The Girls on TV!

New!

Lara Logan...a perfect...15!

My take on the beautiful and not so beautiful girl reporters on Channels 6 and 8.

            “I'm a girl watcher, I' m a girl watcher, here comes one now.” I know you recognize the song lyrics from back in the day but they epitomize me. I am an extreme girl watcher, hair, eyes, make up, boobs, butt, panty line, thighs, crotch--tight or not, and legs. Excuse me while I watch this one jiggle her way toward me. Where was I? Oh yes. First let me say I am male, in a relationship and a senior. I'm retired so I spend a lot of time in front of the TV. I try and write about serious things and I do, but I always come back to talking about girls. My mother was a girl, and my 'girl' is a girl. This is my assessment of some of the females I see on the TV, from my purely sexist point of view.

            Let me start with the Viagra and Cialis commercials. The actors look lovingly at each other and then go for a walk on the beach. Waiting for the pill to work I guess. They should be looking for a place to lay down. The next scene shows the couple sitting in separate bath tubs looking at the sunset. I can tell the medicine hasn't worked yet or he would be jumping into the tub with her. Then the announcer reads the warnings. “May cause an erection lasting four hours so call your doctor right way.” Yeah and a photographer too!!

                                                            Channel 6

            I live in Portland Oregon and watch CBS channel 6, which has a bevy of female reporters. Carly Cannelly does the traffic and you can see her full length in front of the green screen. She's a babe, gorgeous, bottle blond hair, nicely done, perfect eye makeup and lipstick that does not detract. She has nice boobs and a bikini figure with nice legs. She is smart and always gives the impression that she really knows what she is talking about.

Carly is a 10.

            Hands down the prettiest girl on Chanel 6 is Kacie Montoya. She is Barbie doll gorgeous, honey blond hair, bright blue eyes, perfect makeup, nice boobs and a bikini figure. She doesn't look Hispanic in spite of her Hispanic name. Perhaps it is a married name. Almost too pretty to be taken seriously as a journalist, Kacie is a perfect 12,

            Jenny Hansson and Amy Troy sit side by side at the news anchor desk. Let me compare. Jenny has bleached blond hair, blue eyes, circled by a terrible black line around each eye. It gives her a racoonish look, almost beady eyed and spoils her natural beauty. Her lipstick does not detract however. She wears a padded bra and a wedding ring you can see sparkle. Jenny often talks about her two small girls. Too much information about family to share with the public. She needs to check with a make up professional. Jenny is an 8.

            Amy Troy is refreshingly non blond. Her long dark hair is always perfect, eye make up and lipstick perfect. She has beautiful lips. Amy wears a padded bra and a wedding ring that sparkles. She also talks too much about her small children. Don't change anything. Her husband is a lucky man. His wife is smart, cute and well employed. Amy Troy is a 10.

    Amy Troy of Channel 6

            Kelly Day is my least favorite of the Channel 6 girls. She has an air of privilege about her that annoys me. She appears well raised, educated. married well and now has a dream job as a news anchor, Kelly's hair is lightened, not exactly blond and she needs a hair make over. Her eye make-up is okay, lipstick okay, wears a padded bra and a sparkling wedding ring. She doesn't talk about her husband and I don't believe she has kids. Kelly Day is a 6.

            Amy Frazier is a bleached blond, tall and thin, with character lines in her face when we see a close up. Her eye make up and lipstick don't clash and she looks good and sounds like she knows what she's talking about. She wears a padded bra and I don't see a ring on her finger. She doesn't talk about a boy friend.

Amy is a 7.

            Lisa Balick is the dark haired lady 'that lives next door.' She has a thin face and her make up matches her dark unbleached hair. She wears “old lady” dresses, and likes blue. Lisa is not a babe but a mature business like reporter that doesn't look like a reporter. I like Lisa. Lisa is a 7.

            Sally Shoman is another of the bleached blonds that do the weather. I can't see her make up because I can't see anything but her toothy smile. All those teeth showing give her an equine appearance. Sally is a 5.

            Alexis Del Cid's dark hair frames her pretty face. Her lipstick is usually red but doesn't detract. Her eye make up is perfect and doesn't draw undue attention. She seems to be a serious reporter and I believe what she has to say. Alexis is an 8.

            Last is Carla Castano, the reporter in a brown paper wrapper. Dark hair and eyes, looking beautifully Hispanic. I can't see her eye make up and lipstick for looking at her slim figure packed into her tan work pants and her boobs. She has the biggest boobs on Channel 6, certainly does not wear a padded bra, and they strain against her shirt. I'm waiting for the top button to pop off. In spite of the brown paper wrapper, Carla is all woman. Carla is a 10.

    If I missed any of the other girls on channel 6, I'm sorry. They just didn't catch my attention.

                                                            Channel 8

            Moving up the numbers, the girls on Channel 8 are next, starting with Brenda Braxton. Brenda is a light skinned black woman with processed straightened dark hair, cut short. Her eyebrows are carefully plucked, eye make up is well done and her pink lip stick looks good on her skin tone. She shows a big toothy smile. Brenda is painfully thin, so thin her boobs have disappeared and she is beginning to look anorexic. She sounds sincere in her news delivery and I believe her. Don't loose anymore weight. Brenda is an 8.

            Stephanie Stricklen, is another bleached blond. Good eye make up though. I think she has a pretty face in spite of the two moles on her right cheek. 'Steph' is average among her peers. Her boobs are unremarkable. Stephanie is an 8.

            Keely Chalmers has plain “dirty” blond hair, usually askew or uncombed appearing. Keely always looks tired or stressed out and never cheerful. She is always so tired looking I can't get to the rest of her body.

Keely is a 5.

            Abby Gibb has bright yellow bleached blond hair, so blond I sometimes wonder if her hair is a wig or at least what color her real hair used to be. She has a very pretty face with eye make up obscured by her dark rimmed 'Sara Palin' style glasses. If she lost the shiny blond hair she would look like a school teacher with her glasses on. With glasses and blond hair she looks like she is a sales lady selling eye glasses for some “same day” eye glass company. Loose the shiny bright hair and move up to an 8. Abby Gibb is a 6.

            Laural Porter has red hair probably bottle enhanced, and a thin face. Her eye make up and lip stick are low key and match with her hair color. She is pretty with a serious look, good boobs and wears a padded bra. She reminds me of Lisa Balick on channel 6. They could be neighbors and buy their clothes from the same retailer. Laural is an anchor and does the channel 8 “Straight Talk” program, a Q&A show where she interviews news makers such as our Governor Kitzhaber and others. She is good at what she does. I'm impressed. Pretty and a good journalist. Laural is an 8.

            Laura Rillos. I like Laura. She fits the mold of today's TV reporters, long tinted blondish hair, perfect eye make up, perfect lipstick, I.E. her make up doesn't distract from her pretty face. Too often women overdo a part of their face make up. Lips or eyes or hair should not distract from the overall picture. The girl has absolutely perfect teeth. Congrats to her dentist. Oh yeah, she has nice boobs too. Laura is an 8.

            Marilyn Deutsch. Marilyn is still pretty but looks tired all the time. Her auburn/brown hair is obviously dyed, but thankfully not blond. Her eye make up is good, but her lip stick is too bright. She has good teeth and a nice smile, but Marilyn is showing a lot of mileage in her face. If she is going to stay on TV it might be time to make a visit to Dr. Darm. Marilyn is a 6.

My all time favorite TV lady is not on local news. She is Lara Logan, a white South African beauty. When she was young and trying to get noticed she worked as a model and was stunning in a bikini. I have no idea how she wound up as a girl reporter behind the lines in the middle eastern wars. I've seen pictures of Lara with her natural dark hair, pretty, but she is one of the few women that actually look better as a blond.

Lara Logan is a 15.

            Ann Curry is another exotic beauty of mixed ancestry. Dark hair and dark eyes and a smile that dazzles. She once worked here in the Portland TV market but I don't remember which station; I think it was channel 8.

                        Come back to PDX Ann Curry! We need more class on the glass!!

            Last but not least (and I hate cliches) so I rarely use them, I'm in love with the chubby girl with fuzzy red hair that sells mattresses for Bed Smart. Her lipstick and eye makeup fit her hair and face perfectly. She looks like the bad sexy school teacher looking over the top of her eye glasses admonishing me to be “Bed Smart.” I am bed smart in that I know what to do in bed...sleep. However if she would deliver the mattress and demonstrate...well...just maybe...!

                    By Don DuPay

ABSOLUTELY NO PORTION OF THIS PERSONAL ESSAY MAY BE REPRODUCED OR DISSEMINATED WITHOUT EXPRESS PERMISSION FROM THE AUTHOR, DONALD LEE DUPAY, UNDER PENALTY OF COPYRIGHT LAWS!!