"You guys are such great parents. I wish I had parents like you" Ben loudly exclaimed to my Dad when they were eating breakfast together at some breakfast place in Green Bay before heading over to training camp to watch the Packers practice.

"We're alright" Dad replied with a chuckle, "I think Laurie and Torrey will be able to give you a few good reasons to why we're not perfect parents"

"There's no comparison between you guys and my parents though" Ben replied, "I can tell that Torrey is very comfortable with you. You guys have a great father and son relationship. I never had that with my Dad"

"No? How come?" Dad asked

"Well, he's old school. He used to beat the shit out of me and my brothers when we were growing up. I tell ya man, years can pass but I've never not been afraid of that man. There's no love there. You know what I'm saying?"

"Did he drink a lot?" Dad asked, going out on a limb.

"I guess he did, but he was a very hard worker and he would come home exhausted, so I can totally understand" Ben replied, "We weren't great kids and it's not like he would beat us out of anger. He wanted the best for us and he felt that he needed to be tough with us. Lot of people may disagree but there are times that I think he was right"

"I don't know Ben" Dad replied, "I guess we were just different. I never really got close to hitting Laurie or Torrey for any reason"

"Yeah, and that's great" Ben replied, "They both turned out great. I'm just saying that I'm not sure if I would have turned out great if not for the belt buckle or the cane. It sure stopped me from making the same mistake multiple times"

"Belt buckle and cane?"

"Oh yeah" Ben replied, "The belt buckle right on the the bony part of your leg would teach you not to mess up again. He would hit us on our hands with a wooden cane just so you could watch your hand swell up where he hit you. It was a good reminder"

"A reminder of what? That he was bigger and stronger and that he could hurt you"

"It was a reminder of not to fuck with him" Ben replied. "Look, there isn't just one way to be a parent. Like I was saying, I like the way you did it, and I'm sure Laurie and Torrey appreciated it too. But do you think it helped them grow up to be tough?"

"I think Laurie and Torrey are pretty tough"

"I disagree, man" Ben replied, "No offense, but they do not possess the instinct to not let anyone fuck with them. I do. People know better than to fuck with me. You can feel safe with Laurie being with me. No one is ever going to mess with us"

"That's comforting, I guess" Dad replied.

"It sure is"

"But what about Laurie?" Dad asked.

"What about her?"

"What if you feel like she's messing with you"

"She wouldn't do that Mr.D." Ben replied, "I tell you, it's all about the vibe that you put out there. I'm a passionate person. Laurie knows that. She knows better. She knows that I'm not someone to mess with and she knows that there's nothing I wouldn't do for her"

"So tell me, how are things going with you and Laurie"

"Things are going great between us" Ben replied, "You did a great job with that one. I swear to God, she completes me. I'll be honest with you, my life was heading in the wrong direction until I met Laurie. She's the best thing that happened to me and now I can't even bear the thought of what life would be like without her"

"Is that right?" Dad asked

"Absolutely. I need to say thank you to you for putting her on Earth because my life would fall apart if she ever left me. I can't even handle thinking about a world in which she doesn't belong to me"

"I see"

"She's mine, Mr.D" Ben replied, "she's the best thing I have in this life and I'm never letting her go"

The alarm went off on Ben's phone and that meant it was time to drive over to watch the Packers practice. The two of them liked what they saw and they took the two hour drive home when it was over.

"How was training camp?" Mom asked Dad as he walked into the house

"It was great" Dad replied, "This is going to be a good year"

"How was Ben?" Mom asked.

Ben had no idea that all the time he was spending with Dad was for one reason. Dad was studying him. He had always felt that something wasn't quite right with Ben and he wanted to figure out what it was.

"I don't trust him" Dad said

"Really? Why not?"

"This fake toughness persona bullshit" Dad replied, "He just seems very unstable and he seems way too dependent on Laurie"

"Sounds to me like it's just love" Mom said.

"No, I think he's too dependent on her" Dad replied, "I worry about what would happen if Laurie ever tried to leave him"

"What are you saying? You think he'd hurt her?"

"I hope we don't find out. But I feel like I need to talk to Laurie" Dad said, "We've had many discussions and I must say, his outlook on life just doesn't sound healthy"

"Well, I would be careful bringing that up with Laurie. We've already made our share of mistakes with her"

"Yeah" Dad agreed, "But like I said, You know I've always had a gut feeling about Ben and I don't trust him. The more time that Laurie spends with him, the more damaging it could potentially be for her. I don't think that the way he talks about her is sweet. I think it's unhealthy and she needs to get out"

* * * * *

I guess it would be fair of me to admit that the people I surround myself with know me better than I know myself. I had always considered myself to be a reasonable man but my sister knew me better. She knew that if I had found out about what Ben was doing to her, I would not have responded well. She couldn't confide in me because she was afraid of how I would react. She confided in Kevin instead.

There was a lot going on when we performed that Saturday at the Ale Chambers. Laurie was expecting to relax and have a good time at the show but she was constantly distracted with thoughts of her abusive husband. He works for his Dad's business and his Dad demands a lot out of him. Being too afraid to express himself to his father, Ben would have a lot of anger collect throughout the day, and he would take it out on Laurie. Laurie, being understanding to a fault, would take the abuse and forgive him after he's apologized twenty minutes later.

This would have likely been Laurie's life for the rest of her years, but one night, something different happened. I was out of the house, and the four of them were having dinner together as a family when the conversation somehow turned to how Molly wasn't doing so well in school.

Thursday, Sept 20th, 2018 (9 days before the arrest)

"Well, Molly. You're obviously going to have to stop all your singing lessons and start using that time for tutoring" Laurie said to her.

"Why does Molly have to do that?" Ben asked

"Molly, do you want me to tell him or should I?" Laurie asked Molly in a playful manner. Molly was too nervous and didn't answer.

"Tell me what?" Ben asked Laurie

"Molly, got two F's on her report card" Laurie said to Ben. "So we're gonna work on that and make sure that doesn't happen again"

Ben was in disbelief about the fact that Molly was failing two of her classes.

"You're fucking kidding me right?" Ben said as he laughed.

"Ben!" Laurie yelled in response. The four letter words aren't typically spoken in front of the kids.

"I mean you've got to be fucking kidding me. How does a fifth grader get two F's? How fucking stupid do you need to be to have that happen? You're in fifth grade, everything is designed to make you pass"

"All right, settle down, Ben. We've talked to the teachers, we've got a plan and everything is going to be fine" Laurie said.

"Don't you fucking tell me to settle down!" Ben abruptly screamed in response.

"Molly, go to your room"

"Don't fucking go to your room, Molly I'm talking to you" Ben said to Molly. Laurie immediately stood up, grabbed Molly and walked her upstairs to her room. Laurie turned on her TV really loud, and walked downstairs to her husband.

"Don't you ever fucking talk to my daughter like that again" Laurie said to him. Ben didn't like that. He charged over to Laurie, grabbed her by the back of her head, pulled her hair and threw her against the kitchen counter.

"Stop it!" Laurie yelled, "If you keep doing that, Molly's going to hear us"

"I care about Molly" Ben said. "You're my wife and she's my daughter too. I love her, you can't let this happen to her. I don't give a fuck about if she hears you. If she sees or hears us, she's going to know that I'm doing this for her"

Laurie was on the ground and tried to get back up but Ben pushed her down to the ground one more time.

With his hand down her on her chest, pinning her down, Ben said "Don't you ever disrespect me in front of the kids again. You don't ever tell me to settle down"

Laurie tried to get up, Ben lifted his hands over to her neck and pushed her down again.

"Do you understand me?" He asked.

"Alright" Laurie said

"Alright" Ben replied. He released his hand off of her neck and allowed her to get back up and stumble into the bedroom.

A few minutes passed by and Ben began to feel bad about what he had just done. He walked into the room, put his arms around Laurie, started crying and told her that he was sorry, he never meant to hurt her and he's just a passionate person.

Laurie told him that he was forgiven.

The next day, Laurie went to the grocery store and saw a familiar face.

"Laurie!" Kevin yelled from across the aisle "I feel like I never see you anymore, how's it going?"

Laurie smiled and told Kevin that she's doing great.

"How's work, how are the kids doing?" Kevin asked

"Molly and Charlie are doing great, they keep me busy. Work is work you know?"

"Right" Kevin responded.

"How about you? Are you excited for the show on Saturday?" Laurie asked

"Yeah I guess" Kevin replied, "Most of the time I'm more excited about the show after the show"

"I see" Laurie replied with a smirk on her face. It may have been something with Laurie's posture during the conversation but Kevin was able to pick up that there was something different about her today.

"Are you okay?" Kevin asked "You seem kind of stiff, everything alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine" Laurie replied, "I just hurt my side at work, and the pain flares up every once in a while"

"You don't look too good" Kevin said

Laurie semi-smiled and semi-laughed and responded, "Thanks"

"How did you get hurt at work?" Kevin asked

"I fell. I was tripped by a resident and I fell" She murmured. Her voice was trembling. Kevin immediately picked up on that and Laurie noticed Kevin noticing.

"You tripped and fell at work?" Kevin asked suspiciously.

"Yes Kevin" Laurie sternly responded. Kevin studied her expression and knew that something was up.

"What happened Laurie?" Kevin asked again.

"I told you Kevin, I fell at work" Laurie said.

"Can I see it?" Kevin asked.

"See what?" Laurie asked

"Lift your shirt a little bit, I want to see your sides"

"Real smooth" Laurie responded. She tried to laugh but unconsciously, a single tear fell down her eyes. Kevin did some of his best detective work here and figured out that there was more to the story.

"Laurie, what happened" Kevin asked one more time.

"Knock it off, Kevin" Laurie replied in a stern voice again. Laurie's face was still and she didn't have the look of someone who was crying, but more and more tears started streaming down her face. "I need to go, it was nice seeing you again"

"I can help you Laurie" Kevin said to her before she walked away.

"No you can't!" Laurie shot back, "I don't need any help, because everything's fine"

"Laurie" Kevin said.

"What?"

"I'm sorry. You don't need to feel like you have to tell me anything. It's just important to me that you know that I'm here if you need me"

"I know Kevin, thank you" Laurie said.

"Look, I know you're coming to the show on Saturday. If you would like to, you can come over to my house after the show and we can talk"

"I'm a married woman, Kevin" Laurie said. "I can't just go over to your house"

"No one's going to see us" Kevin said.

They hugged each other and went their separate ways.

It was obviously a lot for Laurie to think about, and she wasn't planning on following through with it, but on the night of the show, with Ben calling and texting her, Laurie had a bad feeling, got scared and asked Kevin if she could take him up on his offer.

I bet there were a lot of girl's at the show disappointed by the fact that they didn't end up at Kevin's place. It was unusual that Kevin would take a girl home with no intention of having sex with her but Laurie has always had the big sister vibe with my friends and Kevin genuinely cared about her.

"I've got a couple beers in the fridge, feel free to grab anything you want from in there" Kevin said

"I'm not going to drink anything" Laurie responded. "I'm really not even sure that I should be here right now, Ben is with the kids"

"You can leave whenever you want Laurie" Kevin assured her, "But would you come here if you didn't have something you wanted to say?"

Laurie didn't respond, and things were quiet for a few minutes.

"Laurie, you know I care about you right?" Kevin asked, breaking the silence.

"Kevin, you don't need to say that"

"It's just, when I don't know what happening I start to fill the blanks in myself, and most of the time it's worse than what's really happening"

"You guys were great tonight?" Laurie said, trying to move the conversation elsewhere.

"Thank you, I thought so too" Kevin responded.

"Michael's pretty good too. Even Javier thought so"

"Yeah, Michael is a much better guitarist than Javier, I just think Torrey feels more connected to Javier and prefers having him around, but Michael can do things that Javier can't"

They talked for a while about things that neither one of them cared to talk about until Laurie finally felt comfortable enough to talk about the issue at hand.

"Things have been getting pretty rough at home" Laurie said

"Have you been getting those bruises at home or from somewhere else?"

"I feel like you already know the answer to that question, Kevin"

"I think I do too." Kevin responded, "But I don't want to be wrong"

Laurie got up, walked to the kitchen, filled up a cup with water and came back to couch.

"I think that it's safe to say that Ben has a few anger issues, but it's something that we are working on"

"We?" Kevin asked

"Well, we can both be better. He's stressed out at work and there's more that I can do to make sure he isn't stressed out when he comes back home"

Kevin digested what Laurie said, and even though he obviously disagreed with her, he didn't press her on that.

"So when are you going to leave him?" Kevin asked

"Kevin, I'm not going to leave him, we're going to work on it"

"I don't typically feel comfortable telling people what to do, but I do feel comfortable in saying that if you're being hurt or if you're being put in a situation that causes you to be hurt, you need to get out of that situation"

"I'm really fine Kevin" Laurie responded.

"But what if he does something to Molly?"

"He's not going to do anything to Molly, he loves Molly"

"Doesn't he love you?"

Laurie didn't respond. Kevin was trying his hardest to have Laurie figure things out by herself, but it did seem that at some points, Kevin kept poking her with what he felt she should do.

"Laurie, why are you here?" Kevin asked

"What do you mean why am I here? You asked me to come over?"

"Laurie, I made it very clear that you had the choice to not come over too"

"So what does that mean, Kevin, you want me to leave?" Laurie asked

"No" Kevin responded. "I want to know what you think I can help you with"

"I don't need your help" Laurie responded.

"Okay" Kevin said, "But if you do, I'm here for you"

Laurie stayed at Kevin's house for about an hour and then she went home to Ben and the kids. Laurie would have told me about this when she felt comfortable enough to do so. She was going to tell me about this conversation before I went to sing at the nursing home but I interrupted her thinking that she was talking about Hailey. Kevin went over to Riley's house the next day and Riley was trying to convince him to tell me about it, but he didn't, until I drove home from Riley's house to ask him about all of it and Kevin told me about what's been happening.

"I hate to say it Torrey, but things are really bad with Ben and Laurie" Kevin said

"This is awful, I'm going to need to have a conversation with Ben" I said

"Don't do that? Listen, Laurie's already scared" Kevin said

"Scared?"

"Yeah, she's afraid of him" Kevin responded. "Do you know the reason that you live with Laurie and her family?"

"The whole Xanax thing" I replied

"You didn't really need to be watched Torrey, you just made some bad decisions with some Xanax. That would not necessarily warrant you having to live with your sister"

"Plus I wasn't making a lot of money and Laurie told me that I needed to live with her so she could help me out"

"I don't doubt that she wanted to help you out" Kevin replied "But that has nothing to do with why you live with them. Laurie knows that Ben is not going to hurt her when you're at the house"

I wasn't sure how I was going to react when I got home and saw Ben and Laurie. I know Laurie wouldn't have wanted me to say anything, so I didn't. I went home, pretended that everything was normal and I went to bed.

I texted Javier and told him I needed to hang out with him sometime soon.

Why?

Javier had a gun, and I needed one.

A Nuclear Family - I Want To Be Yours

A Nuclear Family - Eulogy (Bonus)