I love my sorrow too

Dr. M. Sathya Prasad.     10 May 2020; 10:57 AM

A day as it just was passing by,

Caused in me such a mirthful high.

Reasons any – believe – I knew not.

My worries all came to a grinding halt.

Some another day, as it went its way,

Jolted my stability to toss and sway,

Reasons, again, I was not aware,

Worries rushed in with a forceful dare.

Then came a day, I felt so light;

Wish I had wings to take a high flight.

The world was so perfect!

Must be insane to point any defect.

I sang, whistled, and danced with fling;

Happy that the world now knows of my zing.

An extrovert was born! Nothing stranger!

I even reached out to a scowling stranger.

But that too didn’t last for long,

Something happened soon, so very bad!

It is wrong to think that I was strong.

Deep inside, I was forlorn, dull, and sad.

Isn’t the world such a bad place!

Me the sore loser in the rat race.

Each had a manual with the recipe to win –

I didn’t have one! What was my sin?

The lives of others seemed fine and dandy,

But I had no solutions with me quite handy.

What was wrong? Alone I pondered!

On bad destiny, my confused mind wandered.

Why does life often take me for a ride?

I simply wanted to retreat, run and hide.

Is God even there? The society I averted –

I shrunk within; withdrawn and introverted.

Then happened to me an event wonderful,

I thanked good Lord, ever merciful!

I turned back alive, active and ecstatic,

A brimming extrovert – no more static.

Exuberant, stilted, roving eyes and smiling wide,

Bubbling energy, pretentiously shy – all sorrows drowned!

Bouncing gait; confident and hopping stride –

Me a self-anointed emperor, though uncrowned!

When happy, felt, “my joys that append would never end!”

When sad, asked, “Would endless misery ever upend and mend?”

I did not reflect in solitude, on joy – when sad,

Nor did I ruminate, silently withdrawn, over my sad past – when glad.

Ignorant and shameless, how many times have I slept!

Carrying many a self-inflicted dream; remorseless, and unkempt!

Weak moments – those dark secrets under the rug that I kept!

Whimpering silent and helpless tears, often, as I repentantly wept!

Many desires and plans foisted hushed!

Mockingly my fate had those crushed.

Destiny keeps kicking me hard on the rear,

I limp through life with a calloused derriere.

Dreaming to get high and a kick out of life,

I was rudely awakened, kicked out of life!

Helpless, with no guiding beacon that shone, 

Waking up to realize that I was left all alone.

The people I nurtured and gave my best,

Where are they during my times of test?

Cunning opportunists that received, from me, without shame,

Now remorseless, scurrying away when their turn came!

By many a turned back,

I was often taken aback.

Conscience as they let it pass,

Made me one tired jackass!

Stabs of betrayal on my back as I take off my shirt!

Inflicted by people – seen and unseen, known and unknown!

Some healed, and the bleeding ones that forever hurt!

I am learning to endure pains silently, sans a frown.

Looking back, I now realize,

With some confidence, I theorize –

Happiness and sorrow alternate.

This is everyone’s definite fate.

These seem real only for the moment,

And so, I remark with some platitude,

 “If both are temporary,” I lament,

“What should be my right attitude?”

The child seeks motivation; the adolescent, inspiration.

Success and failure examined in retrospection,

Prods the middle-aged towards introspection.

The wise-old gently abides in tranquil resignation.

Have no doubt! I loved my glee!

The world had come to terms with me.

That it had made me feel so light,

As to enjoy my life without a plight.

But I loved my sorrow just a bit more,

As I felt in me the little that was left, wiser and old –

Undaunted but beaten, bloody, mangled, and sore!

It had made me come to terms with the world.

Success made me look outside,

Failure made me look inside.

Happiness showed me a world to face,

Sorrow put me back, in my rightful place.

Success prods me towards excess.

Failure kicks me on my solar plexus!

Success shaped me from the outside.

Failure is still shaping me from the inside.

Happiness and sorrow both alternate;

I am still learning to embrace my fate.

But I still love my sorrow – just a wee bit more,

For it makes me step back and investigate my core.

Ps.: Some of my friends felt I had ‘finally’ opened up my heart in the form of confession, in this poem. They assumed that this poem was written by me in a state of melancholic stupor :-). This is far from true. I wrote this poem with the same amount (liberal dose) of levity as my other works, but have concatenated some of my own experiences along with those of several others I had an opportunity to observe up-close. Therefore, this poem perhaps represents a summation of life’s experiences of most of us. So, when you read this poem, place yourself as the protagonist. Give more! Expect less!! Live happily!!!