Caution – All names are fictitious (Thiruvalluvar included). 

 -----------

Archaeological Gazette

Vol. 21.3, Bundle xii, 31 February 2012, Copenhagen, Denmark

“Bi-monthly weekly for those who dig deep”

-       Dr. M Sathya Prasad

India: Recent excavations at Pattamangalam near Karur have startled historians. The proto Brahmi pot shreds have thrown an entirely new light on what was suspected hitherto, but unproven for centuries. Prof. Dr. Iravatham Madhavan confirmed that Pattamangalam was indeed an ancient town on the banks of river Amaravati and would have most likely been Port Mangalam, which eventually became vernacularized into Pattamangalam. When someone has a last name called “Iravatham” what he says ought to be accepted as authentic. Dating the script to at least 20 BC, Dr. Madhavan confirmed that a harbour assuredly flourished at Pattamangalam during that period. 

The surprise does not end there. Mention has been made about the existence of Lemuria and land route between India and Madagascar, which now is now sunk deep under the Indian Ocean. But the biggest surprise is that there was a steady exchange of scholars between India and what we now call as Europe, even during the sangam era. 

An interesting rejoinder is the discovery that Poet Thiruvalluvar actually had Italian origins. While scholars for centuries have grappled with the similarity between the Italian ballad called, “Valeo’s couplets” and “Thirukural”, Dr. Madhavan has made a path breaking discovery that both are one and the same, based on the pot shreds and fossilized dung. “It is amazing as to how much ancient cow poo could reveal!” he exclaimed. “A good archaeologist should never pooh-pooh cow-poo. The name ‘Gopu’ is derived from ‘Cow Poo’ and ‘Gopi’ from ‘Cow Pee’. ‘Cowpeenam’, used by Sanyasis for a modest covering also derives itself along similar lines. Therefore, the front end of archaeology depends on the rear end of cows.” cautions a stern Madhavan, to aspiring archaeologists, at the release of his much awaited book, “Divine phases and bovine faeces of Harappan Hieroglyphics”. Sherlock Holmes ought to take some notes here on investigation and the science of deduction.

This fact puts further twist to an already convoluted plot. Was Thiruvalluvar Indian? Carbon dating of the excavation fragments suggest that the real name of Thiruvalluvar was indeed Valeo, a merchant of Venice, and his wife was one Madame Besky, from Southern Mediterranean. This confirms that Valluvar was even more antiquated than Veerama Munivar, known in Italy as Constanzo Beschi.

Now the bone of contention – how did Poet Valeo become Thiruvalluvar? Prof. Dante Salmonella of University of Silly has made an interesting hypothesis a decade ago at the fifth annual convention of the ‘Society of Antiquated Semantics’, held at Turkmenistan, in the then undivided Soviet Republic. Valeo, upon arriving at Port Mangalam was respectfully ushered as “Thiru Valeo Avargal”, which over a period of time became “Thiru Vale Avar”, (it is interesting to note that ‘vale avar’ means Lord Muruga), before settling finally into Thiruvalluvar. Needless to mention, Madame Besky ended up as “Mathaa Vasuki”. Dr. Salmonella cites the very first kural in his defence – according to him, the word “aadi” in the kural refers to “Adam”.

“The world indeed was small even two millennium ago,” beams a proud Salmonella, “There is always a microbial element to archaeology.”!

-Reutres