I was a fully fledged Jehovah's Witness for 25 years, I didn't believe in 1914 but I was still a Jehovah's Witness . First, I have to tell you a bit about my life. My father was an atheist, hated God and my mother had a mental breakdown. She was a religious fanatic, religious maniac. She was always in and out hospitals and we were always put in one home or another so I really didn't think too much about God. I was christened an Anglican by my Gran she took me to the Anglican Church and I went to Sunday school until I was six.

But, when I say I've been knocking on doors all my life that's the truth. The war came and I was evacuated and the lady that took us in had four of us. She got fed up with us and she told us she wanted us to go. So, the other mothers all took their kids home, but I was left and she told me that my parents didn't want me so I should find another home. So I went round knocking on doors--I was 12--to see if somebody would take me in and somebody did. I was grateful for that. I stayed there till I was 14 and then I went home again but I had been living in a very comfortable home although I had to work, had to work very hard, but that was all right. So, I went home, but I'd gotten used to being in a lovely home, and my parents home wasn't very lovely. So I decided to become a nanny, and I did. I wanted the best, so I became a nanny and went into all the rich homes, and looked after the kids. But then, at 15, we had the Canadian army come in, they invaded us, and I flipped for a Canadian. And at 16 we got married he was 19 and I was 16.

I was married in the Catholic Church, I had to, I was in no position to argue. They said if I didn't get married in the Catholic Church, then my I husband and I would not be considered married. So, I had to. By the time I was 21 I had four children. But, by the time I came to Canada, at nineteen--and I'm sure you've heard about all those rotten war bride stories--well my story was one of them. Terrible, and I didn't know my husband really. I just saw him now and again on weekends and when I came to live with him I learned he was an alcoholic, and it was very difficult living. So, we didn't have much money either, 18 dollars a week at that time, which was very low, and with his drinking we had nothing, nothing at all. So, my mother would send me from England some material and I would sit up half the night and make brooches and I'd be knocking on doors again selling brooches. So I'm well trained for the Witness work, but there came a time in my life when it got very bad with my husband and I was contemplating divorce. But strangely enough, I really did believe there was a God and that I had married for better or worse, for richer or poorer, and all that. I didn't really want to get divorced, and I did love my husband, and I was praying. And who do you think came knocking?

wasn't yeah bond reading and I said to them what's your Bible say about divorce they opened it to Malachi God hates divorce well that was from the Bible that was from God I thought and I was interested so they took me in and they explained to me you know that if I was to show more of the christ-like love I might win my husband over well you all know this power in the word and I started to study from the Bible two weeks I studied from the Bible I saw Corinthians where with love we could win our husbands over and I was pray in a life that I would I didn't know just it eroded into a bullet book study I thought I was still studying the Bible and believe me I was the one hundred and ten percent Jehovah's Witness my husband did stop drinking and I believe that stir prayer but he hated my preaching so instead of me being beaten when he was drinking which he used to do quite often he now started beating me preaching I've been in the hospital with a fractured skull I used to go to the kingdom hall with my black eyes very proud because a slave is not greater than his master and I was doing Christ's work I believed and I really did endure and everybody that brothers and sisters would be so proud you know here she comes with a black eye you're on that was a badge of honor such stupidity now but at the time I was brainwashed no I was under mind control there's two things they preached at that time one was that Jesus did not have a beard well they told me he was a man they should have a beard must means the exact nor when he didn't have a beard and the other was that Christ came in visibly in 1914 well I didn't believe either of those then I said to my book study conductors go studying with me I said I don't believe that and I won't get that tired because I don't believe that I could see they were loving and kind people but I'm not a I don't usually get led astray but anyway the circuit servant came to see me know how important that is I mean circuit servant he came to see me anything don't worry grace you know you're a good student don't worry about the beard and the 1914 God will put it right so I thought that's fine I said but I won't get baptized you said no that's in I was gung ho out with service preaching wherever I used to work for the bay at one time and they gave me my own little office and used to call me Jehovah and I didn't mind I that gave me the opportunity to go back and show them in the Bible where I wasn't Jehovah but anyway and it was a year after that that the watchtower came out and said Jesus did have a beard I don't know how they found out but I was glad so I've got baptized thinking well God does put things right so she'll put 1914 right I knew he would and I believed everything except 1914 I did tell brother Ford who was a very good brother that I didn't believe and he said don't worry about it maybe you'll be one that will hang on the skirt of jewel eventually you know but anyway I purse secured and I got that ties on November the 1th there was 1th back to baptized and it was in 1965 I was baptized in the name of the Father the Son and the Holy Spirit and I believed it whole-souled but then I felt truly felt that I saw I was one of these witnesses that some of you witness all the things I used to pad your time will you any of the witnesses that used to count your coffee breaks or put the watchtower in the window and drive all the way to Chicago and count time for it I didn't like you guys I felt sorry for you and I thought we had to be an honest organization so I would put my own time in and I pad your time I'd do that on the side because I wanted us to be a true organization so I spent many hours when I knew a brother had done there or a sister and I would had their time for them thinking oh we have keeping it a clean organization I love that I had been picked up by the police in Montreal I was a witness and at the time of du Plessis the rain witnesses were not allowed to preach and I came in just after that and we were picked up by the police and I'd be out with all the sisters and they they go on grace you go so I'd go and witness to the police and convince them I'm a very good sales lady I convinced them that they should go on another Street and they'd say well why don't you go on the other Street and then we will get calls so we did we obliged and I talked to everyone you know how they told us they showed us how to preach everywhere we met if i sat in the subway I talked the person next me I was really boring then my daughter one of my daughters I have three children and a son my son doesn't believe in God because he's had we've seen a lot going in our family and I guess he figured if there was a God he wouldn't have allowed me to be beaten like that my eldest daughter was the one that fought me to the end she was much against jehovah's witnesses she is now a full-fledged jehovah's witness she doesn't speak to me she told me when I found out I was dispel oh shit I told her I thought I might be developed and she said mom I love you very much but I love to hold for more silence speak to anyone I have two beautiful grandchildren two beautiful black grandchildren and a wonderful friend of mine brother Pitts when he made the call last year I just couldn't help it I had to respond but I have another daughter and she she went to England and fell in love with a boy that lives next door to my mum and married and it's devastating I mean this boy didn't even believe and she said mom I've decided that I'd lose life and want to live with him she was married she said I want to live with him for the rest of my life everlasting life she'll give up for him and she did okay excuse me and a year afterwards she came down with cancer he had Hodgkin's disease and the brothers and sisters told me that it was because she had left Jehovah that's why she had cancer then I excused it right away by thinking well they're weak they really don't know my god and I had more knowledge and more love so the more you have the more is expected of you so I forgave them for that but I started lying I started going home to my daughter and telling her all brother someone's the last how you were and nobody asked how they were nobody called her sent her cards or anything so I continued the lion because I didn't want her to turn against God I felt if I lost my life for her she was worth it I can drink our brothers cup to Cara then I have another daughter that turn she had married a brother I pressured her into it they were seeing each other and you know that you're not allowed to see a brother on the side you've got to have a chaperone and all you know how it is nothing to look at him you've got to have a commitment before you even go out with each other and I put my foot down says you know she really shouldn't be seeing him and they say I didn't want her to marry him I said no he wasn't really baptized but she was going to marry him whether it was baptized or not she loved him and she did he did get that time she had two children when they were three and five he left her for another woman cause he was two fellowshipped that he never supported the children three and five and she looked after them and at that time they were not allowed to take welfare I don't know if they are today but at that time she couldn't accept welfare she had to go to work full-time to support the children go to meetings because if you didn't go to meetings you were considered weak go out ten hours a week a month in the service with a heartache of being left that was hard that bothered me too but that was just one of the things and these things as you are going through being a witness you can see these things going on and you still think well we're parting on we're Jehovah's Witnesses we'll leave all the people that do bad things and we'll just plod on then my eldest my daughter with cancer she was very ill and I used to help her husband look after her at one one time I stopped counting time before this I was back up a little before this I stopped counting time because I thought God sees what I'm doing and I don't have to put that in the box and the brothers came to me and said you're not counting time you must count time and I said no the Bible doesn't say I have to put it down how much time I put if he's what I'm doing he knows whether I'm doing what time and they said no no sister they said if you don't count time we can see whether us spiritually dying that's how finger on your pulse so that if you're not counting time we know you're spiritually dying well that sounded reasonable to me I wish they'd counted the bumps on my head before I went in so I started counting time again but while my daughter was so ill I helped her husband look after her and I had no time nobody came I didn't see a soul I could have been spiritually dead for ages because nobody came to see me knew that was just the story then it was just made up I have an outline here so I have to keep referring to it then when my daughter was cured we moved there was a lot of problems in Montreal with a political unrest so we decided to move to Ontario I had been a little weaker in service I hadn't been making as many meetings and when my husband said he wanted to move to Ontario I thought this was Jehovah as well I thought he wants me to get cracking again so this was that he was going to bring my husband into the truth so I said to my husband yeah we will move but turn he would have to drive me to the kingdom hall because I couldn't drive and he promised me he would and we moved but we moved so far away from the kingdom hall that my husband wouldn't drive me and nobody else seemed to care about picking me up but anyway I did and then eventually I talked him into it and he would come drive me to the Kingdom Hall and very angry I suffered greatly and that's my macho but anyway he did drive me to Kingdom Hall then he was told that he had cancer my husband but while we were driving one day there was a radio programme and it said on the road radio program this fellow has been interviewed and his name was David bottom is it botting Glen Garry biting Garry washing and he was being interviewed about a book you've written your William mind of Jehovah's Witnesses and the fella said are you excommunicated he said no I thought I can leave that so I went and read the book and I thought I wouldn't admit it it's true you know where I like Orwell's 1984 but I didn't wasn't convinced and then I mentioned it to a sister and they marked me she said you know you've been marked for reading the book I mean me I worked harder than any of them but anyway then Gary I read crisis of conscience and felt well he's apostate but some of it I knew was true and I did love him and I thank him so much for having a conscience this about a year before I husband died I began to see before I had crack in my armor as Lutz always put that he says when they get cracks in their armor that's when you can get a little bit of truth in so my armor was cracking and my husband was dying and I looked after my husband until the day before he died but for the last three months of his life he wanted me to pray and I really didn't feel I could I really felt spiritually dying but I was praying because I had to keep his eyes on the kingdom and I was praying out loud and he kept saying to me why don't anybody come to see you I hope the brothers and sisters our house was always filled with pioneers servants and why are they coming to see you and I mean how could I see it because I've read a book you couldn't do that but the brothers did come my daughter that was a witness came down from Montreal and asked the brothers to come and see us and the brother came in his lunch hour and I asked him to pray and he did pray and he said what a wonderful husband my husband had been and really it was the first time he'd met my husband but do you know that bothered my husband when he left he was very distraught he said they they God knows that's not true how could he fail that so I thought he needed to speak to father only and thinking that the elders were special when he came the next time he kept twice when my husband was dying and I asked him to speak to my husband moan and when he came out he said didn't speak to me about anything he just said your husband wants to be buried by us and I felt that's fine but he phoned me and he said do you mind if I thank anybody that come now he's been 25 years one of Jehovah's Witnesses and four people came that didn't know my husband for witnessing the dear sister back that is still a witness she came and her husband to his murder witness and another came and that was the length of the people that came to his journal and if you had known I'm sure your witness is know in 25 years how many friends unique but nobody came I had three strikes against me my daughter had left to marry a boy that was not a witness my other daughter had become inactive because her husband had left her and here I'd read a book so that was bad and after the mural I moved to be near my daughter the one that had cancer she was now cured and was expecting twin praise God but I was really shaky and about 1914 so I was going to the Kingdom Hall and I had mentioned to the elders but I never did believe in 1914 and they said you gotta believe that and I said no that's the basis of the jehovah's witness teachings well I've been weird all along and I just thought this was God's channel I didn't have to believe in 1914 God would put it right so they came to I wrote to I saw an article in the watchtower that said why are you disparage fellowshipping people who love Jehovah love Jesus Christ and believe in the Bible and they answered that was not enough you must believe that but you must also believe the other faithful and the discreet strays I believe that if you mustn't take a blood transfusion I had two major operations without blood if anybody wants to get in touch with dr. Palmer in Montreal he said he will never forget me I drove in mad until he said I'll do you and he did so I'd had two major operations without blood you must believe that Jesus came in 1914 I didn't believe that so I wrote to Freddy Freddie didn't answer don't know why but I did have three brothers coming visit me wanted to know why didn't I believe in 1914 and I told them why I I never believed in 1914 well I had brought many people in I know we mustn't say that we brought people into jehovah's witnesses we didn't do that did we you planted apollos waters and Jehovah made it grow but listen I brought people into jehovah's witnesses about ten of them and it was sweat and toil and my husband would beat me and I'd the phone would ring all day long and he'd sit and watch me and say listen if they've all found Jehovah how come they got a phone you and that's the truth isn't it who do we think we are but three brothers came to visit me and said look we'll study with you and proved to you 1914 but I had read Ray's book by then and said no you know I had read for her that's what did it I said I've read very Frances book and they said well and they didn't and I wrote my letter I knew I was going to be discovered shipped so I wrote my letter out when they came back I thought well I wait and see because surely they won't disfellowship me but they came back and told me that I had to believe it and if I didn't believe it that they would have to decide shoot me they said do you really believe we're the faithful and the discreet slave and I said if you dispeller shoot me I'll know you're not I was just fellowshipped a wheat breeder but when I said that I was distraught I'm laughing about it now but believe me at the time it was hard i sat there and cried to them and I said you what if I commit suicide and he said and he left I haven't spoken well I have spoken to them since once they went to my son and my son has always said mom you should run for government you're so honest and all there's you know my rootin party but jehovah's witnesses called at his door after i was discovered shipped and he said i said i used to think you people were wonderful but he said when you kicked my mother out and what you've done to my mother and my sisters i know that you're not honest and they said or she must have sinned doesn't think i sinned but he said not my mother he said no it was over something to do in 1914 and he saw no we don't just fellowship for that so my son phoned me and he said mom you must have done something and i was really upset so I phoned the brother brother Luke's I said brother I said I don't care what you tell the world but don't plant seeds in my son's mind he knows me then he said I don't have to talk to you and he hung up and because I ii cried my other daughter the one that had the cancer phoned me and she wanted to know why I was crying and I told her and she phoned every witness in the book you know and tell him off she phoned me back as her giving his name I'm gonna phone him and she did I believe she gave people krispies pheromone but then I started getting these books in the mail and do I love you David rude comments from a friend Wow you'd read these them you'd go through me I thought I was mistake I thought I was Judas I had had had the pills to commit suicide but I kept thinking of my daughter it was going to have the twins she'd need my help there's no way she could manage twins after being so sick I had to stay alive and I waited for those comments from the friends so we going and then I wrote to a friend and I loved my friend she wrote me the most beautiful letters Dunlop edy Dunlop sent me those beautiful tape and then I had a friend sent me some addresses of some people in Toronto so I wrote to these people in Toronto and they were out of the witnesses but not doing anything but they gave me a name of a couple I'd heard about this couple other people that have been excommunicated and they gave me a name of a couple Eric rune Lutz cough cough so I phoned them and they said oh and very nonchalantly oh yeah they would come over sure fine and this couple turned up well and you could see he was apostate here they had a beard and his wife kept sitting there saying well I have a personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ nice that's weird you read what you sow cause she tells me that a hundred times now but I did start to think how come witnesses she had had a blood transfusion to which army and I that was really out but then I started to think she really meant it when she said she had a personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ well I knew Lord Jesus Christ we pray through him don't we without him we know that but I started to think about her and I started to read Ray's book Reverb David's book a Linda whole I've never met her she wrote me beautiful letters I don't know who she is she wrote me beautiful letters never don't know where she heard about me if you know her please tell her about me and I started to be on my new day in and day out crying so sorry I couldn't do my arithmetic and workout 1914 but could I know Jesus Christ like they were talking about him and it was really meant I just didn't feel Jesus Christ but I started to read the Bible and I read Deuteronomy 18 false prophets acts and over being pierced and I was really beginning to grow in spirit then they had mentioned that maybe I would like to go to the convention in Pennsylvania and I I've always what before that I have met called some people fellow had been advertising in the paper do you need a friend would you like to read the Bible I thought this is my chance to Guam study in the Bible with somebody but Ana guy came is very nice fella but they were the two by twos the couny a lovely people and I mentioned I would like to go to there was a Connecticut ex witness meeting and I mentioned I would like to go to that but I didn't have the money I priced it and they said well we'll drive you I didn't realize he wanted to go to get all these extra holders witnesses that were going to be in Connecticut Ruth or Ruth and bill will attest to that because they were there too and I latched them on to them but then they drove me all the way there and back for nothing then it was very pleasant they were very lovely people but when I realized who they were true Laurie McGregor really I stopped that but then they mentioned this convention and I many people had said that a couple of the people in Schwindt sand lip yetzer Christians that have been helping me they said I should really go so I left it in prayer to the Lord and I prayed about it but my car broke down and this is 79 Chevy and it cost me 800 to get it fits on you I couldn't go that was an answer from God but Erica Lutz phoned up and said you can come with us it doesn't cost us anything so you can come with us somebody put $50 under my door didn't know who and a Christian phoned and said look we booked the room there and you can have it if you'd like to Jarett with Erica and Lewis so I thought this is an answer to God from God so I've decided I would be going but an axe witness grace Niblick if everybody knows her from America family ray friends had put me in touch with her she said don't go there all trinitarian so I found Erica and said I'm not going so she said why and I said well they're all Trinitarian she said a lot of me he said how do you know that she said then you have to speech them to know what they believe well that's true you know so I'll go so I came feet first and Luke said he came with two Grace's one coming and one going but I walked in the door and I was saying literature I mean if that's not apostasy and he took me over to this guy bill met me at all Joel if I'd had a car I would have gone home and I came and I sat in the same seat I'm sitting in now and I thought ah what a bunch they hold in their hands huh hallelujah praise God honey these are witnesses they really had strayed poor souls and I was crushed they all said you came in yeah I did and we were introducing ourselves and I stood up there and I was crying bitterly and I said I miss my brothers and sisters and this is this nice lady rubbing my back and bill said you want to go back to the watchtower and I said I never said that and I turned around to this very nice lady and I feel like guy gets under my skin I didn't know it with this wife I might sat there the next day I said the Erica Lutz took off and I sat there and believe me the Spirit worked I love you all so much brother Alton Pitts got up here and here his wife all of you are wonderful but he got out of here and I tell you my heart opened up like you wouldn't believe and he made an altar call and my heart was saying go go forward but I couldn't and you know I'm not shy but I couldn't and I said to the man sitting next to me I'd love to go forward and he said would you want me to go with you on us please and he did and it's been wonderful I'm and can I tell you that the last year of my life has been the happiest of my life I would like to act on going over time I guess I would like to add that since I've been a Christian I would like to make an honorable mention to John Engler he has been provided me with all the books and tapes and everything that I need and I would like to add that since I've been a Christian the reporter the record came and interviewed me and there was a full-page picture on how I was disfellowshipped from why I was dispeller shipped and I had some most marvelous letters from Calgary Vancouver of people that are witnesses or studying with the witnesses or witnesses have been hurt from Quebec I was baptized October the 7th over radio and I thank God and thank you and my lord my king my Savior I love him thank I don't even get an applause like that