Out of all the people I'm never going to see again, I think Molly might be the one I'm most upset about. In a strange way, I guess I never really knew how much I meant to Molly. Molly had always meant a lot to me but it never occurred to me that I was as important to her as she was to me.
I was a naive teenager and I didn't really understand the concept of someone finding out they were going to be a parent and not being happy about it. Almost every movie I've seen and almost every story that I've heard has made it seem that it's a happy moment in someone's life, but when Laurie found out she was pregnant, she felt as though her world had fallen apart.
We grew up in a hyper-Christian household and my parents were very concerned about what other people in their Church thought about us. Out of the two of us, Laurie was the good one, she was always one of the smartest girls in school, she was in Model UN, she was in D.A.R.E, she was good at sports and in general, she was the ideal high school student. There was a stark difference between the two of us in that regard. I was the black sheep of the family, but that changed when Laurie found out she was pregnant.
Laurie was so afraid of telling our parents she was pregnant, that she actually came to my room and talked about it with me first. I remember being in my room and playing Madden when my sister walked in.
"Hey Torrey" she said
"What's up?"
"Can I talk to you?"
"Yeah, go ahead"
I was semi-focused on the game and semi-listening to what she was about to say, but she wasn't saying anything yet.
"Torrey" she said in a soft voice
"What?"
"Can you turn that off for a few minutes?"
"I'm almost done, I'm in the fourth quarter" I responded.
If I was her, I would have slapped the controller out of my hand, taken the Madden CD out of the XBOX and broke it, but she didn't do that. She walked over and she sat next to me and she quietly said "Torrey, I need you to listen to me right now." There was something so sincere about her voice that it gave me a chill. I turned off my controller.
"What's wrong?" I asked
She paused for a second, took a deep breath and said, "Torrey, I'm pregnant"
I couldn't believe what I heard so my natural response was to say "Are you sure?"
She nodded yes.
"But... you don't have a boyfriend? Who's the Dad?"
"That's not important right now" she answered.
"What do you mean? How can it not be important?"
"I don't know if he's going to be involved"
It hit me like a ton of bricks, It was a lot to process and I couldn't figure out how I felt about it. I love kids and it would be cool to have one around, but who knew if Laurie was ready to be a mother. Although, It would seem logical that if any 17 year old could handle it, Laurie could.
But why is this Laurie's responsibility? Laurie didn't have sex with herself, and if I know teenagers like I think I do, it's likely that she felt pressured into having sex with whoever this guy was. Laurie is the one who would have all the doctor's visits, Laurie is the one who's body was going to go through changes. Laurie is going to have to work around her pregnancy to be able to do all the things she wants to do in her life, and the guy? Yeah, mentally it might be a little bit of a distraction, but how much is his life going to change over the next nine months? and does he really have to stay if or when Laurie has the baby? Laurie sure as hell does. It can seem a little unfair that the onus is placed more on the Mom than it is on the Dad.
"Have you told Mom and Dad yet?" I asked.
"You're the first person I told"
"When are you going to tell them?"
"I'm going to talk to them tomorrow. I need to talk to Molly first"
Molly is like a second older sister to me. She is one of Laurie's best friends and they have been friends since middle school.
"Shouldn't you tell Mom and Dad first"
"I need to tell Molly. Just in case" she said
"Just in case what?" I asked, puzzled.
"You never know" she responded. I had more questions for her but I decided to just let it go.
It was hard for me to hold this secret in, and the very next day, at about the same time in the evening, Laurie knocked on my door and walked into my room.
"I'm going to talk to Mom and Dad after dinner, I might need you around"
We had dinner with our parents and it was the most awkward meal that I had ever been a part of. Laurie and I were barely touching our food, and after a while it was pretty easy for my parents to notice that something wasn't right.
"What's going on?" Dad asked
"Nothing" I replied
"Well, neither of you seem to be eating? Is something wrong with the food?" Mom asked
"The food seems fine to me" Dad responded
"The food is fine, Mom" Laurie said
"Well, what's the problem then?" Mom said in her agitated voice.
"I need to tell you guys something" Laurie whimpered, "But it can wait until after dinner"
"You guys don't seem to be eating dinner so we can talk about it now" Mom responded
"Is everything okay Laurie?" Dad said
"Can we talk in the living room?" Laurie asked
"I don't see what's wrong with talking right here" Mom answered
"Yeah, we can go over to the living room. Should we clean up our plates?" Dad asked
"No we can just go talk right now" Laurie said.
I put down my fork and I followed the three of them into the living room.
"I don't know what this is about Laurie, but you're beginning to freak me out" Mom said. Laurie was too shaken to notice anything that anyone was saying at this point.
All the furniture in our living room is pointed at the TV. Laurie sat down on a little chair next to the TV so that all of us were pointed at her. She looked at me, then she looked at Mom, and then at Dad, and then at me, and then at Dad again, and she finally broke out the words.
"I'm pregnant"
There was a stillness in the room. The only thing I could hear was the buzzing sound of the refrigerator in the kitchen one room away from us.
"What?" Dad said
"Dad, I'm pregnant" Laurie repeated
Dad was speechless. Mom was speechless too but they were two different kinds of speechless. Dad was speechless because he was in shock and was trying to process everything that was going on. Mom was speechless because she was trying to figure the next words that she would say.
All the quiet things in our house started to get a little bit louder, like the ticking of the clock and Laurie's nails scratching on her chair. The silence was longer and more excruciating than anything I had ever felt before.
"How did this happen?" Mom finally broke the silence
"What? What do you mean how did this happen?" Laurie whimpered.
"How the FUCK could you let this happen?" The word "fuck" was louder than any other word in that sentence. Maybe it's because saying that gave her a kind of release, or maybe it was because it wasn't a word you would typically hear my Mom say.
"I was at- We were-"
"Who's the man that did this to you" Mom asked
"It was- I don't know if you know him but-"
"Did he wear a condom?" Mom asked.
Laurie looked at me because she didn't want to answer this question in front of me. It was okay for me to know that Laurie was having sex but I didn't really need to know much more than that.
"I said, did he wear a condom?" Mom asked again
"No" Laurie responded.
Mom shook her head but kept pressing "Why wasn't he wearing a condom Laurie? What's your excuse for him not wearing a condom?"
"He said-" Laurie started, but then again got distracted by the fact that I was there. She definitely didn't want to say her next line in front of me.
"You can say it in front of him Laurie. You're an adult now aren't you? You're certainly doing adult things, you can say whatever you need to say now"
"He said..." Laurie paused "He promised that he wasn't going to finish inside me"
Mom quietly shook her head, "How fucking stupid can you be Laurie" She said in her disappointed tone, "and you just fucking took his word for it"
Laurie had a frog in her throat and she couldn't say anything.
She didn't have to though, because my mom had a skill for breaking awkward silences. She took a deep breath and said in a measured tone, "Laurie, it's going to be okay, we're going to make an appointment immediately and we can go together"
"To the Doctor's office?" Laurie said. "Mom, I don't need to see the Doctor immediately"
"You're going to have an abortion, Laurie" Mom responded matter of factually.
"Mom" Laurie replied, "I am not going to have an abortion, I've made my decision already... I'm going to have the baby"
"No you're not Laurie" Mom responded sternly. "If you're going to be living under my roof, I can't have people know about this. You may think that you can take care of another person but you obviously can't even take care of yourself. You're going to have an abortion and no one is going to find out that this whole thing ever happened"
"Mom-"
"I'm not bluffing Laurie" Mom interrupted. "If you don't get it done you're not going to be living with us anymore"
Laurie looked over at Dad for help, but he was trying his hardest to not give Laurie any eye contact.
"Dad?" Laurie finally said
"Your Mom has made up her mind, Laurie" Dad responded.
It was a surreal moment as I sat on my couch watching what was taking place. I wanted to help Laurie but there was nothing I could do for her. It was the most helpless I had ever felt in my life. I wanted to speak, but like the rest of my body, my mouth was frozen shut.
"Okay" Laurie finally said.
"Okay" Mom responded. "I'm going to get online and look up planned parenthood and figure out when we can get this done"
"No" Laurie said. She took a deep breath before uttering the last four words she said in that house "Okay, I'm moving out"
Laurie got up and walked into her room. Her bags were already packed. She texted Molly and she arrived 20 minutes later to pick Laurie up to live with her and her family. That was the last conversation my Mom and Laurie had for a very long time.
Remember in the beginning of the chapter when I said I'm going to be most upset about not seeing Molly again? I wasn't talking about Laurie's best friend. I was talking about Laurie's daughter who was born eight months later and was named after Laurie's best friend.
* * * * *
Monday, Sept 17th 2018 (12 days before the arrest)
A couple days after my performance at the nursing home, I was sitting at the piano with Molly and we were practicing for her big school recital. There aren't many words I can use to describe the pride I feel in my heart when I hear Molly belt out the high notes as loud and beautiful as she does.
"What do you think?" Molly asks
"It sounds great" Laurie yells out from the other room.
"I wanted to know what Torrey thinks of it" Molly yelled back at Laurie
"I agree with Laurie" I responded, "It's not an easy song to sing and you're doing great"
That was all Molly needed to hear. It didn't matter what anyone else thought of her singing, it was my opinion and approval that she was seeking. For as long as Molly has been able to hear and comprehend music, I have been playing and teaching music to her.
Molly was understandably nervous about her big talent show. There was legitimate hype around her because all the other students and parents were all aware of her reputation and star potential. She was going to be singing "Rise up" by Andra Day. It's not a song that you would expect an 11 year old to sing, but Molly had the vocal power to accomplish it.
"This is what we've been waiting for Molly" I finally said to her, "Do you feel like you're ready?"
"I'm ready" she replied with a cheeky grin on her face. "It's so cool, we're both doing musical things that day"
"I know" I excitedly replied. Molly was referring to the fact that I had a band practice before her show started.
I obviously didn't realize this at the time, but I should have done a better job of cherishing this moment. Sitting next to Molly by the piano, the outlook of my world looked so bright at this time, but people can walk into situations and everything can change.
I walked away from the piano and started heading to my room. I walked past Laurie on the way.
"She's so excited" Laurie said bubbling with excitement herself
"I know" I replied, "Isn't it awesome?"
"Well, I want to say thank you. I know the amount of work you've put in with her and I'm sure she's going to be great"
"I have no doubts about it" I replied. "I can't wait to see her perform"
If only I had the chance.