There are two types of coping strategies. These include emotion-focused coping skills and problem-focused coping skills. Both types of skills are important for kids to learn and implement in their lives.
Help kids deal with feelings so they are less stressed
Teach kids how to tolerate stress and gain perseverance
Necessary for situations that cannot be changed
Involve taking action to change a situation
Empower kids to take control of a difficult situation
Necessary for situations where things can be changed
Emotion-focused coping skills help kids deal with their feelings so they feel less stressed.3 These skills are necessary for situations when kids can’t change the situation—like dealing with the loss of a pet or not making the basketball team. These skills also can help kids learn how to tolerate stress better so they can persevere.
Meanwhile, problem-focused coping skills involve taking action to change the situation. These skills might involve ending an unhealthy friendship or telling a teacher about a bully. These skills can be helpful when a child has some control over the situation. It’s important to ensure that your child has both types of coping skills.
Emotion-Focused Coping Skills
Emotion-focused skills involve doing things that help your child feel better. They also involve doing something that offers a temporary distraction so they can return to the issue when they're feeling more level-headed. The following are some healthy emotion-focused coping skills for kids.
Label Feelings
Just being able to verbalize, “I’m mad,” or “I’m nervous,” can take the sting out of uncomfortable emotions. Give kids the words they need to describe their feelings. You can read books, look at "feeling faces" posters, or talk about emotions. Then, when they're struggling with a tough emotion, ask them to describe how they're feeling.
Learn Breathing Exercises
A few slow, deep breaths can help kids relax their minds and their bodies. One way to teach kids to do this is by encouraging them to take “bubble breaths.” Tell kids to breathe in deeply through their nose and then breathe out slowly through their mouth like they're trying to blow a bubble with a wand.
An alternative strategy is to teach your kills to “smell the pizza.” Tell them to breathe in through their nose like they're smelling a piece of pizza. Then, tell them to blow on the pizza to cool it down. Encourage kids to do this several times to help them feel better.
Participate in Exercise
Exercise can be a great way for kids to get out of their excess energy when they’re nervous and to boost their mood when they’re down. Strength building exercises like lifting weights and aerobic exercises like running or biking can be excellent ways to help kids regulate their emotions.
Encourage your kids to turn to physical activities when they are struggling with difficult emotions or situations. Eventually, going for a walk or a run will become a common—and healthy—way for them to cope with the challenges they face.
Create Artwork
Whether your child enjoys painting with watercolors, coloring in a coloring book, doodling, sculpting with clay, or creating a collage, creating art can be an excellent coping strategy.
Make sure you have plenty of art supplies on hand if this strategy works for your child. Eventually, your child will just pull out the supplies as a way of coping with difficult emotions.
Read a Book
Reading books can serve as a great temporary distraction, especially for kids who love to escape into stories. Often, when kids are done reading, they feel better equipped to tackle a problem because they're feeling calm and rejuvenated. Books are a great way to distract the mind with something enjoyable and entertaining.
Do Yoga
Yoga provides many benefits to the mind and the body. In just 4 weeks, Yoga can lead to better moods and improved body image. Whether you decide to enroll in a yoga class or you do yoga videos in your living room, learning about yoga could be a lifelong skill.
Play Music
Whether you like to make your own music or just enjoy listening to calming songs, music can affect the brain and the body. In fact, music is often incorporated into treatment programs for physical health, mental health, and even substance use problems. Not only has music been shown to speed healing, calm anxiety, and reduce depression, it also is a great way to encourage creativity.
Learn Positive Self-Talk
When you are upset, self-talk is likely to become negative. You may think things like, “I’m going to embarrass myself,” or “None of the other kids are going to talk to me.” Instead, say things like, “What would you say to a friend who had this problem?”
Create a "Calm Down" Kit
Fill a shoebox with items that engage your senses, like a stress ball to squeeze, lotion that smells good, and a picture that makes them happy. Then, when you’re anxious, angry, or overwhelmed, get your calm down kit.
Problem-Focused Coping Skills
Sometimes, there are situations where discomfort is a sign that something needs to change in the environment. For example, if you feel completely overwhelmed by being placed in an advanced class, the best solution might be to return to the regular class. Or, if you feel you are bullied while riding the bus, the situation might need to be addressed with the bus driver or principal. Problem-focused coping skills are strategies that help reduce the source of stress. Here are a few examples of problem-focused coping skills.
Ask for Help
When you are struggling with something, ask, “Who could help you with this?” It’s OK to ask for support.
Engage in Problem-Solving
Identify at least four or five possible solutions and write them down. Then, pick which one want to try. Over time, your kids will get better at solving problems on their own. Developing strong problem-solving skills will aid your kids in the years to come.
List the Pros and Cons
When you are struggling to make a decision create a pros and cons list. Write down the positives and negatives about each option and review the list. Seeing things on paper may help make a more informed decision about what to do.
Diversions are those coping skills that allow you to stop thinking about the stress inducing situation. Diversions aren't meant to be the final solution, but each can be useful in the basic goal of remaining safe. As time goes on, move away from diversions and toward those skills that will build resiliency to the challenges that continue. Diversions are only useful if one can recognize warning signs when feeling overwhelming emotions.
Write, draw, paint, photography
Play an instrument, sing, dance, act
Take a shower or a bath
Garden
Take a walk, or go for a drive
Watch television or a movie
Watch cute kitten videos on YouTube
Play a game
Go shopping
Clean or organize your environment
Read
Take a break or vacation
Social or interpersonal coping strategies involve interactions with others. Scientific studies have proven the benefits of social support to counteract the effects of stress on DNA. Social supports can be useful for recognizing warning signs and providing assistance in difficult times.
Talk to someone you trust
Set boundaries and say "no"
Write a note to someone you care about
Use humor
Spend time with friends and/or family
Serve someone in need
Care for or play with a pet
Role-play challenging situations with others
Cognitive coping skills are those that involve using the mind and thought processes to influence the way one feels and behaves.
Make a gratitude list
Brainstorm solutions
Lower your expectations of the situation
Keep an inspirational quote with you
Be flexible
Write a list of goals
Take a class
Act opposite of negative feelings
Write a list of pros and cons for decisions
Reward or pamper yourself when successful
Write a list of strengths
Accept a challenge with a positive attitude
Tension releasing or cathartic coping strategies involve acting on strong emotions in ways that are safe for oneself and others. Punching a pillow could be a way to release tensions in a safe way. Be careful with cathartic responses because these tend to become habit forming and may translate to real life scenarios, so the child who practices punching a pillow may envision a person's face and end up actually punching that person's face when angry.
Exercise is another thing that can help by producing endorphins, which are naturally occurring drugs that can create a calm or euphoric feeling.
Exercise or play sports
Catharsis (yelling in the bathroom, punching a punching bag) Yelling: Positive or Negative? As long as you're not yelling at someone else, a good yell might help release tension.
Cry
Laugh
Physical process are directly tied to mental and emotional processes. A person's breathing rate can illicit a response from the sympathetic nervous system. Raising your voice can send signals to your brain that you are angry. In the same way, acting calmly in the face of difficulty can help send signals to your brain that everything is o.k.
Get enough sleep
Eat healthy foods
Get into a good routine
Eat a little chocolate
Limit caffeine
Deep/slow breathing
Spiritual--Praying, meditating, enjoying nature, or taking up a worthy cause can affect a person on a spiritual level. Satisfying the need to feel worthwhile, connected, and at peace improve well-being at the core of a person. Spiritual well-being then exudes out of a person in attitudes and actions that are self-actualized. According to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, we all need to feel a sense of purpose, but not everyone reaches that level.
Pray or meditate
Enjoy nature
Get involved in a worthy cause
Limit setting is a preventative measure to protect against overwhelming stress created by doing too much of something. Limits can be set for one's self or others. An example of setting a limit with others is learning to say "no" when you know you are too busy to help someone. Setting a limit for yourself could include dropping involvement in work activities that are not a good fit for your skills and focusing on those that you are efficient doing, which may mean having to be assertive with your boss about how you can help the most.
Drop some involvement
Prioritize important tasks
Use assertive communication
Schedule time for yourself
Get Organized--A notebook with three sections labeled "Work to be Completed," "Work Completed" and "Work to be Saved" may be used to help students organize their assignments. Color-coding notebooks for different subjects may also be helpful for organizing work.
Use Daily Planners--A student should use a structured daily planner to help him organize his assignments and activities. A planner that is broken down by subject within the day and has sufficient room to write all the information he needs would be preferred.
Allow Time to Wind Down--Many students have trouble falling asleep at night. It is helpful for them to have an established routine for going to bed at night. For example, they could read a book. They can engage in stretching exercises before getting in bed. They could drink a glass of milk or hot chocolate prior to going to bed. They might also listen to quiet, easy music while falling asleep. "White noise," such as a fan or rain, may also be helpful in facilitating sleep.
Create a solid routine--Maintain your rituals. Clear rules and a consistent routine remove some of the guesswork that can negatively affect a student. It’s important to set and maintain healthy limits, including avoiding a packed (and overwhelming) after-school schedule and establishing healthy sleep hygiene. Consistent sleep makes a huge difference in the life of a student.
Limit media distractions in the home--Students are not as adept at filtering out distractions as adults are. Try to avoid engaging with television, tablets or phones when doing your homework. By establishing healthy media boundaries for yourself, you teach yourself to focus on one task at a time. In these modern times, it’s far too easy to check social media with one hand while listening to the news or studying. Sadly, this practice sets kids up for distracted living. Make single-tasking – doing one thing at a time – a goal to help you learn to filter out extraneous stimuli.
Put yourself in distraction-free mode--Begin building habits that help you eliminate distractions and stay focused. Start by creating an environment in which you’re less tempted to get preoccupied with something other than what you’re working on. This isn’t always easy to do. For one, many of us rely on a computer to do our work, but we also find our biggest distractions enabled by the use of a computer on the internet. If you constantly find yourself wandering over to other favorite or interesting websites, try using a website blocker app. Work to create habits that signal to yourself and those around you that you’re in distraction-free mode. Close the door to your room. Put on noise-canceling headphones. Turn off your phone or put it on silent and move it away from you (so you can’t easily pick it up). Remove as many excuses and distractions as you can so you can bring your full attention to one task at a time -- no multitasking.
Set three main objectives every day--A long list of things to do can feel insurmountable and leave us feeling overwhelmed. We’re ready to give up before we start, and that’s when it becomes easy to give in to distractions. You can offset this by giving yourself 3 objectives to accomplish every day. Write them on a sticky note and post it where you can see it every time you look up from your work. By limiting the number of daily goals, you’ll have clearly defined what you need to work on. You’ll work with greater intention on those tasks and your mind will be less apt to stray. Ask yourself every morning: What are the three most important things to accomplish today? Any other tasks should be put on a separate to-do list. You can begin to tackle those less-important tasks once you’ve accomplished the first 3 goals.
Give yourself a shorter time frame--More hours worked doesn’t mean you necessarily get more things accomplished. Parkinson’s law says that “work tends to expand to fill the time we have available for its completion.” And the thing is, we usually fill any time remaining with distractions. This is because our mind is wired to conserve energy whenever possible. If we don’t have to do something, there’s a good chance we won’t do it. Instead, we’ll allow ourselves to get sucked into a YouTube video or a game app on our phone. On the other hand, when we’re up against a deadline, we suddenly develop a laser-like focus and avoid distractions at all costs. When you know you have to get something done, you’ll figure out a way to do it. To eliminate distractions, give yourself a shorter time frame to finish your work. This is like giving yourself an artificial deadline, but backed up with something that holds you accountable. Tell your boss or client that you’ll give them a draft of a project by the end of the day. Find an accountability partner who will hold you to your target time frame. However you do it, setting a hard deadline will help you avoid distractions and amp up your productivity.
Monitor your mind wandering--We spend nearly 50 percent of our waking time thinking about something other than what we’re supposed to be doing, according to one Harvard study. We are on autopilot, and our mind is wandering, in part to avoid the effort of focusing on something. The key to heightened productivity is to notice when your mind is distracted and bring your attention back on task.
This means paying attention to your thoughts and recognizing when your mind starts drifting. This allows you to manage what you focus on and redirect your thoughts when you slip up. Instead of allowing yourself to keep meandering over to social media to check out your newsfeed, you actively put the brakes on this distraction.
Pay attention to what distractions are particularly hard to avoid, so you can catch them sooner. When you feel a desire to give in to a distraction, take a breath and purposely choose not to react to it. Once you’ve given in and allowed yourself to focus on something else, like reading emails, it’s harder to regroup and bring your attention back to the task at hand.
In short, be mindful of your thoughts, instead of allowing yourself to skip between task and distraction.
Train your brain by making a game out of it--Your mind is like a muscle. In order to use it effectively, you need to build it up. We need to train our brains to stay focused by gradually working on our concentration. This will strengthen our ability to focus for longer periods of time.
A great way to begin doing this is through the “Pomodoro Method,” in which you set a timer and are completely focused on a task for a period of time, such as 45 minutes straight. Then allow yourself a 15-minute break.
If 45 minutes is a stretch, start with something more manageable, such as 25 minutes, and then give yourself a five-minute break. The idea is to make a game of it -- challenge yourself to work diligently on your task until the timer rings. Then allow yourself to gorge on whatever distraction you want, but only for an allotted time.
After the break, it’s back to work again until the timer rings. You’ll be amazed by how much you can get done using this method!
Take on more challenging work--If you’re having trouble focusing and are chronically distracted, it may be that your work isn’t engaging you fully. You might feel like you’re working hard all day, but it could be that your mind is fighting boredom and looking to fill the time with something more interesting.
Complex tasks demand more of our working memory and attention, meaning we have less mental capacity remaining to wander to the nearest stimulating distraction. We’re most likely to enter into a state of total work immersion when our abilities are challenged. We get bored when our skills greatly exceed the demands of our work -- such as when we do mindless data entry for several hours.
Assess the level of unproductive busywork you’re doing. Are you having a hard time becoming engaged in the project? This could indicate that you have the capacity to take on more challenging projects. When we take on more complex work that pushes our skill and intellectual limits, we can become consumed and hyper-focused on the task. Our minds are wired to focus on anything that’s novel, pleasurable or threatening. And tackling these tasks gives us a sense of achievement.