love, it makes a fool of you

Summary: Scrooge helps Goldie with a little problem.

Word count: 5163

Warnings: None

1953; Duckburg

Goldie had noticed, just after her trip to Nepal with Scrooge, that she was being followed. She wasn’t sure by who or what, but…she could feel it. She didn’t quite know how to describe the feeling…it was like some sort of sixth sense. But there often seemed to be a presence looming nearby.

So she made sure to spend as much time with Scrooge as possible over the next few years. Just popped in for a visit every month or so, nothing crazy. It wasn’t like she was going to move in with him. But she felt safer when she was with another person, especially someone who could hold their own in a fight. And he didn’t seem to have a problem with her coming around more often, even though she annoyed the hell out of him sometimes.

Scrooge was surprisingly comforting. Anytime they went on an adventure that involved crossing dimensions, he’d get extra cautious and ask if she was alright. Goldie found it both condescending and incredibly sweet. But even on those interdimensional adventures, Goldie still felt like there were eyes on her.

She’d mentioned it to Scrooge and every time he would look around and find nothing, and he never noticed anything on his own. Goldie considered the possibility that she was going insane. Maybe from all the time spent interdimensionally. It could be a delayed mental breakdown.

But on one faithful afternoon in April of 1953, as the two ducks were sitting in Scrooge’s kitchen and munching away at their lunch, Scrooge finally felt it.

“Ach,” Scrooge mumbled as he shook away the shivers. “Did ye feel that?”

Goldie glanced up from the newspaper with a raised eyebrow. “What?”

“I dinnae, it was like…” He played with his hands while he spoke. “It felt like someone was watchin’ me from outside.”

“Yes, Scrooge. I told you I’ve been feeling that for months.” She scowled slightly. “Do you not listen to me at all?”

Scrooge glared at her. “I thought ye were lyin’ to justify stayin’ here so much.”

Goldie gaped at him. “Are you-? You are unbelievable, you know that?”

“That’s what they tell me.”

After a moment of awkward silence, Goldie shivered, too, and stood up to look out the window. “That’s it!”

Scrooge raised an eyebrow as Goldie glared out the window behind them, scanning the yard. She hummed quietly and then promptly left the kitchen, headed for the front door. Scrooge shrugged and continued to eat, not sure if she was leaving for five minutes or leaving for a few weeks. He could never really be sure with her.

Less than a minute later, he spotted her walking in the yard through the window she’d been looking through moments earlier. Scrooge sat and watched as Goldie stood still for a few seconds, tapping her foot. Then she shouted something and spread her arms out wide, spinning around slowly.

He took another bite of his sandwich. What was she doing?

On her third spin, the bushes behind her started to rustle and Scrooge took a sip of his water. Was Goldie’s nonsensical plan really going to work?

A being emerged from the bushes that caught both duck’s attention. It had the body of a horse, but the head of a duck, and was wearing what could only be described as a colorful, regal security uniform. Definitely not what he expected to be in his bushes. Absent-mindedly, Scrooge wondered if Quackmore knew about this.

Goldie started talking to the being and it started talking back to her. She pointed to the manor, then pointed at the being, then pointed at herself. There was a lot of pointing going on.

Scrooge took another bite of his sandwich. It was a good sandwich. Goldie seemed to have everything under control.

Just as he was thinking that, the guard reached out and grabbed Goldie’s arm. She roughly pulled her arm out of its grasp, but it started to look angry and Scrooge took one final bite of his sandwich before getting up to go help. Or at least to be a witness while Goldie beat the shit out of someone. That was always fun to watch.

---

“I don’t care who sent you, don’t touch me!” Goldie shouted angrily.

“The Prince has been waiting patiently, Miss O’Gilt! But if I don’t come back soon, they’ll certainly cut off my head!”

“Is that supposed to make me feel bad? You’ve been stalking me for months.”

“Only because you were never alone long enough to speak to! I was specifically ordered not to draw attention to myself. And, well…your world does not seem to have anyone who looks like me in it. I assumed my presence would draw attention no matter what.”

Scrooge sauntered up to the two of them and tilted his head. “Ye got that right.”

The being looked nervously at Scrooge and then back to Goldie. “Um…this is a private conversation, sir.”

Scrooge frowned. “If you’re in my backyard, then I get to listen.”

Goldie sighed. “Scrooge, this is Melanie. Royal Guard of the Patkahest Empire.”

Melanie put a hand to their chest. “Sent on the order of Prince Chrysos himself.”

Scrooge’s frown deepened. “I see.”

“And Melanie, this is…” Goldie started, but her eyes widened as an idea came to her head. “...my fiancé, Scrooge McDuck!”

She pinched Scrooge’s beak playfully as she said that, forcing him to choke on the ‘wait, WHAT?!’ that he was about to shout. After she could see he got the shock out of his system, Goldie let his beak go and held his hand. “So as you can see…I’m taken. Not available.”

“I…I see,” Melanie said with a nervous frown, staring directly at the duck’s intertwined hands. “But you were promised to Prince Chrysos, Miss O’Gilt…”

Scrooge was trying not to outwardly react to all the new information being thrown at him, but he certainly wasn’t happy about whatever was going on.

“Yeah, I get that, but…” Goldie cuddled up against Scrooge’s side. “...my Scroogey here finally proposed and now I’m marrying him! Can’t marry Chrysos if I’m already married!”

Melanie looked up at Scrooge’s face and Scrooge didn’t know how to react. He probably wasn’t selling Goldie’s lie very well, since Melanie squinted and pouted.

“...well, you aren’t married yet, Miss O’Gilt. You’re engaged to two men at once. Prince Chrysos would be happy to marry you as soon as tomorrow, if need be.”

Scrooge felt Goldie’s grip on his hand tighten and he instinctively squeezed back.

“Well…too bad that Scrooge and I are getting married tomorrow! It’s already planned and paid for. All of our friends are coming right here! So…” Goldie said with a laugh and a shrug. “Oh, well!”

Melanie looked both nervous and suspicious. “If you have the venue all prepared, then I suppose it’d be cruel to put it to waste.”

“Exactly, so-”

“So the Prince and his family shall come here tomorrow to join your festivities!” Melanie finished with a smile. “Perhaps he will want to fight Mr. McDuck for your hand! I’m not sure what the traditional code of conduct is. But even if not, the Prince loves weddings and I’m sure he will be happy just attending yours.”

Goldie and Scrooge froze on the spot. She racked her brain for another lie that could solve this problem, but nothing was coming up.

Scrooge, meanwhile, was still trying to figure out what the hell was going on. Was he getting married tomorrow? To Goldie? Married? Tomorrow? What?

“What time is the ceremony?” Melanie asked.

“Um…it’s…at, uh…” Goldie stuttered, realizing she had to say something. “...Two.”

“Excellent,” Melanie said as they checked some sort of device they had on their wrist which certainly resembled a watch, but had too many lights and colors coming out of it to be a watch. “Then I shall bring the royal family here in twenty-five hours. Thank you, Miss O’Gilt, Mr. McDuck.”

The two ducks watched as the horse-duck-creature clopped back into the bushes. Then there was a bright light and some birds flew out of the nearby trees, and then there was silence.

Scrooge looked down at their still intertwined hands and angrily pulled his away. “Goldie! What just happened?! Tell me I dinnae need to prepare a weddin’ for tomorrow!”

She turned back and gave him a nervous smile. “Um…well, you asked me to try lying less so I don’t think I should say that.”

He groaned loudly and rubbed the sides of his head. “Can ye explain who that was, at least?”

“Ah,” Goldie started. “So…when I was stuck in all those other dimensions, I ended up in that one. Stole some food, got caught. The Prince apparently thought I was hot enough to make an exception on their killing thieves rule and said I could pay him back by marrying him.”

Scrooge sighed. “So you ran away.”

“Oh, yeah, absolutely.”

“Ach, Goldie! Ye cannae just force me into your schemes! I should leave ye to take care of this yourself.”

Goldie pouted and stepped forward, wrapping her arms around Scrooge’s neck. “C’mon Scroogey…it’ll be fine! Maybe even fun! A quick, fake wedding and then we can pretend it never happened!”

Scrooge laid his hands on her hips reflexively. “And what if I havetae fight this prince of yours?”

“You’re Scrooge McDuck! What’s one little fight?” Goldie said with a flirtacious smile. “I’ve seen the prince and you could take him with a blindfold on.”

He smiled at her confidence and squeezed her hips. “I’m still not convinced I should help ye. Maybe punishment for all your thievery would be a good thing.”

Goldie hummed in annoyance and tucked her beak under his gently. “How about…if you do this for me, I’ll do anything you want. No questions asked.”

Scrooge’s eyebrows shot up as he considered her terms. “Anything?”

She smirked, knowing that she got him. “Whatever you want, sourdough. For a whole day.”

There was a comfortable silence for a moment while Scrooge thought about that a little longer. Then he snaked his arms all the way around her waist and pulled her closer to him, moving his beak to the side of her head. “Make it a week.”

Goldie blushed and squeezed his shoulders. “Alright. A week. Starting after the Patkahests leave.”

Scrooge kissed her cheek and let go of her, walking back towards the manor. “It’s a deal, O’Gilt. Now I have to go make some calls for our weddin’.”

She stood there awkwardly as he walked away, holding a hand against the cheek he’d just kissed.

“...that you’re payin’ for!” he shouted.

Goldie loosely crossed her arms and frowned. She hadn’t realized how difficult it would be to convince Scrooge to faux-marry her and it was a bit…disappointing. Not that she wanted to marry him for real. But she just thought he would’ve been a little easier.

---

“Quackmore! We need to make the yard into a weddin’ venue by tomorrow afternoon!”

A dish tray clattered loudly onto the floor. “Y-you…proposed to Miss O’Gilt?!”

“What? No,” Scrooge answered with an eye roll. “Goldie’s being courted by some interdimensional prince and needs to pretend to marry me to get him off her back. So get to makin’ some calls!”

“...oh. That makes more sense. Yes, sir.”

---

“Why’d ye have to tell him we invited all our friends?” Scrooge grumbled as he stared out the window at the surprising number of guests mingling in his backyard. “Do you even have any friends?”

Goldie huffed and crossed her arms. (But he was right, she didn’t.) “Who’s that?” she asked, pointing at one of the guests.

“That’s Ludwig. Lucky us, he was already in the area and could bring some of his associates to make it look like we invited people ahead of time.”

“I suppose that is lucky. That’s your Austrian scientist friend?”

Scrooge nodded and checked a few more things off his list. “He said he was excited to finally meet you.”

Goldie sighed quietly and continued to watch the guests. She recognized a few of them - Scrooge’s sisters, Hortense’s husband (who she hadn’t met, but had heard about), some local wealthy socialites like Frances Drake, and an inventor friend of Scrooge’s named Ratchet. But the rest were a mystery to her and it was just another reminder that she didn’t know a lot about the people in Scrooge’s life.

“I think Matilda’s about to try her luck with Ludwig,” Goldie commented dryly, questioning her taste.

“Well, he’s happily married with three kids, so she might have some trouble.”

Goldie glanced up at Scrooge, who wasn’t paying much attention to her. She wouldn’t complain. It was already 1:00 in the afternoon, which meant she needed to go get dressed and be ready for when the Patkahests arrived. And Scrooge had to be ready for possibly getting into a fight to the death. Good thing his wedding kilt was also his battle kilt.

“...thanks, sourdough,” Goldie mumbled, staring out the window again. “...for helping me out with this.”

He raised an eyebrow at her. “I’ve had worse ways to spend a Saturday afternoon.”

She closed her eyes and sighed again. Everything about their little fake wedding had been oddly stressful for her. Not in the traditional bride way, but…Goldie’s heart was hurting. Despite her paying for everything, Scrooge was still treating each and every step of the process like a burden. She supposed it was a burden, having to explain to all his friends that he was pretending to get married to help a friend deal with an interdimensional problem. But it still hurt her more than she thought it would.

“I should go get dressed.” Goldie stood up and made her way through the kitchen, playing with her hair while she walked. She still hadn’t decided what to do with her hair. Hortense’s used wedding dress wasn’t the most flattering cut on Goldie’s body, so she wanted to do something cute that made her look nicer.

Scrooge glanced behind him as Goldie walked away and sighed, scratching ring off his list. He’d had a ring for Goldie. A long, long time ago. But even if he had more than a day’s notice, he wouldn’t have been able to get it back. After he lost it in that snowstorm, the only thing he managed to recover was a chunk of ice containing a single piece of chocolate. He’d never get it back. At least not until the glaciers up north started melting.

So they borrowed Hortense’s ring, along with her dress and veil. It was lucky for them that she and Quackmore had decided to get married in Duckburg instead of Glasgow, so everything was nearby.

He hadn’t told his parents about the fake wedding. They wouldn’t have been able to come anyway, thanks to the castle being inaccessible. But Matilda and Hortense were guaranteed to tell them and then he’d have to explain the whole thing over and over again. Maybe he could cut a deal with his sisters to stop them from ever bringing it up.

The shower came on upstairs and Scrooge sighed again. He needed to get dressed, too. This whole thing was making him nostalgic for a time when he really thought about marrying Goldie. It was frustrating to only have the opportunity when she needed his help out of a jam.

---

“I just realized…who’s goin’ to walk ye down the aisle?”

Goldie lifted her head to see Scrooge standing in his bedroom doorway and blinked a few times as she processed his question. “Oh, um…”

“Since your father isnae here, I wasnae sure if ye had a plan.”

“Right. Well…” Goldie pouted. Part of her wanted to yell at Scrooge for coming and looking at her before the wedding, but a more logical part of her remembered that this wasn’t even her dress so it didn’t matter and it wasn’t even a real wedding so it didn’t matter! What was his question? “I was planning to just walk by myself.”

“It’s up to you, Goldie,” Scrooge said with a shrug. “But some of Ludwig’s friends are the right age to pose as your father if you’d like.”

“No. I think alone is best.” Goldie continued playing with her hair and locked eyes with Scrooge in the mirror. “Is it almost time?”

“Five minutes to two. Do ye think your centaur friends are here yet?” Scrooge answered, walking over to look out the window.

Goldie followed him and pointed out the large glowing portal off to the side. “I’m gonna go ahead and say they’re here. Oh, there’s the prince.”

Scrooge followed Goldie’s pointer finger to a creature that, despite not being a normal duck, was somehow obnoxiously handsome. His face was chiseled and his hair was thick and wavy and he was wearing sparkling jewels and a shiny golden crown. Scrooge suddenly felt his eye twitching in anger, anger that was most certainly not brought on by jealousy. “That’s the prince?!”

She raised an eyebrow at Scrooge’s sudden mood change. “Uh…yes?”

“Ye could’ve mentioned that he looks like a more handsome version of Gregory Peck!”

Goldie looked down at the prince and then back up at Scrooge. “I…guess? I don’t know, Scrooge, I didn’t really think it was relevant!”

“Of course it’s relevant!” Scrooge shouted, knowing full well that his anger was unjustified, but not being able to stop himself from feeling it. One of his hands instinctively went up to his head, his lack of hair feeling more noticeable than ever. “No one’s goin’ to believe you’re marryin’ me over him!”

Goldie didn’t really believe what she was hearing. It sounded like Scrooge was lost somewhere between insecure and jealous, but it was coming out in the worst possible way at the worst possible moment. “Why not, McDuck? We’ve only been sleeping together for fifty years, I don’t think marriage is the craziest next step!”

“Wh- I-!” Scrooge sputtered, blushing. “You-! You dinnae understand! I’m goin’ to look like a fool next to him!”

Fed up, Goldie stood and shoved Scrooge away from the window. “You’re being ridiculous!”

“I’m bein’ sensible!”

“You know what, Scrooge?” Goldie said angrily, her hands out in front of her. “Fine. I’ll just marry the fucking prince and then you won’t have to deal with this. Alright? I’ll even pay you for letting me use your backyard.”

Scrooge glared and dismissed her with a wave of his hand. “Dinnae be daft. You’re not goin’ to marry him.”

“Oh, really?” Goldie shoved past him and towards the door. “Then you’re about to get a big surprise, moneybags!”

Scrooge glared at her retreating back and crossed his arms, grouchily waiting for her to come back into the room.

He continued to wait.

And another thirty seconds of waiting.

Finally, Scrooge opened one eye to look out the window and noticed Goldie storming into the backyard, headed right towards the prince. He grimaced and quickly rushed downstairs to catch up to her.

---

“Chrysos!”

Everyone who wasn’t already drunk turned to see the bride, dressed in her marital gown, stomping towards the regal centaur who’d been charming a lot of the single women around him. His eyes widened and he smiled at the sight of his sort-of-betrothed. “Goldie! You’re a bit early, aren’t you? I’ve attended dozens of weddings in this realm and I’m pretty sure your groom is supposed to come out first.”

“Well you’re out, aren’t you?” Goldie said as she crossed her arms over her chest. “Let’s get married. C’mon.”

Chrysos looked happily surprised and held up his glass of champagne. “Fantastic! But what happened to your groom?”

Goldie opened her mouth to respond with something insulting, but was cut off by a familiar voice coming from the back door.

“He’s right here!”

Chrysos frowned as he looked up at Scrooge. Goldie, on the other hand, didn’t turn around to look at him. She just kept staring in the opposite direction, ignoring the sight of all of Scrooge’s friends and relatives looking like they were in the middle of a soap opera.

“I’m a bit confused. Goldie, are you marrying him or me?”

Goldie ground her teeth and turned around to glare at Scrooge properly, ignoring the prince’s question. “I don’t know, Chrysos! It seemed like my fiancé was getting the most annoying cold feet in history, but now apparently he’s taking it back!”

Chrysos, being a huge fan of romantic drama, sat his horse body down and went back to sipping on his champagne. Melanie sat next to him, looking concerned as always.

“I’m takin’ it back, alright?” Scrooge said with a deep blush across his cheeks. “Dinnae marry him, Goldie.”

She scoffed. “Why do you have to make everything so complicated?”

“I do n-!” Scrooge started, but he cut himself off. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

Matilda and Hortense, not terribly far away, were intensely invested in whatever was going on.

“Do ye think this is part of their plan?” Matilda whispered to her sister.

“I havenae got a clue,” Hortense responded. “Seems like a wee bit much.”

“No kiddin’. Who knew Scrooge was so dramatic?”

Scrooge and Goldie stared at each other, trying their best to ignore the audience watching every little thing they were doing. Scrooge was still blushing and clenching his fists, trying to will himself to say something that would placate Goldie. But Goldie was agitated. She knew he would try to sabotage the fake wedding since he desperately did not want to marry her, but she didn’t think he’d pretend to be insecure about his looks. How could he have possibly thought she wasn’t attracted to him? They’d spent almost every night together for the past two weeks. It was stupid.

“...I want to marry ye, Goldie.”

Goldie’s eyes widened and her heart skipped a beat. She knew he was just playing along, but hearing those words out of his mouth was a lot for her. “...really?”

He took a few steps closer and grabbed her hands gently. “Really. Let’s get married.”

Their little moment was interrupted by clapping behind Goldie and the two of them looked over to see Chrysos all excited. “This is wonderful! I can’t wait to watch you two tie the knot!” He looked over at Melanie. “That’s the human phrase, right? Tie the knot?”

“Y-yes, Your Highness.”

“Fantastic! Let’s continue with the wedding, then!”

---

Goldie knew her heart was racing. Over a fake marriage to Scrooge, no less. It was a little sad.

But there was something about him standing next to her at the altar, his family and friends watching from their seats, their fake officiant putting on a good show so she wouldn’t have to be carted off to another dimension. Something very powerful.

“I do,” Scrooge said suddenly, and Goldie felt her wandering mind pulled back to reality.

“And do you, Goldie, take Scrooge to be your lawfully vedded husband?”

“I do,” Goldie mumbled, not even aware of herself saying it. Scrooge smiled at her words and she couldn’t help but smile back.

“Zen you may now kiss zee bride!” Ludwig shouted happily, clapping his hands together.

Over the years, Goldie has become accustomed to initiating physical or romantic contact with Scrooge. It wasn’t that he wasn’t interested in being intimate with her, he just got weird and nervous and awkward whenever he was expected to start something. She imagined it had to do with a strict, conservative upbringing that told him to never touch a woman without her permission. She didn’t want to complain, but of course…sometimes she did miss the romantic element of a man being so overcome with desire for her that he couldn’t help himself but kiss her.

In that moment, at their fake wedding in front of all those people, Scrooge grabbed Goldie’s face and pulled her in for a kiss.

It was brief and chaste, but Goldie felt like it was one of the best kisses she’d ever had.

---

It felt weird to interact with his family as if she was a part of it. Goldie hadn’t imagined anything like that in a long, long time. Especially since Scrooge didn’t see his family that often. Apparently, Matilda was conveniently in Duckburg with a group of people she’d been traveling with, while Hortense and her husband came to Duckburg recently to see his parents.

What timing.

“Scrooge!” Hortense shouted, holding Quackmore’s hand and rushing up to her brother. “Where’s your photographer? I want to get a photograph of my Quackmore with your Quackmore!”

Scrooge rolled his eyes. “That sounds like a waste of expensive film.”

Hortense just responded with a glare while her husband looked awkward behind her.

“Sorry, Hortense. No photographer,” Goldie butt in. “We didn’t see the need since the wedding’s, y’know…not real.”

“Boo,” Hortense said harshly. “I’ll bet I can find someone with a camera!”

Scrooge had a feeling at least one of Ludwig’s friends would have a camera with them, but he didn’t need to share that fact with his sister. His butler didn’t particularly like all the jokes she’d made about his last name being the same as her husband’s first name, and her husband didn’t seem to think it was that funny, either.

“Well, what’s important is that the Patkahests are gone,” Goldie mumbled as she grabbed some snacks off the table. “I didn’t need that headache making me anxious all the time.”

“I should’ve noticed the one followin’ you sooner,” Scrooge grumbled, taking a shrimp off of Goldie’s plate. “Maybe I’m gettin’ old.”

“Just go visit a fountain of youth,” Goldie said as she grabbed a new shrimp. “And get your own plate, why don’t you?”

Scrooge grinned and reached for another shrimp. “But you’re my wife now, Goldie! Your shrimp is my shrimp!” he said with a laugh.

Goldie couldn’t help herself and laugh along with him, shoving a handful of shrimp in his beak to shut him up. “If you eat too much of it, I’m gonna make you pay for half!”

That promptly shut Scrooge up and he proceeded to slowly eat the shrimp she’d given him.

“This wasn’t bad for a fake wedding, though. Considering you put it together in a day…I’m impressed.”

Scrooge was about to respond to her when Ludwig, who’d just walked over to grab some food for himself, chimed in. “Fake?”

Goldie and Scrooge stared at him.

“Yes…fake,” Goldie said with a sour look on her face. “Why do you sound like this is news to you?”

“Vell…because I’m a real vedding officiant,” Ludwig said suddenly, prompting Scrooge to drop all his shrimp and for Goldie to almost drop her plate. “Und you two signed zee papervork. So zis vas a completely real vedding.”

The two ducks were stunned into silence as Ludwig grabbed some food and walked in another direction, probably to talk to one of his coworkers. Goldie and Scrooge stared at each other uncomfortably for a few seconds before turning away and looking awkward.

“I…we can annul it,” Scrooge said quickly. “I’m sure it’s not a difficult process.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Goldie grumbled. “I’m not gonna steal your fortune, sourdough.”

He scoffed. “You say that, but come next week you’ll be tellin’ every store in town to put your purchases on my tab!”

Goldie didn’t look at him while he accused her, she just stared down at her currently empty plate. Obviously an annulment would be the easiest way to get Scrooge off her back. But she’d been having a nice time up until his Austrian friend ruined the mood.

“I won’t spend a cent, Scrooge,” she said gruffly. “Just…let’s have fun today, alright? I want to eat and get drunk and have a nice time and not worry about all that until later.”

Scrooge looked surprised at her response and nodded. “Of course, yeah. No, I mean…yeah. Tomorrow, then.”

“Tomorrow.”

---

Hours later, after the guests had dispersed and Scrooge and Goldie finally had the opportunity to have some fun by themselves, Scrooge knew he needed to bring up a certain something that Goldie would’ve probably rather ignored.

“So…you still owe me, O’Gilt.”

Goldie tugged on his tie as they entered his bedroom, letting Scrooge shut the door behind them. She dragged him towards the bed and sat down on the edge. “Right, yes. Anything you want for a week. What’s it gonna be, sourdough? Am I going to spend a week being your little housewife? Or is this more of a…” She ran her hand up his arm. “...physical request?”

Scrooge gulped and then shook his head. He crawled on top of her, letting her back hit the bed and putting his hands on either side of her head. “I was thinkin’...”

“Mhmm?”

“The Money Bin needs a secretary.”

Goldie opened her eyes and stared at him in disbelief. “...excuse me?”

He smirked down at her. “You’re goin’ to be my secretary. Organizin’ desks, filin’ papers, kickin’ out salesmen…it’ll be nice to get some work done for once.”

Goldie frowned as Scrooge kissed her, trying to hide her disappointment. She thought he’d pick something…embarrassing or sexy, not…work-related. She should’ve known better, though, considering how he didn’t seem to have enough employees to balance the amount of business he did.

He pulled back and immediately noticed the look on her face. “What? You said anythin’.”

“I just thought you’d ask for something a little more…fun?” Goldie said.

Scrooge chuckled and Goldie didn’t understand why that felt so good when he was pressed up against her. “There’ll be plenty of time durin’ the day for fun.”

Catching his meaning, Goldie smiled and pulled his face down to kiss him harder. Maybe being his secretary wouldn’t be so bad. Temporarily. Though as soon as he’d ask for coffee, Goldie knew she’d bolt.

---

---

Scrooge woke up the next morning naked, with a slight hangover, and a piece of paper where his wife was supposed to be.

His wife.

He soaked that in for a moment before reaching over to grab the paper. After fifty years, he was pretty sure he knew exactly what the note was going to say. Goldie was never entirely predictable, but…sometimes he just knew.

Scrooge,

Had to leave. I’ll have to be your secretary some other time. But here’s something to keep at work with you while I’m gone.

XOXO

Scrooge flipped the letter to the back and saw a photograph taped to it. He flipped over the photograph and immediately blushed and held it to his chest. He looked around the room as if someone might’ve been watching over his shoulder, then pulled the photo away to look at it again. It was definitely a naked photograph of Goldie. When had she taken it? Did she bring it with her? It didn’t look new, but didn’t look particularly old either.

He sighed and flopped onto his back, holding the photo against his chest. Well, she’d be back someday. They were married, after all.

REAL HISTORY FACTS:
- Patkahest means...duck horse. Patka is Croatian for duck and hest is Danish for horse. According to the internet lol
- Gregory Peck is a super handsome actor from the 50s. It's funny 'cause his name is already a bird pun

DUCK FRANCHISE REFERENCES:
- Scrooge's inventor friend Ratchet is Gyro's grandpa
- I don't ship Matilda and Ludwig on account of they've never interacted and I have no reason to, but Don Rosa paired them together with no context so it's a popular ship among fans. So I just referenced Matilda hitting on him even though he'd be much much much older than her here. Who knows if she's actually hitting on him, that could just be Goldie's interpretation. The world may never know!
- Hortense, Scrooge's baby sister, is married to a man named Quackmore Duck. They're mentioned in DT17 but yknow it's fine that's them.