I have graded all your first drafts and left comments on the rubric. Some common problems I saw with first drafts were:
Biggest issue-Not enough attention to literacy and community. Some drafts are reading more like just narratives about the community and not on gaining literacy in that community. This story should be step-by-step process how you learned to become fluent in that community's language and customs. A lot of drafts are leaving out literacy altogether.
No attention paid to idiolect-you must discuss how you became literate in the particular language of the community and should cover important words or phrases that are necessary for fluency and how those changed how you spoke and saw the world.
Not enough attention to details about the community-need to make community come alive. Give sensory details for the setting and characters, describe the background of the community, describe what makes that community unique.
Not enough sensory details- stories come alive with describing touch, taste, sight, sounds, smells. Add more vivid verbs and adjectives-instead of purple use violet, instead of yelled use screeched, instead of threw say launched like a heat-seeking missile.
Bring up all 3 of your sources on your computer screen. Out of these 3 sources you only need 1 source for this essay. How should you choose a source for your essay? One of the common (and frustrating) aspects of research is that not all the sources you think will be great will actually work out and fit what you are trying to accomplish. You will not use most of the sources you come across. Your ideal source should/could:
Strengthen the experiences in your essay. If you learned to work hard no matter what you face, your quotes could reflect that.
Your source could also provide a vivid description of your community if you're having a hard time coming up with vivid verbs and adjectives.
Come from an expert in your community (a celebrity, renowned or respected expert, pioneer in the community, etc).
Which of your sources will help you accomplish this the most effectively?
A little discussion on Style Guides from Purdue OWL and a peek at how they differ
Today we will learn how to an in-text citation called a direct quote. A direct quote is when you copy and paste the author's exact words into your own writing. You want to use direct quotes sparingly or else it looks like the source is writing your essay. You should NEVER have an entire paragraph as a direct quote. Direct quotes provide concise and targeted information, not lengthy paragraphs. For example, say that in your essay on being a military brat you discuss the horrors of having to start at new schools all the time. It would be good to have quote that reflects that. Let's look at this sample from page 133 the Library Databases on Military Brats from the Library Databases:
The direct quote is this: "Brats are presented as being the "new kid at school", confronted with the small tortures that this entails."
However, we can't just drop that quote (called a dropped quote) in there without introducing it first with the author or title of the article and ending with a parenthetical citation that includes the title of the article, book, or webpage. So a direct quote from your source will actually look like this in your essay:
Edward Queair says that military brats are often "presented as being the 'new kid at school,' confronted with small tortures that this entails" ("Children of the US Military and Identity" 133).
Quote Introduction" Direct quote in quotes" (Paranthetical citation).
Let me introduce to Purdue OWL. Bookmark it now. I used it extensively in college for both my Bachelor's and Master's. Here is a link on how to format in-text citations in MLA style and also here.
HW for Wednesday Sept 20: Find one sentence in your source that would be a great direct quote. Copy and paste the quote into the paragraph of your essay where it fits best and format it using one of the examples we went over in class (include the author if there is one, the title of the work or webpage, and page number if there is one). Upload the entire paragraph from your essay with the direct quote formatted in MLA style to BB under the title Learning how to Direct Quote before class on Wednesday.
For example, if I was writing a narrative on becoming literate in the Military Brat community, this would be how a sample paragraph would look like for this assignment:
Military brats move a lot which means new schools all the time. One of the things that helped me to gain literacy in the military brat community was when I finally figured out how fit in at every school I was transferred into. As Edward Queair says, military brats are "presented as being the "new kid at school", confronted with the small tortures that this entails" ("Children of the Military and Identity" 133). Like Queair says, I faced "small tortures" everytime I transferred to a new school. Things like making new friends, learning how to navigate the school, what to wear, and how to speak were all difficult things I faced. I learned that I could make friends easily if I was just myself and joined clubs or groups that fit my interests including theatre and band. I learned to look up the campus map to orient myself so I would be less lost. I became more literate when I learned that I just had to dress how I felt comfortable and that was more important to me than fitting in. And finally, I learned to pay attention to what people were saying for slang whenever I moved. For example, I learned when I moved to Corpus Christi that kids say "dude" and "gnarly" a lot-basically, surfer lingo.