2012-06-30

Dateline Saturday 30 June 2012: Today Bogglehole Bill volunteered for a space mission to go bottle diving on Titan, the largest of the moons in orbit around the planet Saturn."I had just finished a quick rummage in Deepdale Beck outside Barnard Castle", explained Bill. "After changing out of my wetsuit and into civilian clothes, I called in at the Castle Café for a bacon sandwich. They do excellent bacon sandwiches there, also some decent sausage ones, and they'll lend you a copy of the morning paper while you unwind."I'd just finished smearing a couple of sachets of tomato sauce over the bacon, and was about to give it a dusting of salt and pepper, when I turned the page and read something that amazed me. It was about the discovery of an ocean on one of Saturn's moons, which has apparently been detected by NASA's Cassini space probe."Water brings the possibility of life, and it raises the question of how highly evolved it might have become. Many scientists think that intelligent aliens would make themselves known by radio transmissions. However, as a seasoned mudplugger I know that the hallmark of any advanced civilisation is the bottles it leaves dumped in the water."I'm therefore volunteering to go on a space mission to Titan and look for bottles in the ocean. Unlike radio transmissions, bottles can last for centuries and if there was ever an advanced civilisation there I'm sure I'll find evidence of it. Some little green bottles perhaps. Of course, if I find any plastic bottles I'll have proven that their civilisation entered into a terminal decline".NASA could not be reached for comment.