5 Minutes and 59 Seconds

“Breathe in through the nose, out through the mouth.”

This was the line that my mother softly spoke to me over and over again until my heart rate slowed and my shaking stopped. This was the line that she had spoken to me countless times before, and would repeat to me for countless times to come.

Only hearing this line when I had anxiety attacks, I began to dread it. I heard her speaking, but I couldn’t grasp the words. I wanted to breathe, I wanted to feel my lungs inhaling and exhaling, but I couldn’t. My mind was so caught up in the fear that I was feeling, that it would take several minutes for me to recognize my need to breathe in order to settle down.

My anxiety attacks were the result of the pandemic and the instability that came with it. Having spent months in quarantine, I had drifted away from all of my friends due to the loss of in-person communication. Online school had caused me to lose all of my motivation to do well in my classes. The state of the world had me feeling scared and confused every single day. As a result, my mental health was declining rapidly, hence my anxiety attacks.

In December of 2020, at the peak of my anxiety, I finally decided that it was time for a change and so, I joined the track team. My sole intention for joining was to just give me something to do to take my mind off of the mayhem around me. With this decision, my running journey began.

A few weeks after joining the team, I competed in my first meet. After six minutes and 30 seconds, I finished the mile-long race, out-of-breath and gasping for air. This was when I once again heard the infamous line, only this time it was one of my teammates speaking it - she was giving me advice for my next run.

“Breathe in through the nose, out through the mouth.”

I took this advice to heart, and it worked. During my next run, and every single one after that, I could breathe. I would repeat this line in my head over and over, making sure to follow the pattern. For the first time since my anxiety had begun, I had control of my breathing.

It was also after this first meet that my coach told me that, if I put in the work, I could break six minutes in the mile by the end of the season. The thought of five minutes and 59 seconds instantly became ingrained in my brain.

Five minutes and 59 seconds became my goal, it gave me something to look forward to. Despite everything that was going on in the world around me, every day at 3 o’clock I headed to the track, laced up my shoes, and became excited for the workout to come and the thought of running one mile in five minutes and 59 seconds. The thought made me excited, a feeling that I had desperately craved during the long months prior.

The day finally came in May of 2021. After months of working hard, it was my last meet of the season, my last chance to reach my goal. The starting gun sounded, and I began the race.

“Breathe in through the nose, out through the mouth.”

Throughout the race, I repeated this line in my head, like my mother had repeated to me all those months ago. I realized I hadn’t had an anxiety attack since I had started running. I realized that my life had totally changed - I had made friends on my track team, I was motivated in school, and mentally, I was well.

That day, I finished the race with a time of exactly five minutes and 59 seconds.

My time wasn’t just a measure of how fast I could run and the numerical progress that I had physically made, though. Reaching five minutes and 59 seconds symbolized much more - it proved how far I had come from the dark place that I was in, and the way that running changed my life so positively during the pandemic.