Lude 2.1: A Moment of Prayer

Saturday, 7/19/2014

* Amy is now known as Niri

<Niri> There, I've got ops.

<Niri> == Lude Start ==

* Niri spent the afternoon training, both independently and with the group, then ate dinner - rather quietly - and politely excused herself. It's still early evening, and she is now sitting cross-legged on her bunk, eyes closed as she murmurs rote phrases under her breath, methodically fingering the string of purple and green beads around her neck.

* Ryllan knocks lightly on Niri's door.

* Niri pauses in her prayer, not having expected company. She lowers her beads and opens her eyes, calling, "Come in."

* Ryllan opens the door, stepping inside. He's lost the uniform, now in a simple, nondescript set of grey t-shirt and workout pants, "Hey, Niri."

* Niri stands, scrambling up off the bed. She makes a very awkward attempt at a salute. "S-Sir."

* Ryllan touches his hand to his heart gently, "Gah, Nir'. We've been through too much together for that to sound right."

* Niri lets out a sigh. "Maybe so? I don't know, everything is so mixed up and I'm still not sure how much everyone is still...THEMSELVES, I guess, and how much they've changed." She sits back down, gesturing for Ryllan to take a seat in the room's single chair.

<Niri> Still trying to figure out who I am, really, and how I relate to everyone. *She shrugs*

* Ryllan sits, sighing, "Yeah. I hear you. I don't really know much about Sister Nirika, myself." He blinks, then motions at the prayer beads he can see, "For example, I'm not sure I didn't interrupt something, just now."

* Niri looks down at them, fingering them idly in her hands. "Oh. I was just doing my nightly prayer and meditation. That's apparently enough of an ingrained habit that I do it almost automatically. It helps to calm and center myself. Which I kind of need. I feel as if I'm adrift, kind of."

* Ryllan nods, "Understandable. It's been a hell of a shock for most everyone, I think, waking up here." He pauses, "Except maybe Angie."

<Niri> ...Somehow, I'm almost not surprised at her reaction. Although it's anyone's guess if she was really so blase about it, or just trying to appear that way.

<Ryllan> Hm, I wonder. She did have some experience being dropped somewhere new, didn't she? That whole time travel thing she pulled back then.

<Niri> I do think that changed her. And who knows? Maybe it's a personality trait of hers, here in the real world. *She pauses* Although sometimes I feel as if the simulation was just as real as this world is.

* Ryllan leans back into his chair, "In a lot of ways, I think it is. I said I don't know a lot about Sister Nirika, and that's true." He pauses, "But I do know a lot about /you/, Niri. I've known you in good times and in bad, and I've seen you in terrible, desperate moments, refusing to give up." He shrugs, "The world might've been bits on a disk somewhere, but... the things we did there, the experiences we had? Those are quite real."

<Niri> She smiles slightly. "That's true. I feel pretty certain of that, honestly. Makes me feel a little bit better, somehow. Although..." She sighs. "I know I changed and grew and learned, and I formed some strong bonds with people. I just wonder how strong those bonds will be outside the sim."

<Ryllan> I think, for the most part, that's probably up to you and them. *he glances up at the ceiling* We all seem to be mostly the same people, even with an extra history behind us. Which isn't to say that a big change can't drive people apart, but...

<Ryllan> It's not insurmountable distance.

* Niri nods. "...Except in certain cases." She scowls. "Tanan never WAS human, but...he was never this thoroughly impossible, infuriating, and downright unlikeable."

* Ryllan keeps an eye on the cieling, "Mm. Tanan is..." He shakes his head, "Well, he described the Tanan we knew as the role he was playing in the simulation. I don't know if that implies that he's still in there." He pauses, "He was always pretty goal-oriented, especially after becoming armor. I wonder if some of his changes are just... a different set of goals?"

<Niri> That would make a lot of sense. In many ways, he is the same. He just...doesn't seem to CARE at all. The old Tanan would manipulate us, but might feel bad about it, and he cared what happened to us. Or at least to me. This one - he's just a program. He follows his code and it doesn't matter at all to him how we feel about it, aside from how our feelings affect the program's success.

* Niri shrugs

<Niri> Can't change it though.

<Ryllan> Mm. Or he's playing it that way, for whatever reasons he has. *he shrugs, too* But chasing that direction probably just leads to madness.

<Niri> We've got more important things to worry about. I'm just angry and hurt and confused. And the only thing I know to do about that is pray. *She shrugs* And try not to think about it. Makes it hard to get to sleep though, what with all the worrying I'm doing about a lot of things.

<Ryllan> "It's all important, Nir'." He pauses, "Maybe some of it we can't do anything but wait for the hurt to heal. Maybe not all of it's incredibly rational. - I won't pretend that I don't feel like Tanan betrayed us by not telling us what was going on in the first place, even knowing why he couldn't."

* Ryllan sighs, "And if you're having trouble sleeping, that's important to. Any of those worries things you want to talk about?"

<Niri> Mmmm. Just personal stuff. Trying to reconcile who I am now with who I was before, I guess. *She shrugs*

<Ryllan> Mm. I guess waking up to find you made a bunch of vows must make that kinda thing extra complicated.

<Niri> Yes. And at first it felt very surreal. Still does, but the memories and feelings are coming back. I really am devoted to the church - the sisters were there for me when I had nothing, and nobody. I owe them a lot, and I believe in their cause and their principles. *She shrugs* But...now I believe in other things, too. It's very confusing.

<Ryllan> "It is." Ryllan thinks for a moment, "Not too much direct opposition, I hope?"

<Niri> In some ways, no, oddly enough. The Octavian Church takes a lot of influence from other faiths. I can see several ways that Althena worship could be incorporated or reconciled with our principles. It's not so much following the religion as it is being a Sister that causes problems. I've made vows that...could conflict with other situations. Some of that was dealt with when I joined the program, and the church has made certain allowances for me. However... *She trails off, just shrugging*

<Ryllan> Mikel?

* Niri colors bright red and looks away. "That's...problematic."

* Ryllan chuckles gently, "Yeah, it would be. I won't say anything on that score, Nir'. But if you do want someone to talk to, about anything... I'm always happy to listen. That hasn't changed."

* Niri smiles faintly. "Thanks. I may take you up on that at some point. Just...not now. Still sorting out my thoughts." She straightens, looking a little brighter. "Anyway, you really ought to tell me what I should know about Captain Barak."

<Ryllan> "Mm. Well, I'm not clear as much of it as I'd like to be yet, so bear with me if I'm a little fuzzy on details. I'm getting some of this from my own files" Ryllan chuckles, "I grew up out in Ithaxa. My folks run a little pub near one of the hyperloop stations, lots of travelers always coming though. I joined up at 21 or so, tested well enough that they threw me into OCS in Arka."

* Niri nods. "Maybe I ought to read my own file sometime."

* Ryllan pauses, "First deployment with my company, we were out on a simple training mission when Spawn start showing up right in the middle of the command cadre. They were tunnelers of some sort, and it was a complete mess. I was out on point, and I think it took about five minutes before I was the only officer left."

* Niri winces. "Wow. Rough."

* Ryllan shrugs, "Bits and pieces of that are still missing. But the after-action report is that they'd brought some geodes with them, and I grabbed one and knocked the spawn around enough to let us win. They promoted me for the accomplishment of not dying.

<Ryllan> But that brought me a little fame, and I exerted some influence when they were rebuilding the company. Brought in all the geode users and... Mm, unconventional thinkers, I could. Like Franz, and Burris, who you met.

<Ryllan> Between us, we started finding out what worked, what didn't. Kinda an unofficial prototype of what they're doing now.

<Niri> Ah, that explains a lot. *She pauses, thinking for a moment.* You know...I'm really glad they put you in charge.

* Ryllan blinks, tilting his head slightly, "What do you mean?"

<Niri> Well...you're always the pragmatic one. You think carefully about all angles and try to make the best decision. You're sympathetic and you care about all of us, but you can be really harsh when you have to. You're just a good leader. In the sim, I always felt like something was pushing me to lead, and in some ways I liked the idea - I think I was always seeking attention. But honestly I wasn't very GOOD at it. Anyway, you're pretty level-headed and the group mostly trusts you, I think.

* Ryllan smiles at some memory, "Oh, you weren't so bad as all that. We did make it through, which is a strong note in your favor."

<Niri> Pff. We made it through because of ALL of us. *She tilts her head* And if that's the case, maybe we'll do fine this time, too. Although I do miss Angie already. And I'm concerned about Saki.

* Ryllan nods, "The docs here are some of the best. If anyone can help Saki out, it'll be them." He smiles again, "And you're right. It was all of us that made the team work. We'll make this one work too."

<Niri> Well...thanks Ryllan. I feel a bit better now. *She chuckles* Not the first time you've talked me out a funk.

* Ryllan chuckles as well, "Like I said. Still us." Ryllan stands, and rests a hand on Niri's shoulder, squeezing gently, "Try to get some sleep, okay? I'm sure training's only getting more intense from here."

* Niri nods. "I know it is. But we can handle it, right? Anyway, thanks, and good night. See you bright and early at the gym."

<Ryllan> Anytime. Good night. *Ryllan leaves, closing the door gently behind him.*

<Niri> == Lude End ==

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