NOTHING BUT LIES
VII: RISE OF MAUL
THE TWO BLADED TERRORIST
By JOSEPH D’ANDREA
and STEPHEN RINI
Dedicated to
Qui gon Jinn
Introduction:
It is now exactly 1 month after we last saw our heroes and villains escape from the illuminati. Now there's been the forming of a crew looking to find Maul. Obi-wan Kenobi has repaired his former apprentice, darth Vader and healed his own scars. Socko is back and ready for more ground-breaking action and Maul is training Ezra to become a sith. Allos Tyo Reese is dead (possibly) and now there is no hope for the universe. Be prepared for new characters...who all want to kill each other! Be prepared for…
Nothing but lies VII:
Rise of Maul
Chapter 1:
Discovery
Maul: this is the place I have told you about!
Ezra: moraband?
Maul: yes...yes my apprentice.
Ezra: why here?
Maul: because this is the planet of the sith! And where you will learn to harness your abilities!
Ezra: good. I must grow in power in order to stop the jedi and all our enemies.
Maul: yes. We are approaching land. Get ready.
Ezra: I am ready...I am ready to kill.
Maul: gooood. Use your anger! Use your pain! Let it fill you! Fill you!!!
Ezra: how will we open the temple?
Maul: strength
Ezra: I want to kill. I want to destroy! The sith are terrible! WAH? WAH did I Just say?!
Maul: it seems that you've not reached your full sith potential and your brain has mixed emotions.
Ezra: mau-- AHHH!!!!
Maul: Ezra! Are you okay?!
(Ezra falls on the ground)
Maul: Ezra!
(Ezra gets up)
Maul: good. Stay strong my apprentice! Stay strong! Next time you get weak, you will die!
(Maul shoves Ezra)
Ezra: yes… Master.
(Maul opens doors)
Ezra: but master? Do you have the strength to open the doors?
Maul: i am the most powerful being in the universe!
(Maul opens doors)
Maul: Ezra! Come with me!
Ezra: yes, master…
Chapter 2:
THE PLAN
____________________
At “the base”
____________________
Obi-wan: okay guys. Since that was a short chapter, we've got a lot of time to catch up on things. I want everyone to introduce themselves to the new team.
Ray Romano: hey, uh… I'm Ray.
Everyone: sup.
Chewbacca: rraaawwwwwrrr!!!!
Everyone: raaaawwwrrr!!!
Admiral ackbar: hello!
(Everyone eventually introduces themselves)
Obi-wan: okay, while that was happening, I jotted down the team. Everyone will get a copy.
8/18/89
Our New Team:
Obi-Wan Kenobi
Ray Romano
Chewbacca
Han Solo
Ackbar
???
Obi-wan: well I guess it actually wasn't a lot of p--
Voice: Help, I will.
Obi-wan: master Yoda?!
Voice: and I will too.
Obi-wan: who are you?!
Voice: Augie.
Chapter 3:
WONDER
Obi-wan: okay, I don't really see how you're gonna help, but whatever.
Augie: i have come here from the Novel Universe.
Obi-wan: huh?
Augie: we're from the book wonder? No? Really? Okay, uh… Here are my friends.
Julian: sup.
Jack will: hi.
Summer: I'm summer!
Via: I need a light.
Augie: my sister is pretty weird. She's kinda a drug addict.
Via: yeah. Hahahaha!!!
Obi-wan: hold on. The novel universe?!
Augie: yeah?
Obi-wan: I've heard of some people that came from there. Like Grandpa, and Roy!
Roy: and we’re here.
Grandpa: yeah!!!
Random guy: and so are we.
Obi-wan: who are you?
Random guy: they call us the avengers.
Obi-wan: not following.
Captain America: I am captain America, but you can call me ‘cap’. and this is my team!
(Cap introduces his team)
Obi-wan: get back! They can be dangerous)
Iron man: no, man! We're here for the same reason you are.
Thor: yes, that maul being is most unpleasant, and must be stopped.
Obi-wan: wah's even worse is that he has Ezra.
Han: yeah…
Obi-wan: and just to make matters worse, Erza has become a sith…
Ray Romano: WAH?!?!!!
Obi-wan: I know where they are, and now that we have a team That's basically fully formed, we can attack maul and Ezra.
(Ship Lands outside)
Obi-wan: that must be Our reinforcements.
Yoda: hmm, reinforcements?
Obi-wan: yeah, I was called up by this guy that said he could help us.
(Maul steps out of ship with fake mustache and UPS uniform)
Obi-wan: thanks man. Hey. You look vaguely familiar…
Maul: WAH? How would you know me?
Obi-wan: you look like… A sith.
Maul: *gulp*
Obi-wan: nah man, I'm just messin’ with you!
Maul: hahah!!!
Obi-wan: Hahahaha!!
Maul: okay, just sign here.
(Obi-wan signs)
Maul: alright, you're all done. Here's your package.
Obi-wan: alright, thanks man.
Maul: no problem. For me. Ahahahaha!!! They'll never see it coming…
(Tracker device is thrown on maul’s ship)
Maul: Ezra, send us back to the sith planet.
Ezra: yes, master.
(Ezra flies to the sith planet)
Maul: okay, where were we?
Ezra: oh no! We're being followed!
(Maul ignites lightsaber)
Maul: where?! Ezra, where?!
Ezra: in the hood of our ship! A tracking device.
Maul: I've seen this before.
CHAPTER 4:
PREPARATION
Ezra: master, WAH do you mean?
Maul: i mean that this has been used back when there was still a powerful Jedi order.
Ezra: by who could've done this, though?
Man: me!
(Man ignites lightsaber and attacks maul)
Maul: I knew you'd be back! Just not this soon!
Qui gon jinn: this is wha you get for stabbing me!
Ezra: a-- a… Jedi?!
Maul: yes, Ezra! Now go to the ship and get the blasters ready!
Ezra: a Jedi?
(Ezra shakes head “no” and Runs into the ship)
Ezra: uh, uh?!
Maul: how did you know to put the tracker on?
Qui gon: it was as easy as last time, Darth maul.
Maul: formerly Darth, now just maul.
Qui gon: really?
Maul: yeah.
Qui gon: maybe you should've kept it. No wonder… You were never as powerful as any sith!
Maul: ahhhh!!!!
(Maul stabs qui Gon’s leg)
Qui gon: ahh!!!
Maul: Ezra! Blasters! Now!!!
Ezra: uh, uh?! Uh… No!
(Ezra shoots maul’s back)
Maul: ahhh!!! Ezra, you idiot!
Ezra: WAH?! WAH did I do?!
Maul: you frickin’ shot me in the back! That's wha you did!
Ezra: no! I must destroy the Jedi.
(Ezra shoots and kills qui gon)
Maul: yes, my apprentice. Use your anger… To destroy!!! It is the only way to gain strength and through strength you gain power!!!
Ezra: yes, my master.
Maul: now we must go into the temple. Come!
(Maul and Ezra run into the temple)
Maul: this is where i was brought during my training, Ezra.
Ezra: WAH did you do here?
Maul: i found my inner evil! Realized the real reason of why I should destroy the Jedi! The real reason why I should use my strength! Release your anger, Ezra! Let the Jedi know that you are now the weakling they think that you are!
Ezra: AHHH!!!!
(Erza takes sith holocron out of his bag)
Erza: in order to fully unlock my potential, I place this sith holocron into the proper area, and will then become a sith.
Maul: wait! Let me do it.
(Maul takes holocron)
Ezra: no! I must be the one the unlock the power of the sith!
(Ezra ignites lightsaber)
Maul: yes. Perfect.
(Maul ignites lightsaber)
Ezra: give me the holocron!
Maul: yes Ezra! Fight! Release your anger! Do not let anything stand in your path of unlocking the truth about the ancient sith! Strengthen yourself and finish me! I said finish me!!!
Ezra: I cannot…
Maul: maybe You are not ready, my apprentice. Board the ship. The heroes’ base is on geonosis. We must go there and find them. Your actions will speak for themselves. Then I will determine if you are ready.
Ezra: yes, master.
MAUL: we have to prepare for anything that we have to deal
with.
Ezra: how will we do it?
Maul: you will see my apprentice. You will see.
Ezra: where do we go again?
Maul: set our GPS to geonosis.
Ezra: yes, master.
Maul: I have some unfinished business to attend to…
CHAPTER 5:
HESITATION
Obi-wan: Okay, guys. I'll open up the box to get our ammunition.
Han: let me open it! It may be dangerous...
(Han opens box)
Han: a bomb! We have ten seconds to disarm it!!!
Ackbar: it's a trap!!!
Ray Romano: throw it in midair.
Hulk: hulk has this.
(Hulk chucks bomb in the air)
BOOM.
Obi-wan: good work, team. I think that we're ready to attack mau--
Maul: Obi-wan.
Obi-wan: okay, really?!
Ezra: I want to kill, master!
Obi-wan: Ezra! You don't have to do this! Find your inner Jedi!
Ezra: I am no Jedi. I am a sith.
Maul: my apprentice, let me see what you can do.
Ezra: ahhh!!!
(Ezra cuts off Han’s head and gets in a duel with Obi-wan)
Maul: while you're doing that, Ezra, I'll Be doing the rest.
Cap: avengers! Assembl--
(Maul cuts off cap’s head)
Iron man: oh shoot! Cap!!!
Hulk: hulk…. SMASH!!!
(Maul uses the force to throw hulk into the rest of the team)
Hawkeye: ow! Get this big idiot off of me!!!
Augie: yeah, no.
(Augie, jack will, summer, and julian all commit suicide)
(Maul slices via)
Via: ow.
Ezra: Obi-wan! Help me!
Obi-wan: WAH?!
Ezra: I want to kill you!!!
Obi-wan: of course! The holocron must have taken over his body and actions, but inside, he wants help to become a Jedi!
Maul: finish him, Ezra!
Ezra: I-- I-- want to-- I can't, master!
(Obi-wan is stabbed in the stomach my maul)
Maul: you hesitated again! Remember the consequences if you do that again! We must unlock your full sith potential at the temple so you will know wha you have to do if that happens again.
Ezra: yes, master. Thank you, master.
Maul: let us go! We do not have much time until the doors close!
Ezra: should i fly?
Maul: I will. Train in the back of the ship. And remember to let nothing! NOTHING! Stand in your way! You've got it?!
Ezra: yes, master.
Maul: good. Hold on. We're going into hyperspace.
CHAPTER 6:
EZRA’S ACCEPTANCE
MAul: Ezra! We're here! Come out!
Ezra: yes, master. Where should we go?
Maul: just follow me, we will attempt the initiation once more.
Ezra: yes, master.
Maul: open!
(Doors reopen)
Maul: come now, Ezra!
Ezra: I think I left the holocron in my bag. I will get it.
Maul: I'll keep the doors open. Be quick, my apprentice.
Ezra: yes, master.
(Ezra runs into ship to where he was training)
Ezra: uh…. There!
Voice: Ezra! Ezra!
Ezra: who's there?!
(Ezra ignites his lightsaber)
Ezra: who's there?!?!
Voice: it's Ahsoka. I am now a ghost since i was killed… Please do not go through with the initiation. You know who you are. Embrace your Jedi ways!
Ezra: i-- I-- don't know wha you mean.
Ghost Ahsoka: yes you do. Now choose.
Ezra: I don't have time for this…
(Ezra leaves ship and goes back into the temple)
Maul: do you have the holocron?
Ezra: yes, I am ready, master.
Maul: good. Good…
(Maul and Ezra go to initiation room)
Maul: this is where you will get accepted for your full sith potential. Place the holocron in the compartment.
(Ezra does so)
Ezra: now wa-- woah!
(Ground shakes)
Maul: it is normal! Just go into the room!
Ezra: okay!
(Ground shaking stops)
Erza: who is here?! That has the ability to help me release my anger and gain my full potential to become a sith!!!
Maul: be summoned!!!
Sith God: I am here! Who am I speaking to! And who is the one who wishes to become one of us?!
Ezra: you are talking to maul and Ezra Bridger! I'm am Ezra and I wish to be accepted into the sith!
Sith God: Ezra Bridger! Do you think that you are worthy?!
Ezra: yes! I am more than worthy!
Sith God: then step forward and I will determine your fate.
Ezra: wait, WAH?
(Maul pushes Ezra forward)
Sith God: if you are worthy to become one of the sith, I will reward you. If you then are not worthy, you will be punished.
Ezra: WAH?!!?!!!!
Sith God: Ezra Bridger! For the asking if being accepted into the sith, I hereby respond by…
Ezra: *gulp*
Maul: yes. YES!!!!
Sith God: accepting you into the sith order!
(Ezra is brought into the air)
Ezra: ahhh!!!
Maul: do not fear, Ezra! Want! Want!!!
(Ezra's eyes become yellow and is clothed In a black, silk robe)
Maul: yes! He becomes one!!!
(Ezra's lightsaber is taken off his belt clip and the crystals are removed)
(Ezra is dropped to the floor)
(Ezra develops a suddenly deeper voice)
Ezra: thank you, master. For accepting my fate.
Maul: that is only step one, my apprentice. Now we will need to create three sith crystals to insert into your lightsaber.
Ezra: yes, master.
Maul: are you up to it?
Ezra: anything you say… MAUL.
Maul: excuse me?
Ezra: I have gained my full potential and should not be known by the title of apprentice from now on. You must call me: DArth Bridger.
Maul: yes! He has formed! Welcome to the sith!!! Darth Bridger.
Darth Bridger: AHHHH!!! hahaahhaahhahaaaa!!!!!!!
CHAPTER 7:
DARTH BRIDGER’s LEGACY
MAUL: wha do you think we should do now? Darth bridger.
DARTH BRIDGER: KILL ALL THE JEDI AND ANY OF THEIR ALLIES!
Socko: sorry to burst your buble ezr.
Darth bridger: huh?!
Socko: but i’m about to spoil your plan.
(socko takes out machine gun)
(socko loads gun)
Socko: *random terrorist noises*
Maul: Darth bridger! Watch out!
(maul jumps in front of darth bridger)
Maul: *cough* release your anger. *cough* *cough*
Socko: wah?!
Darth bridger: you’ve killed my master. I will now kill you.
(darth bridger ignites lightsaber)
Socko: huh?!?!
Darth bridger: ahhH!!!!! I-- i-- wah?! I will ki-- no! W-- huh?!?!?
Socko: wha da Heck?
Darth bridger: ahhH!!!!
(lightsaber gets closer to socko)
Darth bridger: help-- *cough* ahhH!!!! --me!
Socko: huh?!
Darth bridger: sike.
(darth bridger stabs and kills socko)
Socko: aHHH! Not again!!!
Maul: darth Bridger. You are a true with for killing one of your friends!
Ezra: you're alive?!
Maul: of course. Did you think a machine gun Could kill me?!
Ezra: no. No I didn't.
Maul: now I must reveal the reason we are here.
Ezra: why?
Mail: there are ancient site here…
Darth Plagueis: hello, Maul.
Maul: Plagueis...I assume the others are approaching.
Plagueis: yes...they will be here soon.
Maul: Ezra. This is darth Plagueis.
Ezra: hello.
Plagueis: the others with will arrive shortly.
Ezra: good. You will help us destroy the Jedi?
Plagueis: of course.
Ezra: we have killed quigon and Obi-wan. They were both powerful. We have clearly proven our worth.
Plagueis: clearly. There is still Darth Vader. He is living. But not as much. We must take the chance to eliminate him.
Ezra: we have little obstacles in our path.
Maul: yes...good.
Plagueis: we have enlisted ground-breaking help to destroy resistance.
Maul: good. The Jedi and ALL OUR ENEMIES WILL DIE!!
__________________
Meanwhile
__________________
Han: we need to do something!
Vader: yes.
Ray Romano: where’s socko?!
Vader: I sense a disturbance in the force. Socko is dead.
Han: damn it!
(Han punches the wall)
Han: if only Luke was here! He would know what to do!
Vader: I sense a presence!
Ray Romano: maul?!
(Black cloaked figure walks in)
Han: oh shoot!
Vader: ugh! Ow!
(Luke takes off his hood)
Luke: did someone call me?
Vader: son!!!
Luke: father?! Is that you?!
Vader: yes. I am dying from a fight with Maul and the illuminati.
Luke: I've been waiting!-
Han: KID!!! You're alive!
Luke: of course. I feel a deep disturbance in the force though. Many sith are gathering.
Ray Romano: so like give us an estimate like...how many are there?
Luke: not many...but definitely enough to destroy us. We need some form of backup.
Vader: hmmmmm.
Han: we need a rebel army!
Luke: no. We need a Jedi army.
Ray Romano: and how are we getting this Jedi army?
Luke: I have a plan. There must be Jedi left in your world. Several in fact. They would want to stick together. They would be somewhere the sith cannot reach them. Somewhere sacred to Jedi…
Vader: illum!
Han: the Jedi lightsaber place?!
Vader: yes.
Luke: then that's where we must go. Good thinking Vader.
Ray Romano: yeah!
__________________
Meanwhile
__________________
Maul: we have Intel from our friend where the resistance is headed.
Ezra: where?!
Maul: to illum.
Plagueis: they know where the Jedi are!!!
Ezra: we have to go stop them!
Maul: that is already being taken care of.
Ezra: we shall have their heads.
Plagueis: yes...yes.
CHAPTER 8:
Illum
Luke: we’re almost there.
Vader: we have to find these jedi!
Han: yeah. Y’know I wish Leia was here! And where the heck did Chewie go?!
Luke: chewie’s been fixing the ship.
Han: what's wrong with it?
Luke: well...you flew it.
Vader: hey! There it is!
Ray Romano: hey. How do we even know there are Jedi there?
Luke: if me and Vader can sense it then there's something here for us.
________________________
Later
__________________
Han: hey Chewie! You almost done?!
Chewie: RRRRRAAAAUUUGGGHHHHHH!!!
Han: alright! Alright!
Luke: we’re here.
(The ship lands)
Han: look! A cave!
Luke: I know that cave! The younglings used to find their lightsabers here!
Vader: yes! I slaughtered younglings once.
(Awkward silence)
Han: we have to go in. Chewie stay with the ship!
Chewie: RRRRAUUUUUGGGHH!!!
Han: good Chewie.
Vader: I sense a presence that is contacting the force.
Luke: so do I.
Han: did you hear that?
Luke: what?
(Ray Romano makes fart noises)
Han: Ha!
(Everyone enters the cave)
Luke: we have to be quiet. These Jedi could have been locked away here for years. We don't want to scare them.
Vader: look!
Luke: lightsaber crystals!
Han: hey! Look! A light!
Ray Romano: hey. I'm no doctor but seeing light is never good.
Luke: no. I see it too.
Voice: is...is someone there?
Luke: this is Luke skywalker, Han Solo, Ray Romano, and Anakin Skywalker.
(Kit Fisto comes out of the shadows)
Kit Fisto: darth Vader!
Vader: no! I'm good now!
Kit Fisto: can we trust him?
Luke: yes.
Han: what's the deal with these Jedi? Are they here?
Kit Fisto: yes. There are more of us here.
Vader: who and where?
Kit Fisto: master Shaak Ti and Master Plo Koon.
Luke: it's a start.
Kit Fisto: I can take you to see them!
Han: yes! Do that!
Ray Romano: it's cold in here.
Kit Fisto: this way.
Voice: halt!
Vader: wha?!
Voice: I am Darth Malak and you are invading my turf!
(Darth Malak ignites his lightsaber)
Malak: HAHAHAHA!!!
Luke: a sith?! Here?!
Han: I thought you said they didn't know we were here!!!
Luke: I assumed!
Malak: this will be the tomb of the Jedi!!!
Vader: not if I can help it!!!
Malak: fool!!! You think you can defeat me?!
Vader: yes. Yes I do.
(Malak jumps and attacks Vader)
Luke: where are the other Jedi?!
Plo Koon: backup has arrived!
(Plo Koon ignites his lightsaber)
Luke: we need to escape!
Han: we got bigger problems!
(Evil laughter)
Darth Traya: HA! HA! HA!
Vader: two Sith Lords?!
Traya: you will fall!
(Luke ignites his green lightsaber)
Traya: DIE!!!
(Traya attacks Luke)
(Traya and Luke’s battle travels out of the room)
Han: Luke!
Luke: no! Stay there! I can handle her!!!
Han: okay! May the force be with you!!!
Malak: prepare to die Jedi!
(Malak kills Kit Fisto)
Plo Koon: NOOOOOOOOO!!!
(Malak deflects plo Koon’s lightsaber)
Malak: HA!
Shaak Ti: Vader?!
Vader: we must destroy him!
Han: we're helpless! He is too powerful!
Ray Romano: I'm still cold!
Plo Koon: AUGH!
(Plo Koon’s lightsaber attack is deflected by Malak)
Vader: he is too powerful!
(Malak gets shot in the arm)
Malak: damn it! No!
(Malak drops his lightsaber)
Han: you Jedi! Go help Luke!
(Luke and Traya fall through the ceiling)
Luke: I got her!
Han: nice job kid!
Luke: thanks!
(Piece of ceiling falls and knocks Luke out)
Vader: we will show you mercy if you tell us where the remaining Jedi can be found.
Malak: there are no more Jedi! The sith have made sure of that!
Vader: perhaps Traya will confess what you will not.
Malak: I was beginning to think I knew who you were behind that mask. But it's impossible! A Sith Lord could never be like you!
Vader: Darth Vader was weak! I overcame him!
Malak: then I will avenge his death!
Vader: Revenge is completely the way of the sith.
Malak: I would know!
(Malak is shot in the back)
Han: LEIA!!!
Leia: Han! Is that you?!
Han: yeah!
Vader: we need to interrogate these...oh great. They escaped!
Malak: in your face Darth Skater!
Vader: that was one time!!!
Ray Romano: we should get to the ship now.
Jacen: DADDY!
Han: you brought the kids?
Leia: I thought we could hide here with the Jedi!
Han: we have to keep them safe!
Jaina: what happened to uncle Luke?
Han: ceiling hit him.
Jacen: funny.
Vader: oh hey! Grandchildren!
Leia: VADER?!
Vader: oh yeah I'm uh. Um good now.
Leia: okay.
Han: we have to get to the ship!
Ray Romano: it's still cold here!
Han: alright let's go.
Jaina: AHHHHHHH!!!
Han: what is it?!
Plo Koon: the child!!!
Leia: someone's taking them!!!
Shaak Ti: there's something…
(Shaak ti and plo Koon pass out)
Han: Ray! You and Leia carry them to the ship!
Ray Romano: on it!
Leia: Han! The sith!
Han: I can handle it!
(Han runs out of the cave)
Han: give me back my ki- holy shoot!!!
(Fleet of star destroyers approach)
Han: Chewie! Start the ship!
Chewie: RAAAAUUUGHHHH!!!
Han: just wait for Leia and the others to get on!
(Small shuttle lands)
Han: the kids!
(Jaina and Jacen are pulled into landed star destroyer)
(Grand Admiral Thrawn exits the star destroyer)
GAT: you lose!!! We have the children of the force!!!
Han: no! NO!!!
(Han runs toward the ship
Han: LET THEM GO!!! NO!!! NO!!!
(Grand Admiral Thrawn shoots Han in the arm)
Han: damn! You!
(Han falls)
GAT: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
(Grand Admiral Thrawn holds gun to Jacen’s head as he enters the star destroyer)
(All star destroyers and sith shuttle fly off)
Han: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Chewie: RRAAAAUUUGHGHHHJHHH!!!!
Han: we can't do anything now!
Leia: what happened to the-Han your arm.
Han: yeah. But the kids! Thrawn has them!
Leia: Thrawn?!
Han: they knocked out all the Jedi! How?!
Ray Romano: I don't know but I think we're gonna die.
Han: why?
Ray Romano: this Thrawn seems to be manipulated. Or have some sort of master. I know a lot about manipulation so.
Leia: we need to destroy Thrawn before we find his master! We need to get our children back.
(Luke wakes up)
Luke: what happened?!
Han: you got hit by the ceiling.
Luke: okay.
Vader: we're screwed.
Han: Luke! The kids were taken!
Luke: Leia?!
Leia: I've been hiding for a while with the Jedi!
Vader: We need to leave! Now!!!
Han: Chewie! Punch it!!!
Chewie: RAAAUUUGHGHHHHHHH!!!!
Han: Luke. They kidnapped Jacen and Jaina.
Luke: who?!
Leia: Thrawn.
Luke: he's alive?!
Vader: yes. But he appears to have a master. Someone pulling the strings...we just don't know who.
Luke: well. We’ll just have to destroy Thrawn and get the kids back.
Ray Romano: yeah. Shouldn't be too hard.
_______________________
Meanwhile
__________________
Darth Bane: you. Have succeeded well, Thrawn!
GAT: I know my master. The children are with Hethrir.
Darth Bane: good. We have to make sure the children are contained.
GAT: I will see you soon. My master.
(Darth bane closes hologram of Grand Admiral Thrawn)
Darth Bane: the others will be here soon. Maul will bring me Ezra. And of course...the Jedi will die. Once Luke skywalker brings all the Jedi to one place for me to slaughter. He will unknowingly bring about the downfall of his people.
CHAPTER 9:
Malloy
[philip Malloy has been tied to Maul’s pole for 2 weeks since we last saw him. He is barely alive and has little time to live]
Philip: neeedddd…..fooooddd.
Voice: I can help you!
(Blaster shot cuts Philip down from the pole)
Philip: who...are……..you?
Rex: captain Rex.
Philip: why *cough* why did you help me?
Rex: because I'm working with a rebel alliance to destroy the sith.
Philip: thank you.
Rex: that's okay.
Philip: what do we do now?
Rex: we destroy the enemy.
Philip: and where is the enemy?
Rex: unfortunately...all around us.
Philip: this seems like shoot.
Rex: it is...it is.
CHAPTER 10:
Hold-father Hethrir
Jaina: Jacen? Jacen?!
Jacen: what?!
Jaina: someone kidnapped us!
Jacen: this is bad.
Jaina: yeah but we need to wait.
Jacen: is uncle Luke coming to save us?
Jaina: I don't know. I hope so...
(Cloaked figure enters)
Voice: hello. Its me.
Jaina: Uncle Luke?!
Luke: yes, I will free you!
Jacen: we were tied up! Can you help us?!
Luke: are.you guys okay?
(Luke unties the children)
Jacen: do we look okay?
Luke: no. Where Are we?!
Jaina: Thrawn’s cruiser.
Luke: oh shoot.
Jacen: hey. What if we get to the bridge and kill Thrawn?!
Luke: good idea!!!
(Luke uses the facilities)
Luke: okay I'm ready!
(the three exit the cell)
Luke: han is waiting for you on the ship.
Jacen: really?
Luke: yeah. I can handle this.
Jaina: we wanna help!
Luke: I'm sorry. It's too dangerous for children.
Jacen: come on Jaina! We get to see daddy! Yay!
Jaina: okay. Good luck uncle luke!
Luke: you to.
Luke [whispering]: may the force be with you.
Stormtrooper: Jedi?!
Luke: yeah
(Luke kills Stormtrooper)
Luke: yeah!
(Luke walks toward the bridge)
(Luke enters the control room)
Hold-Father Hethrir: hello, master Jedi.
(Thrawn Reveals himself)
Hold-father Hethrir: so glad you could join us.
Luke: I'm not!
(Luke activates his lightsaber)
Luke: ha!
(Hold-father Hethrir activates a silver lightsaber)
Luke: come on!
(Luke cuts down hold-father Hethrir)
Thrawn: see ha!
(Thrawn runs away)
Like: damn!
(Luke runs toward the ship)
Hethrir: no! No don't leave meeeeee!!!
(Luke closes the door)
Stormtrooper: what...a Jedi?
Alarm voice: self destruct sequence counting.
(Luke runs into the ship)
Han: hey kid!
Luke: sup!
Jacen: uncle Luke! something terrible happened!
Luke: WAH?
Jaina: sadly, we have never told anybody else… But we have sensed that another species--
Jacen: --or weird alien being--
Jaina: -- is going to come and kill us all!
Jaina: they are more powerful than you could ever imagine…
Luke: WAH are they?!
Jacen and jaina: Kaderaths.
Luke: *dramatic gasp*
CHAPTER 11:
RESEARCH
Luke: Han let’s get out of here! I know someone who can help.
Jaina: If you try to help, we will all just get in More danger!!!
Luke: I'll take the chance…
(Luke flies ship To hoth)
___________________
At hoth
___________________
Luke: okay guys. So I have this bas--
Philip: oh, hey Luke!
Luke: WAH?!
Philip: WAH, it's Philip?
Han: Luke! Look out!
Luke: die!!!
(Luke stabs Philip)
Philip: why did you do that You idiot?!
luke: because the real Philip isn't on hoth. He's at the other base waiting for me to tell him that he can come.
(Philip turns into kaderath)
Kaderath: you humans are idiots!!!
Luke: not really. I kinda just figured out that you weren't the real Philip.
Kaderath: it does not matter! I have already triggered your base, and it will blow any minu--
BOOM!
Jacen: ahhh!!!
Jaina: NOO!!!
Han: my ship! It's damaged!
Kaderath: all you weak humans can't do anything Once there's a slight problem.
Luke: well--
Kaderath: I get it!!! Now prepare to die.
(Philip jumps off of ship)
Philip: stay back!
(Philip stabs Kaderath with the space sword)
Kaderath: no!!!!
Han: nice job other kid!
(Kaderath dies)
Luke: *cough* that was ama-- *cough* *cough* *cough*
Philip: we have to get you to safety!
Luke: how d-- *cough* you kill i-- *cough* it?
Philip: I'll tell you on the way back. Vader! Bring down the ship!
Luke: fath-- *cough* father?
Philip: he felt a disturbance in the force and sensed that you were involved…
Luke: fa-- *cough* *cough* *cough* father!
Jaina: uncle Luke!
Philip: he'll be fine. It seems that he has suffered throat issues.
Vader: Luke! Bring him in the ship!
Philip: make some room in there!
__________________
On the ship
Ride to
Base
_________________
Philip: it seems that the kaderaths are back, Vader.
Han: the kaderaths?!
Leia: they're a looming threat over the Galaxy! The universe!!!
Philip: yes… I need to check some of my sources-- my personal sources… My journal.
Vader: waaaahhhh?!?!!
Philip: I kept my recordings of alien activity in my personal journal that I always keep in this drawer.
(Philip opens drawer)
(No journal)
Philip: WAH? This drawer.
(Philip opens drawer. No journal)
Philip: my journal!!!
Vader: I have a tracker that can follow it. What does it look like?
Luke: *cough* *cough* *cough*
Philip: we have bigger problems now.
___________________
20 min. Later
___________________
Vader: we're about to land at the BAS--
Philip: WAH happened to-- to the base?!?!!!! it’s practically destroyed!!!
Leia: damn!
(Jaina and Jacen scream)
Vader: it looks like--
Han: kaderaths.
Chewie: raawwwrrr!!!!!
CHAPTER 12:
NO HOPE
VADER: the Avengers!!
Philip: no!!!
Hulk: hul-- *cough* smash…
(Hulk dies)
Iron man: help. He-- Lp--help!
Philip: WAH happened?!
Iron man: we were attacked by this Purple aliens. They-- *cough* destroyed the base with is in it..
Hawkeye: ‘last thing I remember seein’ was a big flash of light coming straight at us…
Black widow: it was torture… One p-- *cough*
(Black widow dies)
Vader: no!!!!
Leia: they need our help!
Thor: please get help! And remember… Do--
(Thor dies)
Han: damn it!
Philip: this is bad, this is bad, this is ba--
Luke: *cough* *cough* do not w-- *cough* worry. Just be-- *cough* *cough* *cough* be-- *cough* *trailing cough*
(Luke dies)
Vader: luuuuukkkke!!!!!!!
Philip: why is this happening?!
Mrs. Malloy: I know why.
Philip: mom?!
Mrs. Malloy: Philip!
(They hug each other)
Philip: you're *sniffle* alive!
Mrs. Malloy: Alive and more healthy Than ever, Phil.
Vader: your mom?
Philip: yes.
Mrs. Malloy: you made some-- “interesting” friends over the years, haven't you. Ha, ha.
Vader: excuse me!
(Vader chokes Mrs. Malloy)
Vader: listen to me y--
Philip: Vader! My mom!!!
Vader: oh yeah, sorry… Old habit…
Leia: dad…
Vader: Leia...
(Audience laughs)
(Vader releases Mrs. Malloy)
Han: I think I know who did this to the avenger guys. And maybe even Luke!
Philip: Ezra?!
Han: yeah! And Maul!
Jaina: Maul is bad!
Han: yes he is!
Vader: the Jedi are busy finding Malak and Traya! We have no support!
Philip: we need to destroy Darth Bridger and Maul.
Leia: we need to rid this universe of all sith!
Han: hey! Where are they though?!
Vader: I can sense them! They're near.
Mrs. Malloy: well obviously.
Vader: we need to split up. If any sith escape they will come here. Chewbacca, Han, Jaina, Jacen, and Mrs. Malloy need to stay with the ship.
Philip: no! I'm not leaving my mother.
Vader: you will have to In order to defeat the sith.
Philip: okay...fine.
Mrs. Malloy: goodbye Philip.
Philip: see ya ma!
Vader: we must depart if we wish to catch our enemies by surprise.
Philip: okay.
(Philip and Vader leave)
Leia: looks like we’re screwed if they come our way.
Mrs. Malloy: there’s always hope.
Han: not in this universe mrs. Malloy...not in this universe
CHAPTER 13:
The power of the dark side
Vader: we need to keep going!
Philip: so. It's just Maul and Bridger?
Vader: possibly. Let's hope so.
Philip: what happens when we find them?
Vader: I don't know. Maybe we die…
(Vader and Philip climb a hill and see a small base)
Vader: maybe we don't.
Philip: or maybe we do?
Vader: exactly.
______________________
Later
_________________
Vader: we need to open this door.
(Philip knocks on the door to the base)
Voice: who are you?!
Philip: I'm Philip Malloy! This is Darth Vader!
Vader: NO!!! YOU DON’T SAY THAT!!!
Philip: oh yeah! shoot!
(Lasers shoot from the wall)
Vader: GET DOWN!!!
(Vader tackles Philip and saves him)
Philip: yep. The sith are in there.
Vader: there's only the two!
Philip: yes!
Vader: they are powerful though.
Philip: NO!
Vader: let's just hope the Jedi can keep the ancient sith away.
Philip: hopefully
_____________________
Meanwhile
_________________
Shaak Ti: where are they?!
Plo Koon: I don't see them!
(Lightsaber slashes Shaak Ti in the back)
Malak: HA! FOOLS!!!
Plo Koon: No!
Malak: we have taken you!
(Traya uses force lightning on Shaak Ti)
Traya: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!
Malak: YES!!!!!YES!!!!!!!!!!!
Plo Koon: you have attempted to-
(Traya shoots plo Koon with Sith Lightning)
Shaak Ti: Plo! We have to leave!!
Plo Koon: if we don't die first!!!
Malak: which you will!!!
Traya: Bane says we have to leave!
Malak: Fine! We will leave the Jedi!
Plo Koon: however I've placed explosives on your ships!!!
(Two faint bangs! Are heard)
Malak: NOOOOOOOO!!!!
Traya: what's that?!
Malak: Thrawn?!
Plo Koon: Thrawn?!
Shaak Ti: we have to leave!!!
Plo Koon: I will destroy the sith!!!
(Malak cuts off Plo koon’s hand)
Plo Koon: AHHHHHHH!!!
Malak: you have failed your order!!!
Traya: tell Thrawn that we need to leave immediately.
Malak: I will contact him.
Shaak Ti: damn you!
Malak: I will see you later! Maybe!
_____________________
Meanwhile
________________
Maul: we must use the dark side.
Darth Bridger: I sense a dark force user approaching.
Maul: yes. It is Vader...he is with the Malloy Boy.
Voice: shall we dispose of them?
Maul: no! We must wait for them to get to us.
Darth Bridger: but they’re already here!!!
Maul: and they will come closer.
Voice: you will need me. I am the dark side!
Maul: we do not need you!!! Yet.
Voice: maybe you don't…maybe you do.
Darth Bridger: we don't!
Voice: whatever you say.
(The son reveals himself)
Son: I will simply observe…
Maul: we must strategize to destroy them!
Son: we need to turn on the lasers!
Maul: we said we didn't need you!
Son: fine! Whatever!
Maul: Ezra turn on the laserS!
Ezra: sure.
Son: Ha! You do need me!
Maul: no...we don't.
Zach: hey you guys! I brought the pizza!
(Maul stabs Zach)
Zach: AHHHHHHHH!!!
Maul: back to the underworld with you!
(Portal opens to the underworld)
Zach: NO! NOT AGAIN!!!
(Satan’s hand pulls Zach back into the underworld)
Zach: YOOOUUUUUU IDIIIOOOOTTTT!!!!!!
(Portal to THE Underworld closes)
Son: good. He left the pizza.
(Maul eats a slice of pizza)
(Thug life)
_______________________
Meanwhile
[again]
_________________
Vader: we're almost inside the chamber of the sith!
Philip: how much farther?!
Vader: not very far? Maybe.
Philip: what was that?!
(Random noise)
Vader: let's go check it out.
(Vader and Philip snap fingers and jazz-walk toward the noise)
Vader: it's still going!
Philip: sounds like a lightsaber hitting against something!
Vader: it's a sith!!!
(Darth Plagueis turns around)
Plagueis: ha! So you've figured it out!
Philip: figured what out?!
Plagueis: that I have been here this whole time! Helping Darth Maul and Darth Bridger to destroy you!!!
Vader: okay.
Plagueis: this was supposed to be interesting.
Vader: well it's not. Look at that reader’s face they look super bored.
Plagueis: do not dare insult my entertainment skills!
(Plagueis slashes at Vader)
(Philip deflects the attack)
Philip: I got you Vader!
Vader: thx
(Sunglasses float down onto Vader’s face)
Plagueis: enough of this nonsense!
Philip: where are the other sith?!
Plagueis: ha! I'll never tell you!
(Plagueis uses force lightning on Vader)
Philip: NO!!!
Vader: strike him!
(Philip gets thrown into the wall)
Philip: No!!!
Vader: they've sensed us!
Philip: Oh shoot!!!
Plagueis: ha! They've sensed you and now you will die!!!
Maul: Ezra! We must kill them!
Darth Bridger: dude it's Darth Bridger now!
Maul: fine...Ezra.
Darth Bridger: SHUT UP!!!
Philip: we're doomed!
Vader: UGH!!!! Ezra! We need to….
(Vader gets stabbed by Plagueis)
Plagueis: hahaha!
Philip: NOOOOOO!!!
Darth Bridger: HA!!! You have lost! The last of the Jedi are dead!
Maul: take him away!
Philip: you haven't beaten all the Jedi yet.
Maul: what do you mean?! We destroyed them all!!! Your other Jedi you sent away are going to die as well.
Philip: there are more Jedi than that.
Maul: NO!!! YOU LIE!!!
Plagueis: calm down Maul.
Maul: the five ancient Sith Lords have contacted me! And.
(Hologram of Darth Bane appears)
Maul: we're kind of busy right now!!!
Bane: I am sending a fleet to destroy your base. Evacuate now.
Maul: we can't! The Jedi are here!
Bane: precisely why we’re blowing up the base!
Darth Bridger: No! we’re still here!
Bane: Maul! Control your apprentice!!!
Plagueis: we should inform the other ancient sith and send them here.
Bane: we cannot. They are not expendable.
Plagueis: we must!
Maul: you must save us!
Bane: oh...one of you can escape. I've sent a tIE fighter for you.
Plagueis: Maul. Who should go?
Maul: one of us must!
Darth Bridger: and it will be me.
Maul: yes...yes my apprentice.
Plagueis: No! It shall be me!!!
Philip: wha?!
(Plagueis attempts to stab Darth Bridger)
(Maul attacks Plagueis)
Plagueis: NO!!!
Plagueis: MAUL!!! YOU HAVE TURNED ON THE SITH!!!
Darth Bridger: NOOOOO!!!
(Philip tries to run)
(Darth Maul force chokes Philip)
Philip: shoot!!!
Maul: yes. The SITH treat me like garbage! I should be an ancient by now!!!
Plagueis: we shall exile you and take your apprentice!!!
Darth Bridger: I’ll never join you!
Plagueis: then you will die!!!
Philip: *cough*
Maul: EZRA!!! KILL HIM!!!
Darth Bridger: I...I
(Ezra swings his lightsaber at Plagueis)
(Ezra stops his swing)
Maul: NO!!! HE IS OUR ENEMY!!! YOU MUST KILL HIM!!!
(Philip is dropped from the force choke and crawls away)
Maul: EZRA!!!
Darth Bridger: I can't!
Maul: you must!!!
Ezra: N-N-NO!!!
(Ezra slices Maul)
Maul: You…..Will never be….a SITH….
(Maul dies)
Ezra: yes I will be! I WILL BECOME THE MOST POWERFUL SITH IN THE UNIVERSE!!!!!
Plagueis: You fool! You've murdered your master! The SITH are on their way!!!! HA! I will escape and you will die!!!!!
Darth Bridger: I will have your head before You escape!
Plagueis: it's too late. The shuttle is here!!! It's over.
Philip [whispering]: noooooo…
_____________________
Meanwhile
_________________
Leia: Han. We need to be strong!
Han: no! It's not fair. This Maul and his SITH pals took Luke from us! They probably took Philip and Vader and the Jedi to!!! How do I know they won't take you to!
Mrs. Malloy: I would know if Philip was dead.
Leia: what about Vader?
Mrs. Malloy: I can't say. But I know Philip is alive.
Han: yeah. So we got anything incoming?
Chewbacca: RERRRAAAAUUUGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!
(Ships fly over the planet)
Leia: thrawn?!
Han: they're here!!!
(Shuttle flies down)
Jacen: daddy! What's that?!
Han: something very bad! Something very very bad!!!
Leia: get into the ship! Now!!!
Jaina: what's happening?!
Mrs. Malloy: the ancient SITH are here!!! We have to leave!!!
Han: not without Philip!
Leia: look! In the sky! The Jedi!!!
(Jedi starfighters land)
(Plo Koon and Shaak Ti get out of starfighters)
(Plo Koon has new metal arm)
Plo Koon: something terrible has happened. The SITH are attacking.
Han: but that's thrawn!
Shaak Ti: the SITH are coming in from shuttles to the base!!!
Leia: we have to get there!
Plo Koon: no! Me and Master Ti will go. If we aren't back in three hours take off without us!
Han: okay then! Bye now!
(Plo Koon and Shaak Ti leave)
Leia: what do we do about thrawn’s new fleet?!
Mrs. Malloy: we stay hidden.
Han: never worked before.
Mrs. Malloy: it’ll have to this time.
CHAPTER 14:
Invasion
Philip: the SITH!!!
Plagueis: yes!!! I hope you’ve enjoyed your life!!!
Darth Bridger: They're entering! I can't stop them!!!
Plagueis: that's right!!! You will never stop them!!!
Philip: No!
(3 SITH enter)
Darth Bridger: no.
Philip: shoot!
Malak: you are done!!!
Darth Bridger: I do not intend to die here!!!
Traya: good luck with that.
Philip: die!!!
Plagueis: wait! The Jedi are approaching! I thought you killed them!!!
Malak: we tried but they were powerful!
(Noise comes from the ceiling)
Traya: what was that.
Philip: who's the third SITH guy?
(Darth Revan unmasks himself)
Darth Bridger: what?!
Revan: the Jedi will die!!!
(Noise in the ceiling)
Traya: what the heck is up there!!!
Philip: I have no-
(Luke skywalker falls through the ceiling)
Luke: Philip! You're alive?!
Philip: of course.
Malak: Luke skywalker. We meet at las-
(Blue lightsaber shoots through Malak’s chest)
Plo Koon: surrender!
Plagueis: NEVER!!!
Luke: Ezra! You betrayed your friends! How could you?!
Darth Bridger: you people aren't my friends!!! Well I-I-I don't know!!!
Traya: You killed a SITH!!!
Philip: luke! The enemy!
Luke: I know!
Philip: No! I mean Thrawn!!!
Luke: What!?
Shaak Ti: we need to get back to the ship!
Revan: you’re not leaving!!!
Luke: we need to stop them!
Plagueis: No!!! There's only one shuttle to escape!!!
Darth bridger: but that's a lie!!! There's an entire fleet here!!!
Traya: NO! THEY'RE HERE TO TEST US! WHICH SITH WILL BE THE BEST!!!
Darth Bridger: NOOOO!!!! THEY'RE TRYING TO KILL YOU ALL!!!!
Revan: you Lie!!!
(Revan chops off Ezra’s arm)
Darth Bridger: Ahhhhhhh!!!
Revan: This is all a test!!!
(Revan kills Traya)
Revan: and I will be the last man standing!
Luke: Philip! We have to go!
PLO koon: Me and Shaak Ti will stay to stop the sith!!!
Luke: we won't leave Jedi!!!
Shaak Ti: you’ll have to!!!
Philip: we have to go!!!
Plagueis: kill the jedi!!!
(Luke and Philip run)
Darth Bridger: NOOOOOO!!! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME HEEERRRREEEEEE!!!!
Revan: Now You two will die!
Son: hey I was just getting the pizza and- HOLY shoot!!!
Plagueis: Kill the boy!!!
(hologram of darth band appears)
Bane: good. You have completed the test! You two may leave.
Darth Bridger: what about me?!
Bane: DON'T YOU SEE?! YOU WERE NEVER A SITH!!! YOU AND MAUL WERE PAWNS IN MY GAME! THANKS FOR REMOVING HIM BY THE WAY. AND AS A REWARD YOU GET TO DIE WITH THE PLANET!!!
Darth Bridger: NOOOOOO!!!!!!
__________________
MEANWHILE
____________
Leia: all the star destroyers are moving towards Philip!!!
Han: wait. What's that?! One of the star destroyers is coming toward us!!!
Mrs. MALLOY: we have to leave!
Han: not without everyone!!!
Mrs. Malloy: but what if they never come back?!
Han: they will!
(star destroyer lands)
Leia: Han! He's not coming back!
Han: YES HE IS!!!
(Stormtroopers run out of the star destroyer)
Mrs. Malloy: We have to go!!!
Han: NO!!!
Stormtrooper: surrender!
(han shoots stormtrooper)
Leia: Han!!!
Han: we’re not leaving! CHEWIE! Turn on the guns!!!
(chewbacca shoots the ship guns at the star destroyer)
Mrs. MALLOY: Look! In the sky!!!
Han: looks like a comet!!!!
Leia: it’s not.
(Luke and Philip run toward the ship)
Philip: Stormtroopers!
Luke: jump!!!
Han: look! It’s Luke!!!
(Luke and Philip jump over stormtroopers)
Leia: IT IS LUKE!!!
Mrs. Malloy: we need to leave!
Han: alright! Chewie! Start the ship!!!
Cheewbacca: RRRAAAUUUGGHH!!!
Han: whattaya mean it won't start?!
Leia: the comet landed!!!
Voice: ALLOS TYO REESE!!!!!!!!!
luke: Han! Let’s Go!!!
Han: the planet’s exploding!!!
Philip: let’s Go!!!
____________________
Meanwhile
________________
Voice: ALLOS TYO REESE!!!!!!!!
Darth Bridger: NO!!! NOOOOOO!!!!!!
(SITH SHUTTLES FLY AWAY)
Darth bridger: NOOOO!-
(PLanet explodes)
Luke: Darth Bridger is dead. The universe is saved. All the horrible things that have happened are over. The sith...and the jedi are gone except for me and the children. The star destroyers were ripped apart. The shuttles were exploded by the power of Allos Tyo Reese. It's all over...it’s all over
Epilogue:
A strange ship arrives at the scene of the explosion hours later. A dark purple hand grabs darth Bridger’s armless, legless, floating body and pulls it into the ship. The kaderaths have returned.
THE END
To be CONTINUED
IN NOTHING BUT LIES Viii: RETURN OF THE KADERATHS
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