One day Laurie and I had a conversation about love and relationships. She had always asked me if I thought I was going to get married one day and I had always responded by saying that I didn't see it happening for me. The reason was simple. I didn't understand the concept of marriage and spending the rest of your life with only one person. I had always wondered about what would happen if I met someone and promised that I wanted to spend the rest of with my life with that person, only to meet my soulmate a few weeks or months or years later.

“Do you remember growing up and thinking that one day we’re just going to meet the person that’s perfect for us and just get married to them?” I asked Laurie.

“I don’t think I ever stopped believing that” Laurie replied

“But I mean when I was growing up, I used to think that every husband and wife were each other’s first choice. I used to think the same thing about Mom and Dad”

“Well, what makes you think it’s not true?” Laurie asked.

“It’s just not probable” I responded, “The more I grow up, the more I begin to think that for most people, marriage is just a compromise. You can meet someone and wish that you could spend the rest of your life with them, but for some reason it doesn’t work out, then you settle for someone else, start dating for a little while and then again it doesn’t work out. I believe that marriage is just doing this over and over again until you meet someone and then you agree that you will settle for each other”

“That’s a really sad thought if you truly believe that” Laurie responded.

I truly believed that. It’s not that I didn’t believe that people could fall in love, I’ve fallen in love in the past. The reason that I had this worldview was I believed that a lot of times, people were more in the love with the idea of being in love than actually being in love with the person that they're with.

“I think most people get married because they’re afraid of being alone. It doesn’t really have too much to do with the other person”

“And you don’t think it’s important to not feel alone?”

“I think being lonely is one of the worst feelings in the world” I responded, “but tricking yourself into thinking you’re in love with someone is a mean thing to do to yourself and to the person that you’re with”

“I disagree with your whole premise” Laurie replied, “I think you can meet someone, not feel anything immediately and then grow to love that person”

“But what’s the point in doing that? What’s the point of forcing it”

“It’s because one day, you’re going to wake up and everything will be taken away from you”

“What does that mean?” I asked

“Torrey, I work in a nursing home” Laurie responded, “I work with old people who call their rooms in the nursing home their home until they die. Almost always, everything is taken away from you before you die.”

“Like your money?”

“Yeah, a lot of your money is taken away from you if you live in a place like a nursing home for long enough but that’s not what I mean” Laurie responded, “Money doesn’t matter. There’s a chance you’re going to lose your mind and you’re going to forget everything. You’re going to forget how to walk, how to talk, how to eat and you may even lose the ability to speak or communicate with people at all”

“What’s that got to do with what we’re talking about?” I asked Laurie

“One day you’re going to wake up and not know who you are or where you are” Laurie replied, “and the best that you can hope is that you loved people, and you were kind to people and you were there for people who needed you, and when you’re in this purgatory on Earth like the nursing home, you’re going to wish that there were people who would want to be there for you”

Laurie is my older sister and she is the hardest working person I know. I idolized Laurie and I always felt that Laurie and I had a lot in common when we were growing up. She had an amazing mix of playfulness and calm. Some of my fondest memories growing up was my big sister and I doing karaoke as loud as we could to the Backstreet Boys and Spice Girls. Laurie loves me more than she loves herself.

Laurie is not that same person anymore. Laurie used to make me feel at peace just by being around her because she had a peaceful energy, but she doesn't have that anymore. Now she's always anxious and tired, and really, who could blame her? She works two jobs, she had a father who died two years ago in a car crash, a mom who has caused her a lifetime worth of unpleasantness, she has Molly, her 11 year old daughter, Charlie, her 3 year old baby boy who she rarely gets to see because she’s always working, a husband who can be very demanding, and a deadbeat brother who has a room in her house.

I live in her house almost rent-free and I keep telling her how much I hate doing that and I want to pull my weight a little bit more. She keeps telling me that she's investing in me and I'm going to be the next Bruno Mars and when that happens, I'm going to have to pay her back and more.

She loves Bruno Mars, and the reason he is successful is because people like Laurie love him. At the time I'm writing this, Google tells me that Bruno Mars is 32 years old and is worth $110 Million. Bruno Mars is a great dancer, he writes a lot of good songs for himself and other people, he's really charming, he has a good voice and he seems like a nice person. Bruno Mars is not worth that much money.

Laurie has two jobs, she works at two different nursing homes. She gets paid $12 an hour at both places. She works 40 hours a week at one place and 20 hours at the other. She works every other weekend and every other national holiday. Some days she wakes up for work before 5 in the morning and comes back home after 11 at night. She cleans people for a living. She gets beaten up by confused residents for a living and she has bruises to show for it. She loves the elderly people she works with, she gets attached to them and stays by their side, usually until the moment they die.

Here's some math. Laurie works 60 hours a week and makes $12 an hour so she makes $720 a week which adds up to $37,440 a year. She takes home a lot less when you consider all the taxes that come out of her paycheck, but for the sake of what I'm about to say, let's imagine that she takes home the full $37,440 a year. If Laurie never spent any of her money, she would only need to work her brutal schedule at her brutal job for 2938 years to be able to have as much money as Bruno Mars.

I understand how the economy works and I don't have any animosity towards Bruno Mars. The reason he makes that much money is because there's that much money to be made. Laurie and I don't live on that planet. Our minds can't comprehend what that much money can do. This is what I can tell you. If I had that money I would not make it a goal of mine to be standing next to Oprah and the Queen.

If I had money, I would give almost all of it to Laurie. If there is anything I could do for her, I would do it. Which is why, on my day off, I am going to be singing at her nursing home. Every once in a while, the nursing home has someone entertain the residents by singing songs or dancing or doing impersonations or whatever it is that old people like.

* * * * *

Saturday Sept 15th, 2018 (14 days before the arrest)

"Don't be late, it messes everything up for us when people get late" Laurie said as she unbuckled her seat belt.

"How many times do you want me to tell you I'm not going to be late"

"If I don't say it enough, you're not going to realize how important it is that you can't get late. We had an Elvis impersonator who showed up thirty minutes late last month and it messed everything up and I couldn't pass out my pills on time and I was late for my second job" Laurie said for the hundredth time.

It was early in the morning and I was driving her to work because my "set" was from 2 to 3 P.M. and she gets off of work at 3:30 P.M. If I get late, she has to leave work late and she doesn't want that.

"I'm not going to be late" I say to her. She kisses me on the cheek before she gets out of the car. She does that every time I leave her to go anywhere, her reasoning being, if something were to happen to me from her work to my drive home, she wouldn't be able to handle the fact that she didn't kiss me on the cheek and say bye. I mean, how could I possibly know that she loved me if she didn't feel the need to say it many times a day.

Laurie opens the door to the back, gives Charlie a kiss from his baby seat and heads to work. No daycare for Charlie today. If Uncle Torrey is not at work then Charlie gets to hang out with his cool uncle. We drive home listening to his favorite songs. I look forward to a time when I can teach him how to appreciate the music that I listen to, but for now we have to listen to the Coco soundtrack over and over again.

It was 7 in the morning and I did not get a lot of sleep. I was hoping that my 15 minute drive home would take about 5 or 10 minutes leaving Charlie and I to take a quick nap in before my day really starts.

I enjoy spending time with Charlie because it's so cool to watch in real time as he starts discovering the world around him. Charlie likes to yell out different things that he sees when we drive around. There isn't a single water tower in this town that doesn't bring out an excited "WATER TOWER" yell, or a fire truck that brings out a "FIRE TRUCK" yell.

I heard "POLICE CAR" coming out of Charlie's mouth and I didn't think too much of it until I realized I was driving too fast and the Police car with it's sirens was driving behind me.

I pulled over to the side of the road absolutely disgusted with myself. The last thing in the world that I needed right now was a speeding ticket. Basically, a speeding ticket equals 4 points in a point system. Once you reach 12 points in a year, your license gets suspended. Now you can go to court and appeal and have some of the points taken off but that was something that I hadn't done. I've gotten two speeding tickets in the last nine months.

Here's some quicker math. I have 8 points right now, and if this Police Officer gives me another ticket, that's going to push me to 12.

I was sitting in silence awaiting my fate and I wondered if Charlie understood the significance of what was going on because he was quiet too. It may not seem like it at this moment, but I am a safe driver. I have just been unlucky that every single time a Police Officer has had any kind of interaction with me, it has ended up with a ticket.

I am not Riley. I don't know how many times Riley has gotten pulled over but last summer she got pulled over for running a stop sign and I was in the passenger seat. Here's what you need to know about Riley. She is classically beautiful. She has curly, blonde hair and smoky eyes. She was wearing short shorts and she made sure she unbuttoned the top two buttons of her shirt. That was it. That was all she had to do and her interaction with the Police Officer took less than two minutes. Riley was issued a warning and no ticket.

Riley takes pride in that and she likes to mention the fact that she has been pulled over many times and has nothing to show for it.

The thing that sticks out about the Riley anecdote is that her story is really not that unusual. I'm sure you have heard something similar about somebody that you know, and Isn't that just crazy? Beautiful people just lead better lives than the rest of us. It's ridiculous to me that a Police Officer has that much power that after a two or three minute conversation, he/she can decide if you get 4 points and pay a $100 ticket or if you leave with a story to tell.

It took me a couple minutes but I slowly came to terms with the fact that my license was going to be suspended. I would need to figure out a way to get home with Charlie. Are they going to take me to jail and tow my car away? Am I going to be able to go to work for the next year with no bus line in the area and no car? But most importantly, am I going to be able to get a ride to make it to the nursing home in time to sing for Laurie's residents.

My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the window.

"Do you know why I'm pulling you over?" said the voice from outside my car

"I think I might have been speeding" I replied. I figured it would be best if I was honest as pleading ignorance would have made it seem like I wasn't aware of what I was doing. I knew that I was driving fast, I just did not anticipate that there would be someone who would catch me this early in the morning so close to my house.

"You were doing 48 on a 35, is there a reason you were driving that fast?"

"I didn't get a lot of sleep last night and I had to drive my sister to work. I just wanted to get back home sooner so I could take a nap, I have a really long day ahead of me" Again, just answer his questions as honestly as possible.

"License and registration please" was the command from the Police Officer. I had them both in my hand already and handed it to him and watched him walk back into his car.

Maybe this time things are going to be different. I have never been pulled over and had a two year old in the backseat before. Maybe somehow the sight of Charlie would make him not want to give me a ticket. Charlie is so adorable, it's quite possible that he could have powers like that.

Maybe Charlie in the back seat would have the opposite effect. Maybe the Police Officer is fearful for Charlie's life considering he's in the car with such a bad driver. I might have my license suspended and social services may be called to take Charlie away from all of us.

My thoughts were again interrupted by a knock on the window.

"I see that you're one ticket away from having your license suspended" The Police Officer said, "You really need to be safer, but I'm going to let you get away with a warning today"

I could not believe what I was hearing. "Thank you so much Officer" I said to him.

"Just drive straight home and be careful. Especially with the little kid in the backseat"

This was a first for me so I had to make sure I caught his name. It was a little dark so I had to squint to get a look at his name tag. Daniel Dean is what it said. What a great name for a Police Officer or an actor, I thought to myself.

In comparison to what I have going on for me right now, I guess that getting my license suspended wouldn't really have been a big deal. This was a relatively pleasant interaction that I had with Officer Dan Dean, but the next time I see him, It's going to be under much different circumstances, and things aren't going to go over as smooth as they just did.

A Nuclear Family - Until I Met You (Version 1)