School admin busted for using student ID fines to fund the faculty wish list

Going into the week before Christmas break, Mount Carmel High School was on a roll. The football team had recently won the 7A state championship, the chess team had a shocking win over Marist, the basketball team was on a winning streak, and eighteen days of school-less steaming chocolate cocoa and merry gift opening were just within reach. 

But not all school administration and  teachers were  elated. Their master plan to steal Christmas for themselves was busted when two nosy seniors found out what they were doing. 

“It really caught me by surprise,” said senior Jack Breakey, one of the students who uncovered the dastardly plot. “I didn’t think that any faculty member would ever do something like this. We noticed that every morning a group of faculty members would all walk into the back part of the student center. After seeing this a few times we got curious and decided to eavesdrop.”

The group consisted of Mr. Baffoe, Mrs. Smola, Mr. Williams, Ms. Norise, Fr. Jim, Mr. Mulay, Mrs. Chappetto, Doc Barry, Mr. Henry, and Mr. Nolan. Also that they were all grouped around a large bag of money labeled “Christmas money.”

Students also saw them dumping lost wallets, dress down money envelopes, ID fees, a box labeled “detention fee”, another labeled ‘lunchroom funds’, and even one titled ‘ third floor utility bill funds’ into the bag. 

“I get why they were taking the freshman floor’s utility money,” said Breakey. “They don’t deserve to be warm and comfortable, or to even have functioning water fountains and lights, but the reason I got meat from what looked like diseased chicken and essentially plastic rice is because they took the lunchroom funds? It was unforgivable.”

He then heard them talking about a Christmas list for which they had taken the money. The teachers apparently drew lots, and the first one to win was Mr. Baffoe. His reaction is best compared to a pack of fifty hyenas trying to sing in a soprano pitch. Interrogated teachers remember he looked at his winning pull and beginning from his feet upward he began to convulse like a jackhammer with immense joy. People heard his “Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!” from a ten-mile radius. Then he reportedly stopped and had the creepiest smile on his face, like one straight out of a horror movie featuring a clown. He’d be able to live like a king off of McRibs for the duration of break.

The rest of them quickly drew their lots in this order. Ms. Smola went off to buy her daughter and herself some Taylor Swift tickets. Mr. Henry chose to buy a jacuzzi for the trainer's office. Mr. Williams said he was going to buy a brand new Gretsch drum kit. Ms. Norise went and got herself several new classroom items that she will make students volunteer to carry into the building. Fr. Jim bought tickets to WWE’s Royal Rumble. Mr. Mulay bought himself a shipment of totally tournament-legal wrestling supplements. Mrs. Chappetto bought a crate of graphite pencils and really fancy new stationery to use to call students down to the Deans’ Office to inform them of their detentions. Doc Berry bought himself an English-to-Latin 21st Century Slang and Profanity Dictionary. 

“When we saw this, we reported it to Mr. Tabernacki and Mr. Conroy, and they began to take down this secret ring of stolen Christmas money,” said senior Anthony George, which was the first time he’d spoken in school all trimester.

At the time of writing, all of the stolen money and all purchased products are currently being returned and will go towards bettering student lunches, which is really the best thing the school can do for MC students.