If you have a full time job, chances are that you see your co-workers as much as the people you live with and definitely more than your friends. There are many different kinds of people that you encounter at your workplace.
There are those who take the job way too seriously and worry about what's going on at work with the few hours that they have away from work, there are those who complain how much they hate their job, always claim to be looking for a new place to work and end up spending year after year at the same place, there are some who management would think are the greatest workers because they know when to look busy and when to just be a body that wonders around the workplace waiting for the clock to display their closing time.
I worked at the nursing home for a little while and one of the biggest takeaways I got was that I hope I die before I end up living in a place like that. The strange thing about working at a nursing home is that all the nurses and all the caregivers are working in the homes of many people. It doesn't matter if you were a doctor, a lawyer, a teacher, an accountant or someone who traveled a lot and did amazing things for people all over the world. When you check into a nursing home, your final destination, you are living under the mercy of the people who work there for the rest of your life.
There are some people who take that responsibility seriously and there are a lot of people who definitely don't.
I can't say that I blame everybody the same. There are a lot of caregivers who are just like Laurie and are simply exhausted all the time because the pay isn't great so they always need to be working, but there are a lot of caregivers who are High School seniors or in nursing school and they do the job because it looks great on a resume. Most of them are great but a few of them don't care because this is not the end of the road for them. They can tell all their friends that they take care of the elderly and the helpless, they can share and post things on Facebook talking about how it takes a special kind of person to be a nurse and how caring they are, but these are the same people who rush and take shortcuts when giving people food resulting in the residents not eating enough. These are the same people who put immobile residents in bed while the sun is still out because it gives them more free time at the end of their shift.
The families of these residents never find out about this and this happens to the residents who aren't really able to communicate. They are some of the most vulnerable people in the world, and as you'll find out, there are evil people who take advantage of that.
I have done this type of work before so I have an understanding of why it's not easy. I'm not trying to imply that what I do once in a while for the residents is more important than what is done by people who work there full time. The point I'm trying to make is that life isn't very peachy when you are a resident living in a place like this, but when there is entertainment and little parties, things can start to feel a little better for the people who live there. I was reluctant to perform music for the residents because I thought it would be boring, but I did understand the value in playing for them.
* * * * *
I arrived at the nursing home at 1:30, I didn't have to start playing until 2. I had my Charlie with me because there are two things that almost all elderly people love, puppies and babies. I walked in and I could see Laurie running around frantically like she always does when she is at work. She saw me, gave me a quick wave and went back to what she was doing.
"Torrey, you can come join us right here" said a voice from the office. It was Cindy, Laurie's boss. I smiled and I walked right in, but all attention was quickly diverted away from me when she saw the two year old with me.
"CHARLIE!" she yelled with joy. "How are you doing Charlie, How are you doing?" she said in her loud baby voice. It's the same voice she used when she talks to the 80 and 90 year old residents at the nursing home. Our years of existence truly work on a bell curve. We start our lives being helpless and vulnerable, we start getting stronger in mind and body, we become adults, we start getting weaker in mind and body, and then we end our lives being helpless and vulnerable. Our interaction with people who have lived for one year on earth and our interactions with people who have one year left on earth can be surprisingly similar.
"Is there anything I need to do to set up?" I asked Cindy.
"Not really" she responded, "The residents will all be out in the activity room in about 20 minutes. You can just grab your guitar and head in there at 2 o'clock"
"I guess I've got 20 minutes to kill then" I replied
"Well, you can walk around with Charlie" Cindy suggested, "I'm sure all the residents would love to meet him and you can meet them too before you start playing."
"Sounds good" I responded.
"Hailey!" Cindy called out to a caregiver who was standing outside the office.
"What's up?" Hailey responded
"This is Torrey, he's Laurie's brother and he's going to be the entertainment for today, could you give him a tour of the facility and introduce him to people?"
"Absolutely" Hailey replied. I see Hailey's face, and while I desperately try not show it, I am instantly shaken and taken aback. She looks at me for a second and pauses. I seem like I might be familiar to her and she is definitely familiar to me. She looks at me like she is internally trying to figure out how she knows me. I know how she knows me but this is not the time to bring it up
"How's it going?" I stutter out to her.
"It's going great, I'm Hailey" she responds as she reaches her hand out to shake mine.
"I'm Torrey" I reply
"Cool. Are you ready?"
"Yeah, I'm ready"
"Alright, follow me"
We walk into a big room with the residents surrounding the TV. The Andy Griffith show is on and the volume is extremely loud because most of the people in this room can barely hear anything. I come to the realization that I'm going to have to shout once I start singing for them. Just as we predicted, Charlie becomes the center of attention as soon as I put him on the ground and he starts walking around.
"Isn't he just so precious" I hear one lady say.
"What a beautiful little boy" I hear another lady say.
Charlie naturally knows how to work a room. He walks over from one old person to another old person and each of them falls as in love with him as the person before.
"Come here little buddy, what's your name" says an old gentlemen
"Charlie" responds the little buddy in his little buddy voice. It's the first time the old people hear his voice and there's a collective "Aww" heard across the room. Charlie walks over to the man sitting closest to the TV as he's the only person in the room who hasn't noticed Charlie yet.
"GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!" yells the old man who's focused never shifted away from Andy Griffith.
"Alfred, that's not very nice" is the collective response from the people around him. This is all too much for Charlie. He runs over to me and starts crying as I pick him up and put him on my shoulders.
"Damn right" is Alfred's response as he sees the effects of his actions on Charlie.
Hailey comes over to to me to talk to Charlie, "Don't worry little guy, you didn't do anything wrong, he's just a little hungry and tired"
"What's his problem?" I quietly ask Hailey.
"Nothing. That's just Alfred, that's just the way he is" she responds.
I make sure that I grab a good hard look at Alfred. He doesn't seem like the rest of the people at the nursing home. He's not as old, he looks like he may be in is early 70s. He seems like one of the few people in the nursing home who still has almost all of his mind with him, but he doesn't look as clean as the rest of them. He looks like a man who smells bad. He looks like a man who none of the caregivers want to give care to. He looks and seems angry, so angry that he took it out on arguably the cutest two year old boy on the planet.
"Friends, Torrey is going to be singing for us in a few minutes at the activity room so let's start getting ready" Hailey says, trying to divert the attention away from the incident.
"Charlie is going to be there with me" I say to them.
"Hello everybody" says a joyful old man who enters the room. Suddenly all that love and affection for Charlie has been diverted to someone else.
"Hello Hank" yell all the people in the TV room.
"We were just getting ready for the show, will you be joining us?" asks one of the residents.
"Absolutely" says Hank, he turns around and looks at me "Are you our Frank Sinatra for today?" he says followed by laughter.
"I guess so" I say to him
Hank is an ex police-officer. He is physically a very big man and he has a personality that matches his stature. He's wearing a pair of shorts and a light t-shirt. It's very easy to notice the remarkable comfort level Hank has as he walks into the room. It almost doesn't feel like he's visiting someone. This place feels like his house and all of us are his guests.
Hank has a big bouquet of flowers in his hand and he gives them to his wife, Dorothy, accompanied with a kiss on the lips.
"Where's mine Hank?" yells an old lady from across the room. Without hesitation Hank walks over to her and kisses her, then proceeds to walk across the whole circle of residents kissing the ladies and shaking hands with the men.
Dorothy is in a wheelchair and Hank wheels her over to me as he introduces himself "Hello young man, my name is Hank, I'm Dorothy's husband, what's your name?"
"I'm Torrey" I say to him, "It's nice to meet you"
"It's nice to meet you too" he replies.
"And it's nice to meet you too Dorothy, are you excited to hear some music?" I say to Hank's wife.
"Oh, Dorothy can't really speak anymore" Hank interrupts, "She can't really communicate but I'm sure she'll love listening to you. We're just going to leave the flowers in her room and we'll be right back"
I watched Hank leave and I noticed that I was smiling to myself. Hank and Dorothy have certainly got it figured out. Isn't that what this whole love thing is about? Staying with each other until you reach the point of your lives that Hank and Dorothy have reached.
"He seems like a really nice guy" I say to Hailey as she walks up to me.
"Hank?"
"Yeah" I respond, "You know, coming here to see his wife and interacting with all the other residents. He just seems really nice"
"Has Laurie ever talked to you about Hank?" Hailey asked
"No. Why? What's the deal with Hank?"
"Nothing" Hailey responded, "I agree with you, he does seem really nice. I'm going to start getting some of these residents into the activity room, it's about that time so you can go in and set up"
I head into the activity room with my guitar. The room is a good mix of different personalities. Almost half of the residents are already asleep, some of them are more excited about the pudding being passed around than the fact that I'm about to start singing, some of them are watching me intently waiting to eat up whatever it is that I'm about to do. Some of the caregivers including Laurie are sitting in the room helping the residents with their pudding. There's an empty seat in the front row and that seat is about to be occupied by the guest of honor.
"Hank, we've saved your spot for you" says a familiar voice, my sister Laurie. Hank gives Laurie a kiss on the cheek and a hug that lasted three seconds too long before he sits down in the front.
"Alright everybody, give it up for my little brother Torrey" says Laurie, followed by a mixture of grumbles and cheers from the audience.
This event happens at the nursing home every couple weeks and almost everybody plays from the same set list. You would think that the residents might get tired of hearing the same songs over and over again but they actually enjoy it. "You are my sunshine" "Let me call you sweetheart" and "High Hopes" are the classics that never seem to get old. They sing along, they clap along, some of the caregivers dance with some of the residents and after a while I actually start to enjoy what I'm doing.
As I look around the room I keep getting distracted by one thing. Alfred sitting by the window, not clapping, definitely not dancing with any of the caregivers. He is simply sitting by himself in the corner, quietly singing along to the songs and crying. It needs to be clear that when I say crying, I don't mean that he's got the sniffles. He is profusely crying, but because he's sitting all the way in the back, nobody can see him. I try my best to avoid looking at him because I know that would bring attention to it and I'm guessing it's the last thing that he wants, but I decide that when I'm done singing, I'm going to make a special effort to go over and talk to him.
I perform the last song in my set and all the residents in sound mind sing along with me. When I'm done, the caregivers and the residents start cheering. Some of the resident's tell me they loved me so much, they want me to come back and sing for them again, I tell them that I would.
They all start walking back to their rooms or the TV room. Laurie tells me she's got a little more work to do and will be ready to leave in an hour. Charlie moves in with Cindy into the office and I start heading towards Alfred's room.
I feel for Alfred. In spite of the fact that he yelled at and scared Charlie, I feel like there are layers to him and I want to talk to him. Maybe he's misunderstood. I understand both sides of the situation, I can see how Alfred can begin to feel lonely in this environment but I also get how hard it can be for all the caregivers. They almost never have time to just relax and talk to the resident's because there is so much work to do, so it's not impossible to believe they've never had the time to sit with Alfred one on one, and that may have a lot to do with why Alfred acts the way that he does.
"Hi Alfred, I'd like to introduce myself to-"
"I know who you are, get the fuck out of my room" Alfred said
My attempt to connect with Alfred lasted all of five seconds. Hailey was standing outside and smiled at me when she saw me come out.
"It was sweet of you to try" she said.
"What's his deal?"
"That's just Alfred" Hailey responded.
"Has that always been Alfred?"
"I've only worked here for a little more than a month so I don't know" she said. "I've tried to talk to him too but I got the same response that you did. It's fine. He wants to be alone and he's got the right to be alone"
"He wants to be alone?" I asked
"I mean, sure" Hailey replied, "It might seem weird to us but Alfred doesn't have any family or anyone who ever comes to see him so he's probably just used to it by now"
Alfred didn't have family anymore. He has a wife and kids but they haven't seen him in years. He has a social worker who moved him into the facility and she's the only person who he has any form of communication with.
Each resident has what they call a "memory box" outside their room. It's got pictures of them from when they were younger and his social worker had put some pictures in there. A quick glance at it would tell you that Alfred wasn't always unhappy. Alfred was like me. He liked music, he liked football and he had a big smile on his face in all of his pictures.
So what's the deal with the Alfred? This whole thing might seem pretty innocuous to you, but Alfred is living the life that I fear I would live when I become his age. It's a somewhat irrational fear of mine but I don't want to be living in a nursing home with no kids and grand kids to occasionally spend time with. Alfred's life couldn't have been so much different than mine when he was my age. I see the pictures of him playing guitar and compare them to pictures of me playing guitar. All I know is that from this moment on, I've made the decision that my life is not going to turn out the way that his did. I'm going to learn everything I can about Alfred, and everything he did is the opposite of what I'm going to do.
"I feel like I know you from somewhere" Hailey says to me, interrupting my train of thought. How embarrassing would it be if Hailey knew that we were friends on Facebook. I met her once five years ago at one of Kevin's parties and she clearly doesn't remember me.
"I guess I just have one of those faces" I say to her
"I guess. By the way, I thought you were great" Hailey says
"Thank you. You know, a few of my friends and I are going to be doing a show at the Ale Chamber on Saturday" I said "We're not going to be doing 'You are my sunshine' but we'll be playing some pretty fun songs if you want to come join us"
"Next Saturday? I don't think I have anything planned" Hailey responded, "That sounds like fun"
"Maybe you can give me your number and I'll let you know more about it"
We traded phone numbers and said our goodbyes. Her shift was over and so was Laurie's. It was finally time to go home. I took out my phone and unfriended her on Facebook so that she wouldn't notice we were already friends, just in case she tried to find me.
On my way to the office to meet Laurie and Charlie I thought I heard something that sounded suspicious
"Ow" was the yell from one of the old ladies residing there. It came from Dorothy's room.
"Did you hear that?" I asked Laurie, but she was still too far away from me to hear anything.
"No" she responded
"Give me one minute" I said to her, before I peaked into Dorothy's room
Hank looked really angry as he seemed to be scolding Dorothy, though his voice was at a lower level since he didn't want to be heard, his hands were around her wrists and it looked he was squeezing and twisting them. It was hard for me to know if he was hurting her because Dorothy didn't have the ability to adequately communicate how much pain she felt.
Hank saw me looking his way, he changed his mood and then he smiled at me.
"Can I help you young man?" Hank asked
"No" I replied, "I thought I heard something so I just came by to see if everyone was okay"
"That's very nice of you, but we're all fine in here" Hank replied
"Alright" I replied, as I looked around and came to the conclusion that I must have just been imagining things. There were caregivers in the area and it was apparent that none of them had heard Dorothy yell in pain.
"Bye Torrey, you were great, hope to see you again" Hank said.
"Bye Hank, it was nice to meet you" I said
I started my walk back into the office to pick up Laurie and Charlie.
"Are you ready Sinatra?" Laurie said, grinning at me.
"I'm ready, let's go" She followed me to the car and my long visit at the nursing home was finally over.
You can attribute it to a certain vibe and energy, but I wasn't at ease as I walked to the parking lot. Something evil was definitely going on at that place. It was my first interaction with Hank, but it was enough for me to know that something wasn't quite adding up with him. It was strange that when I told Hailey that Hank seemed nice, she responding by saying I was right, he did 'seem' nice.
I looked back at the nursing home before I got into the my car. I had a good time at the nursing home and I was thinking about making this visit a regular occurrence. I had no idea that I would only set foot in this building one more time, and my next visit wouldn't be as pleasant as this one.