FEBRUARY

The storm had just made its landfall, but I was not even sure if we were at the eye of it or not just yet. But I can’t just sit still and not do anything. Prayers aren’t enough. I knew I had to do something.

I had to find a way. The answer was right there - live like what you promised in the beginning. There was a reason that Aliza came back. Aliza never really came back. It was a different Aliza that was leading - an Aliza that we have never imagined, from a wholesome millennial leader to someone more bold and powerful. It was something we failed to capitalize on - we had to focus on his image change. We’ve seen it when he was in Dubai for a month. But it was still hard to process.

One day I turned to music as a way to escape. It healed me. That was how I understood who he was at the moment as the rebranded leader. But it was not easy - unless you’re in my position, you’ll never understand how scary social media has been. If you were me, you would prefer living under a rock and miss out on everything. “It’s better to be unaware”, I wrote on the Freedom Space. I even wanted to forget about him.. and I did everything to make that happen. I’ve had a lot of options - I’ve applied for jobs, I’ve signed up for internships and online courses.. but somehow I realized that I did not know what I was doing.

I had another option. I also needed to be empowered. I wrote everything on anything where I can express how I felt at the time. I needed to be reminded that I’m not alone in this journey.. even when I felt that I am.

With all these happening, I had to conclude that 2018 went off to not have a very good start. I was hoping that by April, the month of leadership’s 10th anniversary, everything will be fine.