[This extra scene happens immediately following the dinner at the end of Session 54.]
Play date: online chat sessions on March 11th, March 17th and April 25th, 2013
Game date: April 29, EY218
Location: Vishnu system, the city of Bhopuhr on the planet Shiva
Previous events: Dinner
After the dinner party, Jillian, Rupa, Volkova, and Xao decide to go out for drinks. They find a place called the Dabangg. Inside, the ambiance is cheerful. A live band is playing Vishnan dance music, and the dance floor is hopping. Volkova and Rupa down one drink each and then head to the dance floor. Jillian opts to stay at back at their table on the perimeter, nursing her palm wine and her injured arm. Xao, being a gentleman and also not much of a dancer, keeps her company. His own drink has lots of fruit in it, and is adorned with a little umbrella.
"So," Jillian says, "That was unexpected. Malcolm going off with Olivia and her boyfriend."
Xao shrugs. "I never really understood Malcolm but then I haven't known him as long as you have. If he's still surprising you..."
"I hope Bishop isn't out doing something stupid now," Jillian adds absently, gazing out over the dance floor.
"Bishop? Doing something stupid?" Xao rolls his visible eye. "As long as you don't find yourself hunted in the desert tomorrow morning that's a win when he's around."
Jillian snorts into her drink. "Wow, I never thought I'd get to the point where I could laugh about that," she adds, more thoughtfully. "A lot has happened since then."
"It's been a busy six months or so," Xao agrees. "You seem to be in a better mood than you've been. Also more sober than when I generally see you near booze. How are you holding up with all this?"
"I'm just glad to have made it out of Labrys City alive." Jillian shrugs her injured shoulder. "The feelings even starting to come back in my arm. Look, I can wiggle my fingers!" She frowns, concentrating, and her fingers do move slightly. "Ow," she adds. "Even though we're doing everything we can about the D'vor, I guess on some level I don't believe that all of this could ever be threatened," she says, gesturing around with her good arm. "It just seems so ... permanent, you know?"
"We've never been through a war," Xao points out. "Looking at the Leary, things don't seem too permanent to me. If something that big couldn't deal with the D'vor I don't know how we can do anything about it, especially if we can't trust the Navy. I don't care about Hoax if an invasion comes -- they won't play a major part."
"The question is," Jillian muses, "how much of the Navy is in bed with Hoax or otherwise corrupt? Not all of it, for sure; I'd vouch for a few individuals myself, though I've been out of it for a long time.
"But if Hoax already knows about the D'vor -- and they must, they questioned Nanda and the others -- then our trying to get the word out may not have much effect."
Xao closes his eyes for a second. "So why would Hoax be so secretive about this? They don't want to panic anyone? It's not like they're putting a big military force together as far as I can see. You're more into the military than I am. Or Olivia; she's cut her ties with the Navy, though she likes to hang out in military bars sometimes with that helmet of hers. What about Malcolm? Does he know anything about a buildup?" Xao hesitates a moment, then adds with a smirk: "Other than in his pants tonight."
Jillian takes a drink to hide her discomfort at the off-colour joke. "Well, you know we told the Navy what we knew about the D'vor when we first heard about them from Vob. We had that meeting on the Death Star and everything. Vice Admiral Eagan seemed to take us seriously, but Hoax was present at the meeting too, and there was definitely a quiet power struggle going on there. I don't know if there's been any action since then. Here in Vishnu, seems like the only thing the Navy's up to is looking for the Wyrms ship.
"And by the way, neither Malcolm nor I kept any real ties with the Navy either; I have one friend who's an instructor at the Naval college, and that's about it."
Xao lets a slight smile appear at Jillian's discomfort. "Ok, we can talk about the bigger picture with our crews, and that's probably a good idea. More brains and all that. But back in Labrys City you said that you needed someone to talk to and asked me to be that person. So... talk. What exactly is going on in that head of yours that makes you paint rooms like you do?"
Jillian winces. "Wow, yeah. The room thing."
Xao waves his hand dismissively. "Obviously a symptom of a bigger issue."
"I guess I have trouble with ... um ... people. In some ways," Jillian confesses, her eyes now on Xao's hands rather than his face. "I mean, take Malcolm. We've been together for a decade. You'd think we'd be pretty close, right? But when he went off with Olivia and what's-his-name tonight, you could've knocked me over with that silly little umbrella from your drink."
"It's a perfectly utilitarian umbrella," Xao growls, "but Malcolm's not the best example. He's pretty removed from the universe; it's no surprise that he's got a lot of secrets. Not many interesting ones, probably. I think your trouble is in interacting with people, not understanding them. You're pretty tightly wound."
"It's not like it's going to rain in here and dilute your drink," Jillian says.
"You can never be sure. Besides, it's more a sneeze guard," Xao says, a bit defensively.
Jillian wrinkles her nose. "Ew."
"Exactly! That's why it's utilitarian!"
"Anyway, I may be a bit distant with people, but I don't see picking up random women on the street as a really great alternative." Jillian says this, pointedly not looking over at Rupa. At all. "The thing is, any time you let somebody close, awful things can happen."
"I don't make a habit out of it, not like Bishop," Xao says. "I bet he's got notches on his bedpost."
"So how well do you actually know Rupa?" Jillian asks.
"We've been together about two years, so pretty well."
"Well, but how much of that time have you been together together?" Jillian persists.
"Not a huge amount. You know how it is when you go where the jobs are in the cluster. Why are you asking?" Xao asks, obviously trying to get a read on Jillian's feelings about Rupa.
"Well," Jillian says hesitantly, "How far would you trust her?"
A waiter comes by before Xao says anything, and Jillian signals for a refill of her drink. "V and Rupa sure are dancing up a storm, aren't they?" Jillian comments absently.
Xao looks at Jillian's drink and back up at her with exaggerated concern. "Yeah, they are. I have to say, your current engineer's full of surprises."
"We've gone out dancing before." Jillian smiles briefly. "But you didn't answer my question."
Xao purses his lips. "Enough. Not with my ship, but then I wouldn't trust anyone with the Dragon. Do you think she's Hoax?"
"Hoax?" Jillian repeats, her voice rising in surprise. "No, that hadn't occurred to me. Do you think she's Hoax?"
"No, I really don't," Xao says. "It wouldn't make sense, anyway. She's a chemist working on fertilizers for the plants here. What would Hoax want with someone so far from xenotech?" He leans forward, eyebrows rising. "But why are you so concerned with me trusting her?"
"Well..." Jillian hesitates. "Okay, Xao, this is awkward. I'm sorry. She's your girlfriend and you know that I have feelings for you. But our conversation back at the restaurant left me feeling uncomfortable. I just got the feeling that she might not always make the most moral choices. And I know how that sounds, coming from me. But I hope you won't tell her about the Grob, or about Nanda and the others from the Leary."
"Are you talking about your recent moral choices or your past ones?" Xao bites back. "Sorry, that was mean," he adds immediately, seeing Jillian's wince. "I get the same feeling from her but I keep the sphere of our interactions limited to where that won't burn me. She knows that there are limits but I don't tell her why and I won't tell her about the impending doom of the cluster.
"And you... your feelings for me... they're like a badminton birdie, back and forth. Have you really thought about why your feelings for me are attached to a light switch?"
Jillian takes a moment to parse the mixed metaphor. "What do you mean?" she says finally. "There's no back and forth, Xao. We've shared some intense experiences over the past few months, and we've become much closer than we used to be. And, well, I'm not used to that." She glances over to the dance floor again. "And I'm not so sure you are, either."
"I could tell that you're not used to that, believe me. And... Rupa's not the only person I've ever been with, you know. If we're both in Walküren I'll introduce you to Punita."
"Exactly how many girlfriends do you have?" Jillian asks, not even trying to hide her shock.
"Seven; one for each system in the cluster."
Jillian briefly covers her face with the palm of her good hand. "Zarathustra's balls. How do you even -- no, I don't want to know."
Xao shrugs. "People like pirates more than you'd think."
"You know," Jillian says in a slightly strangled tone, "you're clearly not right for me. And you're not attracted to me. So it would really be a lot simpler if I could just stop having this crush on you."
"If I'm going to be your therapist having a crush on me is a really bad idea," Xao says.
"Well then maybe this whole thing is a bad idea." Jillian scowls and takes a drink -- but she's still only working on her second palm wine, and it doesn't do much in terms of blunting her discomfort. "I mean, I got this far without talking to anyone."
"And do you think it's been good for you?" Xao asks. "Do you like where you are now?"
"Frankly, I'm not convinced there are any better places." Jillian awkwardly fakes a grin. "Hey, I mean, this place has silly little umbrellas for the drinks. Does it get any better?"
Xao rolls his eyes. "You know I don't mean this literal place, stop avoiding the question. You're not close with anyone but your cat, whom you can't converse with. You regularly get roaring drunk and vandalize things. Is that the sort of person you want to be?"
"Not regularly ... okay." Jillian stares glumly down at the table. "No. Definitely not. But you know I have some pretty good reasons not to let anyone close -- and the practical reality of being a courier is just a bump on the surface of that."
Xao nods. "So the big question is whether you want to let anyone close. Not me, not anyone in particular, not right now. Just... ever."
Jillian takes a deep breath. "Yeah. I want that. I want to have someone I can really, really trust. Someone like -- like a friend I had once, before. But I'm not sure if that's possible for me. I'm really not."
"Who do you trust the most?" Xao asks.
"V. You. Malcolm. In that order." Jillian makes a slight apologetic shrug.
Xao purses his lips. "Yeah, I see Valentina being trustworthy, but with your secrets don't you think she's a bit blurty?"
"Not like Bishop," Jillian says. "But yeah, she lacks both subtlety and artifice." She sighs. "Also relevant life experience. There's a reason I'm here with you and not her."
Xao tilts his head to the side a bit and takes a deep breath. "Yeah. If you want to be open and close to someone you're going to have to understand that you'll get hurt sometimes. On the whole it's definitely worth it, though."
"By the way," Jillian says, feeling the need for a slight change of subject, "did V mention that we managed to stumble into a Black Rose bar yesterday?"
"Uh... she said something about a criminal bar but I thought she just meant dodgy people. Black Rose? You sure?"
"Completely sure. We knew they'd made serious inroads in this system, but it was still a bit of a shock. The Dirty Dog just outside the spaceport, by the way. Probably best to steer clear of it."
"I'll do that, thanks," Xao says. "Anything happen in there?"
Jillian shakes her head. "No. We were just trying to get a feel for what's happening in the system -- any hints of more D'vor activity, for instance. All we learned was that the Navy's shaking everyone down, pissing off the underworld -- but they're looking for the Wyrm ship, not the D'vor."
It was a bit of a head trip, though, how easy it was to slip back into that version of me."
"What version of you?" Xao asks. "I've never seen that you, so you'll need to be explicit. Gun moll you? Hardened killer you? Crime lord's princess you?"
Jillian makes a wry face. "Door number three, I guess. But I didn't suddenly turn into my sixteen-year-old self." She taps her fingers on the edge of her glass, trying to put it into words. "There's this attitude you slip into -- a sort of easy arrogance, with a constant underlying threat of violence."
"Oh! Like Olivia?" Xao suggests. "Just kidding," he quickly adds.
"Like Olivia if she were totally amoral and had a lot of like-minded friends, maybe," Jillian says.
Xao grins, inappropriately. "Like Olivia and Bishop, then. Got it. Seriously, though: did you have any real friends back then? Back in the Black Rose? Not necessarily someone who you'd want to know now, what with them being criminals, but someone you'd want if they had a different job. There was that friend you mentioned, for instance."
"Sheema," Jillian says immediately. "Well, she wasn't a Black Rose. And I doubt she's want anything to do with me now. She really, really wanted me to run away instead of joining up."
Xao thinks for a minute. "So, no one in the organization, then. But you're not part of it anymore. What if she met you today?"
"I don't know how I would face her," Jillian says quietly. "She believed I could be so much better than I actually was.
"But it's been more than a decade, and she's back in Zartosht anyway." Jillian takes a drink.
"Do you think you're better now?" Xao asks. "As a person, I mean, and not just because you're not part of organized crime. Deeper than that."
"Well ... do I make better choices?" Jillian frowns. "I wish that was an easy 'yes.' I really try, you know? But when I look back on what happened with the Varnsens ... " She trails off, and sips at her drink. The glass is getting pretty empty.
Xao motions to the waiter for another drink for Jillian. "The Varnsens weren't really going to be dealt with any other way, if you ask me," he says as soon as the waiter leaves. "They were the police in town, right? And those people they had with them were corporate types where their bosses tried to shut the whole thing down. I wouldn't lose sleep over it." Xao finishes his drink as well. "So... what was your friendship with Sheena like?"
"Well, it was top-secret, for one thing," Jillian says. "Her mom was a judge." She signals for a refill for Xao; she's determined not to finish this night drunker than he is. "I mean, we were kids -- we were in school. That's where we met, and school was pretty much the only time we could see each other. And it was amazing." Jillian smiles. "She was totally different from anyone I'd ever known. And she made me feel different -- she made me see the whole world differently.""
"What did you do together?" Xao asks. "It's not like you could hang out at the falafel shop or anything"
"Mostly we hid in the school library stacks and talked."
"See the world differently how?" Xao asks.
"Well," Jillian says, "It may sound kind of basic to someone who wasn't raised by criminals, but it was actually mindblowing to fourteen-year-old me to meet someone who valued compassion over strength."
"And how did she make you feel different?"
"With Sheema I felt safe," Jillian says quietly. "I'd never known anyone so gentle before. But I mean, we did argue -- she challenged my fundamental ideas about the way the world worked, and that was a painful process sometimes.
"I guess maybe it's because of her that I'm here at all -- I mean, instead of back in Zartosht, still in the Black Rose."
Xao seems troubled by the idea that Jillian has gone so long without having a real friend. "I know you haven't seen her in, what, a decade? But have you thought about going back to see her again?"
Jillian shakes her head. "No. I'm never going back there."
"Not even with, I don't know, surgery? A mask?"
Jillian gives Xao a funny look. "Um, no, not really worth it. I mean, you don't just pop two clusters over -- if I went, I'd probably never come back. And I do have a life here now. Also, gotta save everybody from the D'vor. Can't forget that.
"And remember, I betrayed Sheema. I chose the Black Rose. I don't think she'd really want to see me again."
"If she's really a friend," Xao insists, "she'd take you back. You left the Black Rose after you found out about what it was really about. But that's neither here nor there. So what are you going to do about finding someone else? Another true friend? There are forty-five million people in this cluster."
"Well," Jillian says, "I actually did think I was trying to be friends with you.”
Xao sighs a bit. "I can be your friend or I can be your therapist, but I can't really be both at the same time. If you really want me to help you work through your issues you'll have to find other friends for now. Hopefully sane ones."
"You're the one who thinks I need a therapist," Jillian replies, slightly annoyed. "What the hell does does it take to be friends with you?"
"Me? I'm easy to be friends with as long as you don't hold dangerous information back from me, or barge onto my ship drunk. or..." Xao puts his hand in front of his face for a moment. Those girly drinks he's been downing have a lot of alcohol in them. "I really do think that you need a therapist and you're the one who insists that I'm the only one who can help you. Once you're on a more even keel we might be friends, but right now you're dangerous."
Jillian frowns. "When I was seventeen maybe I was dangerous. Nowadays I'm more like helpless. Especially when I think about trying to deal with the D'Vor threat. Are you still holding that whole not-telling-you-about-the-Grob thing against me? I understand why you weren't happy about that, but come on. We had HOAX breathing down our necks -- at the time it seemed like a good idea to keep Vob as top-secret as possible."
"Mmm. Dangerous as in you dragging people into dangerous situations. I'm not sure how often you did that when you were seventeen but you're doing it now a fair bit. So how do we go up against the D'vor? If we can't get the navy on our side we've basically lost already. It's a dangerous situation" he arches his eyebrow at her.
"Oh come on, you can't blame me for the D'Vor!" Jillian glares at Xao, then bursts out laughing. "I mean, seriously, Xao!"
She takes the umbrella out of his drink and twirls it between her fingers. "I don't know how we can go up against the D'Vor. Maybe we can't. Maybe Bishop was right -- we'd better just get ready to run. I mean, we told the Navy what we knew. Hopefully Eagan is part of a faction with the will and the power to resist HOAX's machinations and actually mobilize some kind of a defense. I honestly have no idea what else we can do at this point. I mean, V and I printed some posters."
Xao makes a clumsy attempt to grab the umbrella back from Jillian and fails. Jillian spins the umbrella on the table like a top, keeping it out of his reach with a little smirk.
"Posters... um, ok," Xao says. "We really need to find out more about what's going on in the navy. We have you, Malcolm, and Olivia who might be able to get more info. Can you maybe contact Egan and get more information about this?"
Jillian notices that Xao's trying to change the topic from the two of them to the impending destruction of the cluster. In a shocking moment of clarity, it occurs to her that he's doing it because he's honestly not sure how he feels about her, romantically.
"You're right," Jillian says, buying herself time as she processes this insight. "We should definitely try to find out what we can through what contacts we've got in the military. Not much we can do in this system, though -- unless Olivia has a contact here. The navy's pretty sparse in this system. If we head back to Aiscapo, I could try to set up a meeting with Wei." Jillian hands Xao his umbrella back. "You were asking if I have any friends in this cluster -- she's one."
"So... back to Aiscapo then?" Xao suggests. "Olivia's not been great at keeping in touch with her shipmates from the navy. She likes to show off that helmet of hers in navy bars but that's about it."
"Jinjing's the only one I've really stayed in touch with," Jillian says. "I think Bluth is Malcolm's only contact. Egan wasn't a friend, she was a commanding officer -- but I was pretty sure she was one of the good ones.
"Jinjing was actually one of my teachers at the academy. I exchanged info with her when we were trying to figure out what was up with those ships disappearing off the orbital plane -- she was onto the mystery before we were."
Xao nods. "The question is how we're going to find out who the good navy people are and who the evil navy people are."
"That's easy in principle," Jillian says. "Start with the good ones. Which means Jinjing and Blith, and probably Egan.
"Actually I'm not even sure of Blith," Jillian adds after a moment. "That's Malcolm's business. But Jinjing has a lot of contacts, through the Academy, and I am sure of her."
"Ok, but how do we tell people to look for 'good' navy people?" Xao asks. "What does that look like?"
"I wouldn't worry too much about that," Jillian says. "The people on the inside will be very aware of where the lines are. I guess HOAX might have some officers secretly in their pockets, but it shouldn't be too hard to tease out their opponents. Anyway," Jillian waves her hand, determined to change the subject back to more personal matters, "enough about that. This isn't the time or the place.
"I think I've given you a bad impression lately," she says. "I'm really sorry about drunkenly barging into your quarters. Don't you ever feel destabilized by everything that's happened lately?"
"Oh yeah. Oh yeah," Xao agrees. "That's part of why we were all so eager to come back to Vishnu. Something familiar, that's stable, where we have people. A home."
Jillian gives Xao a funny look. "Rupa is your home? A woman you can't even trust? And you're trying to be my therapist?"
"This city is kind of a home to all of us. And I'm not the one drunkenly barging into your quarters asking for therapy!" Xao seems to be getting a little angry now.
"Sorry." Jillian ducks her head apologetically. "I'll lay off Rupa. Whatever you two have is none of my business. Did I really ask you for therapy? That's kind of messed up. I'm sorry. I don't really remember much between Volkova handing me a bottle of vodka and waking up in a pile of the shredded remains of every piece of clothing I owned."
"How did your clothing... never mind. And yes, you did. And thanks for not bringing up Rupa. It's complicated." Xao looks over at the dance floor where Rupa and Volkova are dancing up a storm. Rupa's certainly got sexy dancing down to a tee and Xao gazes at her appreciatively. He seems a little distracted.
"Yeah, well, 'complicated' is something I can relate to."
Xao suddenly turns to Jillian. "When's the last time you had sex?"
Jillian blanches. She raises her drink with a suddenly-shaky hand, puts it back down, and says "That would be Alexei."
"Oh. Maybe that's your problem." Xao nods a little, drunkenly. "Maybe you'd be a little less high strung if you got together with someone."
There is a moment of horrified silence.
Belatedly, Xao registers Jillian's expression and tone, and realizes the nature of her experience with Alexei.
Jillian, meanwhile, parses what Xao just said, and realizes he was actually trying to hit on her.
As the two of them stare at each other across the table, each wondering what the hell they should say to the other, Volkova comes dancing happily up to the table.
"V!" Jillian says with excessive enthusiasm. "Let's go to the bathroom!"
Jillian and Xao manage to avoid being alone together for the rest of the night, and for quite some time thereafter.