NOTHING
BUT LIES V:
BLUE’S DOOM
TOO MANY ENEMIES
By JOSEPH D’ANDREA
and STEPHEN RINI
Some Credits To John Sprague
Dedicated to Ahsoka
tano and admiral Ackbar
Introduction:
War…Philip Malloy has just been discovered by his father Thomas Malloy. Aboard the final cat ship that is hovering over the universe they must find a way to escape. Meanwhile the rest of the crew has boarded the escape pods and are preparing to depart from the ship. Philip is preparing for a battle for the ages. Lord blue is coming to destroy all life in order to have his revenge on Philip for failing him. Now everyone must unite in order to defeat the oncoming threat. New friends old enemies...well not really I just switched around the last description. Get ready for the attack of blue and others as you read through the magic of the fifth book in the nothing but lies series. Get ready for death! Set weapons and even more return chapters! Get ready for...
nothing but lies: blue’s doom!
Chapter 1:
Escape!
Philip: come on!
Thomas: we have to blow up this ship!
Philip: no! It’s too late!!!
Thomas: we should at least try to please this “emperor blue”
Philip: no! He’ll never be pleased again! We have to run! Hide!!!
Thomas: calm down Phil!!!
(Thomas slaps Philip)
Philip: thanks, dad.
Thomas: you’re welcome. Now come on! We have to blow up the ship!!! At least kill the last of the cats.
Philip: you’re right! We can’t stop the countdown! Not now.
Thomas: oh no!!! The countdown is still on!
Philip: oh, yeah. Let’s go!
(Philip and Thomas run to the escape pods)
Philip: wha?!
Thomas: oh no! The rest of them took the Escape pods!
Philip: then how do we get out of here?!
Thomas: I have an idea!!!
(Philip and Thomas run into the control center)
Thomas: cats!!!
Cat: hualt intruders!
Philip: oh no.
Thomas: let’s do this!
(Philip and Thomas kill the cats with space swords)
Philip: what’s your plan?!
Thomas: the windshield.
Philip: what?!
Thomas: follow me!!!
(Thomas jumps out the front window of the ship and falls like 400,000 feet)
Philip: dad!!!!
(Philip jumps out the window)
Philip: AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
(Philip and Thomas hit a tree)
Philip: ow.
Thomas: where is everyone?!
Philip: look! An escape pod! On the ground!
Thomas: come on. They can’t be far.
_____________________
Meanwhile
________________
Ashoka: where’s Thomas?!
Ezra: I don't know. I just saw him jump out of the cat ship!
Kanan: well. We have to find him.
Bob: well. We destroyed the cats.
Obi-wan: we should start running.
Ezra: why?
Samurai jack: the ship’s crashing!!!
(Everyone runs)
Ezra: Kanan! The ship’s coming!!!
Kanan: I got you!!!
(Kanan grabs Ezra and jumps)
Bob: wow! We actually made it!
Ashoka: but now we’re even further from Philip and Thomas.
Obi-wan: I can contact them through the force.
Batman: really?!
Obi-wan: nah. But I can use the force to find them.
Kanan: wait. We can do that?
Obi-wan: probably.
Ahsoka: then let’s try!
Obi-wan. He’s in the forest!
Ezra: then he’s nearby! Come on!
(Everyone goes back into the forest)
Batman: so...where is he?
Thomas: right here! And...so is he.
Philip: hey you guys.
Bob: Philip?!
Philip: yeah.
Obi-wan: I don't believe it! The ancient Philip Malloy!!! From the prophecies of ancient times!!!
Philip: what?!
Thomas: Phil. There’s something you should know. Something I've been keeping from you for a long time…the prophecy. You are the center! You are the key! I don't know how but…but you are the key to understanding all universes. Philip. The day your mother died and I was presumed dead I found a tablet proclaiming an ancient prophecy! A prophecy about the malloys! It said that. Well I’ll take you to find it!
Philip: good idea!
(Mr D takes out headphones)
Mr D: NOOOOOO!!! I missed something important again!!!
Kanan: I sense a disturbance in the force.
Obi-wan: it's growing.
Chapter 2:
Sith
Voice: you will bring me Philip Malloy.
Plagueis: yes. They will not be expecting an attack! They think I died in the ship crash but soon they will find out that I am very much alive.
Voice: yes. Prepare vader and the inquisitors to kill them and bring me Malloy!
Plagueis: as you wish. Blue.
(Blue from blue’s clues is revealed from the shadows)
Servant: sir! I bought your turkey sandwich!
Blue: dangit! I requested ham!!!
(Blue shoots servant)
Vader: hey you guys! I'm ready to kill some Jedi!
Blue: good...good.
_____________________
In the forest
_______________
Ahsoka: we can't worry about the force right now we have to-
Ezra: Ah! Get down!!
Eighth brother: die Jedi!!!
Obi-wan: who the hell is this?!
Kanan: inquisitors!
Mr d: this is the Eighth brother! But I can tell he’s not alone! The fifth brother and seventh sister will be here soon!
Bob: how do you know?!
Mr d: uh. Didn't you watch the Star Wars rebels season two finale?!
Bob: no.
Batman: so. Where are the other inquisitors?!
(Seventh sister and fifth brother fly in)
Seventh sister: prepare to die!!!
Kanan: Ezra get back!!!
Ahsoka: we can do this!
(Obi-wan links lightsabers with the Eighth brother)
Eight Brother: four Jedi?
Samurai jack: and me!
Seventh sister: you’re no Jedi! You are a fool!
Thomas: samurai jack! Get down!!!
(Samurai jack gets cut in half by seventh sister)
Ahsoka: Jack!!!
Ezra: no!!! Grrrrrr!!! You killed him!!!!!!
Kanan: Ezra! Take it easy!
Ezra: no! I’ll kill her!!!
Ahsoka: calm down, Ezra!
Ezra: no! It’s not fair!!!
Obi-wan: control your anger!!!
Bob: yo little dude. Be chill
Mr d: who are you. Bob Marley?
Bob: no…
Philip: what do we do? Also who the hell is this?
Philip iii: oh I’m Philip the third
Philip: oh ok. Wait what?!
Philip iii: yeah. I'm your grandson.
Philip: ok. Cool
Thomas: Phil look out!
Philip: what?!
Thomas: oh there’s a really cool looking duck out there and I thought you should look out at it.
Philip: cool. Wait what?
Fifth brother: die!!!
Ezra: why does everyone want us to die?!
Mr d: these guys are totally unprepared for graded essays!!!
Seventh sister: wha?!
(Mr d throws long overdue graded essays at the inquisitors)
Eighth brother: what?! No this is impossible!!! He's actually graded the essays!?
Kanan: quick! While they’re distracted! Go for their weapons!!!
Obi-wan: we must strike them! Now!!!
(Inquisitors dodge Jedi attacks)
Fifth brother: until next time. Jedi!
Thomas: why was he here?!
Bob: you can never tell with these things. I’m just glad he didn't find out about our secret rebel base.
Ezra: we have a secret rebel base?!
Bob: no.
Batman: we should probably follow them:
Ahsoka: nah. We’ll be fine.
Ray Romano: what’s up?
Kanan: who’s this?
Ray Romano: i’m Ray Romano! I'm famous!
Obi-wan: nope.
(Ray Romano jumps off a cliff)
Ezra: never heard of you!!!
Kanan: wait. What’s that?!
Bob: more inquisitors?!
Ahsoka: it looks like master Yoda!
Ezra: what?!
Chapter 3:
WHY ANOTHER RETURN?!?!
Philip: hurry Ezra! Get to the republic gunship before it's too late!
Yoda: hurry you must! run, you should!
Thomas: my senses don't feel good about this…
Ezra: wha? You don't trust master Yoda?!
Thomas: well… Yeah. But--
Ezra: no! I can't deal with it anymore!
Thomas: what?!
Ezra: master Yoda is a great Jedi. But you don't trust aliens after the great kaderath attack do you!!!?
Bob: woah dude, take a chill pill.
Ezra: okay.
Bob: do you think we should call for more help, man?
Ezra: I think we're goo--
Thomas: we need backup.
Ezra: all you ever say is the opposite of me!!! You're such a republican…
Thomas: huh?
Ezra: I DON’T KNOW!
Kanan: before that, let's get our first mission finished, okay?
Ezra: what mission?
BOOM!
BOOM!
Ezra: what's happening Kanan?!
Chapter 4:
Preparation
Kanan: we have to discover the prophecy and the sith hideout!
Ezra: we have to split up.
Obi-wan: I say the Jedi team up to find the sith.
Batman: you’ll need me though. I can get you inside.
Ahsoka: okay then. Team Jedi and batman.
Philip: alright then. Me, dad, Philip the third, bob, and Mr D will go discover the prophecy.
Mr D: but we need a ship!
Bob: don't we still have the ghost? And the phantom?!
Kanan: no!!! Socko died on it!
Bob: oh.
Philip: who’s socko?
Bob: an old friend.
Ezra: so how do we get off world?!
Kanan: we don't.
Ahsoka: how do we escape without master Yoda?!
Philip: that gunship crash almost killed us all. We should be thankful we’re all alive. I mean why call a chapter a return if the only one returning was Yoda. And now we don't even know where he is!!!
Yoda: hmmm. Here I am.
Ezra: Yoda?!
Yoda: yes. Me it is.
Mr d: we need a ship or two and we need your wisd-
Yoda: hmmm a shipyard nearby there is.
Obi-wan: did you sense it in the force?
Yoda: no. A road sign there is.
Obi-wan: oh yeah.
Bob: thanks Yoda.
(Everyone walks toward the shipyard.)
Batman: what’s that?!
Obi-wan: vader.
Ezra: what?! How is he here?!
Yoda: deal with this I will! Go you must!!!
Kanan: we won't leave you!
Bob: yes we will.
Ahsoka: I can't leave! I need to face this!
(Kanan grabs Ahsoka)
Kanan: deal with it later.
(Everyone boards an imperial shuttle)
Ezra: wait. Don't we need two shuttles?!
Thomas: a little late for that now!
Batman: I’M bATMAN!!!
Philip: come on! I can get us to another ship!
Mr d: how?!
Philip: follow me.
(Philip runs out of the ship)
Bob: so...do we follow him?
Philip iii: I guess.
(Philip iii, mr d, Thomas, and bob follow Philip out of the shuttle)
Obi-wan: we need to fly!
Kanan: who’s getting us airborne?!
Obi-wan: I hate flying!
Ahsoka: I can't really fly. When Anakin and I used to fly into battle we-
Ezra: yeah yeah. You can't fly. Well I can't. I'm bored.
Kanan: yeah. I'm blind. Also how has no one noticed that?!
Ezra: I don't know. Stupid readers.
Batman: I fly the batwing. I'll do it!
Ahsoka: good idea.
Ezra: wait. Is that vader outside the ship?
Kanan: yeah. He's fighting master Yoda!
Ahsoka: who's winning?
Batman: I don't know but we’ll be dead if we stick around to find out.
Ezra: anyone want some tuna salad?
Obi-wan: no. I hate tuna salad!
(Obi-wan slaps tuna salad out of Ezra’s hand)
Ezra: no! I was gonna eat that tuna salad.
Batman: let’s go!
(Batman takes off)
Kanan: where do we go.
Obi-wan: to Kamino...trust me. The sith are hiding there.
Ezra: those inquisitors will pay. They’re after Jedi. They’ll never expect us to be coming for them.
Kanan: batman. Do you know how to jump to light speed?
Batman: yes.
Kanan: do that.
(Batman jumps to light speed)
_____________________
On Earth
_______________
Vader: they were fools to think i would die so easily.
Yoda (not really Yoda): yes.
(Yoda transforms into Kade)
Kade: that blow to the arm didn't kill me. I'm so happy. Now I can plan my revenge. On all races and aliens!!!
Vader: you were not part of this plan. The inquisitors and I have work to accomplish.
Kade: if you’re not with me then you’re against me.
Vader: I am not your enemy Kade. All I am telling you is that if you ever want to join Blue’s alliance we can make you a ruler.
Kade: no. I will be back. I will need time to recover my arm though.
Vader: we have healing facilities at Blue’s lair.
Kade: no. The only things that can heal a kaderath are on my home planet. But that was destroyed because of the wretched humans! There's only one place for me now.
Vader: I would hope our paths cross again.
(Kade leaves on ship)
Vader: fool.
(Vader contacts mysterious figure)
Vader: the Jedi will be arriving on Kamino...just as we planned.
Voice: yes. Yes. I will ready the inquisitors and others. The Jedi will meet their end.
Vader: I will arrive soon.
Chapter 5:
Kamino
Obi-wan: we’re entering the atmosphere
Kanan: I'm ready!
Ezra: yeah. So when we find the sith. What do we do?
Ahsoka: we fight them.
Batman: we’re almost in!
Obi-wan: we’re coming in hot!
Batman: the engine’s over-heated!
Ezra: no!
Kanan: what do we do!
Batman: i’m sure they have another ship here.
Ahsoka: what does that mean?!
Batman: we break the windshield and jump out!
Obi-wan: we could get killed by the crash.
Ezra: eh. Same likelihood of that if we stay on the ship.
Kanan: well. We better decide now!
Batman: JUMP!!!
Ahsoka: wha?!
(Batman grabs Ahsoka and jumps out the window with everyone else)
Obi-wan: well. That was an easy jump.
Ezra: we have to get into the tower!
Kanan: it’s locked...with...oh no! It’s worse than I thought!
Ahsoka: what?! What is it?!
Kanan: technology!!!
Batman: I got this.
(Batman throws a batarang at the control panel)
Batman: I’M BATMAN!!!
Obi-wan: good shot.
Batman: thanks.
Ezra: let’s go!
Batman: oh no. Looks like I just damaged the panel so now we can't open the door.
Kanan: Ezra and I can open it.
(Kanan and Ezra use the force to open the door)
Ezra: that was easy.
Batman: wait! I got this!
(Batman pulls out staples button)
Button: that was easy.
Batman: yeeeaaaahhhhh.
Obi-wan: where could the sith be?
Kanan: look! On that platform!!!
Ezra: it's the inquisitors!!!
Ahsoka: let’s go!!!
Eighth brother: the Jedi followed us!!!
Seventh sister (whisper): just as we planned.
Fifth brother: ha! They will die here!!!
(Ahsoka runs at Eighth brother)
Ezra: no!
Obi-wan: attack! We have to end this!
(Obi-wan kicks seventh sister in the chest)
Ezra: I got the fifth brother!!!
Kanan: no! I got this!
(Kanan destroys fifth brother’s lightsaber.)
Ezra: I’ll finish this!
Ahsoka: Ezra no! They could have vital information for our!-
(Ezra kills fifth brother)
Ahsoka: survival…
Obi-wan: ugh! We can still capture the others. I suppose.
Eighth brother: you can try!
Seventh sister: and you will fail!
(Vader’s shuttle lands)
Ezra: no! It’s vader!!!
Kanan: we can take him!!!
Batman: I can't.
Obi-wan: we can all use the force to push his shuttle!
Batman: I can't!
Ahsoka: or we can overwhelm him with our amazing combined lightsaber skills!
Batman: I can't!!!
Ezra: nobody cares about you batman!!!
Batman: I’m aware of that!!!
Seventh sister: die!!!
Obi-wan: you will be the one dying! Or more likely being captured and questioned which will lead to a longer more drawn out plot.
Kanan: Ezra! We have to get ready to take vader!
(Darth Vader leaves the shuttle)
Vader: my master will be most pleased.
Ahsoka: with what?
Vader: your capture and death! But mostly capture!!!
Ahsoka: what happened to my master?!
Vader: Anakin skywalker was weak. I destroyed him!
Ahsoka: then I will avenge his death!
Vader: revenge is not the Jedi way.
Ahsoka: i’m no Jedi!
Kanan: wait. You’re not?! Why do we trust you?!
Eighth brother: we must destroy them!!!
Obi-wan: go!!!
(Obi-wan fights vader)
Seventh sister: I will destroy this child!!!
Ahsoka: Ezra! Get down!
(Ahsoka blocks strike to Ezra’s head)
Kanan: watch out!
(Kanan is choked by Eighth brother)
Ezra: Kanan!!!
(Vader kicks obi-wan over the edge of the platform)
(Vader chokes Ezra)
Batman: we’re trapped!
(Batman throws explosive batarang at vader)
Vader: fool!
(Vader deflects batarang at batman)
Batman: no.
(Batman gets blown into a wall and passes out)
Seventh sister: surrender Jedi!
Ahsoka: never!
(Ahsoka attempts to attack vader)
Kanan: Ahsoka! …….run.
(Kanan falls to the ground)
(Ezra gets dropped)
Ezra: ka-kanan…..n-wha?
(Ezra passes out)
Kanan: we Lost them!
Ahsoka: we have t-
(Vader chokes Ahsoka)
Vader: you will tell us about the location of your...other friends.
Kanan: don't tell him!!!
Ahsoka: I will never- te-tell you.
Vader: you will. In time.
Seventh sister: ha! Ha! Ha!
Eighth brother: the Jedi have fallen! And faster than we expected!!!
Kanan: i’m still here!
Vader: ok then.
(Mysterious figure stands on top of building)
Voice: the Jedi are not dead!
Vader: who is this new challenger?!
Mace windu: it is I!
Seventh sister: ok...I thought you died.
Mace windu: no! This is an alternate universe but on Kamino...i’m confused.
Vader: As am I.
Seventh sister: he is only one Jedi.
Kanan: there’s still me too! I’m a Jedi too!!!
(Mace windu jumps down off the building)
(Ezra wakes up)
Vader: we will destroy you!!!
(Vader duels windu)
Mace windu: ha! Your new metal limbs deceive you...skywalker.
Vader: arrrrrgh!!!
(Vader slices windu in half)
Windu: you will come back to the light!
(Eighth brother walks toward Ezra)
Ezra: no….no.
Kanan: Ezra! No!
(Vader pulls Kanan towards him with the force and handcuffs him)
Ezra: dangit…
(Eighth brother handcuffs Ezra)
Seventh sister: HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
(Seventh sister handcuffs Ahsoka)
(Eighth brother opens the door to the building and brings in Ezra Ahsoka and Kanan)
Seventh sister: aren't you coming master?
Vader: no. I sense a disturbance in the force.
Seventh sister: ok then.
(Seventh sister kicks batman in the door and closes it.)
Vader: I found you.
(Obi-wan jumps over the ledge)
Obi-wan: so you did!!!
Vader: there’s just one thing you forgot! I’ve died already haven’t I...old man! So just how am I alive?!
Obi-wan: I don't know. But I intend to try what I did last time!
Vader: you will fail!
Obi-wan: you must come back to the Jedi!!
Vader: the Jedi order is destroyed!
Obi-wan: as far as we know in this universe! Anakin when the dimensions collided we had no clue where we are! We still have much to learn here! Maybe the Jedi are still here!
Vader: so are the sith. And so there will always be temptation. A darkness to the light.
Obi-wan: we have to try.
Vader: you can die old man!!!
Obi-wan: I am not old!
(Vader’s slash is deflected by Obi-wan)
Vader: perhaps you are right.
Obi-wan: we can defeat the Inquisitors and free my friends! We can destroy Blue and bring peace throughout this universe!
Vader: I don't know…
Obi-wan: we have to! It is our destiny!
Vader: maybe…
Obi-wan: if you don't comply we’ll both be killed!!!
Vader: you’re...Righ- I really don't know. I need a sandwich.
(Vader goes inside for a sandwich)
Obi-wan: I need to get inside and save them!
_____________________
Inside
_______________
Ezra: I can't believe we got captured!!!
Ahsoka: we need to be patient.
Kanan: or we die by the inquisitors.
Batman: we can take the inquisitors.
Ahsoka: I'm wondering something though.
Ezra: what?
Ahsoka: if this is Kamino then where are the clones?!
Kanan: maybe we’re in the time period after that?
Ahsoka: maybe. But what if they’re here!!! We could raise an army and easily defeat blue!!!
Ezra: wait. How can we even trust clones if they all obeyed order 66
Kanan: I think what Ahsoka’s saying is that this could be the time period before order 66!
Batman: oh...ok
Ezra: I guess that could be helpful.
Ahsoka: but we have to find out where the clones would be.
Kanan: the only person who would know that would probably be obi-wan.
Ezra: and vader killed him.
(Obi-wan enters)
Obi-wan: or did he?
Ahsoka: where’s vader?!
Obi-wan: he’s here getting a sandwich! We have to move!
Kanan: we don't have a ship!
Obi-wan: we can steal vader’s shuttle but we have to go now!
Ahsoka: how did vader not kill you when he sensed you coming back over the edge?
Obi-wan: I can explain later! Right now we have to run!
(Everyone runs into the kitchen)
Ezra: wait. I have to do something.
(Ezra force pushes vader’s sandwich off the table.)
Kanan: nice job.
Vader: dang.
(Everyone escapes)
Eighth brother: leaving so soon?!
Obi-wan: dang!
Seventh sister: you died!!!
Obi-wan: so you thought!
Ahsoka: what are we waiting for?!
Obi-wan: Ahsoka! Anakin may be joining us!
Ahsoka: but… he’s vader now.
Obi-wan: maybe not!
Seventh sister: can we just kill them already?!
Eighth brother: no. We have to do what the master says and not kill them!
Kanan: and who exactly is this master of yours?!
Plagueis: me!
(Plagueis stands on rooftop)
Obi-wan: darth plagueis!!!
Kanan: what is it with important people and rooftops?
Ahsoka: but...what?!
Plagueis: fools!!! You will all bow to blue!!! And Philip Malloy will die!!!
Ezra: never!!!
Kanan: how is this possible!?
Eighth brother: fool! Now we have you!!!
(Double-bladed red lightsaber cuts Eighty brother in half)
Plagueis: what?!
(Black-cloaked figure walks toward seventh sister)
Seventh sister: no! It’s you!
Voice: yes!
(Figure chokes seventh sister with the force)
Voice: yes!!!
Ezra: maul!!!
Maul: yes. I have come to help, Ezra!
Obi-wan: wow! He’s alive! But how?!
Maul: I shall explain everything later! Now we must fight!!!
Ezra: me and Kanan can take the seventh sister!
Maul: no. I will handle her. You focus on plagueis!
Ezra: sounds good.
(Maul picks up his lightsaber)
Seventh sister: no!
(Maul chops off seventh sister’s head)
Maul: got it!!!
Ezra: cool!
Kanan: you just murdered her in cold blood dude!
Maul: it had to be done. How else would she be stopped?
Kanan: not by chopping her head off like a maniac!!!
Plagueis: hello! I’m also here to kill you!
Obi-wan: oh yeah!
Ahsoka: so...where’s vader?!
Vader: hello Padawan Tano.
Plagueis: good. Vader destroy these fools!
Obi-wan: vader!!! Kill him!!!
(Vader is conflicted)
Vader: I don't know what to do! NOOOOOOOOO!!!
Ahsoka: you could help us.
Vader: ok.
(Vader attacks plagueis)
Plagueis: ha! You cannot defeat one of the ancient five!!!
Ezra: what is he talking about?!
Kanan: I have no idea.
Ahsoka: everyone attack!
Batman: i’m preparing the shuttle!
Obi-wan: good idea!
Maul: I can take you plagueis!!!
(Plagueis electrocutes everybody)
Vader: dang you!!!
(Vader forces plagueis off the roof)
Maul: he is down! Run!!!
(Plagueis flies off in tie fighter)
(The crew boards vader’s shuttle)
Obi-wan: vader! Let’s move!
Vader: no. Call me Anakin. That name holds too many evil memories.
Obi-wan: yes. For all of us...Anakin.
(The shuttle takes off)
_____________________
Meanwhile
_______________
Grand admiral thrawn: yes. Master blue. Soon the ancient five will capture the Jedi and Philip Malloy!
(Blue is a hologram in a giant space cruiser)
Blue: you will commence the attack on Earth! I will have my revenge.
GAT: but sir. I believe Philip Malloy and the Jedi are no longer on Earth.
Blue: what makes you so sure?
GAT: I actually have Intel from a reliable source that says the Jedi and Philip have split up. The Jedi were last seen with the batman on Kamino.
Blue: then where is Malloy?
GAT: we uh...we don't know. Sir we have more bad news...um, lord vader has betrayed us and sided with the Jedi rebels.
Blue: no! God dangit!!! What do the ancient five say?!
GAT: plagueis said that Vader attempted to kill him.
Blue: this is disturbing. We must act quickly and destroy Malloy while he is not accompanied by the Jedi.
GAT: I will send the bounty hunters to find him and bring him to you.
Blue: good. You are not a complete failure.
GAT: so what should I do?
Blue: hold a blockade outside anywhere you might expect Philip Malloy to be. We cannot allow him to escape our grasp! Not this time.
MID-UPDATE
(Since last we saw our heroes they were searching for a ship to escape the shipyard on Earth. You may not know this but they found a ship and safely escaped. Well obviously because if you read chapter 4 you would know that Vader was alone at the end. I mean really!!! So anyway now they’re headed to look for the prophecy that Philip is in. While being hunted by bounty hunters)
CHAPTER 6:
THE NEW TEAM
_____________________
THOMAS & PHILIP
BOARD A SHIP
AND SAY GOODBYE
______________________
Philip: dad…
Thomas: yeah?
Philip: i’m w-- worr-- worried…
Thomas: why? We have the upper hand.
Philip: kade is still out there…
Thomas: wah?!
Philip: didn’t you know?!?!
Thomas: oh yeah.
(SHIP LANDS ON THE PLANET REWIT, AND PHILIP AND THOMAS GET OFF THE SHIP)
Philip: i’ve heard rumors that he is going to team up with blue to defeat us. Also, i’ve done some research and looked back at some of my previous journal entries, and…
Thomas: and wha?!
philip: there are more kaderaths. Out there.
Thomas: out where?
Philip: another planet. In another… universe.
Thomas: we’re gonna need some help…
Kevin: well here’s your help.
Philip: kevin!!! KEVIN!!!! YOU’RE ALIVE!
Kevin: i’ve heard about the kaderaths, and they seem 10 times worse than Narwin’s peg-bots.
Philip: how are still alive, though?! I thought you were shot and killed in the oakwood forest!
Kevin: about 10 minutes after you came back, and then eventually left, i WAS helped up by a mysterious figure.
Thomas: what did he look like?
Kevin: i… i don’t recall, but he did not look american. Sort of, like… japanese?
Samurai jack: hello kevin.
Kevin: yeah, kinda looked like hi-- WAIT! BEN?!?!
Thomas: ben?
Ben: yes, thomas.
Thomas: i thought you didn’t speak.
Ben: i wasn’t sure if i could trust you at first. This isn’t my first time, ya know. I was once encountered by a man who said that he was once part of the ‘40 age resistance. It turned out that he was going to kidnap he and torture me...
Thomas, kevin & Philip: the ‘40 age resistance?!?!
Ben: yes? You know of it?
Kevin: we were all part of it!
Philip: do you remember the guy’s name?!
Ben: i believe it was somewhere along the lines of… grit? Or like, grif. Or g--
Thomas: ted.
Ben: huh?
Thomas: ted griffin. He was once part of the resistance, but became a traitor and joined narwin.
Philip: but how come you didn’t speak?
Ben: because some people have enough technology where they can trace my voice’s sound waves from thousands of miles away. In order to track my presence that is.
Han solo: you need a ride?
Thomas” han solo?!
Chewbacca: rawwwwwrrrr!!!!!!!
Philip: chewbacca?!?!
commaNDER FOX: YOU NEED HELP?
KEVIN: FOX?
Charlie brown: hello.
Ben: who are you?
Charlie brown: i’m a kaderath!
(charlie brown turns into a kaderath)
Kaderath: ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!
C-3po: ahhh!!!
FOX: STAY BACK!
(FOX takes out his dual pistols)
(fox shoots at kaderath)
(kaderath geo-leaps to cave far away)
C-3po: thank the maker! Oh no, another!
(c-3po leaves on unicycle)
Kaderath: aHH!!!
(50 more kaderaths appear)
Fox: dangit.
Thomas: stay back!
(Thomas stabs kaderath with space sword)
Kaderath: ahh! The one thing that will kill me!
Ben: let’s karate-chop these guys!
Bruce lee: ahhh!!!!
(bruce lee kills 3 kaderaths with space sword boxing gloves)
Mel brooks: let’s kill random people!!!
Philip: you’re still alive?!
Mel brooks: who are you?
Philip: wait, do i even know you?!
Mel brooks: you know my kind. I’M A--
PHILIP: A kADERATH!
(philip shoots bazooka at kaderath)
(and then throws space sword)
Kaderath: no!
Sabine: i hate those things! They’re worse than the inquisitors!
(sabine shoots kaderath in head)
(all kaderaths leave)
Thomas: *deep breaths*
Fox: what’s happening?!
Kevin: were all you hiding here too?
Thomas: yeah.
Han solo: Rewit is one of the safest planets in any universe. Just name it!
Chewbacca: rraaawwwrrr!!!!
Blue: i’m back!!!
Philip: blue! How did you find us?! This planet is nearly restricted!
Blue: not so much i guess.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
CHAPTER 7:
NOT SO SAFE
BLUE: you’re gonna die now.
(blue releases evil blue dogs)
Blue: a’ ten ‘hut!
All dogs: bark.
(all dogs attack)
(all heroes attack)
_________________________
3 hours later
_________________________
Kevin: ow! Wha happened?!
Fox: we lost…
Chewbacca: raaawwwwrrr!!!!!! rawwwrrR!!!!!!!1
hAN: shut the hell up chewie!
Thomas: the dogs are more powerful then as we previously presumed…
Ben: let’s go! Get to my ship! If anyone has their own, follow mine. It’s the small red one.
Ray romano: let’s go fox!
Philip: fox, you know ray?
Fox: yeah.
Philip: okay.
(everyone boards their ships)
(all ships follow ben and fly to kapolll)
Ben: everyone! Move to light speed!
Ray romano: ya got it!
(everyone lands on kapolll)
(everyone gets off their ships)
Ray romano: i think we’re safe here.
Kaderaths: join the brotherhood!!!
Kevin: go! Go! Go! Go!
Ben: go to freqq!!!
Kaderath: someone follow them!
Kaderath (aka billy): i will.
Kaderath: take the space-speeder!
billY: okay.
(billy follows other ships)
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
CHAPTER 8:
BETRAYED
PHILIP: ANyone else see a red triangle on their radar?
Ben: yes. Wha is it?!
Thomas: i’ve seen this before! It’s the kaderaths!
Brad garrett: ahhh!!!
Thomas: who’s that?!!!
Ray: he’s on our ship. It’s brad.
Thomas: whO?
Brad garrett: i thinks he means… a kaderath!!!
(brad garrett turns into billy)
Billy: die ray romano!
Ray romano: ahh!!!
Billy: i’ve been sent here by the kaderaths under king blue!
(everyone crashes on earth)
Blue: welcome to earth, “heroes”.
Thomas: *cough* *cough* *cough* blue! I-- *cough* *cough* i-- can--
Philip: dad! Are you okay! Dad! Dad!
Thomas: don’t *cough* give in…
(thomas dies)
Philip: DAAAAAADDDDD!!!!!!
Kevin: it’s okay, philip. It’s… okay...
Blue: kevin! Come!
Kevin: yes, master blue.
Philip: kevin?!
(philip starts crying)
(all heroes besides philip, thomas, and samurai jack turn into kaderaths)
(all kaderaths turn into dogs)
Vader: philip.
Philip: are you good now?
Vader: yeah.
Philip: okay. Can you kill them?
Vader: okay.
(vader kills all dogs, and kevin)
Blue: uhhh.
(vader stabs blue)
Blue: ahhHHH!!!!!!
(blue dies)
(Vader turns into a kaderath)
Philip: dang.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
CHAPTER 9:
The blockade
Ezra: wait! Maul what’s that,!
Maul: a blockade! But not blocking us out.
Kanan: what is it doing then!?
Maul: trying to leave.
Ahsoka: we have to stop it!!!
(Entire blockade goes into hyperspace)
Obi-wan: we have to stop them!
(Shuttle goes into hyperspace)
Vader: we may not catch Them in time.
Batman: we’ll have to.
(Shuttle comes out of hyperspace)
Ahsoka: WHAT’s THAT?!
Obi-wan: the enterprise.
Ezra: and what is the enterprise?
Kanan: dangit! Don't you watch Star Trek?!
Ezra: no.
(Awkward silence)
Ahsoka: that was awkward.
Obi-Wan: we have to get aboard that ship!!!
Kanan: we can't be too loose with our defense though. If we board the enterprise we will get blown up!
Ahsoka: we have to take the risk!
Vader: I can stay here and draw the fire of the blockade.
Obi-wan: good idea.
Ezra: what?!
Obi-wan: don't worry. Anakin is an excellent pilot.
Batman: let’s go!!!
______________________
Aboard the ship
______________________
Kanan: what the hell! This place sucks!
Maul: we must talk to the captain.
Bones: hey! You guys!!! Look! Random intruders!!!
Spock: AHHH!!!
Ezra: oh. What a surprise. Hostile aliens!
Ahsoka: Run!!!
Spock: wait wha?!
Bones: alert the captain!
(Bones talks into comlink-like device)
Bones: Captain Kirk! There are intruders!
Kanan: this was a terrible idea!
Obi-wan: we have to destroy that blockade!
Ahsoka: but with only one ship?
Obi-wan: Anakin! NOw!!!
(Anakin flies around in shuttle and blows up blockade)
Kanan: we did it!
Everyone: yay!
Batman: I'm batman!!!
_______________________________________________________________________________
CHAPTER 10:
THE EXTRA INQUISITORS
______________________
Ezra, Ashoka,
And Kanan go
to youw
(planet)
at Sector 7
______________________
Ezra: who are these people?!??!
Inquisitor: i am the 90th brother.
Ezra: wait?! The 90th brother?!?!?!
90th brother: yes. I will kill you now.
EZra: kanan! Come!
Kanan: kinda preoccupied right now!!!
(kanan runs at ezra)
Kanan: jk.
90th brother: kill him, leader!
Count dooku: ahhh!!!
(dooku electrocutes kanan)
Ezra: kanan! No!
Maul: ezra!
(maul stabs dooku in heart)
Dooku: nooO!!!!!!
Batman: i’’mmmmmmmmmmmm batman!!!!!!!!!
(batman beats up mauL)
(also, he runs over maul with batmobile)
Maul: ow! You idioT!
Ezra: why would you do that?!?!
Batman: i’m batman.
Ezra: he’s good!
Maul: or am i?
(maul stabs ezra)
Batman: kid i keep forgetting the name of!!!
Maul: you are alone now. No help at all.
Batman: think again.
(blue comes)
Batman: wah?!
Maul: blue’s helping you?!
Batman: hell no! ahhH!!!!!!!!
(blue stabs batman with knife)
Batman: ow!!! How did my 5 layers of bullet-proof armour not help?!?!
Blue: die batman!!!
90th brother: excellent job, my master.
Blue: duh!
90th brother: uh… What do we do with him now?
Ashoka: how about resurrect him.
(Ahsoka stabs 90th brother)
90th brother: no!!!
Ashoka: give me the potion!
Blue: you'll never find it! You're just a helpless little girl!
Ashoka: WAH?!
Blue: uh…
Ashoka: WAH?! I WILL KILL YOU!!!
(Ashoka attempts to stab blue, and he takes her lightsabers)
Ashoka: Kanan! Requesting backup! I'm in sector s--
(Ashoka is stabbed with lightsabers)
Ashoka: ahhh!!!
Blue: you're just a helpless little girl, just as I said before.
Ashoka: no!!! [whispers] *Allos tyo Reese*
Blue: WAH?
(Ashoka dies)
CHAPTER 11:
ALLOS TYO REESE
BLUE: wha do I do now? I'm bored.
---
Blue: eh.
(Blue flies TO Kaderathia)
Kaderath: WAH is THat?!!! Men! Arm your weapons!
Blue: put your weApons down!
Kaderath King (Fred): it is emperor blue. Disarm all weapons.
Blue: ah. Fred. I need help. So I killed this girl named ah--
Fred: wait! Wha do you want first?
Blue: fine. I need backup for myself.
Fred: don't you have an army?
Blue: I have gotten defeated many times, and practically all of men have died. I need help.
Fred: what are your demands?
Blue: 400,000 Dollars and an army of at least 30,000 Kaderaths.
Fred: hold on blue. Are you serious?
Blue: you may join me as commander if you wish.
Fred: hmmm….. Deal.
(Fred and blue shake hands)
Blue: thank you king Fred.
Fred: who are we dealing with here, anyway?
Blue: we have to face, well, I'm not sure… It gets kind of confusing once everyone starts coming back to life.
Fred: huh?
Blue: I'll explain later… although, I don't understand this. It is something that the girl whispered to me before she passed out.
FRED: wha was it?
BLue: I don't remember it very much. It went like: “los to rice?”
Fred: oh no.
Blue: WAH?
Fred: kado? Can you come?
Kado: yeah?
Fred: get me on a ship that has coordinates that lead to A.T.R. Space station.
KADO: but Bos--
Fred: now!
Kado: yes… Boss…
Blue: wah’s happening?
Fred: where did you come from?!
Blue: youw? Why?
Fred: LEAVE! IMMEDIATELY!!!
Blue: hu--
Fred: leave! It's too dangerous her-- over there too! We have to leave to a different and more secure universe! Now!
Blue: d--
Fred: take your Kaderaths! I'll give you your money sometime else! Leave! L--
Flying figure: King Fred of the Kaderaths. We have come for you.
Fred: oh… no.
CHAPTER 12:
THE OBDUCTION
Flying figure: we will now take you to our planet.
Fred: you'll never take me alive!!!
Flying figure: okay. Then we will kill you.
Blue: who are these triangle people?!?!!
Fred: don't worry. All I'm gonna tell you is that I'm gonna die. Don't listen to them. They don't have a side. They are not allies with anyone and don't become allies with them. The ILLUMINATI cannot be trusted.
Blue: illumina--
Triangle figure: we will now take you. Prepare to be destroyed.
(Fred is taken away)
Blue: noo!!!!
Philip: I'm here!!! You will die blue!
Thomas: prepare to die!
Blue: hell no, malloys!
(Blue flies away on private jet)
Thomas: dangit! Not again!
Philip: we’ll never know where he went!
Thomas: I sent a tracking device on his jet before he left. We’ll track him with this remote.
Philip: okay, can I see?
Thomas: no!!!
Philip: wow!
(Ship lands)
Ezra: Philip! I've Been looking for you!
Philip: Ezra! You're still alive?!
(Ezra is shot by tranquilizer dart)
Ezra: ah--
(Ezra faints)
(Kanan is shot with dart and falls)
Thomas: WAH? Wh--
(Thomas is shot)
(Philip puts on helmet)
(Man in jetpack lands)
Boba fett: well, well, well. You're the one that's been causing trouble for my boss.
Philip: boss?
Boba: blue. Emperor blue. He's paying me for this job. And you're the one that's standin’ in my way. So take off that helmet!
(Philip takes off Helmet and takes out pistol)
Philip: let's go.
(Boba shoots dart - misses)
(Miss)
(Miss)
Boba: ahh!!
(Boba Shoots dart)
(Philip catches it)
Boba: WAH? Whatever. Haha-- wait! I'm out!
Philip: looks like I have the upper hand.
Boba: yeah, you do. But, I still have my blaster, flamethrower, and can fly 18-28 ft. In the air.
(Boba leaves on jetpack)
______________________
2 hours later
______________________
Thomas: WAH… WAH happened?
Philip: we need to leave. It's bad news he-- OH NO! He's back!
Thomas: who's ba-- AHHH!!!
Kanan: oh no! Ezra! Wake up! Ezra?
Ezra: Kanan? Kanan! WAH happened? Where am I, WHO AM I?!?!
Kanan: take out your lightsaber! There's another inquisitor here! Although, he doesn't look like one.
Boba: I'm no inquisitor. I'm a bounty hunter. I need to find and kill Lord Vader. Where is he?!?!
Kanan: how do you know Vader?!
Boba: I used to work for him.
Ezra: aaaattttaaaaccckkkkk!!!!
Kanan: no! Ezra!
(Ezra runs at boba)
Boba: stupid kid…
(Boba activates flamethrower)
Ezra: AHHH!!!
(Ezra runs away - but falls)
(Boba shoots Ezra in the back)
Philip: woah! Ezra! Hurry! Run!!!
Thomas: oh no! His arm has fallen off!!!
Philip: oh yeah, dad. I forgot you only had one arm.
Thomas: wa--
Kanan: WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?!
Thomas: he's working for blue. You want Vader, right?
Boba: yes?
Thomas: how's this for Vader!!!
(Thomas takes out lightsaber and slices boba in half)
Boba: AHHH!!!
Kanan: WAH? Thomas! How do you have a lightsaber?!
Thomas: I wanted to keep it a secret, but… I used to be a Jedi…
Philip: WAH?! WAH are you talking ab--
Thomas: Philip! No time for this! We have to catch blue!
Philip: oh yeah… Take out your remote.
Thomas: he's 10 degrees north of Geonosis. Let's go!
(Everyone boards their ships)
Ezra: Kanan?! I'm still on fire here!!!
Kanan: oh yeah.
CHAPTER 13:
THE SEARCH FOR BLUE
(Ezra, Kanan, Thomas, and Philip land on Kamino)
Thomas: okay, let's split up. Philip, you go with Ezra and search the old droid factory. Kanan and I will look for him at the arena. Meet me back at the dock landing in 30 minutes. Got it?
Everyone: yeah.
Thomas: okay, let the search beg--
Blue: hello, Thomas. Kanan.
Thomas: well that was easy.
Blue: or was it?
Thomas: kinda. Blue, you were right where we thought you were.
Blue: maybe I'm not blue, though.
Ezra: so you're a sith!
Kanan: okay. Ezra! Enough with the season 2 finale references!
(NBL IS NOT A PAID SPONSOR OF DISNEY XD™®©)
Ezra: are you blue?
Blue: yeah, but…
Thomas: why weren't you hiding? Why are you here?
Blue: Fred, the leader of the Kaderaths, was taken here by the illuminati.
Kanan: the wHat?
Blue: illuminati. I don't know much about it either, but they have Fred and they're gonna kill him.
Philip: you want to save him? You're actually a good friend, man.
Blue: nah, he owes me 400,000 dollars.
Philip: that makes more sense.
Ezra: let's help him find Fred. Kanan?
Kanan: I don't trust him.
Ezra: should've saw that coming.
Thomas: arm your weapons guys. Blue! Put your hands up!
Blue: Fine! Where are we goin’?
Thomas: don't worry about it. Follow me. Ezra, Phil. Stay behind blue. Kanan, stay on the side of him.
Kanan: HEADS UP!
(Illuminati lands)
Illuminati: get away humans. We are here for emperor Blue. Get away, or be punished.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
CHAPTER 14:
THE ILLUMINATI PREAMBLE
KANAN: what do you want from us?!
Illuminati: not you, human, the dog. He is my prize. I've been looking for him for over 10 years.
Ezra: stalker…
Illuminati: WAH!??!?!
(Illuminati punches Ezra in stomach)
Ezra: ah!
Thomas: take him. He's no use to us anyways…
Illuminati: much appreciated. Please take this 1,000,000 dollars in my gratitude.
Thomas: seriou-- I mean… Thanks!
Philip: we're rich!!!!
Illuminati: in my universe, that is worth approximately 12.50 earth dollars. That's barely a day's paycheck.
Thomas: dangit.
(More illuminati arrive)
Illuminati: also, we’re gonna kill you now.
Kanan: WAH?! Hurry! Get to my ship! Let's move!
(Everyone runs to ship)
(Illuminati cLoses ship door with Mind)
Ezra: da hell?!
Thomas: get to my ship!
(Same thing)
Thomas: come on!
Philip: who are these things anyway?! I've never heard-- or wrote-- about them. I've never heard of their kind before. Illuminati...
Illuminati: we are unknown to most beings.
Thomas: they have to be. If Phil hasn't heard of them, then, …
Ezra: more are coming!
Fred: I don't think so!
(Fred hits illuminati in the head with super battle droid arm)
(Illuminati turns around)
Fred: *gulp*
Illuminati: how did you escape?!
Thomas: Phil! Now! Shoot!
(Philip shoots laser Gun at illuminati)
(Illuminati disintegrates)
Thomas: yes! The leader is over there! Get him!
(Leader flies away)
Ezra: Kanan! Let's move out! While they're distracted!
(Ezra and Kanan leave)
Philip: good. Now we just have to escape. It's perfect that there's less help now. Thanks guys.
(Thomas takes out nuke)
Thomas: should I throw it?!?!
Philip: WAH?! Where did you get a nuke?!
Thomas: I kept it in my jacket pocket!
Philip: wa-- never mind. Go!
Thomas: AHHH!!!!
THE END
To be continued in
Nothing But Lies VI:
THE ILLUMINATI ASSAULT
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