Radishes

It's been a long time since I've written anything here, but I'm watching Hamilton for the first time and I just had to pause. Eliza just took Hamilton's hand after finding out about his affair and the death of their oldest son. The grief they feel is is so thick. I can't explain, but I understand. No, my child hasn't died, but losing Boo when she was 4 and having Delores hate me feels so much the same as grief. I know grief In addition to the death of my parents, grandparents, and aunt, I've lost two brothers, a sister-in-law, and a niece. I've also lost a chance at raising more kids, but that's probably for the better. It just hurts so much. It's like the air is too thick. I can't breathe. I can't see. It just hurts.

However, I have family that does love me and my Toby-Kitty has just cuddled up beside me.

I'm thinking about the fact that Eliza is going to lose Alexander, too. That's why I can't watch the rest right now.

By the way, the stuff they say about Hamilton is true. It's maravilloso.

July 3, 2021

This article expresses my feeling really well. I wish I had written this, but I didn't. However, it will help you understand what I'm talking about.

What I Wish You Knew About Parenting a Child with RAD

This is another good article.

Why Parents of R.A.D. Children Always Look Like A**holes

August 4, 2019

Delores and Lupe

Delores is my older daughter. (18) At the beginning she was much easier to deal with than the younger one, but over the years, she has become much harder. Her behaviors are sometimes subtle, but the lack of empathy and fact that she doesn't care about anyone but herself is always there.

• left home because we wouldn't buy her an iPhone, etc., but told everyone we kicked her out.

• snuck a man into the house in the middle of the night. He was fully dressed. She wasn't.

• stole money from our wallets-many times.

• stole iPod Touch

• sexted A LOT

• stole my work iPad (to sext)

• ran away to live with a pediphile because we took my work iPad away from her

• gaslighted us

• didn't do any school work

• refused to help out around the house, except she did collect much of the trash once a week

• left crap all over the house

• left dirty pads loose in various places

• managed to ingest any sweets within 24 hours of family purchase

• lied about anything and everything

• made everything about her

• rarely brushed her teeth

• rarely showered

Lupe is the younger. She was a wild child with violent tantrums, but has calmed and become an almost reasonable person.

July 29, 2019