I swear at 32:02 on the DVD the towels wink. Inside the house Guy unloads the food, which includes what looks like wrapped pizza slices! A somewhat interesting encounter with Maniacs ensues in a subway. YG figures out the weakness of the Maniacs (trust me, considering the location, these are some pretty dumb Maniacs.

Here I got confused, maybe because I nodded off. Somehow the Maniacs are going to crash the school dance. Musical interludes! People and Maniacs walk around the darkened hallways. I hope at this point you can figure out what is going to happen. Cops retaliate with their "special" weapons. And the (lame) end. Blerg.

**** Fun points and a spoiler (the last one)

* What is a better name for a dog? Dog or Elvis?

* Nat basically got suspended because "we think for your own good it would be best for you to stay home for a while" ?

* Nat looks good in a bikini

* The 2nd band's guitarists are nowhere near sync'd with the music. My monkeys would have done better just by jumping up and down on the guitars.

* When the Maniac attacks YG at home, why does she have a giant cross next to the bed, a water pistol under the covers, a pail of water under the bed, and why is the bathtub mostly full?