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Dear Uncle Merlin,

Alright, I know I said the adventure I told you about last time was crazy but this one really takes the cake!

See, Robotnik started setting up laboratories all over Mobius. We got reports from all kinds of Zones about it. We were given a royal summons by King Peter the King Prawn, the ruler of the undersea mollusc folks that live in the Labyrinth Zone. Then there was Stevie the Mole- terrible singer but a nice enough guy. He lived in the Labyrinth Zone too. Apparently folks from the area had been kidnaped as part of Robotnik’s plans- naturally, the Badniks had come and caused a storm along the way. We had to pay a visit to the Aquatic Ruin Zone on West Side Island as it turned out the Roaming Romans had been having similar problems. We ended up being taken to their leader, Caesar, who was pretty peeved at us non-Roman types in his Zone but we were vouched for by the Roaming Roman that the Freedom Fighters saved the first time we visited the Zone- pretty neat, huh?

Everywhere we went, it was kind of the same story. People were vanishing. The various kings and rulers were getting a bit narked at that, as you might imagine.

Here’s where things get really weird.

See, electrical appliances started cropping up without explanation. Like some sort of sleeper supermarket invasion. But they all seemed to look like… well, like people! You know, the buttons would be arranged like a face, or they’d have little plastic flaps on the side where ears were.

Sonic had made friends with this monkey guy, Mickey, so we consulted with him ‘cos he’s a total techno whiz. Even though he talks with a funny accent- cok-nee, I think it was called?

Anyway, we recruited Mickey to help us and it’s probably a good thing too ‘cos he figured out the kidnapped people had been turned into machines by Robotnik! Not like usual, where he’d turn them into Badniks by putting them inside the casings- he’d literally turned them into small electric goods! That old no-goodnik had invented something he called the Fabulously Advanced Robotnik’s Original Universal Transmogrifier. That’s FAROUT for short. If you ask me, he came up with the acronym first and then tried to make the words fit. To make matters worse, Robotnik’s goons had even managed to capture Sally. She says she was being closely guarded by some weird little robot called Eggor that Robotnik had been using like a lackey. She says she was sure it was watching her sleep. Creepy.

Anyway, obviously I couldn’t stand for Sally being kidnapped, so I led an attack on Robotnik’s main laboratory in the Metropolis Zone! Unfortunately, Sonic being a reckless type, he got blasted by the FAROUT machine and… I can’t believe I’m saying this… he got turned into a toaster!

I know, it sounds bonkers! But I swear it’s true! Anyway, think about all the magical stuff that happens in the Nameless Zone, it’s not really that weird is it?

Obviously Sonic was okay in the end. He wasn’t exactly thrilled that I’d been using him as a rapid-fire waffle gun but Sally escaped her cell after Eggor seemed to intentionally let her go and she and I managed to reverse the FAROUT machine, turning Sonic back to normal.

We tried to beat a hasty retreat through the sewers but it seems some of the Metropolis Zone rats have a pact with Robotnik. It must have been a very regal sort of day because we ran into another king- King Capone, a gangster who fancied himself the boss of the rats. He and his goons marched us right back into the lab, where we were almost due to be turned into appliances at the hands of Eggor- until Soni I smashed him with a Spin Attack! In his place was a red squirrel, name of Valentino! No wonder Eggor had been so enamoured with Sally, the Mobian inside him obviously fancied her!

Valentino tried it on with Sally, which Sonic wasn’t too impressed with (I think he likes her, don’t tell him I said so though!). But we all had a good laugh when “Valentino’s” wife showed up, curlers in her hair and frying pan in his hand! Turns out his name’s really Kevin and he’d fit in well with King Capone’s gang ‘cos he’s a total love rat!

Sonic gave Sally a bit of a ribbing over the whole thing when we got him but I don’t think she saw the funny side of it ‘cos she tipped her soda over him. I’ll have to teach my sidekick the importance of good manners.

Hope everyone is well. Send my love.

Miles

“Tails”

On to Chapter 88