A Page of Jokes
This page is just for you to read and hopefully get a laugh for the day so you and won't get bored when checking out your genealogy--
Laughter is good for our soul.
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Well Organized Life
Two senior ladies met for the first time since graduating from high school. One asked the other, "You were always so organized in school, did you manage to live a well planned life?"
"Oh yes," said her friend. "My first marriage was to a millionaire; my second marriage was to an actor; ,my third marriage was to a preacher; and now I'm married to an undertaker."
Her friend asked, "What do those marriages have to do with a well planned life?"
"One for the money, two for the show. three to get ready and four to go."
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A new pastor was visiting the homes of his parishioners.
At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, Genesis 3:10."
Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.
Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid, for I was naked."
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THE PASTOR'S CAT
This particular story just made me laugh. Every time I think about it,
the vision of that poor cat just amuses me to no end. Hope the story
leaves a bright spot in your day. Whoever said the Creator doesn't
have a sense of humor?
Dwight Nelson recently told a true story about the pastor of his
church. He had a kitten that climbed up a tree in his backyard and
then was afraid to come down. The pastor coaxed, offered warm milk,
etc.
The kitty would not come down. The tree was not sturdy enough to
climb, so the pastor decided that if he tied a rope to his car and
pulled it until the tree bent down, he could then reach up and get the
kitten.
That's what he did, all the while checking his progress in the car. He
then figured if he went just a little bit further, the tree would be
bent sufficiently for him to reach the kitten. But as he moved the car
a little further forward, the rope broke.
The tree went 'boing!' and the kitten instantly sailed through the air
- out of sight.
The pastor felt terrible. He walked all over the neighborhood asking
people if they'd seen a little kitten. No. Nobody had seen a stray
kitten. So he prayed, 'Lord, I just commit this kitten to your
keeping,' and went on about his business.
A few days later he was at the grocery store, and met one of his
church members. He happened to look into her shopping cart and was
amazed to see cat food. This woman was a cat hater and everyone knew
it, so he asked her, 'Why are you buying cat food when you hate cats
so much?'
She replied, 'You won't believe this,' and then told him how her
little girl had been begging her for a cat, but she kept refusing.
Then a few days before, the child had begged again, so the Mom finally
told her little girl, 'Well, if God gives you a cat, I'll let you keep
it.' She told the pastor, 'I watched my child go out in the yard, get
on her knees, and ask God for a cat. And really, Pastor, you won't
believe this, but I saw it with my own eyes. A kitten suddenly came
flying out of the blue sky, with its paws outspread, and landed right
in front of her.'
Never underestimate the Power of God and His unique sense of humor.
Anyone can count the seeds in an apple; but only God can count the
apples in a seed.
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Lack of Vision
70-year-old George went for his annual physical. He told the doctor that he felt fine, but often had to go to the bathroom during the night. Then he said, "But you know Doc, I'm blessed. God knows my eyesight is going, so he puts on the light when I pee, and turns it off when I'm done!"
A little later in the day, Dr. Smith called George's wife and said, "Your husband's test results were fine, but he said something strange that has been bugging me. He claims that God turns the light on and off for him when uses the bathroom at night."
Thelma exclaimed, "That old fool! He's been peeing in the refrigerator again!"
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Picking Vegetables
Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing one another for some time. After inquiring about each other's health, one asked how the other's husband was doing.
"Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!"
"Oh dear! I'm very sorry," replied her friend, "What did you do?"
"Opened a can of peas instead."
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Airplane Story
On a recent flight, an elderly passenger kept peering out the window.
Since it was totally dark, all she could see was the blinking wing-tip
light. Finally, she rang for the flight attendant.
"I'm sorry to bother you," she said, "but I think you should inform the
pilot that his left-turn indicator is on and has been for some time."
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The Cruise
An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy.
They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon,
when a wave came up and washed the old man overboard.
They searched for days and couldn't find him, so the Captain
sent the old woman back to shore, with the promise that he
would notify her as soon as they found something.
Three weeks went by and finally, the old woman got a fax from
the boat. It read: Ma'am, sorry to inform you that we found your
husband dead, at the bottom of the ocean.
We hauled him up to the deck, and attached to his butt was an oyster,
and inside it was a pearl worth $50,000....please advise.
The old woman faxed back: Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap.