Nisha Thusay

The Faults

I fear that if I unlock my mouth, the words will come rushing out

I fear that everyone around me will lie there trying to keep their laughs from slipping their mouth

I know that it will not happen

But my mind will think of the most unimaginable situations I could put myself into

Almost all of them based on speculation and suspense

I let my fears control my life

I let the what if situations stop me from achieving my ambitions

Everyone says, be more confident, talk more, they act like shyness is a switch

But it is easier said than done, if it was, i’d have turned it off years ago

My mind thinks of a million different situations

And then chooses not to take the risk

I am strapped to a chair while looking at an open door,

I tie the straps with my timidity

The moments where the world is at its quietest, my thoughts are the loudest

There is so much to say

But none of it seems to come through

When I am at the center of attention

I am a bird looking at an open cage

Attempting to move, but too frightened to do so

My mind is a constant battlefield with war weary warriors

bringing chaos

Each warrior: a thought

I want to be able to walk through the open door

I want to be the bird that dashes through the cage trying to grasp freedom

I want to let myself control the world, not let the world control me

Although, sometimes, there lies beauty in introversion

Maybe, it's not so bad, maybe i’ll blossom into the beautiful rose one day

But for now, the petals keep falling