I began attending the meetings of Jehovah's Witnesses in the 1940s and at the age of 18 was baptised in1954 and was attending the Long Beach East congregation. Don Cecil studied with me and he is such a fine witness. At the time I could respect many of the older ones and their dedication to Jehovah. Thinking back, I remember how much the expression "Society" was used in meetings. No one could do anything without the Society's approval.

I knew the personal nurse of Rutherford, she stayed with us and was a good person but some of the inside stories were always in my mind about what she had said. Berta Peal was a good friend of my family.

I was doing well as a young man of 20, and had a new Chevy with twin pipes. A pioneer sister was interested in me. She had an invitation to Gilead. She wanted to go with a husband and so in 1957 we got married. The Society agreed and blessed our marriage. Three months later we got an assignment in Superior, Ariz. and I started to pioneer with her. I could get a job part time easily because I was specially trained in vocational schools in California for the printing trade. I had a good job and was doing great and companies sponsored my other special technical courses in printing. Putting me ahead in the latest technology at the time. I even ran a printing press at the WT depot in Lynwood, California part time. Brother Robert Porter was there for a while with brother Zook.

In Arizona, I worked three days a week and supported us, as well as another pioneer couple. It also helped the congregation to survive financially. I remember a brother Dean Songer was given his first circuit assignment there with the Superior Congregation. He rambled into town with an old trailer and Packard car that was overheating in the desert. I had filled out my application for Gilead and of course told them about my tech experience. In less than the two required years of pioneering, brother Knorr sent us an invitation to Gilead. It was the last class to be held at the old campus in upper NY, South Lansing, in 1960. After graduation Knorr asked us to go to Brooklyn and work in the printing factory (Bethel). We had already received our assignment to the Philippines.

At Brooklyn I worked in six departments from dispatch to bindery. In every department I could excel over what they were doing and introduced the offset printing idea, but it was not looked upon at the time as anything that would be used before Armageddon. I was able to teach them many shortcuts and trade secrets that old printers in the "world" had taught me. After this short stay in Brooklyn, my wife had a miscarriage and just before we were to leave, I asked the Bethel doctor to see her, but they refused and it was like a blow on the head to a young man that thought they were there when you need help. I had money and saw an outside doctor.

They always said to "Go ahead and Jehovah's spirit would take care of it." Brother Redford traveled with us to the Philippines and we became good friends and worked at the branch in Quezon City. He was teaching Kingdom Ministry School. We studied the language and shared some intimate thoughts about the way the Branch Servant Leone was caring for the 25 members. One time we were not getting enough food on the table and brother Redford told Leone about it and caused a lot of trouble and a bad report was filed in Redford's personal file. Knorr sent all the printing equipment to start the factory and I easily set it up and printed everything in 9 dialects as needed. Even on an empty stomach at times. Brother Redford and I, after leaving the Bethel table, would sometimes go to the local hamburger place and eat. I trained the local brothers to operate the factory and they were doing okay. At this time my wife got pregnant and we wondered what to do.

When we told the Society my wife was pregnant, they sent us a blunt letter saying we could leave anytime. The branch servant's wife was in same situation, and they were to stay and keep on with their work. We really felt like outsiders all of a sudden. We had to get out and they were going to bring in another brother to operate the factory. We had given our all, and had no money except a loan of a one-way ticket home. Not very rewarding for four years of work or the time spent pioneering. I decided to try for a job in Manila.

Because of my technical ability an American company which sold printing equipment offered me a job. To our surprise the job was assistant to the owner and general manager. We found a very nice place to live and the company gave us a car to drive. Our situation was as different as night and day. The Bethel brothers would not even visit us after this. When it came time for the birth of our baby, they never came around, just a few brothers that were close to us showed any concern.

My company paid all the birth expenses and took care of us. I was very successful in sales of equipment and gave many lectures at the universities there. As time passed, I was told by our family at home that my parents, now getting older, needed help. We came home by boat with all of our Filipino furniture and collection. The Bethel brother Denton Hopkinson gave us a brief good bye.

I returned from the Philippines to Atascadero, Calif. and was received well by the brothers there. I was helped to settle back again as publisher in the local congregation. I never felt more love among the brothers than at this time. It was like Jehovah was the helping hand.

It was at the visit of the organization's circuit overseer that everything changed. Brother Graham wanted to change things. He imported a brother that he said "needed the experience" and so brother McCabe took over. Changes were made and the brothers began to move away until some of the finest brothers I knew were disfellowshipped. The whole scene changed so much that anyone not kissing up to the clicks were outsiders soon.

I wrote to the Society for an assignment in Utah. We moved and served where the need was great on a starvation diet with two little boys. We started the work in Beaver and worked with Cedar City and later with the Bountiful Congregation when we almost starved to death in those small Mormon towns. In the Salt Lake area it was very slow to have the brothers accept us. I had to make an impression with my record of success to prove I was worthy of their recognition.

I did. I also impressed the Newspaper Agency Corp. who printed the two largest newspapers in Utah. They put me in charge of their promotional printing factory and I was able to give a great witness and some listened and came to be JWs to this day. Bountiful used me and I used my faith to move mountains in the building of the Kingdom Hall.

Example: One day we had a very large I-beam to position on the roof of the new hall. The brothers were all standing there and didn't know what to do. Damn it, I said, "Our faith in Jehovah will move this into place." I got into my car and went to a local crane operator. I explained what we needed and that we were JWs. He said, "Okay!" and surprised me. I drove back to the Kingdom Hall and all the brothers were eating and telling theocratic jokes. I told them than Jehovah was about to act. HA! Not long after this, a big crane outfit came up along side of the hall. A man began to ask where we wanted the I-beam. The brothers jumped to action. The crane moved in and set up and in short order it was over. The job was done, and for free. I wished that I could have given more to that crane man. He showed something that I believe is a true spirit of goodness. The friends did not even write a letter of thank you.

Time went on and I was big time with the organizing of the district assembly and many district assembly talks. Gilead graduates get extra honor, you see, even if I did not think I was so good. My secular job was with Hammermill Paper division in Salt Lake as a graphic arts specialist. The money was good and many of the friends enjoyed the drinks and food we set on the table. It really bought us into a clique of glory. I never had any time for my two boys, they were always left with my wife. I was busy "serving Jehovah."

The first problem was when my older boy (age 13) ran away from home on a motorcycle to California. In 1975, I sold my beautiful home and changed my job schedule to pioneer, but the brothers kept me so busy I could not pioneer, and I gave up. Finally I transferred my job to Las Vegas, NV and then I was confronted with more problems and responsibilities from the congregation (part-time circuit work, etc.) I could not get away from them. I needed to be with my family and the teenage boys of mine who were experimenting with drinking and drugs. Oh, how I needed some of the brothers to help, but they were too busy. Then I gave up responsibility and they looked at me like I was sick and didn't love Jehovah. I was human!

I fell to a immoral condition out of hate and sorry. They did not help me but waited until the time they could disfellowship me, and they did. I was divorced. My kids left with their mother and fell to drugs and an immoral state. I changed my marriage status and lived alone. It was nice to be free. I did much good for the will of Jehovah and found friends that care. I taught at the university of Nevada for ten years and published four books on history and printing. I am well known among the historians of Nevada Historical Society and have met good people that are free to talk about life and what it is about.

I went back to the Watchtower and they required me to attend meetings for a while and reinstated me. I have since married a Filipino woman and have two children. We are helping to form a Tagalog congregation in Las Vegas, but they have not fully accepted me back. One day my non-dedicated wife wanted to see how the work was done from door to door. When we got to the Kingdom Hall there was an over-zealous elder that jumped up in front of everyone to confront my wife as to her qualifications to go in the preaching work. She was not an approved, non-dedicated publisher. We sheepishly left the hall and I tried to explain. She was almost in tears. I wrote to the Governing Body about this and they made the brother apologize, but ever since they have black-balled us and we are treated with little concern. The brother has spread this to other congregations and we have no chance to be a part of anything now. But they call me every month on time to get a field report for the preaching activity.

They never visit. Oh, yes, they did once when I asked the Society if I could get some disks of witnessing tracts to use on the Internet. They put me in my place as to what I could do and not do. No disks. "Just refer anyone to the official Watchtower website." I was disabled with a heart attack, and now I sit at home and no JWs ever visit me. I write to the Governing Body and they never answer my letters. I am sorry, they did give me an answer when I donated $20. Now what am I going to do? Well, I know Jehovah and Jesus and will serve them. I no longer feel at home at the meetings and feel better at home with Jesus. I can see how it is to feel like an outcast as Jesus was from the Jewish organization. But my knowledge of Jehovah and Jesus does lead to life! (John 17:3)