Dale and LuCinda

Williams and family

I am a Tlinget Indian, born in 1948 out of wedlock and was raised in a small town in SE Alaska. My mother abandoned me when I was 8 days old. My grandparents raised me as a son. I always had wondered why people visiting would ask my grandparents in our native tongue, who I was, then would react with a gasp!!! I was ashamed and very shy. I had spent a good amount of time in the hospital because I caught hepatitis from swimming in polluted water and I spent several weeks in the hospital after falling from a log pile while playing king of the hill with my friends and breaking my arm in several places.

My longest stay was when I was stricken with rheumatic fever and I had to stay for 9 months in the hospital. It was at that point that I began to see just how different I was from the other kids. They would get visits from their parents almost every day and I got a visit by my grandparents about 3 or 4 times in the whole 9-month stay. Some of my aunts and uncles cared but I still felt rejected. Eventually, my uncle came home from Germany and he got my bedroom, I was moved into the unfinished cold, damp, basement where I was constantly bit by all sorts of bugs and spiders.

When I asked why I had to move into this unlivable place my grandparents then dropped a painful bomb shell on me; I wasn't their son, I was illegitimate.

LONGING FOR JUSTICE

Though ashamed and shy as a result of these experiences I longed for a solution and applied myself in various ways. I did pretty well in school. My favorite subjects were history and current events. I subscribed to 11 different magazines, which included Time, Newsweek, U.S News, World Journal Tribune and others.

I joined The Young Democrats and campaigned door to door for LBJ and caused a big family uproar when I marched for civil rights. Being Indian, and having pretty good marks in school (I took an aptitude test and I scored the highest that the proctor had ever seen in her career). I was beginning to make new friends but I came across a religion that caused me to leave my family and friends and career by the wayside.

CONVERSION TO JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES

I befriended some JWs at school and I began to attend JW meetings. I was taken in by their love bombing. At the first meeting 26 people came up to me smiling and shaking my hand. They would look at me and smile during the meeting. Little did I realize that this 15 minutes of fame lasted only until baptism. I thought I was now developing true friends that seemed to care so I quit The Young Democrats and decided to study with the JWs when I was 16 years old.

US vs THEM

During my Bible studies (in retrospect Watchtower books study) I was told I was special and that Satan would be angry and use all nonbelievers to oppose me on my Christian course. I began to distance myself from family and friends.

My grandparents were so upset by my decision that they tried talking me out of it by what I thought was lies. When that didn't work, one day while I was at school, an Alaska State Trooper came and removed me from school (which was quite embarrassing) and took me to the juvenile magistrate where they began to list my misgivings and especially because I was joining this religion against their will.

The magistrate told me to try to show respect and obey my guardians, but as far as my religion, this was completely up to me, as long as I didn't break any laws. The JW US vs THEM mentality seemed to make sense after this.

NO HIGHER EDUCATION, QUITTING GOOD JOBS

I was baptized in 1967, and graduated in 1968. I was told I could go to about any college in the country. My Jehovah's Witness friends however told me how foolish this would be since The End was so close. I moved out of my hometown in 1969 and moved to a bigger town, where I got a job at the post office. The postmaster took a shine to me, but I didn't have seniority to get time off to attend a district assembly. An elder told me that I would be going against Bible principles if I didn't quit my job on the spot and go to this assembly, so I did what he told me.

Upon returning home I found myself jobless and homeless and was in desperate straits. A brother took pity on me and took me to our local kingdom hall and asked the presiding overseer who lived in the kingdom hall apartment, if I could stay for the night in the extra bedroom. The presiding overseer became very angry and told this brother that he would let me this time but told him " DON'T YOU EVER DO THIS AGAIN!!"

This stunned me. Here I was in need because I sacrificed my job to attend an assembly on the advice of an elder. Fortunately, a non-JW family let me rent their garage until I got on my feet.

I then moved to Kodiak, Alaska and roomed with a couple other brothers and eventually worked my way up to ministerial servant. I got a job with a brother helping him to clean his contracts. I eventually formed my own janitorial business.

I lived there for 10 years, before it I needed a change of scenery, and moved to Anchorage, where I eventually met my wife to be in 1981.

MARRIAGE

I met my wife at a Mexican brother's house and later when an elder asked if I could help her move her things to across town. We hit it off right away, but when we asked for people to chaperone us no one would, they did everything in their power to keep us apart and almost succeeded. The congregation split because it was getting too big and LuCinda moved again and no one would tell me where she was or what congregation she was in, nor did they tell her where I was.

After I had been struggling spiritually for sometime I longed to find her and little did I know she felt the same. I decided to go browsing at Sears in the hardware section, but low and behold to my surprise there she was working at the cash register! It seemed like God provided. Right away we picked up where we had left off, me with this young woman, to which I was 13 years her senior. Again we approached people to be our chaperones, but again no one would. So we told an elder of our dilemma and he told us just to stay in public places until we could get married.

LOVING BROTHERS?

I was puzzled when LuCinda wanted to elope but I found out later why. I convinced her that a kingdom hall wedding would be more honorable and so we waited. After we married we lived on the West side of town, and the congregation there seemed very accepting of us but I thought we should move back in the old congregation and convinced her to make the move. The reasons for her apprehensions became evident as we walked passed the elders and ministerial servants that were all congregated in the back of the hall. She tried to engage in conversation and say a kind greeting but none of them would even look at her or answer her; they shunned her. I was stunned. I asked her what she did to them and she said nothing " I just can't keep up on all of the studies, and make all of the meetings."

WE MOVE TO MY HOMETOWN

We eventually went on vacation and I took her to my hometown. It is isolated and the only way to get in or out is by boat or plane. She fell in love with it and we decided to stay. We found some work and stayed with my aged grandmother, who was now in need of constant care, so we took care of her for about 3 years until she became invalid and need professional care. During this time both my wife and I got more active in field service and we both Aux. pioneered from time to time. LuCinda has a bubbly personality, and loves to cut up, but unfortunately this began to cause us to be marked by the congregation.

Things took a bad turn when my wife got cancer in 1987. She was in and out of the hospital for several days at a time for over a year during her illness and I was left to care for my grandmother and 2 year old son. So I couldn't go to work and fell in need but help was slow coming if at all and during her stay in the hospital I was surprised that she didn't get any visitors but one.

EXPENSIVE ALASKA ASSEMBLIES

We remained under the poverty line for several years, but yet we were had to buy airplane or ferry tickets to go to all of the assemblies. From where we lived, we had to spend 14 hours on a seagoing ferry and then drive 700 miles up the Alaska Highway to go to assemblies. If we traveled by airplane it cost about $3,000 including airfare, hotels, car rental and food. We would scrimp and save to go to as many as we could but there were times the money just wasn't there so, we were criticized by the elders and friends in the congregation for not borrowing money, yet they wouldn't loan any. JWs in Alaska were supposed to help those that were coming from the rural part of the state because of the high cost of attending assemblies. An elder that moved in our congregation was the person we were to apply to for housing. He refused to let us apply because he thought we didn't deserve it, even though we weren't making very much money at the time. We called the Alaska branch overseer and he said "something isn't right there" but he refused to pick up the phone and call to set the elder straight.

FREQUENT FLIER PROGRAM OF GUILT TRIPS

We used to enjoy going to the assemblies, until the Watch Tower Society made it clear that we were not supposed to be going to the assemblies with the idea of shopping. Where we live it is very expensive to buy clothes and many other items, so when we went to the assembly it was a good idea to get things we couldn't afford to buy here. This was one of many guilt trips that were laid upon us. We began to feel the pressure from the constant prodding for us to do more and more and there seemed to be less and less personal choice, we began to feel as if we joined a "frequent flier program of guilt trips!"

I was teased and was the brunt of people's jokes because I couldn't afford to buy nice suits. Once an elder came up and remarked "Nice suit Dale!" with a cheese eating grin. I knew what he was getting at because it wasn't a nice suit. I was disheartened by their lack of sensitivity, but I remained loyal. Finally we got a big break and landed some really good contracts. We just got to where we could hire a few people and live above the poverty line. An elder demanded we give our contracts to friends he talked into moving up. We tried explained that we needed all of our contracts. This made him angry and we were in his sights for the duration of his stay for the next several years.

We treated others the way we thought we would like to be treated, we were generous with our money rarely did we ask payment back. The new elder loved being in the spot light, and seemed to have a charisma that would make people fall at his feet especially traveling overseers. He would awe them with his hotel and nice boat that he often took them out on but not the poor, widowed or orphaned in the congregation. He enjoyed making rules and controlling others.

MORE IMPORTANT TO PREACH THAN HELP BROTHER'S IN NEED

When we learned that our 2nd child was autistic and possibly retarded, most in the congregation didn't have any compassion. We requested someone to study with our 6 year old son and help us with the house cleaning and caring for our autistic son, but the elders wouldn't allow hardly any assistance (including to study with or son) even though my wife was to stay in bed for 6 weeks to prevent a miscarriage. We had a small congregation of about 40 or 50 people at the time; the elders and servants were more concerned with the number of hours in the field service not helping each other out of brotherly love. We had to pay my cousin airfare to come and stay on top of all her monthly expenses including rent.

After our 3rd child was born my wife had lots of problems with infections. She called me in late in the evening because she had gotten very ill and needed to go to the emergency room. I called several of the JWs, but no one would come and stay with the kids or help me with my job so I could take her. I had to call a "worldly" employee to come relieve me so I could go home and put my wife in a cab and send her to the hospital while I stayed with the 3 sleeping children.

"LOOK AFTER WIDOWS AND ORPHANS"?

We had one really good JW friend that we both knew for many years, move into town while she was going to college. She was a widow, with 2 young children, who seemed to have a lot of problems. We rolled up our sleeves and helped as much as we could. The congregation was very critical of her for attending college and missing some meetings from time to time. She needed help getting her kids ready and taking her to the meetings and since we had our hands full with our autistic son, the elder told us to stop picking her up for the meetings that he would get someone else to do it. After a while we began to notice that she wasn't at the meetings until the Watchtower study started. No one would help her to get her kids ready like I did. She was always running late, so they would leave her then she had to walk. I once again started picking her up. The elders got very angry with this and scolded me and said I wasn't to help her because she should help herself! In a sarcastic tone I said, "Show me a Scripture that says I am not supposed to help the widow and the orphan, and I'll quit."

SHEPHERDS ABUSES MOUNT

Soon we weren't allowed to take our autistic son to the hall because he was too disruptive and they wouldn't read any literature on the disorder or listen to anything we had to say. We were not allowed a telephone tie in even though they were instructed to give us one. No one but the widow would call us or come by all the while we couldn't go (it was too hard for my wife to care for a small baby and the autistic son alone).

We began to get harsh criticism for the problems with this son. We were accused of just being bad parents and lacked proper discipline. There were times that raising him was so emotionally draining that all's we could do was cry on each other's shoulders. It got so bad that we began to consider putting him in an institution. At this point we were able to get help and respite care through the state. Even though we qualified for assistance the congregation still minimized the problems with our son. When an elder over heard my wife telling about how our son scored really low on these tests and he jumped in and bluntly said "those test don't mean a thing!" LuCinda rebuked him for his insensitivity.

This sort of things went on for years, the congregation saying mean-spirited things without any repercussions. My wife began to defend herself by bluntly telling people to mind their own business. Of coarse the elders came down on me to control my wife, which started wars at home. We continued to put up with the psychological abuses and still tried to our best to maintain our Christian personality, although it was becoming harder.

We still helped out as much as we could, taxiing people around, giving money, babysitting etc. All the while we found it difficult to get anyone to help us (although we did have 2 brothers help us out with expensive electrical & plumbing for little or no charge; true Christians!)

CONDEMNED FOR GOING TO COLLEGE

Then the year came that our best friend (the widow going to college) moved North for her finale semester. She couldn't find a place to stay in ANCHORAGE. So she moved to the Matanuska Valley and stayed with some JW friends there. It wasn't long before the elders told this couple that she didn't belong there and told her to move into Anchorage. Even though she had no money or friends to stay with. She was forced to live in her car with her kids in subzero weather. She met a man that was studying with JWs, and on the poor advice of an elder they married. He turned out to be abusive, so she got a restraining order against him. He threatened to kill her and in spite of us pleading the elders in the area, and sending a letter to the WTS Branch complaining about the elders lack of concern, the overseer just sent the letter to these very elders.

On July 6th 1995, her husband kept his promise and murdered our friend. We were on vacation for 6 weeks and were staying on the property next to hers. He ambushed her, raped and killed her. We learned this at 2 am and had to tell her 2 boys.

While we were on vacation we automatically paid the 2 ministerial servants that we entrusted our contracts with every two weeks like clockwork. When we called them and let them know what had happened, you would think that they would have spiffed the contracts up, but what we came back to was a nightmare! Our contracts were in such bad shape we feared losing them. The elders did nothing even though we had proof and could have held these 2 brothers liable and could have sued them. The elders refused to even read the information we asked them to read. We complained that they lied, cheated and stole from our contracts and us yet the elders didn't care.

BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING!

We began to be spied upon; people were running to the elders about anything we may have done in the "gray" area. One sister told us she needed to cut her relationship off with us because she was getting pressure from the elders to spy on us. We began getting quizzed on our loyalty to the WTS.

MOUNTING STRESSES

To say the least we had enough but we didn't want leave Jehovah's organization.

With one last chance, we went to the 1996 assembly with knowing what would happen could make or break us. We were giving the "truth" one more chance. We made arrangement s to stay with an elder and his family that we were paying to take care of our travel trailer. On our way up we had our tie rod break in the van about 50 miles from the Valley, on the steepest and windiest part of the journey. I slowed down to 20 miles per hr. and managed to get us safely to our destination. I dropped my family off and drove into Anchorage, it couldn't be fixed for a few days, so I drove back to the Valley and didn't get in until 11 p.m.

I was in for the shock of my life when this elder came out in a tantrum (because he just had words with his father about putting us up without clearing it with him) and told me to pack my family up and leave immediately. I tried to explain about the unsafe condition my vehicle was in, and it was too late in the evening to find lodging in the Valley so I would have to drive slowly into Anchorage. And by that time it would be hard to find a place with someone to check us in, but that didn't matter he just wanted us to get out right then!

He didn't even to bother to call anyone to see if we could stay somewhere else, or get someone to hitch our trailer up and help haul it. So I went and woke my family up and told my wife we were going to have to pack the kids up and leave immediately. At this point she told me to just take her and the kids and drop them off at the airport, she was going home that she was going to wash her hands of this abusive, manipulating, hateful organization. He was stunned at her response and in a condescending way said "you are going to through away life forever in paradise because of this?!" I responded "if this is a taste of spiritual paradise, than I certainly wouldn't want to live forever in it with you hypocrites!" This shocked him so he allowed us to stay a couple of days. We then had to stay in a hotel for the rest of the 10-day trip (which ended up costing us quite a bundle).

I had to unload our van because we were warned that was more that was about to go wrong with it so we traded it for what we could and financed a new van.

After returning from the assembly we got back to the Haines ferry terminal we met up with a lot of JWs on their way home too. Talk about jealousy! We had JWs flocking around our shiny new van looking at it with sneers and snide remarks. We had one elder even down right tell us that we were being over materialistic even though we told him of what happened to our other van. On the way home we felt heavy hearts because we knew this was an answer to our prayers and that was not the "TRUTH". I had finally accepted that the love bombing I had received at the start of my association with JWs would never return in my lifetime. This is reality once you are in the JWs for awhile.

END OF OUR JW LIFE

We began doing research on historical points and read all Ray Franz's books and were astonished at the proof of Watch Tower Society bungling and misuse and abuse of their power. The Internet was very eye opening and a real relief. I found myself laughing at what was hidden for years. How people were railroaded out because of knowing too much and doing Bible studies without using the WTS literature! It was then we come to realize that we had been involved in a clever cult that used Jesus as a mask, all the while promoting themselves in His place. We were able to find a release for all the penned up stresses.

NO HONORABLE WAY OUT OF JWs

My wife was eventually disfellowshipped for being accused of apostasy in 1998. After this happened to her I knew I was next for I shared the same views so I wrote a letter to the editor about this cult, the elders never contacted me, but by the way I was being shunned I knew something had gone down.

BEGINNING ANEW

It has been a long painful road. I have given the prime years of my life to Jehovah's Witnesses. I am thankful we pushed ahead in some ways, like buying a home. Some Witnesses we talked to on our way back from our last assembly begrudged other JWs who bought homes because they sacrificed and rented apartments in order to pioneer.

One day I received a call from a member of the local Sitka Tribe Council. He wanted to know if I would be interested in filling a vacancy. He was impressed that I was an Alaska Native that had his own business. It was a boost. It seems like God lifts you up when you least expect it. I am finding my post-JW life to be more fulfilling. We took a ferry, car trip to Yukon Territory, Canada. It was our 1st such trip without going to an assembly. My wife and I celebrated our 17th anniversary on August 6, 2000 and we seem happier than we can remember.

* My wife's (LuCinda Williams) biography was published in Free Minds July-Sept 2000,and is on H20 biographies under cowgirl*.