One day, you find there is only Comcast.

Scores on my friends list have been obsessed with the movie frenzy. Despicable Me and its sequel, Despicable Me 2. Despicable Me has totally taken over the news feed with their brand of Munster, the Minions, who are shaped like a formless yellow dingus. The Minions' toy counterparts stuff our department stores with useless products, with an unlikely company creating and distributing Despicable Me product—Comcast.

That's right, Despicable Me is a franchise that Comcast uses to squeeze money out of their demographic, families with brain-dead children and parents that follow the Minions brand around like all-too-familiar consumer zombies. I found out something when I was shopping at an old Radioshack, during the Christmas season. Comcast also owns virtually every single router for sale in stores. The DSL routers are Comcast, the Media/ Cable modems were all Comcast. Hell, even the batteries were sold by Comcast. Then I started looking around, and I noticed huge office buildings owned and operated by Comcast. They must have supplied well over half the jobs in this part of town. I even saw cars that were covered with Comcast wraps, Comcast Subways, Comcast Radioshacks, Comcast Bus Stops, Comcast gift card checks.

The insanity took me to space. I remember it still, despite the trauma, getting sucked up from that vacuum tube. Super fast ultra vacuum tubes are the best abduction technique, as long as the big-ass tube that sucks you up is smooth and stretchy. Up in space there's Comcast, too. Every checkpoint in the entire Galactic Trade Route or GTR, is operated by Comcast. The billboards have Comcast's name displayed in giant advertisements at the checkpoints. There really isn't much that isn't Comcast in space. Then, a Comcast Borg colony picked me up. I found out there is only Comcast.