The secret power of discipline

A story of Local Response from Kitubulu community, Uganda by Marlou

The secret power of discipline

There she sits. The living example of Joy. If we would look at her with a different lens we could think there was not much to be joyful about. Maryam Khalil, born in 1935, is a widow. She lives in Kitubulu with her children, (some of them are widows) and with her grandchildren (some of them are orphans). There is not much money in the family. Maryam’s legs won’t work anymore. She is ill, old and poor. For 2 years she has been a widow: she does not have a pension.

“Come and see my mother!” invites her daughter as we are strolling through the village. She takes us through the sandy garden up the broken stairs and then the sun brakes through and our hearts open. Maryam is sitting in the corner, on the floor, against the wall. Just like many women in her village she is busy, weaving, with an admirable precision. There are a lot of colours around her and Maryam has a big welcoming smile.

“Jaja (grandma) Maryam, what is your secret?”

“Discipline, my child!”

There was a time that Maryam was a happy and healthy young woman. She got married at the age of 15 to a man that her parents had chosen for her. They made their marriage work through discipline. For her that meant making sure there was food for the children when they came back from school, and to prepare the meal for her husband when he came back from work. And she kept the home tidy. For him that meant always working hard to make sure there was money so that children could go to school and food could be bought. And there was love. Yes, a lot of love.

Maryam is proud that she found time for herself. With other young women from Kitubulu she put small amounts of money aside so that they could regularly do what brought her most joy: with a minivan they would travel to other communities all across the country to meet other women’s groups. They would talk, exchange and learn. They would bring back home lessons and goods from different places. Maryam through her own experience would teach young women in many places in Uganda how they could keep their marriage happy.

Today, Maryam is less healthy but still happy. She knows that what has brought her joy before will continue to allow her to live a joyful life. What still makes her smile today is the interaction with others: the presence of the children and grandchildren in the house. But mostly, the conversations with the other women in the association of weaving women. She tries to make sure not to miss the Saturday gatherings of the women. Where she used to travel by minivan across the country she now goes around slowly, with a wooden stick and on the back of the scooter to reach the community gathering place as often as she can. The conversations, the learning, the laughter, the dancing and the joint activity with peers continue - and allow Maryam to smile and continue living a joyful live.

When I put discipline in doing the same thing that made me happy in the past, I continued to live a joyful life.