Kil Harb w Into Bekhayr (May Each War Find You Well) 

Kil Harb w Into Bekhayr (May Each War Find You Well) (1986)

[This piece has a television or radio host interviewing Lebanese citizens living abroad.]

Talk show host: Hello everyone. I would like to welcome you all to the famous Lebanese program,

"May Every War Find You Well." Tonight on the program, I have with me a number of Lebanese citizens

from the various regions and religions, with one thing in common: They all live abroad.

We will attempt, through questions and discussion, to arrive at the reasons that drive the people

of one nation to disperse in other countries, and live as foreigners and immigrants, instead of

living in dignity and pride among the people of their own nation.

Host: If I could start with you; have a seat, brother. You are Lebanese and living in Cyprus.

          What is the reason?

Guest: I was driven to frustration in Lebanon. It's full of hoodlums.

Host: It's okay, you needn't get worked up about it. Tell me, are you happy abroad?

Guest: No, I'm in anguish, I'm very much in anguish abroad.

Host: Isn't it possible that you will return to Lebanon?

Guest: No way.

Host: Are you sure?

Guest: Out of the question.

Host: Did anyone force you to leave?

Guest: Not on their life.

Host: How would you describe your current situation.

Guest: It's no good to live abroad, it's worthless.

Host: And yet you insist on staying.

Guest: You think I want to? I have to.

Host: What about all those Lebanese customs and traditions?

Guest: Tradition my foot.

Host: Don't you see any solution in the near future?

Guest: None at all.

Host: All those meetings and negotiations?

Guest: It's all worthless.

Host: All those decisions and declarations?

Guest: All futile.

Host: And all those leaders and ministers and cabinet members who...

Guest: They don't know anything.

Host: So you are not thinking of going back?

Guest: I'll never go back.

Host: Allright, thank you. There is no doubt that a hint of anger is detectable in his voice,

         but his frustration is understandable. Let me move on now to our second guest.

         Have a seat, please. You are a Lebanese living in Los Angeles; why aren't you living in Lebanon?

Guest: That's no life.

Host: What is it exactly that bothers you?

Guest: No electricity, no water, no gasoline; what is this?

Host: Aren't there any good people left in Lebanon?

Guest: Thet're all outlaws.

Host: So, what do they have to do with you? Does anyone have anything against you?

Guest: No, I've never messed with anyone.

Host: And yet you left the country.

Guest: I had to.

Host: Why?

Guest: They have choked us.

Host: And how do you like living in L.A.?

Guest: That's no life either.

Host: So what's the sense of it all?

Guest: Nothing makes any sense at all.

Host: Very well; and all those different factions, don't you think they might come to an agreement?

Guest: They couldn't agree in Hell.

Host: So what's to be done?

Guest: If we knew what to do, we would have done it a long time ago. 

Host: Thank you for your participation. I notice that these people's dissatisfaction is reflected in their       voices,and in the way they reply.At any rate, I would like to...

[Here the host is interrupted by a member of the audience who has lost his wits.]

Man: What is this situation? I can't stand it any longer. The country's pathetic.

Host: Hold it; calm down, calm down. What's going on here?

Man: What kind of life is this? What kind of shitty life is this?

Host: Calm down, what's your problem?

Man: It's disgusting.

Host: True, but...

Man: Why would anyone go back there?

Host: You're right, but...

Man: We're good for nothing.

Host: Calm him down, calm him down. This is a respectable program.

Man: We've been forced to leave.

Host: Stop it. You're creating havoc. Someone grab him.

Man: What have you left us? What haven't you destroyed yet? 

Host: Calm down everybody. Take that guy outside.

[The hysterical guy is dragged outside while still shouting.]

Host: Heh heh, it's allright, our friend lost his nerves. That's to be expected in a program of this sort.

          I would like to carry on with the show now. I have here a lady from Lebanon. Madam, allow me to 

          ask you a few questions. You are Lebanese, and you live in the United States. What do you think

          of the situation in Lebanon?

Lady: What a chaotic situation.

Host: It's true, madam, as far as chaos goes, it...

Lady: Disgusting, disgusting.

Host: Yes, but... Is this your son? How are you, kid?

(Kid mumbles something.)

Host: Madam, don't you want your children to grow up in Lebanon?

Lady:: Why should I raise them in Lebanon?

Host: At least so they'll be able to learn Arabic.

Lady: What good will Arabic do them? What good?

Host: Don't you want your son to see his country, madam?

Lady: If I wanted him to see sights like that, I would have taken him to the zoo.

Host: And wouldn't you like to go see your family?

Lady: I want to bring my family over to join me.

Host: Yes, yes, but all the old Lebanese customs, what will become of them?

Lady: Who cares, if they led us to this.

Host: So you think there's no possibility of peace?

Lady: No peace, no nothing.

Host: And what about you, son? What do you think?

(Kid mumbles something.)

Host: Okay, thank you very much, thank you, madam.

Lady: You're welcome.

Host: Alright, will you step forward, sir? You look like a calm person. How are you doing?

Guest: Very bad, very  bad.

Host: And how do you find the situation in Lebanon?

Guest: What a joke.

Host: Of course. What about your property in Lebanon? Have you abandoned it?

Guest: I couldn't care less about it.

Host: Are you happy now?

Guest: I'm as happy as can be.

Host: What do you have now?

Guest: Calm, peace and quiet.

Host: Aren't you proud of your Lebanese identity?

Guest: Not proud enough to take it out of my pocket ten times a day,

each time I'm stopped by a checkpoint.

Host: And don't you want to help build a new Lebanon?

Guest: Let those who have destroyed it go and build it. You want me to build it?

Host: Okay, thank you very much.

Guest: You're welcome.

Host: And that's all the time we have tonight.

I would like to thank all the participants in today's program, and I would like to remind you that

you have a date with us wherever and whenever a new war breaks out.

So, from all of us here at "May Every War Find You Well," have a good night.