dreamerism

The Personal Project gave me the opportunity to learn more about my interests and refine my skills with the guidance of a supervisor. At first, I was somewhat conflicted about what I would do. Digital art is my passion and was already a given for a project idea, but something was missing. I didn’t want this project to only be used to expand on a skill that I already had plenty of experience in, I wanted it to have somewhat of a challenge. Something different, something I am inexperienced in yet something I want to learn more about. After some thinking, I was reminded of what I should do.

I have been developing my artistic skills since I was in grade 5, a catalyst for that interest being visual novels and RPG maker games. Ever since I was given access to my father’s laptop I was going through different visual novels, entranced not only by their visuals but also their writing and stories. It was a great inspiration for me not only in my beginner years as an artist but also for me now. For as long as I can remember, one of my dreams was to create a visual novel with my own stories and characters, but I realized very quickly that I was lacking in some of the skills to achieve it. I’m proficient in digital art, but sorely lacking in writing skills. The only time I ever did creative writing was when it was required by my Language and Literature class. Even in those few times, I started to grow a passion for the craft. The more and more creative writing, especially poetry, was explored, the more I wanted to learn the topic, but I didn’t have the time to explore poetry by itself. Poetry while complex is one of the more familiar types of writing that I could study. That paired with my illustrations would make for a powerful storytelling method. Poetry is a nice way to compliment visual arts. Through this project, my learning goal is to learn new literary skills through poetry and develop my current artistic skills through illustrations.

Product Goal

My product will be a digitally made poetry book featuring illustrations. At first, the goal for my product was to be around 20 pages but after consultation, I realized that it would be better if my goal was for the number of poems instead of the number of pages. My goal is for the poetry book to have at least 20 poems, each poem will be worth two pages. The poetry will center around dreams. A character becomes enveloped in her imagination where she is able to explore her mind, reflect, and overcome her Mudijana 2 issues. The approach for this poetry book will be more abstract and abstruse, inspired by surrealist works of art. Once the product is completed, it will be printed onto paper and given a cover resembling a real book. To match with the fact that it will be a physical copy, there will be storybook motifs. Overall, my product goal is to make a poetry book containing illustrations and 20 poems that will consume the reader with dreamlike yet macabre art.

Reflection

The entire project may have been the most powerful learning experience I’ve had. Not from an academic standpoint, but mentally and emotionally. For most of my life, I feel like I’m on autopilot mode. Like there’s a fundamental detachment between me and “me”. I just go through the motions; no, it feels more like I’m watching someone go through the motions. When I have school work, I do school work. When I have an exam, I study enough to pass. When I do things, I do them without any personal input. Even my passions like drawing sometimes feel like a distant, vague interest that isn't mine. So when the Personal Project was announced, I had a bit of a dilemma because when I deeply thought about it, nothing feels “personal” to me. Eventually, I honestly just settled with whatever I thought I could accomplish, that being drawing and writing poetry.

With Personal Project also came the talk of university, careers, a future. They were all something I never thought about. I simply thought I wouldn’t live to see those days. Yet here I am, with a Personal Project assignment on my calendar, living only in the present. I reflected on my learning from the past, I couldn’t remember it. I reflected on what I would be learning in this Personal Project in the future, and it scared me. Unlike other projects that just hand me a paper to fill in, Personal Project handed me a mirror and forced me to reflect. Some days I could throw up just thinking about Personal Project. This project changed the way I viewed my interests and education. It made me realize so much about myself, my workflow, and my relationship with learning. I was never satisfied, so I kept on revising my work. I was too embarrassed, so I never asked for help. I was too ashamed, so I hid my work from others. Never have I done something of this scale for an interest of mine. I couldn’t approach it with the passion I’d have for drawing, or the motivation I’d have for school work. Personal Project became a strange enigma to me. For the first time, I would have to genuinely learn. Learn not through textbooks or PowerPoints, but through myself.

I put myself in a rut and only forced myself out because I had a deadline to reach. It was things like this that I noticed. Behaviors that I was so accustomed to being put under a new light. Realizing that these actions and inactions kept me stagnant. It’s just barely enough to be learning like this every day, I needed to change. I only came to this realization near the end of the project, and I needed it. It's hard to express in words how changed I feel by this project. Sure, I learned about writing poetry. Sure, I learned about drawing. But those don’t come close to the things I learned about myself and my learning. I have a reinvigorated will to learn, and I hope this revelation will keep the flame of learning burning in me for a long, long time.

Product Evaluation

In conclusion I believe I met the success criteria but only to a certain extent. I most definitely did not achieve some of the criteria (Physical copy and work) but I feel I have sufficiently achieved the rest of my success criteria. While I acknowledge my perfectionism skews my recognition of well met criterions, being critical helps me recognize areas I fall short on. This experience has helped me recognize weaknesses and how to improve myself. This was my first time writing poetry like this. There’s many areas to improve in but I’m proud of the results of my learning. I know I can do better; I know I was given the perfect outlet to go above and beyond. But I didn’t, only achieving a mediocre result. Overall, I am not exactly satisfied with my product but I’m glad I was able to learn greatly from it.