WAN AZANI's Story

In the Name of Allah the Most Gracious and the Most Merciful

Me? Writing? Hmmm...

Sketch…Design…Draw/Draft…Presentations…Pretend…Ignorant…Trying to Impress…THAT’s what I’m most familiar with…since I was 18…(looong ago by the way)…I must say…Comes March 2010….34 years old…I'm bit too old to be having seizures/disorders (I thought)...

My Short Essay

Errrr….

What happenedlah? Blank. Strong seizures in my sleep in the middle of the night (so I was told, I was having fever then too).

Pause to life…

An eye opener. I am most grateful to Him, that am still able to open them and appreciate the wonders of His creations each day. Alhamdulillah. Married, comfortable job, no health issues. Indeed...who am I to decide. I have took for granted the beauty of what life is actually about…..

ICU…

A week of being warded and monitored, (I think...heheh). Not remembering ANY part of it makes me even MORE grateful. Alhamdulillah, as long as I still do remember my important 5 Rukun Islam and 6 Rukun Iman…Alhamdulillah….

Lost of life

(So called) that I thought I was in. Memories (family), work, portfolios, loved ones, friends, and all the (worldly) things that I’ve worked hard for. When I used to stay up late nights to complete necessary workdoings. 2012, I had a surgery done on the temporal, with high hopes, innocently implanted that it’ll be the end to it all...

Ehhh…

Now, physically, I’m more blurry and groggy. In my movements and balance. I am no longer quick to solve issues and matters when being given in thinking straight. Saddest of all, I am not able to join the congregational prayer at the mosque daily. Unable to adapt to the crowd and to listen to louds sounds at the same time just yet (makes the aura stonger and prone to attacks easily).

Picking up the pieces…

Still am, 10 years on… No, wait..11 years…Heheh…Til today, it has been a journey of a whole new Wan Azani as everything seems to start back at the beginning…. NOT…without Him the Almighty, and my parents and siblings, (sole caregiver a.k.a babysitters) and my friends for their patience, support and much needed encouragements (whom I’d doubt would have able to do it all by myself). For picking me up whenever I had been down on the ground, unknowing about what had exactly happened, and of course, to all the best recommended neuro unit that I’m able to find during my earlier stage of disorder. My medical team that I’ve searched to get the bestest medical solution for my temporal lobe case, support team whom has given me advice even at odd hours…(from one hospital to the other and was prescribed with almost all AED meds available). To a certain stage, I was like a walking/mobile pharmacy with my knapsack on, everywhere I go, filled with meds and extra clothes, in case of emergency attack incidents.

Point is I’m grateful for epilepsy, for myself and others. Thank God Almighty. For the opportunities given to correct my wrongdoings, and to work on becoming a better servant. Seeking for a more meaningful and beneficial guidance life. Not just limiting and focusing myself to the worldly needs. To slow down on the sketchbooks and paintings and presentations now…Heheh...

Steps by steps

Big and small. Be it by foot or by thinking. Processes acquire the whole body system to participate to take affect. It seems…tiring….very…especially at times of fighting it by yourself (you thought so). But remembering all the sacrifices others have made, just to make sure that I manage to get back on my two feet where possible and to go out socializing, at least more than just picking up the mails from the letterbox and drying the clothes on the lawn. Heheh. Eat proper diet, ketogenic, and to monitor cholesterol numbers at the same time. Exercise, hmmm... 30 minutes a day of walking at least (does drying the clothes under the morning sun and picking it up under the evening sun counts?) Hehehehheh...

You to decide…

I’ve learnt from my current and ongoing experience as a gift and reminder from the Most Merciful on what life should have been about. And I am grateful for being chosen to be in the position..able to be take care of my family to my strength and capabilities…though it does cause other issues, but with His Strength and Mercy, I know that there will be sunshine even in the dark eventually.

Be Positive

*My personal gratitude to Prof Raymond Azman Ali, my Neuro during my long HUKM medical duration stint.

Thank you Sir for the experience and education shared.

By Wan Azani bin Wan Mohamad Mukhtar

March 2021