Gender and inclusivity

What is the ‘singular they’?

The ‘singular they’ is a generic third-person pronoun used in English. It’s when you refer to a generic singular person – for example, ‘the child’ – and combine this with the traditional plural pronoun ‘they’ and its forms.

For example, you might write:

Your child might be loud and dramatic when he’s unhappy.

But using the ‘singular they’, this sentence becomes:

Your child might be loud and dramatic when they’re unhappy.

When to use the ‘singular they’

You should always use the ‘singular they’ when it’s a person’s self-identified pronoun. For example:

Riley is a gender-fluid person. They are 16 years old.

You can use the ‘singular they’ in most cases when referring to a person whose gender is unknown or irrelevant to the context of the usage. This covers many instances in our written content. For example:

It’s time for solids when your child shows signs that they’re ready.

How to use the ‘singular they’

Here’s how to use the ‘singular they’ and its forms:

• Use a singular verb form with a singular noun – that is, write ‘Riley is’ or ‘your child is’, not ‘Riley are’ or ‘your child are’.

• Use a plural verb form with the ‘singular they’ – that is, write ‘they are’ not ‘they is’. 

• Use the following forms of the ‘singular they’ – ‘them’, ‘themselves’, ‘their’, ‘theirs’.

For example:

• The more physical activity your child does and the less time they spend sitting still, the better it is.

• Your preschooler will learn to tie their own shoelaces and dress themselves.

• Your toddler is still learning how to share and might have trouble understanding which toys are theirs.

If you’re editing to remove generic third-person singular pronouns, note that you can’t just do a find-and-replace on ‘he’, ‘she’ and so on. You need to edit for noun-verb and pronoun-verb agreement.

When to not use or to avoid the ‘singular they’

In general, do not use the ‘singular they’ in direct speech examples with gendered proper nouns. For example, the following instances of direct speech should retain gendered pronouns:

• You might say to your child, ‘Please give the bat to Ellyse so she can play too’.

• You might say to your child, ‘Let’s call Steve to see whether he wants to play with you’.

See the Note about gendered direct speech examples below, however, for additional advice on this point.

Sometimes the ‘singular they’ sounds awkward or clumsy, or renders a sentence confusing or unclear. You should avoid the ‘singular they’ in these instances. For example:

You might tell your child’s grandparents that your child is learning to name foods during mealtimes, so that they can also do that when they’re with them.

Also, it’s best not to overuse the ‘singular they’. Consider using alternatives simply for variation in your writing.

In cases like these, you can use alternatives to the ‘singular they’. A main alternative is using plurals. Other alternatives include avoiding or removing singular pronouns, using nouns more often, and substituting definite or indefinite articles for singular pronouns. These alternatives are all explained below.

Plurals as an alternative to the ‘singular they’

It can work well to use plurals in copy where you’re stating something that’s generally true or relevant. For example:

• Singular pronoun: Wrapping helps your baby settle for sleep, as well as stay in a safe sleeping position on his back.

• Plurals: Wrapping helps babies settle for sleep, as well as stay in a safe sleeping position on their backs.

• Singular pronoun: An older autistic child or teenager might have trouble reading nonverbal cues, like body language or tone of voice, to guess how someone else might be feeling – for example, he might not understand when an adult is angry based on tone of voice, or he might not be able to tell when someone is teasing him using sarcasm.

• Plurals: Older autistic children and teenagers might have trouble reading nonverbal cues, like body language or tone of voice, to guess how someone else might be feeling – for example, they might not understand when adults are angry based on tone of voice, or they might not be able to tell when someone is teasing them using sarcasm.

You should aim to use plurals in titles and subheadings (but note that this won’t always be possible). For example:

On this page:

• Children’s mental health: what is it?

• What good mental health in children looks like

• Relationships and good mental health for children

• Feelings and good mental health for children

• Behaviour, goals, skills and good mental health for children

• Good physical health and mental health for children

Also aim to use plurals in key points (but note that this won’t always be possible). For example:

Key points

• Signs of autism often become noticeable when children reach school age.

• Children can have trouble with new social situations and skills at school, like taking part in conversations or making friends.

• Health professionals will diagnose autism only when they’ve ruled out other explanations for children’s behaviour.

Avoid the use of plurals and plural pronouns when this is likely to be inconsistent with key elements of our voice and tone, particularly if it makes the tone sound more formal or impersonal, or it makes the voice sound less accessible, friendly and conversational. 

Other options as alternatives to the ‘singular they’

Avoid or remove singular pronouns

You can often rewrite sentences to avoid the use of pronouns altogether. For example:

• Pronoun: Make sure your baby’s legs and arms are clothed if she’s going to be out in the sun.

• No pronoun: Make sure your baby’s legs and arms are clothed for going out in the sun.

• Pronoun: Speak loudly in an exaggerated way to your child if she tends to ignore sounds.

• No pronoun: Speak loudly in an exaggerated way if your child tends to ignore sounds.

Use nouns more often

Sometimes you can rewrite sentences with additional use of nouns like ‘your child’. For example:

• Singular pronouns: Your child can play with playdough anywhere, but it’s best to sit him at a table so he has a good work surface and things don’t get too messy.

• Additional use of ‘your child’: Your child can play with playdough anywhere, but it’s best to sit your child at a table. This gives your child a good work surface and can stop things from getting too messy.

Substitute the definite or indefinite article for a pronoun

Sometimes you can rewrite sentences by substituting the definite or indefinite article for singular pronouns. For example:

• Singular pronoun: Your older child might enjoy making up a simple story about emotions for his puppets, and then filming it with your phone or a tablet.

• Definite article substituted for pronoun: Your older child might enjoy making up a simple story about emotions for the puppets, and then filming it with your phone or a tablet.

Gendered pronouns: when to use them, when not to use them

If you’re referring to an actual person with a clear gender, as in some of our video blurbs, use that gender. For example:

This video is about occupational therapists (OTs) working with children with autism spectrum disorder (ASD), who often have sensory sensitivities. In this video an OT describes how she helps children with ASD develop skills for play, self-care and social situations. Children with ASD might see an OT at hospital, at a clinic, at home or at preschool or school.

In rare cases, gendered pronouns might seem relevant to some of our content - for example, our content on puberty and periods. It's important to be mindful, however, that some children going through puberty identify as a gender that’s different from the sex they were given at birth. 

It's therefore best to take a gender-neutral approach to this content. See, for example, the 2021 edits to the Periods article:

Rather than writing:

It’s good for your daughter to keep track of her periods with an app, calendar or diary. If your daughter’s periods are fairly regular, an app or calendar can help her know when her period is likely to come. This way your child can prepare for things like sleepovers, school camps or swimming carnivals. 

We write this instead:

 It’s good for your child to keep track of their periods with an app, calendar or diary. If your child’s periods are fairly regular, an app or calendar can help your child know when their period is likely to come. This way your child can prepare for things like sleepovers, school camps or swimming carnivals. 

A note about gendered direct speech examples

When you’re writing examples of direct speech that require a gendered name, make sure the examples don’t reinforce gender stereotypes. For example, don’t combine gendered names with activities that are associated with traditionally gendered sports or other activities:

❌ ‘Tom, in five minutes it’ll be time to get ready for rugby training.’

❌ ‘Zara, some of your friends are trying ballet next term. Would you like to try it too?’

✅ ‘Tom, in five minutes, it’ll be time to get ready for your guitar lesson.’

✅ ‘Zara, some of your friends are trying cricket next term. Would you like to try it too?’

Also start to introduce direct speech examples that use ‘they’, so as to include families with children who identify as non-binary. For example:

• ‘Let’s ask Georgie if they want to have a playdate on Thursday.’

• ‘Jo feels happy when you share your Lego with them.’

• ‘Is Avery going to the concert? You could go with them.’ 

Exceptions to these guidelines

Current exceptions to these guidelines include:

• pregnancy articles that are specific to women, when use of gendered pronouns can't be avoided

• gender-specific content , when use of gendered pronouns can't be avoided – for example, circumcision 

• video content.

Approved gender inclusivity statement

Add the following paragraph in the Acknowledgments field for all pregnancy content and other relevant content:

 raisingchildren.net.au talks about ‘pregnant women’, ‘birthing mothers’, ‘breastfeeding mothers’, ‘non-birthing parents’, ‘partners’ and ‘breastfeeding’. We recognise that parents and families use various words to talk about themselves and their bodies. We respect their chosen terminology.

References

• APA Style, Grammar, Singular ‘They’ (2020)

• APA Style, Bias-Free Language, Gender (2020)

• APA Style Blog, Welcome, Singular ‘They’ (2019)

• Macquarie Dictionary, Grammar guide, Sexist language

• Merriam Webster Dictionary, Definition of ‘they’