I remember going to the hospital on the day that Molly was born. I had never seen a new born baby before and I was surprised at how tiny she was. I remember feeling overwhelmed the first time she was placed into my arms and how nervous I was because I held the weight of the world in them. I stared down at Molly as she was fast asleep and I was taken aback by how I felt with this calm, beautiful, new born individual sleeping in my hands. Molly was a complete person and I was going to play a huge role in the person she would grow up to be.

When it comes to male figures, I have been the only constant in Molly's life. Her Dad was never around, for a while he would occasionally be forced to send Laurie a check but Molly has never seen him. Laurie didn't have a serious boyfriend for a very long time and she lived alone with Molly. I was the one Laurie depended on whenever she needed any help with her baby daughter.

I made a decision to be influential to Molly. I played games with her, I would go to children museums with her, I would do her homework with her and after that, I would sit by the keyboards and play music with her. Naturally, one of the proudest moments in my life would be when I see her first big talent show and listen to her sing in front of a sizable crowd.

* * * * *

Wednesday, Sept 19th, 2018 (10 days before the arrest)

"Torrey, can you do me a favor?" Laurie asked me over the phone.

"What do you need?" I replied

"Do you think you could pick Charlie up from the daycare before going to Molly's performance? Ben was going to do it but he's going to be working late today"

It was pretty typical of Ben. My sister's husband is many things but he's certainly not dependable. Unfortunately, I wasn't going to be able to help out today either.

"Is there anyone else who can do it? We have a band practice today"

"I don't know Torrey, can't you just skip one practice today?"

"But we have a show on Saturday. why can't you just pick him up?"

"Because I'm picking Molly up from school and I need to get her ready, I wanted to focus on Molly today"

Here is the timetable. It's 3 o'clock when I'm on the phone with Laurie, my band practice start at 4 o'clock, Charlie needs to be picked up by 6 o'clock and Molly's show is at 7. I would have approximately an hour and a half of band practice before it's time to pick up Charlie, and sometimes that would be okay, but not when it's three days before the show that Hailey's going to see.

"If there's no one else who can pick him up I'd do it, but we really need to practice today"

"Forget about it Torrey I'll just do it"

"Don't, I can do it I just--"

Laurie hung up. It may have been pretty selfish of me but this show was important.

I was very distracted when I pulled over to Kevin's house and walked down to our practice spot in the basement. My thoughts were about Laurie. I guess that sometimes I take advantage of her kindness towards me and I really ought to pay her back more often.

"SURPRISE!" yelled Kevin when I walked into the basement.

Typically when someone yells surprise you hear a couple air horns go off, you have confetti falling and maybe a few streamers flying across the room. There's typically also more than one person yelling surprise and it's usually close to a birthday or a celebration, but today was just a normal day.

"Surprise what?" I asked Kevin in a state of confusion.

"Surprise I'm back" said a voice in the back of the room.

"JAVIER" I yelled in surprise as I saw my old friend Javier smirking away standing next to Davey and Riley. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE JAVIER?" I gleefully asked

"I'm back for a--"

"DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS?" I asked the rest of the people in the room

"No, we just found out too" Riley responded

"DAVEY, DID YOU KNOW?"

"I wanted to surprise you guys" Javier finally said. "I'm going to be here for a couple of weeks"

"NO WAY! NO FUCKING WAY"

"Clear your schedule man, we've got some catching up to do" Javier said

"I am so excited to see you again, man" I said after taking a few breaths and catching up with the moment.

"Yeah it's going to be great, I'm really excited about your show on Saturday" Javier said

"You're going to be at the show?"

"Of course, I won't be rocking out one of those neon green t-shirts but I'll be there"

"What neon green t-shirts?" I asked

"Oh I forgot to mention, Adam wants us to wear these t-shirts at the show" Riley said as grabbed these flashy, blinding bright stack of t-shirts.

"What are these? Why does Adam want us to wear these?" I asked.

"It's to promote the bar" Riley responded "They're having an event in a couple weeks and they want all of us in the band to wear these t-shirts"

"That's stupid, we're not going to do that are we?" I asked the room to try and get a consensus, but unfortunately, surprisingly, the consensus was that everyone was okay with it.

"We don't get to show our personalities, we're just walking advertisements for the Ale Chamber" I argued

"Torrey, Adam let's us play there and not many other people do, so I don't think it's a big deal to do this for him" Davey responded

"Whatever" I resigned myself to wearing the t-shirt, "Javier is here, how can I get upset about anything right?" I said as I looked at him

"Damn right" Javier said smiling back

"Alright, I only have a couple hours, we should start jamming pretty soon" I said to the room, trying to get things a little bit more in order. Our set list is pretty set, but obviously there was going to be a change made to it, before I announced it, Riley beat me to the punch

"Are we going to be playing Hailey?" she asked with a little giggle and a wink. I thought Davey was the only person who knew about Hailey being back in town, but I should have figured that 5 minutes after Davey knew something, Riley, Kevin and Michael would know about it too.

"I didn't even know Hailey was about a real person" Michael said

"Who's Hailey?" Javier asked

"You remember that party we had before you left? Hailey was a girl that Torrey hooked up with at that party?" Davey said

"Alright, we don't need to talk about that" I responded

"Did you guys date? Did anything happen?" Javier asked

"No, she left Milwaukee the very next day" I said

"So you just met her for that one night?" Javier asked

"Yes, and that's why it can seem creepy that I wrote a song for her, and that's why I don't want to play it on Saturday" I said

"So are you trying to ask her out, are you hoping something happens with her?" Michael asked. Everyone seemed really curious about this.

"I don't know, we'll see. I just talked to her briefly. Maybe we'll talk after the show and see how things go" I said "But, can we start?"

"We already know how to play all the songs Torrey" Kevin said

That irritated me. The people in the band don't take the band as seriously as I do. I write every melody and every word to every song that we play and sometimes it can feel like I'm doing everything on my own. It may be delusional but I used to have some hope of all of this turning into something. Maybe Davey understands that and tries to be as supportive as he can be, but sometimes it feels like Kevin could care less. Michael just plays in the band because he's crazy talented, he's around and it's something for him to do. Sometimes I think Riley is really into it but sometimes I think she's not. There are times when it feels like Riley is the kind of person who reads the room before figuring out how she should feel about something.

"We all came here to practice Kevin" I said

"We all came here to practice before we collectively realized that Javier will be here. Now that he is here, maybe the plan should change a little bit. We only have a couple weeks with him, maybe we should spend this time with him instead of doing music stuff"

It's hard to argue with that and Kevin knew it was a hard point to argue.

"I'm going to see Molly's show after this so I don't know how much time I have"

"You guys can play" Javier said in support of me "I kinda want a sneak preview of Saturday anyway"

"All right, let's just do a couple hits" Kevin said. One of the things you should know about our band is that we're not famous. We don't have much of a following and we definitely don't have any hits. What Kevin is referring to is the pipe in his hand, and all of us taking a couple puffs before the music starts.

"Kevin" I said, trying to stop him before he got started.

"Torrey, just get comfortable, we'll all have a better time if we smoke a little bit and then jam" Kevin said "Just a couple hits each and then we'll start"

I knew that wasn't going to happen but I was tired of arguing. None of us would want to jam after smoking weed. It would not be a couple hits, Kevin wouldn't stop until we've smoked the whole bowl and maybe a little more. After that we would all just want to sit down and talk to each other and lay around in his basement for a little bit, which typically would be fine, but just not today. Eventually I convinced myself that maybe it wasn't a bad idea. Javier had been in the Army for five years and maybe tonight would be a good night to smoke and listen to Javier tell us stories about what it's like to be in the military.

That's exactly what happened. It can seem like an obvious thing to say but Javier's time in Afghanistan was no walk in the park. He created a bond with people who he referred to as his brothers, and he was around a few of them who took their last breaths away from home. In the meantime, he left behind Elizabeth, a girl who promised to wait for him to come home, but grew impatient.

I admired how brave Javier was to serve his country and he told me how it felt it made him stronger person. Physically, Javier was definitely stronger when he came back. He left for duty looking like your average teenage boy but he came back looking like a linebacker.

The war gave him things he didn't sign up for, like being easily startled by the sound of someone unexpectedly yelling or clapping, or being afraid to fall asleep because of the nightmares and the faces in his brain that came to life when he rested his body.

I have not gone through and I have not seen the things that Javier has seen and it's impossible for me to try and understand it. An hour or two with Javier would not be enough to see the effects that the war had on him, but the next two weeks would be. Javier thought he would be spending two weeks with us and then going back to the Army but little did he know, that would not be the case.

It wasn't all heavy though. We actually had a really good time talking to each other and catching Javier up on all the things that have been going on in our lives. Weed tends to relax me and sometimes makes me forget about things going on outside the room that I am in. I was in a smooth mellow mood but that was all interrupted when I suddenly remembered something and stared at my phone and saw this on the display.

7:38

2 Missed calls from Laurie

1 Missed call from Ben

"SHIT!" I yelled out to the group around me. "Molly's show"

"What time is it?" Riley asked

"The show is over at 8, I gotta go, maybe she hasn't performed yet"

I ran to my car and drove as fast as I could to her school auditorium where she was performing. I didn't get pulled over this time. I was wondering if somehow I would get lucky and still see her. I didn't know if I would be more afraid of Laurie being mad at me or if I would be more sad about not seeing Molly sing at this event that we've both been preparing for.

I pulled over in the parking lot and arrived at 7:50. I thanked my lucky stars. I avoided the worst case scenario. There was a chance that I could see Molly perform if she was performing at the end. If she had already performed, I would have been very disappointed but at least I could stand in the back of the audience and pretend that I was there the whole time.

I caught the last 10 minutes of the show and saw two kids sing songs, but unfortunately, none of those two kids were Molly. It wasn't ideal but I could fake it. I knew what she would be singing, I practiced with her so I knew it would be great, I could just tell her that I saw her, she knocked it out of the park, and I was so proud of her.

A teacher announced the end of the show and all the parents were proudly walking away with their kids. I saw Laurie walking with Molly, and Ben carrying Charlie behind them. I should have noticed Ben shaking his head at me and warning me not to say anything but I didn't.

"Molly! You were great! I'm so proud of--"

"Don't say a word" Laurie barked as the four of them walked past me and towards their car.

"Molly" I yelled, "Aren't we getting Ice Cream?" I promised her we would get Ice Cream on the way home after her performance.

"I DON'T WANT ANYTHING FROM YOU TORREY" screamed Molly as they walked to the car. She yelled loud enough for other parents and kids to notice and look at me.

I was so disappointed in myself but I was also disappointed with Laurie. There was no way Molly would know that I had missed her show unless Laurie had told her, and that was completely unnecessary for her to do that.

I got into my car and drove home. I was so upset because this was a big moment in my life. Molly had never gotten mad at me before, and I couldn't bear the thought of Molly being mad at me right now.

I walked into the house and immediately started heading to Molly's room.

"Don't go in there Torrey she doesn't want to speak to you" Laurie said.

"Why is Molly mad at me?" I took a deep breath and said to Laurie.

"Don't play dumb with me, I'm not in the mood"

"Tell me why Molly is mad at me Laurie"

"This is the most stupid, fucking ridiculous question that you're trying to make me answer" she replied

"No it's not"

"You weren't at her first big performance, you idiot,"

"I was there I was standing in the back"

"You're telling me you were there and you saw Molly's performance?" Laurie asked

"That's what I'm telling you"

"Really? You saw Molly's performance?" she asked me, but she asked me in a way that suggested she was cornering me into something. She knew I was lying and she wanted me to make a bigger lie so that she could be more mad at me. I immediately picked up on it and I stopped lying.

"Alright fine, I missed it"

Laurie didn't respond. She just stopped in her tracks and walked a little closer to me to smell the marijuana and febreze on my clothes before uttering out the question "Are you high right now?"

"Am I high?" I asked her, making her ask me the question to buy some time to figure out an excuse or another lie.

"I can smell it on you" she said "You really missed your niece's first recital because you were smoking with your friends"

"Laurie, Javier came back to town today and one thing lead to another--"

"I don't want to talk to about it" Laurie said as she started walking away from me.

"Wait a minute Laurie" I said but she had already walked away.

This night wasn't my finest moment and I can admit that I didn't make the best decisions, but Laurie should never have told Molly that I wasn't there. She should have made sure we were on the same page with my lie. I walked and opened the door to Laurie's room to tell her that.

When I walked into the room I was taken aback by what I saw. Laurie had her shirt off and I saw that she had new, bigger and worse bruises on her back and her arms.

"What happened to you Laurie?" I asked her

"Torrey, I don't really want to talk to you right now" she said

"I'm not talking about Molly, I'm talking about the bruises on your body"

"Torrey, I get bruises on my body sometimes. The residents are confused and can get really combative" she said

"Then quit" I said "I've told you a hundred times, I don't like seeing all these bruises on you"

"Great idea Torrey, I'll just quit. We can sell our house and live in a giant cardboard box"

"Find another job"

"They're all going to be the same" she snapped back.

It can be challenging sometimes when you work in a nursing home. The residents don't really know what they're doing and they have the tendency to get violent from time to time. There's not really much you can do as a nurse in that situation. You obviously can't fight back, so you just try to your best to escape that situation and hope the resident is safe and wait for the situation to de-escalate.

"Who did this to you?" I asked

"Why?" she sarcastically laughed "What are you going to do about it? Fight him?"

"I just want to know"

"It's Andrew, it's always Andrew" she angrily replied.

I have met Andrew a couple times when I've stopped at the nursing home. He was a sweet old man who was in his late 80s, but he did have the tendency to have a mood switch in a matter of seconds and get very violent.

Ben walked into the room after putting Charlie to bed. He had heard parts of our conversation and he agreed with me.

"I agree with Torrey, if it's getting this bad then you need to quit" he said

"I'm not quitting. I like what I do, I'm good at it and we need the money. End of discussion"

We digressed a little bit and I didn't feel it was appropriate to bring back why I was mad at Laurie into the conversation. I decided I'd change the tone and just find out how the performance went.

"How did Molly do?" I asked

Laurie was still too mad at me to respond but after a few seconds, that felt like minutes, Ben finally answered.

"She didn't do it Torrey" he said

I was confused but I responded "She didn't sing?"

"She would have probably done it if you were there, but you weren't so she didn't sing" Laurie fired back.

This was my opportunity again.

"Well, how did she find out I wasn't there?"

"Her teacher came over and called me backstage to talk to her" Laurie started "Molly said she was too nervous and she was too scared. She said that you perform all the time and you could help her get over it. I called you, Ben called you and you never answered. They kept trying to tell Molly that she would do great but she was upset about you not being there, she was nervous about performing, and I told her it's okay, she didn't have to do it"

My heart sunk as I realized that at the moment my little Molly needed me, I wasn't there for her.

"I'm going to go talk to her" I said

"Don't do it" Laurie said. "Just leave her alone for a little bit. Give her some room tonight and talk to her tomorrow"

It was one of the hardest things in my life for me to do but I listened to Laurie. They say you should never let the ones you love go to bed mad at you, but I did.

A Nuclear Family - Hypocritical