The Thought

The Thought

by Joyce Dobisch

written for the 2012 Invitational ELL Summer Institute

A young child sits alone

and stares out a window.

Her mind does not register

the sound of the rain

as it strikes the glass

in front of her.

A thought

slowly resonates in her head

and plays over and over again

like a melody

that will not go away.

The heaviness of the thought

presses against her

with a paralyzing weight.

She gropes

for any string of hope

that she could be mistaken,

but knows she is not

and grudgingly surrenders

to the thought.

She tries to hold the thought at bay

but it will not be contained

and slowly escapes from her mouth

as she finds herself

whispering the words:

I AM DIFFERENT.

The spoken words jolt her

into a frightening sense of reality.

Her heart races

as an overwhelming panic

takes over and starts

to consume her.

Because instinctively she knows

that being different

is not good.

She doesn’t think

she has always been different

and her mind searches for reassurance,

but only finds fleeting memories

muted by the passage of time.

Like a distant spark in the darkness,

a glimmer of hope

surfaces at the possibility

of a solution

to this problem.

But she fears

there is no remedy

for a problem

she has brought on herself.

This is her punishment.

She looks up to the heavens

and pleads for understanding

but there is no response

no answers

no cure.

What she clearly understands

is this:

she is not as good

not as deserving

and not as loved

simply because

she is different.

Joyce Dobsich has been teaching in the School District of Philadelphia for six years. She currently teaches second grade at Solis-Cohen Elementary School. Joyce attended the 2012 Invitational ELL Summer Institute sponsored by the Philadelphia Writing Project.