I woke up sad this morning...

Posted: Thu Dec 09, 2004 5:37 pm

...is it over yet?

Sigh.

Can it really be almost a year? My throat clenches and I wipe away the tears. I still haven't managed to get myself together enough to install the guerrilla memorial. Maybe I'll be able to do it this year. I will consult with y'all before I do so that you can participate in the process of selecting what will be on the plaque. I'm thinking maybe that ALL CAPS paragraph about sand and tree she wrote.

I can only imagine that this and last month has been filled with her for you, as well.

Please know that I love you all and am here. I finally found a new job that is great and feel like I actually am beginning to have my feet under me. Step by step. Dawn is holding me up, surely.

I miss her I MISS HER I MISS HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My heart is screaming.

Deep breathe. Mustn't repress it, just let it out, but sometimes it feels like if I open that valve I won't be able to close it.

Look at her in that awesome costume and great smile. Truly her bright light has lit the way through my darkness and continues to do so.

As happy a holiday season as possible to all of you. Amidst the tears I can celebrate her on New Year's Eve again as I did last year, with Patron out of her silver celtic horse flask. HUGZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ as she would say.

Always in joy and sorrow and love,

Ashley