We were beginning to realize earth was not prime real estate. A small fixer upper in quiet reaches sure, but not what we needed. Meanwhile our own selves earliest ensue sphereorb -

Translation Error.

Reprocessing

[Delete and try again.]

When we first came to a quiet collection of rock in a charming system, we thought surely this had to be our big break. My conscience connective ______

manuel override. Replace _____ with group. [enter]

My conscience connected group was ecstatic. What a find! Sure, the temperature varied and the comm reports where shaky, which I suppose should have been a warning sign, but, Hey! What a charming little place right in the goldilocks zone. The Overview Log reported one close moon, which could act as simple but elegant decoration. The Log also said that the planet was revolving, but we were sure someone would want a 24hr day and night place, and besides, we were already looking into planets that would perform as suitable party planet, and with a little tweak this could soon become a disco feature. I closed the log for us then, not noticing the little warning signs popping up.

With the landing made easy because of mild weather, we quick took a look around. “Various naturally occurring landscapes” I jotted down on my alien clipboard, “Differing yet mild temperatures with barely any gravity and thick atmosphere.” We are whatever size proves most efficient for observing surroundings, and a deep ultraviolet light color. We may also scan a variety of planes. I saw quite a few methane traces laced in the atmosphere and gagged.

“Atmosphere needs a deep clean,” I wrote, “surely a good fixer-upper.” I sensed around, noticing steep cliffs and a large ocean of h20. I walked over, initially thinking there were natural deposits of stretchy clear material, but quickly noticing plastic that must have been made from a natural species. How prehistoric. Plastics had been banned in 143809bg for exploding a local sun. I made a quick note and moved on only to realize the extent of plastic in the h2o field. Gosh, we had to be careful the cost of fixing this thing was in our budget. I moved away and approached at mound of Homo Sapien burrows. Those things where everywhere. After watching them for a moment I marked down their advancements. Social System and Communication- check. Tools-check. Mirror test-check. Domestication- check. Scientific Advancements- check. Avoidance of planet destruction- I frowned and marked down an X, and continuing to X out Transdifferentiation, Cross Realm Communication, and Conscience Bonding. Halfway intelligent, not quite. I looked through other earth species for a while. Whales seemed to be the only species advanced enough to attempt to communicate with here. “Pest infestation,” I wrote down on my clipboard, “attempt to contact local intelligence (whales) may be needed, resources and weapons could be granted giving them ‘world’ power.”

Moving on to essentials. Earth had a stable, non-radioactive core, a sun that seemed to be okay, and only a couple of approaching black holes. Oh darn, a wonky axis! The climate changed every year. Ugh, that would need even more fixing. The possibilities of a party place where quickly diminishing.

I reached out to my ____ group

I reached out to my group, and it seemed they had found nothing of the sort either. There was a dangerous amount of plastics and foam buried roughly under the surface, and the Homo Sapiens had begun some sort of ritual involving ridiculously loud machines honking noises into the sound plane, at which the Homo Sapian would emerge from its nest, cuss, strike and clunk it until it was silent, and return to their nests to be woken by the exact same thing precisely 12bhs later.

Manual override. Replace ‘12bhs’ with 600 seconds. [enter]

Woken by exact same thing precisely 600 seconds later. We reported on the whales, who emmitied much nicer sounds into the sound plane. Once a full scan of the planet was complete I began totalling repair costs. It came awfully close to the budget. Darn.

We discussed possible buyers. This was clearly not the investment we thought it was. We would have to reach out to the whales and let them know what was going on. They would probably want to keep at least a quarter of earth once the Homo Sapiens where relocated and their burrows cleared. Maybe we could get a couple quad for ¾ of the planet, but that was mainly because of the rare h2o field and mild landscapes and even those needed cleaning. Just when I thought things couldn’t possibly get worse, I sensed a hole torn in the atmosphere. Another repair! There was a somewhat small hole in the Ozone, but those things costed so much to sow up! I frowned and totaled down. Way over the Budget! Ugh. All these scans and nothing of the sort. I called over my Conscience Group and informed them. We debated on what to do next.

“Perhaps,” said another, “we could give the Whales resources and they could clean everything up themselves”

“We should give it a while, and see if either Rodents or Homo Sapiens reach a new intelligent point, then we will have valuable partners.”

“No no! They would probably reck it if they tried themselves.”

We talked a little while, then settled on contacting the whales. We would give them world power resources to clean the planet, and if the Homo Sapiens came to point at which they were smart enough to help, then all the better. If not, they could be removed with the Whales consent. After a couple MicroYZ

(manual override) Replace ‘MicroYZ’ with decades. [enter]

After a couple decades we could return to see how things where doing and negotiate to own a fraction of the planet. Once the decision was recorded on the monitor, we contacted the whales in their native language, ordered a resource shipment from our planet, and read them the instructions, for which they were very happy. After that brief but mutual contact, we returned to our distance bender and set in new coordinates. We would be back for Earth in a couple years!