heart and soul

I grew up as a happy and healthy child. My parents gave me the best of everything. My nanny took care of me until I was 16.

There were no signs of fits throughout my childhood. I enjoyed my life and my teaching career.

How did I become epileptic? At 40, I had my first seizure. Every evening I climbed a slope, so I overstressed myself. One night at 4am, I had my first seizure. I was convulsing, my muscles stiffened and I bit my tongue. My husband who was terrified called for an ambulance and sent me to the nearest hospital.

The next morning, the physician confirmed that I had had an attack of fits. When I woke up, I had a headache. This is a common symptom after a seizure. I was in a daze, and felt mentally disoriented. I could not recall what had happened to me the night before.

There was a temporary loss of memory which is another normal sign. I had never seen my son looking so worried before.

After one night, I was discharged.

There were many questions hanging in my mind. All I was told was that there was a scar in my brain. It could emit electrical impulses.

Whenever I had a seizure, there was a "storm" inside my brain caused by the firing of these electrical impulses.

I was put on medication, and my seizures were well controlled.

Subsequently, I had two other attacks in my sleep and one while I was cooking. Those were mild attacks because I recovered quickly.

Then for eight years I was free from seizures, and I stopped my medication without consulting my physician. It was a mistake which I regretted because I went through one of the most traumatic experiences in my life.

In 2011, I went to Germany for a holiday with my husband. On the night of my return, I had the worst attack of my life. Just before I slept, I shrieked and then fainted. According to my husband, I suffered a series of eight seizures. I was gasping for breath.

I was admitted to hospital, and my physician put me under a neurologist. I was put in the High Dependency Unit. My physician explained that flying for 20 hours, and the low oxygen level, had triggered the multiple seizures. Again I lost my memory for a while, and I was confused. Feeling exhausted and weak, I just slept for two days. The MRI showed a scar in my brain.

After this, I realised how important it was for me to take my medication in order to control my fits.

During a seizure, you struggle to breathe because your muscles go into spasm. It is dangerous for an epileptic person to go swimming alone. If you have an attack, you will drown.

My last attack in 2005 was caused by heat and stress. It was very hot when I went to the Great Barrier Reef in Australia. This time I had two attacks in two days.

My neurologist had me go for a CT scan and an MRI. I had to take a stronger drug together with my usual drug to control my seizures. Initially, it caused weakness and drowsiness.

People have asked me whether I know when I am about to get a seizure. I normally shout and then lose consciousness. Some epileptics have an aura before an attack. They smell familiar things like food, or hear familiar sounds.

How can we prevent seizures? We should avoid extreme heat and stress, and sleep well. Flashing lights and the changing of television channels quickly are to be avoided. Of course, we should not skip or stop our medication even if we feel well. We cannot take things for granted, especially when our health is concerned. The key to survival is adaptability.

I have captured the details of a seizure in this poem titled Suddenness Of A Seizure:

Suddenly I let out a distressing shout,

Next I was engulfed in a blackout,

I slumped forward, with my body convulsing,

I could not feel or hear anything,

Gasping for breath while I fell,

Why I was stiff, I could not tell,

I wanted to close my eyes and sleep,

I was sinking into an abyss, dark and deep,

Feeling so lifeless, exhausted and weak,

It was like entering a tunnel, black and bleak,

My fatigued mind was in a whirl,