You

You know, if I'd be given a chance to write about you, a book is necessarily just not enough…

“I once keen to consume the expensive Starbucks coffee as I never drink it before, at that time, I was in boarding school. A junior of mine, his class were to visit somewhere in Loqstaq and I asked him to buy a book for me, and the Starbucks itself. Yet he said, "Buang duit ja,".

Yeah it's delightful when someone writes your name on the cup as I never get that before. You know me, a boy who never have a partner, from where I can get that name written at the Starbuccino cup? Hence, I ask him to buy it for me, but he said, "Belilah benda berfaedah kit,"

Englishmen say curiosity kills the cat. Is that even right? Curiously I questioned him, how much that Starbucks worth? He replied, "Paling murah belaih-belaih la,". With my eyes wide opened, I be like, "What the fuck mahai nak mampoihhh!". "Takyah beli," he continued, steadily.

You know what, with calmness, he buried the steadiness below par in his voice, and said, "Buat apa beli ayaq mahai-mahai, aku pun tak penah beli jugak. Takyah la, biaq aku beli novel dah la kat hang. Simpan duit hang tu,". I can give 16 ringgit for the coffee, though. But I didn't.

Not because I suddenly become uninterested or lost my passion, but simply because he encouraged me that there are lot more things that you better sacrifice your money for apart of a Frappuccino with written typo-ed names. If you afford it then go on. If not, don't be a dumbass.

Until date, I still keep the intention, deep in my mind, I still hope to have a Starbucks some day. I never thought that, "Hmph Starbuck mahai nak mampoih takyah beli dah haih seumoq hidup,". No. For me, everything that in your affordable circle, you must give a try at least once. I got meatball.

Ikea meatball. It is pretty expensive but you can never compare the excessive price with the taste of the meatballs. Scrumptious. Fucking delicious. 20 balls and I am pregnant. For the first time, and maybe the last. But at least I paid a try. I thought, "Kat Kuantan ada ikea ka?"

Back to the only track, he and his class went to Loqstaq as a visit and they stopped by Aman Central that i don't know and i don't care for what purpose. I asked his hand to buy me two novels, and add-on Starbucks, which he rejected before, and I respected his mature opinion.

Deep in the night when my friends and I came back from prep class, not long after, their bus swiftly surf past the school gate, with a loud honk, to sign people that nuisance are back! To be more electrifying, the bus took a 360° degree swing to drift in the middle of the park like Fast 8 .

We wooed the driver, Pakcik Zaker and they ended up spinning for almost four times. The driver window slides down and Pakcik Zaker's hand bump out blowing waves toward us. We replied it with a standing ovation follow-up a thunderous applause. Then kids get out from the bus.

With their hands shrouding their head when it wasn't even light rain, we quite sure that they were feeling dizzy as fuck! By 2330, the bus left to park and everyone slid in their room to recite Al-Mulk. He lives in a room opposing my dorm. I sent a sign to him, a wave by hand.

Asking where are my things? That I pleaded him to purchase. He lifts his thumbs up, pulling a cheerful smile on my face. Someone knocking the microphone ordering us to sit silent and recite Al-Mulk with focus (khushu'). They announced that Ustad Ros also there strolling for prey (you know what I mean).

I walk through the block to his dorm and in the far corner, he is there bowing, finding something in his locker. His locker is at the lower part of the cupboard. I knock-knock-knock the wooden door of the locker, and he throw a glimpse to me. "Mana barang aku?" I ask like a boss.

"Sat," short reply, typical from him. He never speaks too much and prefer to hear more, and think more (tafakkur). But he never thought about himself though (muhasabah diri). This is the good side of him whereas he's steady, calm, surrounded by molecules of tranquility, smart and vicious.

He stumbled sometimes, saying something awful, middlefinger-licking among his friends but yeah, to err is human. I advised him and good thing, he listened. Sometimes, I spent my time with him at night, changing stories about ourselves, our childhood, our similarity & things that differentiates us.

Of course he listen more, he keep his mouth shut, but he eavesdrop. He didn't fell asleep until he asked to. If I stopped storytelling then he knows that it was his turn. He'll add some comments and relate it to his experience in childhood as he is a pure village boy. Somehow.

After he settled down with his activity at the locker, he place his ass on the mattress and grabbed up his sling bag. He brought his bag to everywhere except for bath. He unzipped the bag and send his bare hand swarming in the bag, searching something, making me more suspicious.

And interested, of course. He discovered two books with his hand, and the secret isn't a secret anymore. He hand them to me as I watch with overjoy the book titled "Kerna Syurga Bukan Percuma" and "Penjara" seals his mission assigned by me. A word slipped out, "Nakharrom,".

He said, "Kami panjat rak kot nak cari buku tu,". I wowed in heart and replied, "Biaq betoi hangpa. Hang tau dak buku ni aku cari merata tak jumpak-jumpak." I reviewed some bookstores that I trespassed into but still I couldn't find the book. I'm conservative to not exploiting online alternative.

​I am very thankful to have the book and I asked him to apply his signature on the autograph page in the book as a significant for him to help me reach this much. I tell him, "Klea bakhang. Hang memang power la," and acknowledged him as the best that I ever had in my life. Perform!”

I can't write much because I just can't knock you out from my mind. All I want to say is, thank you for these tremendous two years. I can't forget when you shook my body after knowing that I'm going to be the 1st choice goalie in my debut. Also bahut bahut shukriya for your presence at the night of my born day and accompanying me to seal our first triumph against ramen. And gracias morcocos AGAIN for buying me the book Kerna Syurga Bukan Percuma. I've been searching for it everywhere but it ends up with you purchasing it for me.

Some of your friends said, regarding to your departure, "1 yang pergi tak sama dengan 1000 yang mari/datang,". But I don't prefer that. I'm more attracted to the phrase, " Di mana kan ku chari ganti, serupa dengan mu,". You can sing it like the late P. Ramlee once laboured his golden voice for this line.

Enjoy your 'teknologi kimpalan' course, strive for your dreams, struggle towards success, make your parents proud, prove to me that your decision is worth it, keep missing me, pray for me, loving me and so on. Sometimes I'm keen to ask you, "Main tere qaabil hoon ya tere kaabil nahi? (I’m worthy of You, or am I not?)". But it's okay, though. Having you is enough as an answer. Make me believe that distance can't separate us apart. I'm sure that all your friends will also agree with me for this.

Last but not least, what I really want to say is, "Jag ghoomeya thare jaisa na koi, (I roamed the whole world but I couldn’t find anyone like You) "...

I miss you.

In every hale of breath, I miss you.

Whether it's morning or night, whether it's rain or bright, I miss you.

In every walk of time, I miss you.

In every decimal of second, I really miss you, no lies.

I hope you miss me, although sometimes.