Movie Digital Promotions

1. Website Content

The website was divided into several sections. The "Villainous Film Details" section contained:

• The Miserable Movie (a synopsis of the movie)
• Catastrophic Clips (the official teaser trailer and full trailer)
• Shadowy Stills (publicity stills)
• Dubious Cast and Crew (cast biographies)
• Disastrous Downloads (downloadable desktop wallpapers and instant messaging icons)
• The Snicket Report (registration for an email newsletter with updates about the production)
• Unsound Soundtrack (a track listing with audio clips)

The "Desk of Lemony Snicket" and "Shady Character" sections contained character descriptions:

• Villainous Count Olaf
• Terrible Very Fine Dramatists
• Clever Violet Baudelaire
• Intelligent Klaus Baudelaire
• Infant Sunny Baudelaire
• Mr. Poe & Justice Strauss
• Well-Meaning Uncle Monty
• Grammatical Aunt Josephine

2. Hidden Eyes

Scattered throughout the website were hidden gifs of eyes, which when clicked were added to a collection at the top of the screen and granted the user access to additional stills, wallpapers, and icons. The website opened with nine available eyes, some of which were also located on the associated websites LemonySnicket.com/movie and Apple.com/trailers. Shortly prior to the movie's release, the number of available eyes was increased to 20.

3. Games

Five flash games were available on the website:

1. The Game of Skipped Stones
   • "Press the spacebar to start the selector moving, unless you are too upset. Press the spacebar again to wind up for your throw. You should probably try to hit where the green is darkest. Press the spacebar again to release your stone. Hitting where the red is darkest could result in a rare bit of luck."
2. The Game of Deadly Vipers
   • "Uncle Monty's Reptile Room is filled with deadly snakes. Only a disturbed person would choose to play this game, which requires you to: Open all empty cages, AND mark all cages that contain deadly vipers as 'Poisonous'. If you unwittingly open a cage that holds a snake, your nose will be bitten. You will have to use up one of three precious vials of antidote to save yourself, a phrase which here means 'four wrong guesses and you will suffer the greatest misfortune of all.'"
3. The Game of Dangerous Questions
   • "Aunt Josephine requires your urgent assistance. Guess the words correctly, or else you may spend the next several hours weeping uncontrollably. This game is like hangman, a word which here means 'a puzzle which often ends in someone's demise.' Each time you click a letter that isn't in the word or you ask for a clue, Aunt Josephine will sink further into Lake Lachrymose. If you guess enough words correctly quickly enough, you might be able to save Josephine, but probably not."

4. Parody of the poem "Twas the Night before Christmas"

'Twas the night before Christmas, and they had no house

Because it burnt in a fire, no water to douse

The flickering flames or their parents' sad end

Welcome to the mall, now run off and spend.

For this poem is filled with misery and woe

You ought not to listen, now's a good time to go

For these verses concern the orphans Baudelaire

Not to mention a scoundrel whom you should beware.

Three children smart, charming and physically fit

None of which mattered when the hurricane hit

Or the leeches attacked or a villain appeared

Like a man named Count Olaf, universally feared.

"Quiet Hook! Quiet Bald Man!

Better not wake the brats!

Oh White-Faced Women,

This is no time to chat!

We've a fortune to steal!

There's a plot we must hatch!

Now go to it! Go to it!

Anyone got a match?"

He did not ride reindeer or wear a red suit

He had not shimmied down the chim-i-ney chute

There were no elves or bells or eggnog or cheer

It appears that Santa was tied up this year

And possibly gagged, in a dark tower room

By the one whose voice filled the orphans with gloom

A villainous actor, words which here mean

"evil, greedy, vain, dirty, vile, sinister, foul-smelling, treacherous"

Now Violet was an inventor of extraordinary skill,

She invented the first bed-making mill,

While Klaus had read more books than you've likely seen

And remembered them all, like a wisdom machine

As for Sunny, she was as small as a boot

But for her young age, she was highly astute

And had four teeth as sharp as very sharp knives

Which can prove quite useful when misfortune arrives.

Violet tore open their thin mattress for springs

And Klaus recalled books on military things

While Sunny chewed off two legs of the bed

Which collapsed with a bump so that Olaf said,

"What was that? Was that you, you bald-headed freak?"

To which his poor henchman did not dare to speak

Just shook his head once and they glared all around

When came from the bed a great booming sound.

Such ruckus, such chaos, a sudden bright flash

Howling and scowling, the crooks made a dash

And Olaf exclaimed, as they fled out of sight,

'Drats, I've been foiled on Christmas eve night!"

The website was divided into several sections:

• The Most Incredibly Brilliant Blog in the World (updates on the movie's release)
• Pictures of Me! (intended as a photo gallery, although it was never completed)
• An Actor's Life! (Count Olaf's acting portfolio)
• Olaf's Souvenirs (an "Olaf Vend-o-Matic" intended to contain downloadable desktop wallpapers, instant messaging icons, and printable stickers, although it was never completed)
• The Greatest Movie Ever Made (a heavily-edited comical version of the official movie trailer from Olaf's point of view)
• Count Olaf '04 (campaign website for "President of All Actors Everywhere")

WhiteFaceWomen.com

Tie-in website allegedly owned by the two white-faced women in Olaf's acting troupe. The website was never finished; the only content was a partially-constructed poll to determine whether Count Olaf was "more good looking" or "more handsome". The white-faced women apparently had a difference of opinion on the matter.