"DO NOT BE AFRAID"

ISAIAH 41:10 & 13.

She was young, he was too!

Loving marriage, one child.

Asking questions, wondering why?

Must find a faith for our little daughter dear.

We must study but what?

It's on God's Word we must rely!

Mormons drop by,

It's on God's word we must rely.

"Pearls of Wisdom" always come first!

No Bible will they use....

Goodbye to Mormons......You lose!

Graduated with Master's Degree in double EE

At the same time, found Jehovah God,

and his wonderful TRUTH.

Another child on the way...to teach His Gracious Way!

Oh, Happy Day!

Let's move now, and help where the

"Need is Great!"

Early 60's needs are great all around.

"First Love for Jehovah" is Oh, So Strong!

Jehovah will help us,

How can we do any harm?

Unbelievable Faith, he won't let us to do anything wrong!

Small mountain town, lots of snow.

Isolated, 50 miles from the Kingdom hall.

4 Wheel Scout , we were young with lots of energy.

Stick closely to God's Word.....be careful don't fall!

Soon our third child, a son arrived.

Beautiful family, loving our life.

All are happy and satisfied.

Angels are busy as they show us where to roam!

No other publishers, door to door is done all alone.

Over Mountain Passes,

Some Bible studies as far as 90 miles away!

Made 3 little beds, safe and secure in the back of the Scout!

Relishing the privilege, every single day!

Traversing over snowy roads with ease.

Helping new publishers, door to door.

Like living in a snowy deep freeze,

Temps many times -50 below.

Wearing Army gear, no one will know.

He's offered a better paying job.

But It's in another city, far away!

Prayer and faith abound.

Let's stay, still so many sheep to be found!

Turns down better paying job.

Book study is now held in our home.

Three little children, five mouths to feed!

Strong faith, Jehovah takes the lead!

10 Bible studies to help along.

Simply can't make "ends meet!"

She has to find employment, yet, little did they know.

What horrible things lie at their feet!

A Great Tragedy Strikes

Long hours, not much rest, he's ordered to bed!

Bleeding ulcer, bleeding to death.

Small hospital, limited care.

Many prayers, all heard!

Still great faith, never once wavered.

Not a drop of blood did we touch!

'Twas against His Law!

Our hearts are ripped and shredded from our chests,

Bleeding and raw!

INTEGRITY

'Twas a small ski vale.

A peaceful snowy mountain.

The day and year,

March 10, 197l.

The "Prize of Life,"

is the victory to be won!

He bowed to death,

against his will!

Challenging his loyalty,

with his integrity still!

Silenced by a coma.

Is it possible he could hear,

a whisper in his ear?

"We love you so much, to us you are so dear!'

A tender kiss, upon his feverish brow.

Devastating helplessness!

"Oh, Please Dear God, don't let him die now!"

Three little children he'll leave to live,

without their father giving all that he could give!

Standing by his bedside.

Bowing now to his death.

Against my will! Unrelenting, faithful still!

'Tis March 10th, 2003,

Now 32 years bound, in death's grasp.

In an entombed prison!

Soon to be released!

Resurrected!

Life Forever,

At Last!

(It took me 32 years to finally write that poem

I hurt so badly then and even now, it was all

I could do to put it down on paper!)

How can this be Jehovah?

We did everything you instructed us to do!

We did everything "Just So!"

Yet, he died!!! He still died!!!

My faith is shattered,

How do I go on?

Scriptures are studied, recall.....

We are not promised life on this side......

"Do Not Be Afraid, I'll take care of you four!

Just give me your right hand,

And I'll lift you up from the floor!"

(I was still so indignant that I wrote the poem below)

April 1971

"NO ONE ASKED!"

No one asked, is this your will?

No one asked, or he would be here still!

No one asked, I don't even like the name!

Yet, I'm a 'widow' just the same!

The word "widow" means "Wasted!"

and I'm only 33! I've got so much love to give!

It's my soul-mate that died.

I've still got to live!

No one asked, if I'd like to walk

the rest of my life in "single form?"

Is it any wonder then, that I'm so forlorn?

No one asked, nor took the time to inquire?

Did you know he would expire?

No one asked, if I could survive?

No one even asked, if I wanted to stay alive?

No one asked nor even told

me how long I should mourn?

Does that show I loved him more?

How would they know?"

Have they ever walked through a "widow's door?"

No one asked, if I had a wonderful plan?

No one asked me if I'd miss his arms?

And his tender embrace?

No one even ask me,

"Can you run without a heart in "Life's Race?"

No one asked, if I'd be able to go on?

Do I really have a choice?

I have 3 children to raise!

Trying to replace his love, and all of his loving ways!

No one asked, if I could adjust?

And yet, I knew I must!

This is one widow who won't give up!

Even though they' didn't bother to ask!

I have to go on,

without his loving arm's embrace.

I have to continue without his

Kindness, goodness, and grace!

I'll have to leave ME out of this!

I must go on, and so I will!

I'm up earlier each day.....

I listen carefully to what the birds have to say.

I watch the beautiful sun appears,

I remember, he was so dear!

I go to his grave site, even though I know he's not there.

But, somehow he seems so near!

I learn not to feel the pain.

I learn to hold back my tears!

I learn how to live without his tender love!

I learn how to suppress my fears!

I hold very tightly to my Creator's hand.

Without Him, I could never hope to stand!

He tucks me into bed each night,

and as I soak my pillow,

He assures me that everything is going to be all right!

He holds me ever so gently in his comforting arms,

And, as I am able to feel the pain,

he loosens his grip and gives me more rein.

I was wrong!! I don't have to go on alone.

He will always be there to help me stand!

He's as close to me as my right hand!

Jehovah helps me create my poems,

and this poem even helps me to this day.

If I get discouraged, I just read it and it

tells me I'd better hang on to his hand!

He went to sleep on Wednesday,

His service was held on Saturday.

I returned to Service on Sunday,

because I knew, my heart had said,

"If you don't go now, you'll never go again!"

Returned to work on Monday.

Like Paul, very strong...."Tis The Way!"

Small town good for gossip.

"You killed your own husband!"

"You wouldn't give him blood!"

Both sides of our families completely abandoned us.

Persecution was prevalent at many a door!

Yet we continued to endure.

My children were the only witnesses

in all three schools.

Most were kind, but some harassed and explained,

that their mother had broken the rules!

My son's wicked 1st grade teacher.

forced my son to recite before his whole classroom.

Why his Daddy was no longer in sight!

We held our heads high with no response.

We could care less as long as Jehovah

approves, then we are all right!

Finally after 5 years some relief would come.

A major move to the Midwest.

Different city, same quest!

Worship Jehovah, remain faithful and go on!

Worked two jobs for many years, to pay bills.

Finally so discouraged, tired, worn skin thin.

I finally gave up, stopped the race.

Sorry Jehovah, I know I can't win!

I'd never even looked at another man.

No time for anything involving myself.

Placed all my loneliness, lack of companionship,

and hurting heart high on a shelf!

My children are all I've got!

Nice worldly man comes into view.

Studies the Bible, seems just right for you!

A marriage take place, as he learns "God's Way!"

I learn to live with his torture, day after day!

He remained a stranger to Jehovah....

Had his son when I was 42.

Constant spiritual, mental abuse.

Do with me as you please.....

But when you start abusing my son,

It will be Goodbye to you, uncouth one!

For my son and I from you will run!

This husband of mine who claims to worship the Most High.

Has no fellow feelings, not even a conscience!

The only peace we have is when we separate!

Then the elders decide to interfere.......

"You must reconcile.....go back together!"

So, even though I know, he would never change,

be kind, not even for a little while.

A reconciliation we arrange.

If I'm being forced to live with the "Devil"

Then I'll pioneer....that will bring me close to God.

My son and I can endure with Jehovah

without any fear!

Now wait a minute! Something is wrong with this picture?

These elders won't let me Pioneer?

My Spiritual Leaders should be encouraging me...

But not so! What can I do?

They want me to put in the 100 hours per month.

I didn't realize it then, but

when you're not on the Pioneer list...

A 100 hour publisher "ups" their publishers

congregation hours a whole bunch!

Puts "feathers in their cap!"

Cir Overseer visits after 6 months...

"Put her on that List!

She's a real pioneer sister!"

Pioneer school for me, was a true "God's Send!"

Little did I know then, that their persecution would never end!

My oldest daughter married against my advice....

Her husband seemed nice, somehow,

since I was a sister, it didn't take him long to tell me how:

He was the brother and to him, I should bow?

He took all of her loving pets away...

She became cold, distant and unloving too!

My second daughter dropped out long before...

Always very honest, would plainly state,

without batting an eye.

These elders are freaks! I can't stand being in the

same room with them!

Twisting my heart over and over again,

She finally married a Worldly man that would drink!

Physical abuse, This man was worse than a freak!

She never would have left Jehovah,

if the elders were kind, and didn't reak!

Younger son continues to hang on!

Lonely, no friends his age.

He was told by a local elder, "It's all right to run with the World!"

"As long as you choose your associates well!"

What is going on here?

Where can that be found in God's Word?

Don't listen to this man...Only listen to Jehovah

To him stay very near!

It's too late, hearing it from an elder

It must be correct! I need friends...

It's the world I'll collect!

Losing 3 beloved children in just one short year!

Why Jehovah? Why?

We worshiped you with all your might!

My heart is now annihilated, paralyzed!

Can't even move, can't even fight!

My marriage crumbles before my eyes!

Abusive toward me and now my young son.

Elders interfere again, make quite clear...

"You must live with him!"

This was the "breaking point" for mind and heart!

I replied, "You live with him, then you will understand!"

"My husband is a sick man. He's Satan's right hand man!"

Then I was told, "You can't get a divorce!"

"Who do you think you are to tell me that?"

"Just watch me!" was my answer!

"Jehovah loves we sisters too! That's for sure!"

They then exclaimed, "You'll be guilty before Jehovah,

if your husband doesn't get his due!"

"Then you will be to blame if he commits adultery!"

I said,

"You guys must be kidding, how can I be to blame,

When I won't even be here?"

I added further, "If a man can't treat his wife with

love and respect, then how can you expect a wife

to feel anything for him, in bed or out?"

What they said next I'll never forget!!!

"He wouldn't treat you like that, if you didn't treat him so bad!"

That remark made me sick to my stomach......

as I looked them all right in the eye....

"You must worship a different Jehovah than me!"

"With you he would never agree!"

Divorce proceeding were initiated,

Another travesty of justice is about to occur!

The Judge was my husband's former classmate!

Throughout the whole proceeding,

The Judge and my husband were on a first name basis.

But that was just the beginning of what I was to endure!

My husband was a wealthy man, and my Attorney,

was no Attorney at all!

Didn't even know what to do, when

we found a huge savings account in his name.

She sided with his attorney and I was pushed out the game!

My husband must have paid her off,

because she never did ask me for a fee!

Here was a man that received $120,000 in two years clear!

My total sum for 13 years of torture and abuse?

Exactly $564.00 and no change.

He was to pay over $800/mo child support, but

once again tricked my attorney, and I only

received six hundred and ten!

I took all the figures to my spiritual leaders.

They just laughed, and said, "What do you want us to do?"

Three months later driving on very fast moving highway

Coming home late at night in the dark.

He had been stalking us,

In my rearview mirror I saw head lights approaching very fast.

He tried to kill both my son and me!

Swerving as he cut in front,

hoping, I'd head for the ditch, flip over, and die!

My steering wheel remained straight.....

There was no room, We escaped the "Ditch of Doom!"

Back to court for "near murder!"

Was like attending a three ring circus.

His Judge friend laughed and asked,

"You wouldn't do that would you?

My husband replied, "Shucks no,

I was just trying to get their attention!"

Of course he failed to mention that getting our

attention in that way, could have killed us!

"Thrown out of court!" The Judge proclaimed.!

Back to the elders again. I should have known????

Exact same drama, different scene!

They laughed, and said,

"We don't think he would try to kill you two!"

Now lets keep this a secret....just try to forget!

It took a while for it to surface, as I'm told it usually does!

Young son cries, out of control, sobs, can't stop!

"My Dad used me for sex!"

Immediately I took him to the Dr.

The best psychologist I could find!

Then back to court and charged him with sexual abuse!

Same Judge, different scene.....

"Thrown out of court, no evidence to be seen!"

I appeal to the Elders even with a letter

from his well known Dr. stating,

"I believe this young man is telling me no lie!"

They all just laugh again and say,

"These are trumped up charges,

you've brainwashed him!"

"You don't want him to visit his wonderful father."

If the court says he should, then he must,

"It's the Law!"

"But you elders know as well as I,

You must Obey Jehovah in matters like these and not men!"

Jehovah wouldn't want him abused again, and again!"

"We know no such thing," they said!

"There you go again, Sister, trying to go

over our heads and reign!"

Young 11 year old son takes his stand!

Father sends 3 police cars to retrieve him and scare

him into coming to visit!

He won't budge!

"I'd rather go to jail!"

Back to court, 50 year old Judge takes on

11 years old young man!.....Then he turns on me...

"You either see to it that he turns up for the visitation,

or off to jail for you it will be!

"That's OK by me Your Honor, I'll go to jail!"

Judge is stymied...calls conference with both sides.

If he sends me to jail,

then his father will reel......

He doesn't want to have to care for his own son.

Case is quietly dropped. We finally win one!

We both tightly hang on to Jehovah's hand.

We've been through three congregations now.

And in every one of them we are treated the same.

Now we are headed for my "Home Congregation"

"You just wait and see, son, they will treat us well!"

My son really loves Jehovah and wants to get baptized.

The elders hold three sessions with him

to answer all the questions for baptism.

Elders commend him and me for his wonderful knowledge.

He's all ready to be baptized now, just one problem,

The elders say, "No!"

Unless he visits his wonderful father

to baptism he will never go!

These men must worship Satan, they are so cruel.

They lead this young person to think, that all he had to do,

was answer questions, they always knew

what they were going to do!

They didn't stop there with their pressure.

"Either you visit your wonderful father,

as you know Jehovah's will says to do,

or we will next take you off the approved

publishers list!"

My son replied, "I don't need to be on that list,

to go in service for Jehovah, Jehovah knows best!"

The evil men remove him, but no announcement is ever heard!

Young man is too loved in the congregation,

They were afraid no one would believe their word!

Cowards they are, just Dirty Cowards!

Why these brothers have known me for almost 20 years.

Why are they treating us so bad?

This is my home congregation.....this is really sad!

I thought maybe things would get better, I was wrong!

Persecution intensified.

1994 was the year Jehovah brings

attention to the Apostasy!

God's word plainly states the Apostasy

has to come before the end......

II Thes. 2:3. Paul said this would all come to be!

I've never been so hated in all my life,

not even at any door.

Now I understand Matt. 24

Nation will rise against Nation

And you will be hated because of my name!

The Apostate Nation against the True Christian Nation

This prophecy is being fulfilled one and the same!

The whole Nation of Israel turned Apostate....

And it's now happened again!

Isaiah 9:17! & Isaiah 10:6!

I was taught in Pioneer School

to always answer from a reliable source.

Such as the Bible or others furnished by remnant,

If this is done produces much reliable force!

I was soon to learn, that saying the word "Apostate"

from the audience, created much hate.

I had carefully done research and quoted from page 111

of the Jehovah's Witness Proclaimers' book.

The WT conductor yelled at me, and blew me out of my seat!

Afterwards he would cry, and all the other elders would

run to his aid, while looking at me with wicked eyes!

I was the one being abused, why did they run to him?

I'm so confused!

I have no fear of man, so I would just smile.

It says the very same thing in God's Word.....

Why must I be the one abused?"

Always pulling us into the library.

Sometimes all 10 elders present.

We soon nick-named the library the "Doom Room!"

Once inside you could feel the "doom", no love in that room!

One particular incidence,

My son tried to rescue me from their clutches.

They shoved him out the door

up against a wall 4 ft away!

Friends in the main hall were astonished

to see such violence, and still talk

about that to this day!

Next came without my knowledge.

They no longer would answer my hand!

Well, I figured, I was where I should be,

doing what Jehovah had instructed me to do.

The friends see this, and don't understand?

I do, and so with every question now, not just a few.

Up would go my hand!

Next came the "Marking!"

A talk was given about Moses and his sister Miriam.

All the friends said, Who are they marking?"

"We don't have any Miriam in our midst!"

That drove them to have "Hissy Fits!"

Then the harassing phone calls late at night!

Calls to my home using the conference call,

I answer the phone and there would be 3 elders on the other end!

Trying to intimidate me, they would always say the same thing.

"Do you want to remain a Jehovah's Witnesses?"

I'd always answer, "That's up to Jehovah not you men!"

The harassment never stopped.

'The message was clear....

"Either you bow down to us and do as we say,

Or, we have the power to put you out this very day!"

My reply was always the same....

"You try to disfellowship me, and I'll appeal to the society."

"Then I'll reveal your wicked ways!"

"Just who do you men think you are dealing with?"

Not a little grey-haired lady, but

Jehovah God, the Most High!"

"I'll never bow down to the likes of you!"

"You've made yourself Gods.....even

pretending to be the Trinity!"

"Father, Son, and Holy Spirit! all in one!"

"You're the Dirty Clergy of Christendom!"

The announcement was made.

No one called, no one took the time to inform

me what was about to be said!

In fact, it was read: "I have disassociated

myself from the Congregation of Jehovah's Witnesses!

Now they are dirty low down LIARS too!

I'd rather die than turn away from my dear Brothers and Sisters!

My friend and I were exercise walking at the Mall.

We saw another sister that walked right by.

My friend asked her why?

She was told that she was walking

with a bad sister, that was me.

The elders had announced the night before.

that I had disassociated myself!

We just looked at each other puzzled!

How can this be?

The dirty cowards didn't even let me know!

Boy, these Apostates are the lowest of the low!

They made the announcement on a short notice.

Waiting for a meeting, when I wouldn't be there.

because they knew, if they made an announcement

like that when I was there, I'd have stood up and told

everyone there it was not true!

Well, they were soon to learn, it would take far more

than an announcement to make me fold!

Ordinarily when one disassociates,

to meetings they never return!

I was the exception, for like a "bad penny"

I returned holding my hand up!

But then the Mike was never handed my way!

A sweet young friend of mine, who had been treated

badly by them just like me,

took the mike and handed it to me!

I knew Jehovah was in control,

if he hadn't wanted this to take place,

then it would never have been handed to me!

I took my clue, and turned facing all in view!

I looked them squarely in the eye and said,

"I did not, nor would I ever, disassociate myself from you!"

I would have said a lot more but the music

started playing and right in the middle of the WT study,

We all stood and sang a song!

I must have sang the loudest this time.,

To thank Jehovah for what he had just done!

They had it planned, if the mike

ever reached my hand, they would have all the friends

stand and sing a song, so they would never hear,

The Truths of what they had done wrong!

Cowards, they are just Dirty Cowards!

Oh, my what will they do to me next?

They threatened me with the police, so I went to them too!

"Is this a public meeting?" they asked.

"Then unless you go naked or are out of line,

We don't want to get involved!"

Next meeting they said, "We're going to call the police!"

I said, "Go Ahead, they wouldn't help me, so I know

they are not going to help you!"

Each meeting was the same...

An elder or elders would stop by.

I sat in my same seat up front with my hand held high!

"You must sit in the back row,

for disassociated you are?

My response was mild and with respect.

I didn't disassociate, you did.

So you can go sit in the back row not me!"

Many elders meetings were called, I'm told!

"What are we going to do with her?"

"Let's try something different?"

"Let's talk to her son too!"

They would approach my son and say,

"Wouldn't you be more comfortable in the back row?"

He would reply, "No thanks this is where we always sit,

and we'll sit here today also!

They would then corner him in the men's restroom!

"We'll let you answer if you promise you won't

hand the mike to your Mom?"

My son replied, "Well, I guess that's a chance you're

just going to have to take!"

"I always tell the truth, so you better not,

just for your sake!"

Well, that didn't work, so they started on my Bible Study.

A newcomer just starting to come to meetings.

He was about 6 ft 4" tall, weighed about 300 pounds.

A great BIG farmer, muscle bound.

When they asked him, he was very out spoken and said,

"Hell No, this is where we always sit!"

"What's it to you?"

I loved my Brothers and Sisters very much.

Now we couldn't talk.

I had to find some way to communicate, and warn

them somehow, they had Apostates for Leaders,

And to them never bow!

I'm a seamstress and so, with Jehovah's help,

I decided to make a prison suit with stripes

And big purple triangles all over it.

In each triangle I placed a bit of God's Word.

In the big one on the Back, where all could see..

I wrote Acts 5:29.

They wouldn't answer my hand so I could tell the Truth!

If only I could make them understand,

Then I've done all that I can!

I also created the cutest pill box hat, with a white rose,

and purple triangles on everything but my nose! *smile*

When I walked into the Kingdom Hall,

I took my seat, it was the Cir Overseer's visit.

That brought 3 elders to me with much haste!

I was so scared that I lowered my head and prayed.

As I looked down, I could see my little Bible locket bouncing

over my heart with each beat!

It was beating so rapidly 'twas like a snare drum playing "Retreat!"

The elders said, "You can't wear that in here!"

My reply was simply, "Don’t you like my pretty new suit?"

And look at my new hat!"

I knew my mission was finally accomplished,

And there was no need for me to ever go back.

On the way home in my new suit.

My son reminded me of the message I had just conveyed.

I told him that my motive was strictly for love

all the way through!

"You also called those elders "Hitler", Mom,

For that's what he did too!"

After pondering over that for a moment,

I thought, "Ok, I hadn't looked at it from that view.

But calling them Hitler was really true!"

For Hitler killed thousands of our Bros in time of war.

Placing them in concentration camps,

Behind locked door

They were his slaves, just as they

had tried to make of me.

And they couldn't kill me physically,

so they tried to kill me spiritually!

Hitler tried to get them to bow down,

To renounce their faith.......

Come to think of it, they truly were like "Hitler's Bums!"

Did we stop worshiping Our Loving Heavenly Father?

Did we stop studying?

Haven't missed a single meeting yet!

It has been 8 years for it was 1995,

I left the KH and never went back!

We study our WT diligently.

Without Jehovah's Spirit,

We couldn't possibly have remained

faithful all these many years!

The WT said in 1994 the Apostasy was in Full Bloom,

Can you just imagine how it's increased

over the years to stay alive?

Jesus didn't need elders to worship his father!

Our Brothers King and Jones didn't have elders.

Our dear bros and sisters in the concentration

camps didn't have elders there,

Why do we need elders now to fare?"

The latest information from the WT states,

That Jehovah's people are under attack right now.

After that takes place, next will come the Great Tribulation

And then God's War!

Just in time to welcome all the recreated back from the dead!

These Wicked Apostates are soon to be destroyed

We will certainly remember their place!

but we'll never feel the void!

They couldn't keep us from Jehovah's love,

There's only one person that can undo

and that person is you!

Never compromise your integrity.

DO NOT BE AFRAID

Tightly grasp Jehovah's hand

and walk with him into his New World,

There, he will set you free!

This was a true story.

My son and I went through

four congregations, the Apostates treated

us the same in every one of them!

I created this poem to help all of you

dear friends that have been abused

by these very Evil Apostates!

Their days are numbered.......

My son and I send Warm Christian Love to all of you!

May Our Loving Heavenly Father Jehovah,

continue to guide you until at last he says,

"It's All Over, It's Done!"

by Cheri Cam LeBren

August 2003