2019-12-21 XRFDH
XR Future Democracy: Empathy Cafe: How might we best build an XR facilitator network?
(View On YouTube or On Facebook)
Participants
Edwin Rutsch, SF Bay Area, CA, XR Empathy Work Group, EdwinRutsch@gmail.com
Karolina Kubiak, XR Poland, XR Empathy Work Group,
Bill Filler, SF Bay Area, XR Empathy Work Group,
Chris Johnson Fareham, Nr. Southampton UK XRChichester
Dan Feldman, Denver CO, currently in Tampa, Wellbeing Economy Alliance, Narrative and US Narrative Groups, “
Eva Ellis, Toronto Canada English/Turkish
Belinda Hopkins - Mortimer, Berkshire UK
Peter Anderson - XR Swansea, VocalEyes the whole methodology discussed with FDH, Roger Hallam and others
Empathy Circle #1: Facilitator: Karolina Kubiak
Edwin
complications today, missing Paul Thistlewaite and people dropping. Happy to connect to Belinda with her restorative practice background, wanting to develop a wider network with her and her community, John Hallam and XR. Like engaging with Dan.
Karolina.
Wondering about people talking part, and everyone that practices empathy circle can be a facilitator.
Build a network,, by doing an empathy cafe -at an XT event where 100 people show up.
It’s a dream
Interesting to hear what Belinda just said. We can establish a purpose, and we can develop progress with every round. My response - is there is a progress. I do see a forward progress. I hope that Belinda is still with us. (We have lost her.)
We tried to discuss Belinda’s comments during her absence. Was thinking about this meta-narrative that is needed, or narrative or messaging. Before I was saying that in other circles. Regenerative culture. Different society. Different relationships between. Everyone can be a facilitator. Maybe EC.. any other restorative practice. Practices everybody can pick up and start. Hearing empowerment.. Partipatory.. Being a facilator when need? Different quality of culture ans society. If practices would be learned. It would create a different society. Simple tool to be used if we have a problem. Different society is possible. Vision of everyone having these skills. If people were taught these skills. It would change how society would run and everything.
Dan
Happy to see familiar faces and new person/
How to build a facilitator network
Biggest concern - there are not a lot of people who are doing this new way of thinking.
Create a complimentary action - with narratives. Meta narratives.
Empathy circles are not enough
People with disappear from the circles if there are not more focus.
Will only stay with empathy circle it has enhancements…. They will get frustrated unless there is a focus on
Enhancement and focus. Laser focus.. Want continuous improvement and reduce the weakness, people will get frustrated.
Aristotelian.. You can’t get from point A to Point B. need a synergy.
Meditation, writing, etc. etc. are physco-technologies. - we need to know what the job is.. And then apply the right tool for it.. Empathy Circle is not everything.
Belinda,
Still trying to understand it .. what it can and can not do. It is different from the process I use.
Still deciding where EC fit in her tool box. I use facilitation for personal development. I also use facilitation for conflict resolution and mediation. Critical aspect: everyone has their words mirrored back. My experience everyone has a chance to speak but words are not reflected back. In those circles a process is moved for. EC are not designed to move a process forward and come to decisions.
Trying to see where this practice fits in a range of different circles that we might need in the movement. Dominique Barter - restorative circles - has resonance with that. Trying to imagine where it fits in a whole range of different practices.
Finding this circle very interesting. Still trying to make sense of it. Passionate of advocate that circles that I facilitate. Importance of empathy, active listening,... I share a lot of core values with all of you.
Very open to learning more about it. So that I really understand it. I can really help to spread. Still want to see where it fits. What I simply need to do is take part in more. It is by experiencing them understanding with come. Empathy circles are stretching my understanding of what empathy is.
Talk a lot about of what empathy is. Empathy showing is reflecting back without analysis and judgement is really interesting. For me if something is really really worthwhile I take it into my daily life. That feels really exciting and challenging.
Edwin
K. Doing other events to create interest in the facilitators network.
Based on Carl Rogers - active listening. Dominique Barters (?s). Based on doing it in small groups. Everyone gets a lot of time to speak and get involved. Have chance to speak more than once and have ideas reflected back. Benefits: can practice and learn, and to be heard. Core foundational skill, helps for non violent communication, prep for motivational interviewing, “military bootcamp”, from this can build other pieces… core to whole healing therapy. See as a core training. Mediation training. Hearing your passion and excitement into this practice. A family could use this as a way of communicating better.
D. Having a meta narrative - is important. Vision of the Culture of Empathy.
Helps but not required.
B. Empathy circle as gateway foundational practice. For active listening skills and hosting skills.
Talking circles with a talking piece.
The circle goes somewhere.. But don’t see how the circles go somewhere?
(is a gateway practice, people can learn quickly, can get quick benefits for more effective relationships. )
Similar to Restorative Circles.
Empathy Circle #2: Facilitator: Bill Filler
(View On YouTube or on Facebook)
Bill
Eva presents language issues. English/Latin. Appreciate people who join where English is second language. Connection and building community is important. Need to make people good and empowered through being heard. We need to embrace failing and develop a better attitude towards it. Failure can be turned into success when you don’t give up. Humour is key.
Teachers have good model. 5 step lesson plan. Work from outcome back. What skills do they need. Gather resources. Start from our goal. Climate change goals. Mid west desert - vast amount of light. Mysterious lights. They were oil fields. Burning off natural gas.
Eva
Interested in the XR method but does not feel she knows enough, and how she might share with friends and colleagues. Wants to learn to become a facilitator. English is second language (from Turkey). Wondering what is a good way to reach people. What is the engagement model for my circles and friends? Perhaps 3 ways.
1. Timing is important and aligning with meetings.
2. Empotions. Talk about emotions.
3. Speaking to their needs. Need to be heard, understood and their issues. This will be more subjects than global warming. Video was really useful. Involved with coaching. “Authentic Story Designer”, working with people with ADHD. very hard to keep track of all our solutions. Solutions are getting lost. Develop stories to slow things down and use the superhero model. Connect this to the Facilitator Network.
In stories, there is always failing and this is followed by forgiveness.
Chris
Just completed the Terry Patten - New Republic of the Heart - how to get people activated. Sacred Activism. This is similar to what XR is about. Institute in Colorado. We need to take a new path in the expression of democracy.
Is also focusing more on story telling. Facilitate narratives for personal and collective change. Face to face groups are important, deeper connection, see people’s eyes, Connect in local communities. Need to move beyond discussion groups to act on solutions.
Peter
Encourage us to co-create a system change project.
Wants to know how we integrate people who bring potential solutions to the table?
How do make decisions on which solutions to work with?
How do we move beyond discussion into action.
Is the plan for these empathy circles to eventually be the feedback of facilitators out in the real world putting ideas and processes into practice?
Report Back
The empathy circles
Dan, We need more sort of meta narratives - developing a culture of empathy vision.
Belina - Trying to understand the process.. Person does talking stick circles
Karolina - take empathy actions.
Edwin - Empathy Circle is a foundation first step - get a lot of benefits and is a gateway to other practices.
Next steps
Need a feelling of a next step. Do want a sense of going somewhere.
How to bring in a next step energy.
Looking for next steps and action
Taking street actions. Occupy DC Capital Mall.
Train more people - doing a doing circle - an occupation
Holding more circles the network.
Building the FDH network.
Benefits of the Empathy Circle
One of the major things with this empathy circles is that it's bringing me in touch with other like-minded people. So far, there's not really needing to be any kind of conflict resolution. I mean we're all here for similar reasons.
I think it's a good practice to hear, to listen, to develop your listening skills, and to hear and to have your thoughts and your feelings reflected back at you.
It's interesting to see how, as you go around the circle, there's some sort of rhythm and pattern that's developed. If you're able to go in a small group, if you're able to go through a few different times, a certain theme starts to emerge and some sort of overlap starts to happen, as more and more people throw their ideas into the pot.
So it's a core skill and it will be useful in whatever actions that we do moving forward.
I think it's a good practice to hear, to listen, to develop your
listening skills, and to hear and to have your thoughts and
your feelings reflected back at you.
― Dan Feldman
So it's a core skill and it will be useful in whatever
actions that we do moving forward.
― Dan Feldman
In today's discussion I was surprised to find myself filtering my sentences or ideas. I think today I really realized, well people are listening. And that feeling of, like okay, so in my mind remembering that 'whatever I say, will be heard at least by one person'.
That's a great great process of pausing and thinking like. 'do I really need to say this?', 'do I really want to say this?' or 'what's a good way to say this', 'what's a better way to say this?' So what happens in that really small pieces of the time I find myself practicing that today. So that was remarkable.
I've thoroughly enjoyed my first session in the Empathy Circles. My background has
been to do with presentations and dealing with groups of people and that kind of thing. I know a fair few modalities that are used in order to get people to listen. This is a very interesting development and one that I like, because this really does give the lay person an opportunity to have their voice heard in a safe environment. A non-judgmental environment and that's essential for people to start talking about their issues and hopefully, in the future, bring up what their own solutions for our way forward in the future.
"So I think it's a very important first step in building a safe community
where we can talk to each other and get our point of view forward."
― Chris Johnson Fareham
So I think it's a very important first step in building a safe community where we can talk to each other and get our point of view forward. There is obviously going to be developments of this maybe other levels that we can take the Empathy Circles to, but I think as a starting off point for the layperson it's a very good idea to exercise
empathy circles.
It's an easy process to learn as well, which is something that might put people off, but it's very easy to learn how to do. It's tricky on the first time maybe, but pretty easy.
"It's an easy process to learn as well, which is something that
might put people off, but it's very easy to learn how to do.
It's tricky on the first time maybe, but pretty easy."
― Chris Johnson Fareham
This is my second time in an Empathy Circle. I'm finding it really useful, the deep listening and being heard by other people in such a clear way, is really, really helpful and also to practice my own skills of listening. It is slightly fearful at the beginning, but you soon settle into it. It's a skill to be learnt and developed and I don't think you can get enough of that.
I'm looking forward to learning more and practicing more in the future. I think it's a core skill that can run through all the different practices that we're going to be embarking on in the future
This is my second time in an Empathy Circle. I'm finding it really useful, the deep listening and being heard by other people in such a clear way, is really, really helpful and also to practice my own skills of listening.
― Peter Anderson
It is slightly fearful at the beginning, but you soon settle into it.
It's a skill to be learnt and developed and I don't think
you can get enough of that.
― Peter Anderson
What was emphasized for me today is the safety that's created in the Empathy Circle. Even people who feel somewhat nervous about the process or have performance anxiety, they're quickly accepted. The process allows them to kind of lose that sort of fear and then really feel heard.
"What was emphasized for me today is the safety that's created in
the Empathy Circle. Even people who feel somewhat nervous
about the process or have performance anxiety, they're
quickly accepted. The process allows them to kind of
lose that sort of fear and then really feel heard."
― Bill Filler
In many Empathy Circles, when I have to make an effort, I feel like I'm practicing a sort of gymnastic of my brain. Especially when I am tired and I have to mobilize myself to work. I feel it's not just training my brain, it's also kind of developing curiosity. I'm practicing and training curiosity, because to really hear another person, I need to be curious of what this person is saying. To hang up my view and focus on what this person is saying, and kind of being curious. To really embrace what this person is saying. So, I feel like I'm training my curiosity.
"I'm practicing and training curiosity, because to really hear another person,
I need to be curious of what this person is saying. To hang up my view
and focus on what this person is saying,
and kind of being curious. "
― Karolina Kubiak
For me the Empathy Circle is about being in relationship. We are in a small group and there's four, five or six of us and we're really building a relationship. Just the simple practice of mutual empathic listening, reflective listening, and focusing on one person, giving them the full attention, and being able to empathically reflect what they're saying and doing it mutually. It's just not one way, but it's mutual and everyone's listening to everyone else.
We're building the culture of empathy that we want right here, where everyone has a voice, everyone feels fully heard and understood to their satisfaction. As we get deeper and deeper into our experience, we speak more empathically, we become more sensitive to how to speak in a way that the other person can hear us.
Also, it's not just being a good listener, you also get better at being a good speaker because you get more sensitive to the struggles that people have hearing and reflecting, so you learn to simplify your dialogue. You kind of learn how to be a better empathic speaker, as well as, a listener and over time we develop a deeper and deeper understanding.
There's sort of a feeling, a ease, a kind of a spaciousness, that happens in the circle for me. I really enjoy that quality, that empathic intimacy that happens. It also creates a sense of trust that slowly, we're able to open up and share more and more of our truths, more honestly, more openly. That's a longer-term process.
Those are just a few of the qualities that I really enjoy and value of the Empathy Circle.
"For me the Empathy Circle is about being in relationship.
We are in a small group and there's four, five or six of us
and we're really building a relationship together."
― Edwin Rutsch
"We're building the culture of empathy that we want right here,
where everyone has a voice, everyone feels fully heard and
understood to their satisfaction. As we get deeper and deeper
into our experience, we speak more empathically,
we become more sensitive to how to speak in a way
that the other person can hear us."
― Edwin Rutsch
"There's sort of a feeling, a ease, a kind of a spaciousness,
that happens in the circle for me. I really enjoy that quality,
that empathic intimacy that happens."
― Edwin Rutsch
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