piano
i miss my piano sometimes, and badly. i’ve barely been able to coax music from it
since i was 10 but i can sometimes, sometimes my muscle memory overrides my
ridiculous brain and beethoven waxes fluent from my hands. my fingertips thud against
the desk, tapping out a rhythm. my chin rests empty in my left hand and i have nothing
at all to say but my fingers remember mozart and schumann, they skitter through
ariettas and ecosaisses. i am so disconnected from music that it confuses me,
the things that come from my body. i press a finger to a key, blankly. i press a finger
to one key and then another key, and suddenly i am playing a song i don’t know how
to play, and i am terrified, paralyzed, because i know that it will end.