but you want me here and i want you there

Summary: Scrooge invites Goldie to Hawaii.

Word count: 1682

Warnings: None

Diamond Head, Hawaii
September 18th, 1957
5:29 PM (local time)

"Hello?"

"Remember that IOU ye left after I helped ye out with that fake weddin'?"

"What, do you need a secretary to pass some workers rights inspection?"

"Ach, no! I need to get married!"

"..."

"Next week. In Hawaii."

"...well that's not the worst proposal I've ever gotten."

"Argh, will ye help me or not? This crook willnae sell me his land unless I'm married!"

"Yeah, alright, Scrooge. But Hawaii is a little steep...sure hope someone else can pay for my flight…"

He growled. "You capricious crook, I should-"

"...and of course I'll need to get my own dress this time…"

Scrooge growled louder and sighed. "Why dinnae I know any other women?"

Goldie laughed. "See you in a few days, sourdough."

---

There was a small part of Goldie that saw the irony in her second fake marriage to Scrooge McDuck. Or perhaps calling them fake was disingenuous. The first one was very real, even if it didn't feel real.

Hawaii was beautiful. She'd only been once or twice before, and never to the same island, but it was always lovely. Diamond Head, the cone that Scrooge wanted to buy, was on O'ahu, one island that Goldie hadn't had the pleasure of visiting just yet.

Despite his frustration on the phone, Scrooge still looked quite happy when Goldie arrived four days later. She refused to let that impact her decision of whether or not to steal all the diamonds Scrooge was about to come into.

"Separate rooms, of course," Scrooge said as he handed Goldie her room key. "Since this is a good, Christian wedding."

Goldie raised an eyebrow in curiosity, then quickly noticed the couple standing behind Scrooge. "Of course. I wouldn't have it any other way, Scroogey."

He smiled, though it was obviously very forced.

Goldie smirked and leaned forward to give him a chaste kiss. "Why don't you walk me to my room, hm?"

Scrooge squinted at her suspiciously before turning around to let the wealthy couple know he'd be right back. He gently put a hand against Goldie's back and guided her to the elevator. He spoke quietly. "That's the Cuckoos. Their family has owned Diamond Head since before my parents were born."

They stepped into the elevator and Goldie leaned against the railing. "And you want it for the...diamonds, I'm assuming?"

"Several associates have assured me that there are no diamonds there, but another told me there's definitely somethin' valuable being hidden!"

"Alright. And why exactly do you need to be married to buy a volcano?" Goldie crossed her arms over her chest.

"They think my being unmarried is…" Scrooge shuffled his hands. “...inappropriate, somehow.”

She raised an eyebrow. “What, like you’re…?”

He shrugged aggressively as the elevator doors opened on the seventeenth floor. “I dinnae know what they think! I didnae want to ask.”

Goldie hummed and followed Scrooge down the hall. She had a feeling she knew what the Cuckoos were suggesting, and she could say with relative certainty that it wasn’t true. But if they had a problem with unmarried couples sharing hotel rooms and an old man potentially playing for another team, then they’d definitely have a problem with however someone wanted to define her and Scrooge’s real relationship.

So…a fake wedding made sense.

Scrooge motioned to the door in front of him and then the one next door. "Here's you, there's me. I cannae believe I had to pay for two hotel rooms just because they dinnae want me cuddlin' with my own fiancé!"

Goldie smirked at him, but she had a strange feeling in her gut. Fiancé and wife were somehow easier to say than girlfriend. Maybe because girlfriend felt too juvenile after so much time. Maybe because they were technically already married. Maybe she just didn't like it. "Don't get upset, sourdough. You know I'll be coming over before bed."

He blushed wildly and huffed. "Either way I'm still payin' for the room!" he said angrily, but he reached out to hold her hand gently.

The contrast was not lost on Goldie. It seemed like he really wanted to marry her this time around. But it was still fake! And her heart was still racing.

"Why don't you go entertain the Cuckoos and I'll join you after settling in?" Goldie said politely, laying a hand on Scrooge's chest.

He laid his hand on top of hers and sighed. "Dinnae take too long."

She smiled and gave his beak a quick peck before Scrooge headed down the hall towards the elevator. Goldie could feel her heart beating faster with every step, thinking back to the look on his face just a moment ago when he held her hand.

Goldie stepped into her hotel room and breathed in the quiet air. She wondered if this could be a new step for them.

---

"Goldie."

"Scroogey."

"We need to be especially quiet, alright?"

"I think I can handle that."

---

---

She woke up in Scrooge's arms to the obnoxious sound of knocking, followed by the oh-so-familiar voice of Mr. Cuckoo.

"Mr. McDuck? Are you awake?"

Scrooge groaned and rubbed his forehead for a moment and Goldie thought he might ignore the man and go back to sleep. Then he suddenly sat up, looking terrified, and stared down at Goldie next to him.

"You need to hide!" he whispered.

Goldie rolled her eyes. "To the closet, I go," she said as she stood up and walked into the small hotel room closet. She couldn't fully close the door, but that was fine since she wanted to eavesdrop.

Scrooge grabbed her clothes off the floor and tossed them in the closet with her before rushing to his own door.

"Mr. Cuckoo!" Scrooge said, a fake chipper tone to his voice. "So nice to see you this early!"

The man adjusted his glasses and cleared his throat. "I hope I'm not too early, Mr. McDuck, but I wanted to have a quick conversation with you. Man to man!"

Scrooge raised an eyebrow curiously. "Can ye give me just a minute?"

"Of course."

Scrooge shut the door and quickly got dressed, looking as presentable as possible for someone who cleaned himself up in under a minute. Then he opened the door again and let his guest inside.

Mr. Cuckoo shut the door behind him and Scrooge felt confused and intimidated and he didn't know why. Probably because of Goldie hiding nearby.

"I wanted to talk to you about your bride."

Scrooge raised an eyebrow and stood still in front of the closet, hoping the position wouldn't look suspicious or awkward. "My…? Why?"

Mr. Cuckoo turned around and sighed. "Well, she's a lovely woman. Quite striking, in fact. But I thought you'd be marrying someone a bit...younger."

Scrooge held back an irritated scowl, opting to act confused instead. "I'm fairly old myself, Mr. Cuckoo."

“Yes, I’m aware, but…” The man shrugged softly. “You could still have a family if you wanted, no matter your age. Goldie, on the other hand…cannot.”

“Ah,” Scrooge responded, finally understanding the point of the conversation. “Bairns were never somethin’ I really had in mind for myself.”

“Pity,” Mr. Cuckoo said without a hint of hesitation. “What will you do with your estate without heirs, Mr. McDuck?”

Scrooge had to contain an eyeroll, trying to figure out a subtle way to say he was practically immortal and had no intention of ever dying. He decided it would be easier to lie. “My sisters have children that I could pass it on to, if they show promise.”

Mr. Cuckoo let out a quick hum. “I see. Still, I wanted to ask before you put the ring on her finger. Mrs. Cuckoo has many young friends, if you change your mind.”

“I…appreciate the offer, but Goldie is the one for me,” Scrooge said quickly, almost forgetting that she was listening in. It wasn’t like he’d told her any different. His feelings were made clear several times over the last few years, no matter how much she acted like he was holding back. “Now if you dinnae mind, I was thinkin’ of takin’ her around the island today.”

“Sounds wonderful! The missus and I will join you!”

Scrooge felt like his brain was breaking in half. Could these conservative muckity-mucks just let him breathe? “Fantastic.”

---

Obviously she’d been listening in the entire time. She was curious, naturally, and also a bit agitated that her morning was so rushed thanks to the old bastard waking up at the crack of dawn.

Still, Goldie hadn’t expected to hear a conversation that made her feel like absolute shit.

Even with Scrooge defending her and his feelings for her, she couldn’t help but agree with the property dealer. She was old. And she couldn’t give Scrooge a family if he decided he wanted one. Not without another special trip to another fountain of youth.

He wouldn’t, though. He’d made his feelings about family very clear. So she didn’t need to feel weird about it.

Still, though. She did.

She felt weird.

---

Unlike their first wedding, this one was awkward and small and short and intimate. The Cuckoos made everything so uncomfortable that Goldie couldn’t even enjoy the fact that Scrooge bought her a real ring and she was wearing a real dress.

It wasn’t a particularly nice or expensive wedding dress, but she felt good in it and she felt good when Scrooge put that ring on her finger. The ring he bought for her. The ring that he went to a store and thought about her and bought the ring thinking about whether or not she’d like it. (Plus probably whatever was on sale.)

But even after all that awkwardness and discomfort, it was completely worth it to wander the volcano with Scrooge in an attempt to find his new haul of diamonds. It was one hundred percent, absolutely worth the look on his face when he learned…

“Oh for the love of-!!!”

“Scrooge, honey, these are definitely not diamonds.”

“This was all a complete WASTE of my-!? AAARGH!!!!”

Happy 100,000 published words lol

REAL HISTORY FACTS:
- Diamond Head is a volcanic cone known to locals as Le'ahi. It was named Diamond Head by colonizers who thought they found diamonds but actually just found calcite crystals there. There's also a military fort there.
- In 1968, Diamond Head was declared a national natural landmark. So we'll say that Scrooge sold it to the government sometime between this chapter and '68.
- (The Cuckoos are definitely based off of real people but I cannot for the life of me remember who they were. Whoops) [edit] JAMES COOK, the British colonizer that was killed by Hawaiians because he was trying to kidnap their chief lol