I'm so worried

Post date: Sep 26, 2020 12:29:22 PM

From day-one when you walked up to me, you seemed really attached to me. You and I have the closest relationship I've ever had aside from my parents, as a child.

You never seemed particularly interested in anyone else, cats included... And even when I lost you once for months just outside a rural area with many pet-friendly homes to choose from, you didn't befriend anyone else... choosing to live under abandoned cars at an abandoned house, sneaking over to eat from the neighbor-cat's dish. Those folk were real friendly, you could've been so comfortable and loved, there. Instead you hid until they finally trapped you.

It would be easy, from this, to think maybe you really just wanted to be wild... And you know I worry about whether my keeping you is cruel. I've always given you that freedom to choose; from leaving the window open in case you wanted to wander, maybe look for your family, from the first days we met, to leaving the door open in our new "lifestyle" for fresh air, giving you freedom to explore while I'm doing something distracting me from you. Yet, you've never seemed interested in leaving; an indoor cat by choice.

The past several years we've gone on countless, sometimes daily hikes together, the lagoon, the meadow, the lake... remember the horse park where you got stung by a bee? You didn't want to hike again for *months* after that... :

Remember walking way out in the mud, the farthest you could get from the van, then *cleaning* yourself there, knowing full-well we had to tromp right back through it? It took me a while to figure out that game... you love to do things like that, then have me carry you, you protesting the whole way back.

For years you'd pretend you desperately wanted to go outside on the rare occasion the door wasn't open... due to rain. [But, again, never seeming interested in going out when it was open] So, I'd open the door a bit surprised, only for you to jump in puddles for a few seconds and head right back in, getting furniture and me covered in wet paw-prints...

And even at the farm, you explored a little bit, but always stayed near. You figured out a new game, after you got ticks... again demanding to go outside, only to jump in the grass for a few seconds then head right back in... "Wait a minute, Cat! I've got to check you for critters!"

You'd try to get past me heading back in, but from prior games I knew you wanted to be caught. Sometimes by the tail, or your loose skin and even by that fluffy long fur. I was surprised how much you'd resist, it seems like it must've hurt. But eventually I'd swing yah onto my lap, belly out, give you a vigorous and thorough rub-down making sure no ticks were hiding in the corners behind your ears, around your neck... all the way down your tail... You bitch about it like you hate it, but do-so in the sugary-sweetest voice you have, loving every minute of it so much that sometimes when I give the all-clear you'd turn around and head out that door for a seconds just to go through it all again...

And this past year, we've been playing hide-and-seek every night... You'd wander into the bushes, I'd be working on some project...

TBC