Children of Immigrants: Problems Aren’t Just Their Language

By Xhoana Cuni

Oct. 8, 2019

Being an immigrant in America is tough. In fact, being an immigrant anywhere is torturous. What with the clash of cultures, and little to no knowledge of the language and customs, you’re basically asking for a tornado of stress to come your way where all you can do is pray you can catch up with all the evacuees before it’s merciful winds sweep you up. Now imagine that you are a child of a first generation immigrant, growing up in an environment where you have to assimilate into American culture, and yet still preserve the customs deriving from your own nation. The pressure to submit to acculturation, the sense of obligation to help your own parents assimilate, and excel in light of their sacrifices, can cause a great deal of stress, anxiety, and loneliness- and you know what that means. Yup, a plethora of mental disorders. Even better, mental illness is frowned upon in several cultures, which prevents many immigrant children from seeking help.

In a study taken place in the San Francisco Bay area, approximately 800 tenth and twelfth graders were asked to indicate how important it was to them to fulfill certain tasks on a scale that ranged from one to five; these tasks included “helping parents financially”, “help take care of brothers and sisters,” and “go to college near parents.” Studies showed that the average was higher for first generation immigrants than it was for any other child. Obviously, immigrants are aware of their parent’s motivation for coming to the U.S. While they appreciate their sacrifices by allowing them to depend on their efforts, a greater storm is brewing inside of them- and that is the sense of “Hey, they came here just to give me and my siblings a better life, I should be obligated to cater to their needs.” What children of immigrants need to realize is that they can’t possibly handle the pressure put on them to get good grades, go to college, and get a decent paying job, when they also have to juggle the responsibility of taking care of their siblings while their foreign mother clocks in for a 12 hour shift just to put food on the table. Children of immigrants are burdened with a torch to carry on the vehement flame of their parents main goal and hope in life, which is that their child will succeed and work as maybe a doctor, maybe a lawyer, maybe a pharmacist, but oh, certainly not an artist, a psychologist, and, ugh, a musician? Is it worth it to seek an occupation you hate only to pander to your parent’s dream? Oh but money is at stake, your grades are at stake, approval from your parents is at stake, and overall, your future is at stake. The constant fear of disapproval hanging on their neck manifests into anxiety, depression, and especially OCD. What children of immigrants should be taught is that they deserve to take a break- they aren’t high functioning robots, and if they were, they’d definitely need an oil change every once in a while, maybe once every eight hours, in fact, maybe once every two seconds. Instead of the commemoration being weighed so heavily on the parents, the children should also be praised for their achievements and how hard they’re working; simple phrases like, “You make me proud,” “It’s okay to get a bad grade once in a while, as long as you try,” can go a long way with encouraging an immigrant child to stay motivated despite issues of mental illness being at bay.

Adapting to any new environment is a challenge, but trying your hardest to fit in with a culture that significantly varies from yours with barely anybody to relate to can lead to loneliness, frustration, and even hatred; you almost wish you were born to parents who could actually pronounce beach right instead of it ending up a profanity. There’s a word for it, and it's called acculturation, which as you can guess, is described as the pressure to assimilate to U.S mainstream culture. In some countries, such as Bulgaria, nodding your head means no, but in America, it means yes. Although a minuscule difference, the root of the problem is that nobody warned you beforehand of these customs. Everything we learn comes from our environment and how we choose to perceive those behavioral patterns. We mimic the behavior of our parents, but of what use is it if they don’t associate with the culture very well themselves? Children are left with no one to turn to, because they do not trust their parents enough to provide them with good advice or assistance due to the latter. In fact, it is as if the roles are reversed- often times they are asked to help translate bills, letters, at parent teacher conferences, or even at the grocery store, from English into their native language. I don’t know about you, but if I were a six year old talking to the cable company about minor technical difficulties, I’d feel pretty embarrassed.

Mental health is slowly starting to be less stigmatized in our society- our western society that is- alas, many cultures still hold onto the mentality that having a mental illness “does not exist.” According to the APA, “Some cultures that maintain strong family ties see individuals with mental health problems as bringing shame to the family, destroying the family reputation, exposing a family weakness, or as retribution for family wrongs.” Children will become less inclined to speak up about their issues, which will only further their loneliness and leave them to face their demons in the barracks of their own mind. Medication and therapy are crucial to the betterment of somebody's mental state, and people should continue advising others to seek help. Kenna Chick, a member of the collegiate mental health innovation council, writes,

“To be the child of an immigrant means growing up faster.

To be the child of an immigrant means taking responsibility for your family.

To be the child of an immigrant is to carry the hopes and dreams of your lineage.

The pressure that children of immigrants face is high, and the mental health support is low.”