Back to Chapter 12

“Are you alright?” Doctor Kintobor asked Sonic.

“What did you call me?” Sonic asked, furrowing his brow.

“Erinaceus Europaeus!” Kintobor repeated.

“Hey, pal, watch who you’re talking to like that,” Sonic climbed out of the hatch and pointed an accusatory finger at the doctor, “I’m not acky anything- and the name isn’t Erin! It’s Sonic- Sonic the Hedgehog!”

“No, no, you misunderstand!” Kintobor pushed his glasses up his nose, “Erinaceus Europaeus- that’s the Latin name for the common hedgehog!”

“Buster, there is nothing common about me!” Sonic protested, irked by Kintobor’s phrasing.

“Oh, goodness, I do beg your pardon, I suppose when one says it aloud it does sound quite rude, doesn’t it? No, my dear boy, common as in commonly occurring in nature. Europaeus, naturally, referring to the continent of Europe in which such hedgehogs are found. Not blue, you understand, like those lovely chaps from Hedgehog Village”

Sonic paused, “Like Uncle Chuck, you mean?”

“Yes, that’s right! Marvellous fellow!”

“So… what’s the Latin name for blue hedgehogs?”

“Well, one supposes it would be Erinaceus Caeruleum. Not, of course, that we actually have blue hedgehogs in Europe. Or, indeed, anywhere on Earth! Quite remarkable, really, by the standards I’m familiar with”

Sonic took a look at Kintobor. He was tall and gangly, wiry even, with his long white lab coat doing nothing to disguise just how thin he was. Kintobor looked like the kind of person who often forgot to eat- mainly because that’s exactly the kind of person he was. His large, bald head was off-set by a huge ginger moustache. Kintobor seemed like a nut… but a friendly nut all the same.

“Well… I’m not really familiar with humans either,” Sonic admitted, “In fact, you’re the first one I’ve ever met”

“Oh, well, that’s hardly a surprise,” Kintobor scratched his chin, “After all, we’re hardly the dominant species on this planet! No, we’re quite the rarity. In fact, we occupy only a few colonies on Mobius. Tend to keep to ourselves, you know”

“So, hold on a second, sorry,” Sonic tried to wrap his head around what was going on, “You said you’re from Earth?”

“Oh, yes, quite the expedition, that was! A little accidental, mind you, we’d popped out for a family outing in my experimental 4x4 Photon Stratocruiser. I was hoping to head to the shops but, well, I suppose I took a wrong turn”

“Looks like…” Sonic rubbed his forehead in amazement.

“Fortunately, being a resourceful sort of chap, it didn’t take much for me to find a human settlement and, well, that was the rest of the family sorted. Oh, goodness, where are my manners, my name is—”

“Doctor Ovi Kintobor,” Sonic smiled, “I’ve heard of you”

“Yes, well, my reputation does precede me somewhat. One supposes I have brought about the odd advancement here or there. All in the name of science and the betterment of the planet, eh? Do excuse me one moment, I just have one last setting to enter…”

Kintobor walked over to a keyboard and began tap-tapping away, entering a series of figures.

“What is this doohickey anyway?” Sonic enquired.

“This,” Kintobor said with some pride as hey pressed the Enter key, “is my Cogwinder Retractable Particulate Corer- a C.R.P.C. to you. Trademark Kintobor Enterprises, don’t get any ideas, there’s a good chap”

“Trust me, I feel like getting ideas is going to be among the last thing I do compared to you,” Sonic replied, suddenly feeling rather simple, “What does a C.R.P.C. do exactly?”

“I’m using it to find emeralds!” Kintobor beamed, happy to have an inquisitive mind with whom to share his work.

“Emerald mining, huh?” Sonic asked, “Wouldn’t a drill be better? This thing looks like a huge tape recorder”

“Ah, yes, well, the C.R.P.C. is no mere emerald finder. And I’m after no mere emeralds. I’m after…” Kintobor paused for dramatic effect; it worked, “…the Chaos Emeralds!”

“You might have to break this down a bit for me,” Sonic admitted.

“The Chaos Emeralds, my dear Sonic, are gems of almost incalculable power. They have existed on this planet for millennia, spoken of in ancient texts of myth and legend. These amazing stones can be used to control chaos energy itself- why, the applications of which are practically limitless!”

“So, these emeralds… if they’re spoken of in ancient legend… how can you be sure they’re real?”

“Simple,” Kintobor pulled back a curtain to reveal a large machine. In a series of glass domes along the machine’s top were six green jewels, “I’ve found six of them”

Sonic stepped back in amazement. The hedgehog glanced around the room. Around him were devices labelled in scratchy handwriting in pen with names like “Cryonic Oscilloscope”, “Proboscile Defoliator” and “Shopping List”. Sonic reasoned that last one probably wasn’t a device, per se.

“This,” Kintobor announced, slapping an open palm on the emerald-housing-machine, “is my Retro-Orbital Chaos Compressor- the R.O.C.C. if you prefer. Again, Trademark Kintobor Enterprises”

“You, uh, trademark all your inventions?” Sonic tilted his head quizzically.

“Well, you’ve got to live, dear fellow”

“So, the C.R.P.C. finds the emeralds, the emeralds go in the R.O.C.C., the R.O.C.C…. does what, exactly?”

“Brilliant!” Kintobor practically leapt for joy, “Oh, I do so love an enquiring mind! The R.O.C.C., Sonic, is my greatest invention yet, better than the Anti-Static Fluff Remover, better than the Sega Mega Drive!”

Sonic wondered if all Earth inventions had such stupid names.

“The R.O.C.C., when fully operational, will absorb and remove from Mobius all evil!”

Sonic paused as if awaiting further information, “…all evil what?”

“All evil everything! Villainy, tyranny, cruelty, all gone in an instant! A perfect harmony of peace and kindness, forever!”

“That sounds…” Sonic wanted to say ‘totally wacko’ but found himself instead saying, “…pretty wonderful, I have to admit”

“Marvellous, I’m so glad you feel that way! You see, this is an area of study of great interest to me,” Kintobor practically danced around the laboratory in the direction of a whiteboard onto which he’d been making complex equations and computations, “You see, Sonic, it’s my hypothesis that evil is genetic”

“It’s a what now?” Sonic raised an eyebrow.

“Written in the code that makes us who we are! I believe there’s an errant gene that, when activated or exacerbated, causes people to commit acts of cruelty or unkindness. When overstimulated, this evil gene causes people to do unspeakably horrid things! It’s my goal to cure this gene and absorb all the world’s evil”

“Pretty noble, doc,” Sonic nodded, “So I’m guessing from that empty case you need another emerald”

“Quite so,” Kintobor responded, “the elusive grey emerald- if you’ll pardon the contradiction in terms. It’s also known as the control emerald. He who holds the grey emerald may wield mastery over its six brothers. But, alas, there are no records of the grey emerald’s presence on Mobius for thousands of years. I fear it lost. But that won’t stop me from looking! My next move will be to set up information relay points worldwide to help locate the missing emerald. My boy, in no time at all, we’ll make this world a utopia!”

“You sound pretty passionate about all this, Dr. K,” Sonic noted.

“I am, my dear boy. For I have grave concerns for my family. You see, I am not the first Kintobor to make my way to Mobius. My grandfather, Doctor Gerald Kintobor, was a brilliant man. He stumbled upon the directions to this planet some fifty years ago. Of course, by the time we arrived here, he was long gone… disgraced, as it turns out. He’d decided the world was backwards as compared to what had become his twisted views… so, backwards was how he presented himself, taking on the name Gerald Robotnik. My cousin Maria… well, I’m afraid she was a casualty of my grandfather’s madness”

Sonic gave Kintobor a compassionate look, “Hey, doc, your grandfather doesn’t define who you are. You’re not going to slide into evil just because of what he did fifty years ago”

“No, quite right,” Kintobor responded, “But I’ve seen it in my family, you know”

Kintobor crossed to his untidy desk and picked up a framed photograph, pointing out various people to Sonic as he named them, “This is a photograph of my closest family and some of our dearest friends from the colony. My father, Julian Kintobor. My brother, Colin. And my dear mother- Momma Kintobor, we affectionately call her”

“They’re all evil?”

“No, no, not at all,” Kintobor shook his head, “Though Colin does sometimes display a tremendous propensity for arrogance, cruelty even. His wish is to explore the stars… and conquer planets in the name of humanity. That is simply not the way I want the Kintobor name to be known throughout the cosmos. In his arms is his daughter, my niece, Hope. And it’s hope for the future I intend to give her by making her father a better man”

Sonic pointed at the left-hand side of the photo, “Who are these guys?”

“The two scientists? The wild-haired one is Doctor Warpnik, a cousin of mine it turns out, related to Gerald. Marine biologist. Quite mad, I’m afraid. Another alarming case of evil in the family. The small chap with the rather lengthy nose is Doctor Snively, Julian Snively. We thought it was rather amusing that he and my father share a name despite being such physical opposites, one small and scrawny, the other tall and heavyset. They bonded over a shared interest in science, though I suspect Snively is rather more cunning and more of a schemer than he lets on. I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him. Mind you, I reckon I could probably throw him quite far, he’s only little, isn’t he?”

“So you invented the R.O.C.C. to help your loved ones”

“Quite so, my dear boy. With the help of the brilliant Professor Cheddermund and funded by the wealthy Lady Agnes- both from the colony, you see- the R.O.C.C. now exists in its current state”

“And all you need to give it a go is to find the grey emerald”

“Indeed. And find it I shall! I’m determined to win this particular game of hide and seek!”

Sonic bristled. Hide and seek! He’d forgotten all about the game!

“Doc, you’ve just reminded me of something. I’ve gotta go”

“A shame, I thought we were getting on rather well”

“You know something, Doc?” Sonic smiled, comfortably, “I think we are. I’ve got to finish something off. But I’d love to spend some time with you and help you out”

“Well, pop in any time, I’m usually here. Monday is shopping day, but I ordinarily send the drones to collect supplies!”

Sonic climbed back down the hatch, “I’ll bear that in mind. See you around, doc!”

Sonic closed the hatch and headed back down the tunnel towards the tiny funnel of light ahead of him. He couldn’t help but think Doctor Kintobor was a pretty cool dude. Ridding the world of evil sounded like something a superhero would try to do. Sonic was up for that, no question.

Sonic gingerly climbed out of the hole at the end of the tunnel and allowed his eyes to adjust to the harsh sunlight. As he rubbed at them, he took a step forward and tripped over something small and metal.

“Oof!” Sonic exclaimed.

“I believe that counts as a tag,” a pleasant voice spoke up.

Sonic opened his eyes and realised what he’d tripped over: N.I.C.O.L.E..

Sonic looked up to see his friends gathered around him.

Porker grinned, “Mine’s a—”

“Yeah, yeah! Shaddap…” Sonic groused, crossing his arms and wondering how many hours he’d have to put in at the diner to cover this lot.

On to Chapter 14