The Merchant
Volume 2 Issue 3
Pater Nativitas, da nobis pecuniam tuam.
DECEMBER 2023
Matt Malloy '25, James McCormac '24, Christos Dimas '25
Just a cascade of worse after bad. Listen here...
James McCormac '25
The Mount Carmel student body just went through a traumatic realization. Read more...
Leonard Siegal '25
More and more students are disappearing from our halls- all of them of a smaller height. What's going on? Read more...
What does The Merchant want for Christmas?
Andrew Stanislawski '25
Take a gander at what the hard-working, underappreciated staff of The Merchant wants for Christmas this year. Watch here...
Victor Guaramato '26
A new pair of shoes is taking the basketball world by storm. Read more...
Adam Stanislawski '26
Mrs. Norise decides to save the day after Santa can't make it out on his yearly run. Read more...
Angel Reyes '25
Coach Antonietti is teaching his transformers how to wrap presents. Read more...
Administrators and deans caught using all different funds to buy presents for each other. Read more...
Other News
ALL FRESHMAN INVITED TO BANQUET ON FRIDAY, MASS DRESS REQUIRED
MC BOWLERS OFFER WORKOUT TIPS
EVERYONE JUST PRETENDS SKITTLES WRAPPER IS AN ORNAMENT FOR MC'S CHRISTMAS TREE
AMERICA EAGERLY AWAITS ST RITA'S SATIRICAL GREEK ORTHODOX XMAS ISSUE
Have a merry Christmas and a happy New Year from the degenerates at The Merchant*
*except from Sensei Baffoe, who neither gives nor accepts demands to have one's day any way they do not choose